Our office toilets have two traps and one urinal. This morning, I had a particularly irate mole at the counter and made my way to the toilets.
As I entered, both traps were occupied. Then the door to trap 2 opened and the pooer exited to perform ablutions.
What did I do?
I went to the urinal and pretended to have a pish. Despite the urgency of my situation, I couldn't bring myself to get on the hot seat.
Is this normal?
[I]Now empty of Salford.[/I]
Not normal.
Now I like a cold seat as much as the next person, but a hot seat isn't the biggest of daily issues. MTFU
Or you could have nipped into the ladies?
Hop up and down on alternate feet, clutching the seat of your trousers repeating "Get back inside, Brown!".
The problem is if you go in and find a complete mess in the bowl or a failed flush.
In normal circumstances I'd leave immediately but if the previous pooer is still there what do you do? I'm with the OP, play it safe and come back in 10 minutes.
got any good bushes in the car park?
Jump on the seat and embrace the warmth. Then show your supreme confidence by dropping the kids off loudly and proudly whilst your nemesis is still there washing their hands.
Bang on the door of the still occupied second cubicle and proclaim loudly that you're touching cloth.
Wait until you hear the flush and then , before the door opens, quickly dart into the empty first cubicle thus allowing the seat to cool and ensuring that the entire place is empty to allow you to enjoy your China Cruise in peace.
If the guy coming out of the cubicle did not state " Ooh, I'd give it 5 minutes if I were you" then he made the first etiquette faux par.
Just do it the "bad" way.
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It's not just the seat temperature, there's the possibility of entering and inhaling a faecal coliform cloud.
wwaswas - Member
The problem is if you go in and find a complete mess in the bowl or a failed flush.In normal circumstances I'd leave immediately but if the previous pooer is still there what do you do? I'm with the OP, play it safe and come back in 10 minutes.
You wouldn't last 10 minutes at my works. If you find the serial trap wrecker then you walk round and embarrass someone until they go and clear it up. There's no airs and graces here.
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[/img]Chamber pot?
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faecal coliform cloud.
Didn’t they some minor success in the charts in the 80’s?
Face mask on, toilet paper over the seat.
[i]Didn’t they some minor success in the charts in the 80’s? [/i]
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In case the OP is still reading, make sure you check after flushing and wash your hands - how warm was it?
The problem is if you go in and find a complete mess in the bowl or a failed flush
I had a particularly irate mole at the counter
Brilliant, I had a similarly irate rodent last sunday, only just made spoons in time. Could've been messy....
mmmm, "shoeburyness"
It depends on the exitee.
If it was somebody that you would regard as "clean" i.e. somebody you would happily share a lift or a protracted car journey with then I'd just grit my teeth and get on with it. If it was the sort of person who is regarded as a bit of a "grubby/dirty b'stard" then I'd find an empty conference room and crap in the bin.
But that's just me.
I feel the OPs pain.
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Its when you burst in to find the spanish guy cleaning his teeth again.
Awkward when you unleash the gates of hell with a trimphant crescendo of bottom brass as accompaniment.
If you inadvertently go into a bog with a mess, do you give it a brush before leaving, or do you just leg it and run the risk that you will be spotted and fall under suspicion of being a mucky bar steward?
Reminds me of an incident from my youth.
Got caught short in a Tapas bar in Manchester. Was sat quietly minding my own business in trap 2 when two young men installed themselves in trap 1 and embarked on noisy and protracted intercourse. Now I've got nothing against that sort of thing, but it did put me right off my squid in tomato and garlic sauce.
it did put me right off my squid in tomato and garlic sauce
Serves you right for eating in the toilet.
Isn't the OP's post the sort of situation that the disabled toilet was invented for?
This thread reminded me of the time whilst working at a primary school the toilet we were permitted to use wasthe disabled anyway i went for a pee but quickly realised the bowl and seat had been pebbledashed with a beigey brown harl, in my haste to escape i pulled the red string thinking it was the light switch then in an instant 2 young teachers come straight to my aid
I said honest it wasn't me not sure if they believed me
Ours were busy today. There were three of us washing hands when one unfortunate soul in trap 3 had what can only be described as a dwarf blowing a tuba full of trout moment.
There was a moment of awkwardness, as the room was evacuated.
I'm still trying to work out a suitable quip for 'next time' the situation arises.
you sit on a toilet seat that is not n your own home?
You must struggle when on holiday.
Just do it the "bad" way.
Which is actually the correct way.
Well, on the appropriate toilet.
I’m not sure quite what the issue is, if it’s a failed flush or a skiddy mark what’s about to happen?
That’s right, you are going to shit over it.
I’m not sure it matters that much under these circumstances. If you were to eat off it yes, but opening the Bombay doors and dropping trowel?
you sit on a toilet seat that is not n your own home?
Why the hell wouldn’t I ?!
Monday to Friday I’m getting paid a decent amount of money to take a dump.
Weekends almost annoy me, when I have to do it without getting paid, AND pay for the paper/water/electricity 🙂
Weekends almost annoy me, when I have to do it without getting paid, AND pay for the paper/water/electricity
Fit it in round Tesco trips?
I’m not sure quite what the issue is, if it’s a failed flush or a skiddy mark what’s about to happen?
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Fit it in round Tesco trips?
*clean up in aisle 7*
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I'm with the OP, play it safe and come back in 10 minutes.
That's what i would do unless it was a proper touching cloth code red 😳
It's totally irrational thinking but it's like 10 mins and a cold seat and any of the previous anal atrocities that have occurred in that cubicle never happened 😆
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...a dwarf blowing a tuba full of trout moment...
Never heard it; know exactly what you mean; slightly crying with laughter. 🙂
I have a distaste for walking into a previously used toilet, but my inexplicable peccadilo is to make sure you don't know I'm walking into your faecal fog. I won't wait if all traps are set, just come back later.
I would have waited too. Unless it was pressing , so to speak.
top tip - learn to time your ablutions to the minute the cleaners leave the traps. 🙂
Reminds me of the service station yesterday - argh! I immediately sensed warmth and so deployed TP-barrier.
If the mole is ringing the bell hard/about leave the store then arranging a succesful TP-barrier can be a case of 'more by luck than art'. If (horrors!) the whole carefully-constructed paper-edifice blows off/slides to the floor you then must rebuild entirely from scratch, or else hover and let the (now furious) mole vacate of his own accord*
* Noisily, at speed, potentially leaving the door ajar/scuffing the walls.
Isn't the OP's post the sort of situation that the disabled toilet was invented for?
My thoughts exactly. Time for a handicrap.
top tip - learn to time your ablutions to the minute the cleaners leave the traps.
Ahhh, the tang of a chilled and freshly disinfected seat.
top tip - learn to time your ablutions to the minute the cleaners leave the traps.
I'm more of a three in a day man not once a week.
top tip - learn to time your ablutions to the minute the cleaners leave the traps.
I'm more of a three in a day man not once a week.
Jamie - Member
Fit it in round Tesco trips?
*clean up in aisle 7*
Right next to the moisturising wipes. Well played.
😯I'm more of a three in a day man not once a week.
You must be very well read.
You name the cleaning product I'll give you the ingredients.
[i]Weekends almost annoy me, when I have to do it without getting paid, AND pay for the paper/water/electricity[/i]
Freelancers quickly learn to only poop in billable time.
It can cause problems over a bank holiday weekend, mind.
Also, people need to be more creative;
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you sit on a toilet seat that is not n your own home?
Why the hell wouldn’t I ?!
Monday to Friday I’m getting paid a decent amount of money to take a dump.Weekends almost annoy me, when I have to do it without getting paid, AND pay for the paper/water/electricity
That's a Viz top tip from back in the day.
Save money on toilet roll by dropping the kids off at work and get paid for the privilege - double win.
Toilet tissue seat nappy.
Job done.
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It’s just skin microbes. Just wash your hands and make sure your butt skin is not broken or has sores and you won’t catch anything.
Toilet tissue seat nappy.Job done.
It’s just skin microbes. Just wash your hands and make sure your butt skin is not broken or has sores and you won’t catch anything.
I've had the joy of walking into a trap that was still sporting the previous occupants nest before.
