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What kind of oddball rail passengers have you been stuck next to this evening?
Tonight it's been the singing fat lady and Mr 6 cans of larger before Reading
Sorry, I'll offer you one next time.
Mr 6 cans of larger before [s]Reading[/s]the first stop
Had you ever been on a train on Scotland before they banned drink? This was absolutely every passenger.
One commute I used to do there'd be a bloke every evening in office clothes, opens bag and out pops 4 to 6 cans of cider and he's done within a few stops. Never seemed to be that pissed though.
Topless guy drinking special brew with rusty bike which he forced into crowded train just after Reading (Theale) didn't make many friends. Don't think he realised what a bad combination intense heat and strong lager are :/
A fit lady asking if she could throw out an apple core and then fell on me.
I enjoyed the whole episode.
Could have used a bin though.
Have her number...
Had you ever been on a train on Scotland before they banned drink? This was absolutely every passenger.
It's only banned after 9pm or something, that leaves a lot of drinking time. Some trains south from Aberdeen are interesting, guys coming back onshore are quite enthusiastic drinkers.
edit: didn't preview
The good old days of British rail, when you had a trainspotting nutter oposite, discusing with anyonew who made eye contact the relative merits of deltics, peaks, 47, gronks, growlers,whistlers, toffee apples etc, the new HSTs going to destroy diesel loco haulage, and many more enlightening topics, all while stuffing cheese and onion or egg buttys into his mouth, while drinking Tizer or Fanta.
Binoculars , ian allan abc guide to locos, a marker pen, note book, dictaphone, grotty anorak, and very used addidas bag to hold it all.
Yep that was me.
RIP Ian Allan is what I say.
You must have met me, project!
For me it's always a jakey with a dog on a string. I can't help it, I always end up befriending the dog and spend the rest of the ride smelling like it does.
I always end up befriending the dog and spend the rest of the ride smelling like it does.
Rumour has it that this would be an improvement
Offside 🙁
.
7am Glasgow to London in School holidays - case of cheapest larger with one on the go.
The woman who pushed 2 kids down a crowded train like a battering ram then berating the poor guy for sitting in her seats and after 10 mins having it pointed out that her seats were 2 carriages away.
Weekend first class with feral kids
Viz top tip
look 'hard' on train journeys by saving up all your empty beer cans for a month and then lining them up on the table in front of you.
Girl on the 07:05 train from Birmingham to London, dressed in a suit with a leather bag and not unlike every other passenger on the train. Sits down, laptop out, phone out, headphones in, so far, so normal. She then pulls out and proceeds to neck 2 cans of G&T. A strong start to the day.
Or the otherwise normal looking girl who ate 6 (yes, I started counting after the 3rd emerged) Pret salads.
There's also the huge guy who gets on at Solihull around 6pm most mights, 6'6", white beard, clothes that have neither been replaced or washed in 20 years. You don't want him sat near you for 2 reasons, 1, he stinks, 2, he'll talk trains at you until you get off. Loves a class 47 apparently, seen them all bar 1, thinks it might be in Doncaster, maybe Derby, it's rumoured to be making an appearance at the Severn Valley Diesel day though but we've heard that before...
Spare a thought for the poor man that had to endure a coach trip to Scotland from Croydon with my Grandmother sitting in the passenger seat next to him.
Now she can bore/criticise Death to death (which is how we figure she's still going) and the poor chap was so stressed by her commentary on life's failings that by Heathrow he'd drunk his drink and started eating the polystyrene cup.
I regularly had to travel with work colleagues by train during the "school run". One of my colleagues ensured we had the seats around us free from noisy kids by doing a passable impression of somebody with PTSD, fixing the noisest kid with a steely glare before uttering "It's getting a bit tricky, it's happening again" whilst salivating slightly.
It helped he was 6ft, very well built, with a skinhead cut and looked a total nutter.
One of my colleagues ensured we had the seats around us free from noisy kids by doing a passable impression of somebody with PTSD, fixing the noisest kid with a steely glare before uttering "It's getting a bit tricky, it's happening again" whilst salivating slightly.
Singing "We Shall Overcome" while madly jiggling one leg has a similar effect.
lunge - MemberThere's also the huge guy who gets on at Solihull around 6pm most mights, 6'6", white beard, clothes that have neither been replaced or washed in 20 years. You don't want him sat near you for 2 reasons, 1, he stinks, 2, he'll talk trains at you until you get off. Loves a class 47 apparently, seen them all bar 1, thinks it might be in Doncaster, maybe Derby, it's rumoured to be making an appearance at the Severn Valley Diesel day though but we've heard that before...
Thats Jed, he's a bit of a legend in the West Midlands. You'll notice that he gets off one loco hauled at Solihull and then gets on the next one heading north, pretty much EVERY day.
Had you ever been on a train on Scotland before they banned drink? This was absolutely every passenger
Drink isn't banned on scottish trains, although it's illegal to be drinking in public areas in most places, so that's a bit odd.
Thats Jed, he's a bit of a legend in the West Midlands. You'll notice that he gets off one loco hauled at Solihull and then gets on the next one heading north, pretty much EVERY day.
I know the journey I see him on is Solihull to Moor Street, didn't know he does that everyday. Fair play if that's what you're in to. I think I've seen him in a pub in Halesowen too (The Waggon and Horses) but could be wrong there. There is rarely a journey where he does not see someone he knows on the train in fairness so I had a suspicion he may be well know in those circles.
THe lady who's often on my Peterbrough to Norwich train, barefoot with her jumper neck pulled up to here eyebrows is quite a sad character. I can't imagine why she needs to make that journey on such a regular basis.
Some trains south from Aberdeen are interesting, guys coming back onshore are quite enthusiastic drinkers
They are goinf to ban drink on that route at certain times, probably because the lads foreget that they're no longer in a noisy enviroment where nobody worries about swearing, and that are 2-3weeks of sobriety you're back to being a comparative lightweight.
When traveling from uni in Paisley used to get a grade one class o butter. Far and away the most "mental" was the guy who asked politely if I knew a Paul Hughes n gourock. I said no, he then tld me to tell him he was getting stabbed. Turns out he has just out of Barlinnie and the named Mr Hughes was the witness who "grassed" him up.
I once got the last train north from London on a Friday night. The table across was occupied with a bunch of scouse scaffolders. They'd obviously just been paid. Cash. They were all leathered, and playing poker with piles of twenties. I suspect more than one would be going home with a tale of woe about being skint for the next week
I used to commute from London Bridge to the back end of Kent. I had a regular stalker who used to follow me onto the train, sit in the seat opposite me and wait until the carriage emptied a little before letting out the angriest, sulphurous farts.
Anyone walking through the carriage would notice the stench in the air and automatically blame me.
Why?
My nemesis was female, attractive and wore floaty summer dresses (presumably to help with the airflow) and looked completely inoffensive.
A fit lady asking if she could throw out an apple core and then fell on me.
A Hollywood beginning!
Got the train back from London last week. Carriages were surprisingly quiet. Train pulled out and after about 10 minutes two hefty dames waddled up the aisle and commandeered the table on the opposite side of the aisle from me so they could charge their phones. One of them absolutely stank of cheese. It was so bad I honestly believe she had a massive block of unwrapped blue cheese in her bag. They then spent the next four and half hours demolishing half a dozen bottles of rose wine and getting louder and louder. I had my headphones on full blast and I could still hear them over the music. I moved eventually when the smell and noise became too overbearing.
On one journey I used to do there were two computer geeks that would sit next to or near each other and quite loudly discuss incomprehensible computer coding bollocks as if somehow they were solving the worlds problems but no-one was listening. It was mainly their inclusion of so much foul language that bemused me, like teenage boys having just learned some new profanities. That and their stupid tatoos. Reminded of this guy.
Coming home Tuesday evening I dozed off for a bit. When I awoke, the (not unattractive) lady sat next to me (who I may have been contemplating in my dream) kindly pointed out I had developed a nasty damp stain on my trouser, of a pale cream colour (the stain, not the trouser).
Fortunately she confessed to having had trouble opening her milk pot, and the stain was of her (direct) making. Oh the blessed relief!