[Closed] Toilet Philosophy

I liked:
"Are you shitting comfortably?"
and, at school:
"Flush twice, it's a long way to the kitchens."

What was the number to call?

I saw some script low down on the cubicle wall at an angle. I bent over to read it. It said:

"You are now shitting at 45 degrees".

correct punctuation

Although arguably there should be a comma after the "shit".

There's a great kids book called "everyone poops" (it's American so you can excuse the extra P) it's tells kids about different animals and their poo, the underlying moral of the story is the same as the Liverpool Street Poet, when it boils down to it, we're all the same really, we all need to squeeze one out now and again.

"Dont bother sitting on this seat, the lice in here will jump 6 feet, if you thinking that's ****ing high, go next door; the bastards fly"

school tiolet door

I liked

" No use standing on the toilet seat, the crabs in here can jump 5 feet"

I was in the Braunton public loos and read 'don't be aloof, be alert. The country needs lerts.' One from my teenage years that stayed with me was 'we like girls in greasy skirts.' I thought that was quite evocative.

In the Edward Boyle Library (Leeds Uni) toilets on one of the upper floors someone had written out some complex proofs in modal logic - Godel's ontological proof and some others I forget. Someone had crossed it out with a giant phallus and written underneath "**** off to the Brotherton Arts Nob".

I thought everyone came out of it well.

One stall at uni had "Humanities degrees, please take one" written on the wall with an arrow pointing to the loo roll dispenser.

How we all laughed.

Someone should publish a book on this subject.
Oh, wait a minute...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bathroom-Graffiti-Mark-Ferem/dp/0977282740

The painters work has been in vain
The Shite house poet strikes again

In one of the crappers at Exeter College when I returned there for a bit a decade or so ago..

I wish I was shitting on an emo

Someone had come along and altered it to

I wish I was shitting [i]out[/i] an emo

The one at my work has a "now wash your hands" sticker on the inside of the cubicle door, someone's written underneath "What, in the toilet? Usually I wait til I'm done and use the sink, but alright..."

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Here I sit, broken hearted
Paid 20p, and only farted

Some come here to sit and think,
Others come here to sh#t and stink,
I come here to scratch my balls and read the writing on the walls.

Smash the cistern!

The toilet walls at work are painted in matt magnolia. Above one of the urinals is a forehead-height grease mark where someone has rested their head

Kind of sums up the despair

My old work place had Samaritans stickers and number on the inside of the door. Didn't say a lot for the working atmosphere.

Not toilet related, but there was also a management safety initiative where a big poster was printed with the various safety targets all listed out, and a space underneath for all the staff to sign their names to show their commitment to the cause.

With a few spare spaces to allow for any new starters...... which quickly started to fill up every so often with some spurious additions. Arthur Fox-Ache, Hugh Jarse, Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick....etc.

"Here I sit in stinky vapour,
Some b*stard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I sit and wait and linger?
Or shall I be forced to use my finger?"

The other classic is on the door 'Toilet tennis, look left' on the left 'Toilet tennis, look right' and on the right 'Toilet tennis, look left'.

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Here I sit,
Taking a shit,
Straining hard,
And smelling it.

I like that one Yunki. Rather a plagiarised quote.

Interestingly, (or maybe not), in the preface to the book, Palahniuk explains how he was being shown round an exhibition of some description when the guy showing them round says 'The first rule of [the exhibition] is, we don't talk about [the exhibition].

Chuck told him afterwards, "I wrote that" which created some confusion.

....as I say, probably not that interesting

So OP.... this, err, 'bum fun' you mentioned. I have an, erm, mate who may be interested.

😀 😀 😀 😛

Do blind dogs chase white sticks?

I smell onions for a living

At the Free Trade in Newcastle.

Seen in a couple of public loos, particularly those ones where the cubicle door stops 6" from the floor:

"BEWARE THE DREADED LIMBO DANCER..."

One of the last things you will ever do is to take a shit. When you die your bowels will relax and nature will take its course.

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As seen at Grand Canyon lodge ...

As you sit upon the throne
Do not journey to the moon
Remember those who sit outside
And in discomfort hold their pride

Now - why can I remember that, seen the best part of half a century ago, whereas I can't remember where the f*** I put my keys?