[Closed] Top Dumps

Let me guess. Home alone and bored.

Too late I've already been.

Is it cheating if you have a wee at the same time?

Hmm. Good point.

Dribbles allowed, otherwise get rid before weigh-in.

Is it cheating if you have a wee at the same time?

Good point, strictly speaking you should have retrieved the jobbie and weighed it using some digital kitchen scales, in the interests of accuracy.

Assuming the SO is out of course.

I always knew you were full of shit. 😀

A real man would dump straight into his wifes kitchen scales.

I'll use my own.

I doubt 1.6lb is poo alone.

A [i] soon-to-be-dead[/i] man would dump straight into his wifes kitchen scales.

You live in a different world of thoughts to me. 😕

Why should you never trust a toilet?

They are always full of sh*t

Have you tried catching a fart in a jug whilst in the bath?

When I finished a course of codene phosphate some years ago, what came out of me must have weighed a good few stone.

Well all I've seen is just waffle so far; the facts seem to be that I've got the biggest poo on the internet.

I'm disappointed in you all.

Certificate of callibration for the scales please.

No calibration certificate available, but the poo wasn't speeding.

POIDH.

OK... soooooo

I was discussing this thread with my girlfriend earlier, who found the whole 'wives kitchen scales' thing a bit sexist as the scales in our gaff belong to me..

Imagine though for a minute, my surprise when I returned home from the pub earlier to find find her squatting over a frisbee in the front room with MY bloody scales on the coffee table!!

yunki - Member
...Imagine though for a minute, my surprise when I returned home from the pub earlier to find find her squatting over a frisbee in the front room with MY bloody scales on the coffee table!!

One frisbee, one couple...? 🙂

Rules: Weigh self > Poo > Weigh self

I offer 1.6lbs as my claim to KOP.

Okay, thought I'd take the challenge to put Bear in his place.

Went through the process as per stated rules and… no change. Nada. 😯 How's that even possible?

Plus, now I know I weigh more than I thought. 😥 👿

If we are looking at % if body weight, my four year old girl can block a toilet with what would appear to be one of the branches of the mahogany tree outside. I estimate the mass at 20kg

How about length of a single poo? If you can see it curling into the u-bend and it's tail is still sticking out of the top of the water then you can feel proud.

My 7 year old no-tail is able to produce Kong Kong's finger. And doesn't scream. I'm sure she's some sort of witch.

Ok ok ok.

Its raining outside and there is nothing on the TV right now, so this fills the void... correct ?

Gross thread is crap, yet interesting.

Ever done a super U and it won't flush? Especially when someone else needs the bathroom...

30+ years ago as a student on 6 month work placement I recall many much older than me folk being excited after dialing the daily news on internal phone
(pretty advanced stuff no internet or fax back then - most reliable news came thru the tea trolley operative) the news was that there was a huge bog blocking turd in cubicle X in department Y, people rushed off to view it - I declined to work there after my placement

I think the champion dumper would be my wolfhound - a very hairy facsimile to a werewolf and capable of prodigious output.

And not content with one offs, there will usually be a trio of dog exhaust dumps.

If I wasn't conscientious with frequent shit-shovelling my backyard would look like someone was constructing the base of Cheops Pyramid.

If she doesn't get the award, she'll come round and eat your firstborn. 🙂

Such a bold claim can only be backed up in stw fashion by pictures!

Camo16, I believe you've suffered a phantom poo.

Or you don't have enough meat in your diet. 🙂

blader1611 - Member
Such a bold claim can only be backed up in stw fashion by pictures!

You really really don't want to see it - especially so close to meal time. 🙂

Okay, thought I'd take the challenge to put Bear in his place.
Went through the process as per stated rules and… no change. Nada. How's that even possible?

Did you forget to drop your pants?

Camo16, I believe you've suffered a phantom poo.

Or you don't have enough meat in your diet.

There was nothing phantom about that sucker. 😯 Plus, the scales work. We double checked.

Chilli last night, so meat content for sure. Without being graphic, is it possible that light gas content offset the - cough - weight of waste materials?

Did you forget to drop your pants?

I laughed.

Then I remembered a distant memory from my first school.

It's not funny. [i] [b]Ok?![/b][/i]

EDIT: Oh, and Camo, no idea what's going on there fella, but as far as I can make out, I'm still in the lead. 🙂

I read the title and was just about to suggest Widnes...

I've gone through my movements 😯 and [i]think[/i] I may have grabbed my car/house keys on the way back to the scales.

If I'm right, my deposit and my keys must weigh the same. Columbo would be with me on that one.

* goes to weigh keys *

I'm taking you down, Bear 😉

and think I may have grabbed my car/house keys on the way back to the scales

Classic schoolboy error.

Come on fairy-poo, bring it on! 🙂

Weight is utterly irrelevant.

Not needing to wipe means it's perfect.

Keys weigh 1.4 ounces.

Arse.