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Just reaching out as I’ve contained this for a few days and not shared with anyone.
Sitting in the kitchen balling my eyes out feeling utterly useless, children and wife are already fast asleep.
Sitting reliving my own personal experience with my own mum, she died of the f*ck breast cancer when I was far to young as a child. My own boys are of similar age to me 35 years ago.
Whilst it’s nothing till it is or at least till tomorrow when hopefully she’ll be clear and the the horrid lump is hopefully nothing.
It’s as if I can’t escape shittyness the last few years, both boys have autism and adhd our lives are so complicated and now this.
She’s my everything I can’t stop thinking the worst…
Just getting it out of my system for now…back to loading the dishwasher…
FIngers crossed, hopefully nothing.
Other than that, have a massive hug.
You are in my thoughts! Take care!
The only thing I can offer is that my "friend" was diagnosed with BC and had radiotherapy and a mastectomy.
She's now been 5 years clear and almost every day does yoga, tennis, golf, personal trainer or runs.
It doesn't have to be as bad as you think it is.
Fingers crossed for you all.
Treatment now Vs 35 years ago is a world apart
Fingers crossed for you all,
And sending out a virtual manhug
Also remember that a lot has changed in 35 years.
Whilst there is no miracle cure things have improved alot for the better in this time
Xx
Wishes for the best outcome.
It is very understandable if this is bringing back tragic childhood memories. If it's all getting to the point where you are struggling to cope then please find someone you can talk to. If you feel unable to speak to a family member or close friend then consider speaking to a qualified professional person.
Talking is unbelievably important on many levels, including establishing a more realistic perspective on life. Do it.
In the meantime remember two things, firstly that right now you are fearing the unknown, and secondly that medicine has advanced massively in 35 years, including in cancer treatment.
Virtual hug @unfitgeezer
Just to give you some hope:
https://www.cheshire-live.co.uk/news/chester-cheshire-news/see-little-boy-grow-up-5280569
My cousin.....article is from 2005. She's doing very well, unfortunately had a 'scare' recently, but all seems well I believe.
In 2010 a work colleague was given a terminal diagnosis, neither of us thought he'd make my wedding in 2011. He messaged me about 6 months ago to see what I'd been up to over lockdown and again is doing really well.
If you're near Cheshire then there's a pint with your name on it if you fancy it.
Virtual hugs to you.
We're off to see good friends next weekend who are nearing the end of BC treatment - as others have said, treatment now is a world different from 35 years ago. The outlook is so so much better - and it may not be c.
Very much relate to what you’re feeling. Love that you’ve shared. I guess I’m ten or twenty years younger than you. My mum went through BC same as yours, ten years ago, but came out the other side. Then it came back again more recently and once again medicine has resolved it. It’s not the same disease it was 35 years ago because treatment has progressed massively.
I was a kid when it first hit my mum but now I’m a dad and can just about understand your situation. Talk to each other. Be there for each other. And be encouraged that outcomes are now so so much better with this disease.
Ernielynch has said it beautifully.
The next few days may or may not be easy. If they are not, re-read ernielynch’s post again.
I remember this too well about 5 years ago. It was Mrs A, my first, my last, my everything. A shadow was detected, the procedures completed and all is now well.
But always, at the back of my non rational late night mind was the fear, based partly on the watching my step father succumb back in the late seventies to a condition that is nowadays SO treatable.
One of our oldest and closest friends is a World class expert in breast cancer and she reassured us again and again, yet still we worried. It's just a natural thing to do.
Hopefully all will be fine for you. But whatever happens; you, your lovely wife and the medics will be better informed so that whatever is necessary next can be done well.
Treatments have massively improved, good outcomes have similarly improved. Be as strong as you feel comfortable with, remember that you are important too.
Fingers crossed for you mate.
My mum had it and now seems clear of it.
Treatment has moved on loads.
Fingers crossed and best wishes mate.
Words escape em dude, I can't imagine how you all feel. I hope it works out for you all and things settle for you and the family.
Manhugs and a cup of tea. X
We're just coming out of Breast Cancer.
A bit of a lump (probably a cyst cos that's happened before) turned out to be cancer. That was last July.
Since then, Mrs S has had chemotherapy, surgery (lumpectomy and signal node clearance) and radiotherapy. The side effects of the latter are just subsiding. The treatments have all been very successful. She'll be on a 3-weekly injection for another 6-7 months and tablets for 5 years. She is getting her fitness back, running, swimming, yoga, singing all now happening and will have a phased return to work next month. I'm not going to pretend that it was all plain sailing. We had a few late-night hospital visits, one of which resulted her staying in for a week. However, everyone we have dealt with has been fantastic.
Both my parents died of cancer (within 12 months of each other), Mrs S's brother died of cancer. We're no stranger to it. The initial devastation can't be easily bypassed. However, treatments have moved on massively and outcomes are generally excellent so concentrate on that if you can.
Feel free to contact me via this forum, email whatever. I'm happy to chat through our experience if it would help at all.
Hope that posting and seeing so many positive replies has helped you.
Another with two friends in their 50s who are living life to the full after successful treatment.
Hi, firstly I apologise if this is clunky and unarticulate.
I am currently undergoing BC treatment, I wasn't sure if to post.
Everyone's experience is different, so very different. There is no right, or wrong in your thoughts or feelings and you will feel all of the emotions and go through every thought and outcome, usually, in the dark of night.
Any rationale will go out of the window.
The waiting is the worst. Sounds very silly but it is true, the unknown.
Once you know what you are, or are not dealing with, you can get on with it.
Should the news not be as hoped, you will have the most incredible team around you, they know what they are doing and they will not only deal with it but they will be there for all of you - they know what to do.
Treatment, care, the whole process has come on so much in recent years, an incredible amount.
It's true that it is common which doesn't belittle it at all but it means that they know what to do, it's more routine, it's so much more treatable.
Even if it's not the news wanted, it may be a relief just to know, and that's ok too.
The 'shrapnel' effect I heard it called is really shite.
Remember the unknown is scary. Don't be afraid to ask questions and get answers.
Wishing your wife, you and your family all the very best and hoping for the best news
Went through this with my wife last summer - full work-up at the clinic - turned out to be cyst which then went away on its own.
My Mum got diagnosed with breast cancer 17 years ago (she was 59) she had a mastectomy and 6 months of chemo and has been cancer free ever since.
As others have said - the treatments/therapies are improving at a rapid rate and so much better than they were even 10 years ago.
Good luck.
That's really shit news. A friend of mine went through it this time last year. Her partner wasn't really interested in it much to my annoyance (they're only together as a front for the kids now) but it turned out the lump was a peice of detached tissue and would sort itself out in time.
Give your wife all the support she needs but make sure you get the support you need too from outside of the immediate family circle as well. There's always someone willing to just listen be it someone here (im always happy to listen), a professional or even one of your riding buddies.
This habit us blokes have of bottling sh*t like this up is really harmful to us.
Hope everything goes well today.
Another vote here for staying positive. When I first met my wife her mum was undergoing radiotherapy and had just had a mastectomy and that was 1994 – she is still with us and is as fit as ever.
Fingers crossed that even if you do get bad news that she makes a full recovery.
But still – %&*$ cancer.
Daughter found the dreaded lump last June. It was cancer and she had surgery. One boob had the tumours removed and then boob fat from the other one was used to fill the hole. Thankfully she had big boobies.
She was given the all clear on Monday and is very happy with her boob job with the breasts like an 18 year old instead of sagging like a [age deleted]
Good luck
We just had a big party for my next door neighbour both being 50 and 10 years clear of breast cancer. To say she has embraced life to the full since having it would be one of the worlds greatest understatements, I am just shattered thinking about the cool amazing adventures they have had in the last 9 and a bit years.
Stay positive, modern treatments are pretty amazing these days.
Not much to add except to say we a couple of good friends who have had very good outcomes with breast cancer, both still fit, healthy and cancer free 10 years or so after diagnosis and treatment. My wife also had a lump which turned out to be nothing concerning, but the wait for the scan results was awful, so I have a small inking of what you are going through. Virtual hug sent, but as others have said huge strides have been made in fighting this cancer
I understand how you feel & hope you get the best outcome. My partner was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago & I found it terrifying & paralyzing initially. Every news article seemed to be about it and it was hard to remain positive at times. But once we were informed by her consultant & knew what the path of treatment was, we could focus on doing everything to aid that. She successfully had the chemo, removal & reconstruction and is cancer free now and loving life. She lost a boob but gained lots of real friends along the way too through support groups & does telephone counseling for those going through the same thing now.
Everything is crossed here for you.
Hi OP
My wife is currently having chemo for triple negative breast cancer. We are 4 sessions down (of 8). Then surgery and potentially radio therapy and then some kind of reconstruction. I guess we are 4 months in to a +12month process. Prognosis is good if you look at sites like predict https://breast.predict.nhs.uk/ and I try to focus on the big survival number and not the smaller one. That can be difficult, I know.
As said above everyone's journey is different. Today there are MDTs (multi disciplinary teams) when the experts will come together to talk about what is right in a specific case and the journey you Mrs geezer go on may not be the same as others. For my wife chemo was the priority over surgery. For others its surgery and then other therapy's. So try not compare people.
Also careful what you read on the internet! Use sources like NHS, Macmillan etc.
Honestly its been a massive roller coaster so far. Each day I have to asses what mood my Mrs is in. Sometimes she wants hugs sometimes she thinks I'm molly coddling her. She is a NHS professional and they make the WORST patients! Currently just taking it a day at time which hard. She is fed up we don't have a holiday booked!
Message me if you want to talk and good luck.
Wishing you & the family all the best. Mrs FB was diagnosed almost 5 years ago- had surgery, chemo, & radiotherapy. Like the situation with your boys, our son has CP & Mrs FB is his main carer.
After recovery from all the treatment life got back to usual & counting down for the 5 year anniversary this autumn.
Not much to add, other than my wife is a consultant therapy radiographer specialising in breast cancer and it is amazing what they can do now, and survival rates are good when caught fairly early on. It's a shit disease, had a year where my mum had bowel cancer and my sister ovarian cancer, but both on the mend..
Helped my sister through BC last year, very well looked after at the various hospitals she needed to attend. Got through all the treatments and out the other end eventually. Held it all togther until the very last session where the guy told her to ring the bell as she'd beaten it - full breakdown ensured after that, but better to get the news than anything worse.
Hi
thank you for your remembering - we find out the biopsy results tomorrow morning (Friday) so was holding off till then. Though the initial examination seemed positive with the mammogram.
We are being positive and remaining calm till tomorrow...
Fingers crossed for tomorrow mate.
Fingers crossed here too
Lots of positives and supportive vibes from all of us to you and the family 👍
Fingers crossed mate.
my missus is onto her 3rd Chemo session for Breast Cancer. She was Her2 positive (some kind of enzyme). Our world just changed in one day. I wont go into detail here as It'll just set me off.
Hope it's all good.
Just back from a celebratory meal with Mrs W. Twelve months ago we didn't know the storm that was going to be unleashed. My mother went down hill very quickly and died. The day after her funeral we got the call that you are expecting. It was difficult and made us question everything. but and its a big BUT, we have come through it and are stronger and happier than we could ever have hoped for.
As has been said you gain strength from the strangest places and people. Its far more common than you expect and there's a lot of experience to glean support from. In true STW spirit pm if you want anything in terms of shared experience or just to shout. Every journey is different and ours has been even more bizarre than expected:
- from saying goodbyes to
- Brexit causing treatment issues to
- people who you previously dismissed as bonkers being absolutely wonderful to
- cycling discomfort to
- false boobs
Sending a world of hope and support. Call on any of us, STW is wonderful place.
Wishing you and Mrs UFG all the very best for tomorrow.
All of us here in Ambrose Villas are thinking of you and yours and wishing you the best. Let the professionals do their thing tomorrow and do your best to process what they say. Follow their advice, whatever way it may go.
To reiterate @wingnuts... 'Sending a world of hope and support. Call on any of us, STW is wonderful place'.
Wishing you both all the best.
Mrs_D went through this in 2014 - lumpectomy then another one as they hadn’t quite got all of it; chemo then radiotherapy, followed by 5 years of tamoxifen and 3 years into 5 years of letrozole.
She’s doing fine now, has a mammogram every year around the anniversary of surgery and a meeting with the consultant every Jan. when she reaches 10 years they should sign her off …
Update
My wife received the call yesterday evening from the consultant huge huge relief both lumps are benign…two weeks of hell. Consultant doesn’t want to remove them as it could cause lots of scaring ( she’s not that blessed in the boob dept)
The benign lumps are there to stay for now and back again in 6 months for another check.
Absolutely relieved….
The last 2 weeks have been awful, having lived through this before with my mum I know only to well the true destruction of cancer.
I thank you all for your extremely kind words/ advice etc
For all of you that are living or have lived with breast cancer my heart truly goes out to you all.
Do
Did we celebrate, no just absolutely
relieved.
Thank you all once again 🥰
Good News Friday!
Great news man!
Brilliant news
Great news.
Fantastic news - and good to be on their radar for 6 month check-in.
Have a great weekend!
oof, excellent!
Great stuff. Put a smile on my face.
Absolutely wonderful. Take a moment to breath and then don't you ever waste another day!!
Great stuff. Things like this really put things into perspective. Free Hugs to all......
That's great news!
Glad to hear this for you all.
Great news!!!
but ....
( she’s not that blessed in the boob dept)
you're in so much shit!!
Fabulous news.
Great news. Really pleased for you
Yay, fantastic news!
Great news, grab a beer......
Excellent news, properly chuffed for you both!
Your news makes me smile so much 😀
That's great to hear.
Great news! The waiting is often the worst!
Just the news we all wanted to hear. All the very best to all of you.
Yay!
Great news. Make sure you feel them regularly. It’s doctors advice!!
And breathe.... That is good news.
It seems there is a bit of a dearth of good news at the moment, this bucks the trend, great stuff!