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First of all I'm a regular member but I'm posting under a different identity due to the sensitive nature of the content. I know a few people might know who I am through reading this so can I ask you to try to refrain from any personal references. Thank you.
My wife and I have been trying for our own children since we got married 8 years ago but unfortunately it didn't work out and after two failed IVF attempts we decided to pursue adoption. We always new this would be the path we'd take as it was something we discussed when we first got together.
This past year we've been through all the training and working with social workers to compile a profile and a couple of months ago we were approved to adopt two siblings. 😀
A few weeks ago we were approached by a SW with two very young children that they wanted us to see. We instantly fell for them and a few days ago we got the news that on my birthday I will be meeting my new son and daughter for the first time. I can't wait and I'm sooooo happy. 😀
So any advice for a new dad? An adopters perspective would be even better!
One more thing, anyone who thinks they are happier than me at the moment are wrong! 😉
As you haven't kidnapped the kids, why do you need a secondary login to announce this?
...and congratulations, whoever you are 8)
[i]So any advice for a new dad?[/i]
expect to spend less time with your bikes for the foreseeable future 🙂
Congratulations 🙂
No advice I'm afraid but just wanted to say congratulations.
Me and my partner always said if we can't have children we will adopt and give a child a home who deserves one.
Really made up for you.
Jamie does that really concern you? The op obviously has their reasons.
Congratulations.
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Great news! Congratulations.. 😀
Gratz! 🙂
Congratulations! It's a great thing to do anyway.
Jamie does that really concern you? The op obviously has their reasons.
It doesn't concern me, but I was just curious, hence why I asked.
Superb news, we went down a similar route although we had one birth sprog of our own. Got a rather full on one year old just over a year ago, had been a great year.
Didn't miss the whole baby thing second time round at all, fantastic way of getting to the fun bit straight away
Congrats, it's going to be a fun ride !
Congrats and good luck to you and the new family 😀
All round goodness! Congratulations!
That is indeed very good news ... made me smile
Congrats to you and the Mrs
Your children will astound you every day
Great news! Stuff you need to know? Strider bikes, Islabikes, Frog bikes.... Croozer bike trailers... Hamax seats... 😀
Congratulations, and also well done for giving two kids who presumably haven't had the easiest start to their lives a great chance. You'll be a great family.
How old are they - mine (at least i assume they're mine, only the wife knows for sure 😉 ) are 7 and 9, so new dad tips....... depends how old really. No sense in giving you baby feeding ones if they are toddlers......
your post makes me happy
not adopter but got 2 young uns 1 & 3
my only advice is sleep now while you can!
actually my other advice is get a routine sorted for everything!, bed time, meals, washing clothes, leaving the house etc
its easier on you and your wife and especially the kids
How old are they
Son is 3 and daughter nearly 1.
actually my other advice is get a routine sorted for everything!, bed time, meals, washing clothes, leaving the house etc
Foster carers have good routines for them so we will just follow on from that and not change anything.
congrats 🙂
Will they still have contact with the biological mother /father ?
congrats sir, now the hard work begins. IVF is tough on relationships, at times very tough (speak from personal experience) so well done for coming out together and getting where you want to and karma points for helping two little ones out.
As you haven't kidnapped the kids, why do you need a secondary login to announce this?
I reckon it's hora, and the stick he's going to get about changing them after 6 months is worrying him too much to post under his usual login 🙂
(And if it really is hora I apologise for blowing your cover)
Congratulations, though! The only advice I'd give is to get a routine going as soon as possible, the typical dinner/bath/bed, and avoid spoiling them rotten - a bit, of course, but don't overdo it.
Good work!
Nice to see a happy ending....erm, I didn't mean that kind of happy ending. Perverts.
well done, congratulations and the best of luck in your new adventure !
Will they still have contact with the biological mother /father ?
They will have annual letterbox contact which is the norm, but at the same time we will always speak about them to ensure they understand why it's like this and also so they can understand who they are.
They will come with a life book too which will have photos of their real parents and we will just continue with it.
mogrim, I'm not Hora. Thankfully! 😆
Is the eldest one in nursery? That would be a tip from me - much as the tendency might be to have them (him) around as much as possible, and to be around and close to his sister (I'm assuming here that they have been fostered together) he'll be at the age where contact with and friends of his own age will be very important.
My wife has been a work from home mum since ours were born, so 9 years and counting, but we took the decision with both to get them into nursery* as soon as possible, for the 'socialisation' aspect.
* I mean learning nursery - both ours did Montessori FWIW - as opposed to daycare so parents can work nursery. Nothing against that, it's a life choice but one we decided against. Your situation may be different and if it is, then the above is irrelevant anyway.
Routine is great and worked well for us, but don't be a slave to it.... a change is a good as a rest.
Clubs ?? ... football, swimming, gymnastics, ballet ?? Get their names down now, there will probably be a waiting list.
Oh and where's your lad going to go to school? Seriously start thinking about that now.
congrats!
So any advice for a new dad?
spend as much time with them as you can, "they grow up fast"
and, kids can cope with a lot, but I think the thing they really really really need is stability of parents & home, so do your best to give them that, with that sorted life is there for them to enjoy; don't sweat the small stuff, if you're getting on with them and vice versa and they're having fun, its all good
Routine is great and worked well for us, but don't be a slave to it.... a change is a good as a rest.
Think they're probably getting the change right now! I certainly didn't mean you should be a slave to a routine, but IMO small children need a certain amount of stability in their lives, and making sure most weekdays follow the same pattern is a way to get that.
He is already at nursery and he loves it so we'll be getting him in as soon as he's settles.
Oh and where's your lad going to go to school? Seriously start thinking about that now.
My wife is a teacher so she's on top of that. Because of the situation we go to the top of the list for all schools, nurseries etc so we can choice any of them and be sure to get a placement.
Brilliant news - congratulations!
Cannot advise re adoption, but as a parent I would advise you to try to miss none of the milestones - school, concerts, sports, etc.
16 years in and loved all of it, would go round and do it all again if I could.
😀
and, kids can cope with a lot, but I think the thing they really really really need is stability of parents & home, so do your best to give them that, with that sorted life is there for them to enjoy; don't sweat the small stuff, if you're getting on with them and vice versa and they're having fun, its all good
Good advice, but there will be times that you and the kids don't get along - don't try to be a friend all the time, if it's bathtime and they don't want to go: tough! You're a dad now, and you don't have to negotiate with 3 year olds.
(That said, a good tactic with small kids is to give them the illusion of choice: the kid has to get dressed, but let him/her choose between two t-shirts that you've already selected.)
That's fantastic news! Congratulations!! Parenthood is a contradictory mess of infuriating lovliness. Enjoy it!
And as for your real identity. I've suspected you of lurking on STW for some time Brad 😀
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You have my undying respect and gratitude for adopting. My wife is a very hard working adoption social worker and the stories of heart break I hear of what these kids go through brings me to tears. If it were up to me we would have a house full of em!
As a dad of 2 at similar ages to yours you also have my sympathy. It's going to be hard work. Absolutely brilliant but hard work. And I've had the time to adapt to it. You're going straight in at the deep end. Well done.
By the way if you want any advice from an impartial adoption social worker then my email address is in my profile. Mrs toppers would be more than happy to answer any questions if she can. 🙂
[i]you don't have to negotiate with 3 year olds.[/i]
I think you'll find you do 😉
Good advice, but there will be times that you and the kids don't get along - don't try to be a friend all the time, if it's bathtime and they don't want to go: tough! You're a dad now, and you don't have to negotiate with 3 year olds.(That said, a good tactic with small kids is to give them the illusion of choice: the kid has to get dressed, but let him/her choose between two t-shirts that you've already selected.)
Very true - but also, pick your battles. In the grand scheme, who really cares if your daughter goes to the shops dressed as Snow White. Actually, I miss and wish i could have those days agan, being unable to prise her out of a Disney Princess dress, now she wants Hollister and Abercrombie!!
you don't have to negotiate with 3 year olds.
My 3 year old neice is now referred too by everyone as the Tiny Tyrant, as she has a Hitler-esque attitude to negotiation. What she says goes! Good luck! 😀
congratulations 🙂
Congratulations!! 🙂
Rachel
Glad to hear that 8)
Any advice....cherish the current "on-bike" achievements, cos you wont have the time to keep that up I'm certain!!
DrP
Mo... wasn't having a dig... I heartly agree with you ... this is a happy thread remember... petty STW squabbles left by the door 😀
My wife is a teacher so she's on top of that. Because of the situation we go to the top of the list for all schools, nurseries etc so we can choice any of them and be sure to get a placement.
From a unfortuate start these two nippers (what are thier names??) now get great parents and a good school.
routine routine routine
do not negotiate, do not give in, draw the lines of battle clearly
naughty steps work
bribery is useful if needed 😉
More threads like this, please.
Oh, and congratulations. 🙂
I have nothing useful to add apart from congratulating you.
Enjoy the new arrivals!
Very true - but also, pick your battles. In the grand scheme, who really cares if your daughter goes to the shops dressed as Snow White. Actually, I miss and wish i could have those days agan, being unable to prise her out of a Disney Princess dress, now she wants Hollister and Abercrombie!!
Yup! I was accompanied on walks by Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet (2 off) and a variety of emergency services personnel - it is not compulsory for you to dress in a similar fashion but it's a hoot if you do. 😀
[i]was accompanied on walks by Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet (2 off) and a variety of emergency services personnel[/i]
those were the days 🙂
I just get 'morose teenager in a hoody' now and it's wearing a bit thin.
it is not compulsory for you to dress in a similar fashion but it's a hoot if you do
I love my daughter dearly, but I'm not going to the shops dressed as a disney princess.
However - can you get a man size 'Beast' costume. I'm havin' that.
Yup! I was accompanied on walks by Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet (2 off) and a variety of emergency services personnel - it is not compulsory for you to dress in a similar fashion but it's a hoot if you do.
You sir have really made me smile! These will be the moments that I will really cherish. 😀
Good on ya fella, we said we would try to adopt if we couldn't have kids (luckily we did!) and we are going to look at fostering when ours are a bit older. Its hard work but the rewards are genuinely amazing and i never tire of spending time with them.
@theotherjonv - and we expect to see the pictures please. 😀
[url= http://www.polyvore.com/beauty_beast_costumes_for_sale/thing?id=2524059 ]http://www.polyvore.com/beauty_beast_costumes_for_sale/thing?id=2524059[/url]
Yup! I was accompanied on walks by Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet (2 off) and a variety of emergency services personnel - it is not compulsory for you to dress in a similar fashion but it's a hoot if you do.
Aye. I remember regularly having 2 Disney princesses in tow. Add to the effect by the person at the front doing their best 'Ministry for Silly Walks' routine, which everyone behind has to copy. then somebody else has a go at the front. Aaaaah .... simple pleasures 😀
Well please for you op. Makes a chage from wheel size debate threads.
Now, what tyre for new adopted siblings.....
My friends adopted after a similar struggle with IVF. The amount of intrusion into their life both during and after the adoption process would be more than enough to put me off, so kudos to you both for sticking with it and giving someone else the chance of a better life 🙂
You don't negotiate with 3 yr olds but you can give them choices, you just make sure the options are decided by you! 😉
Good luck OP
The last time the whole Ro5ey family went shopping (something that never happens normally) Mrs Ro5ey was accompanied by a Disney princess, a pirate and a
... me !!morose teenager
I hate shopping, but it was made bearable by the other two kids
Very true - but also, pick your battles. In the grand scheme, who really cares if your daughter goes to the shops dressed as Snow White.
A very good point, and I have also been shopping with a Fairy Princess, Bella, and the Ice Queen from Narnia. And if little Miss mogrim really insists on wearing her bikini under her clothes instead of normal underwear, I really can't be bothered to argue the point.
Ice Queen from Narnia.
When did you take my wife shopping?
I have a little tear in my eye reading this and thinking about 2 beautiful children who now have a mummy n daddy, that is so excellent. Your karma bank is off the chart!
It takes time for everyone to settle into the new routine so dont expect it to be perfect form the start
Decide early on what you will say re adoption
Take your time finding your feet
There is generally no right and no wrong way but decide what your way is whilst always being prepared to listen to the good advice from others.
They grow up fast - as you will have seen from the post on here
Congrats to you all
Decide early on what you will say re adoption
I don't think you have a lot of choice JY, there's no hiding it like there used to be. The kids are informed, and kept informed from the outset.
Congratulations.
Typical Tesco run for me can include any and all of the following... 😕
The Gruffalo - a Gruffalo
Lionel - A dog in a sheep skin coat
Big Bear - A bear (big)
Little Bear - A bear (little)
Halloween Bear - A bear with an orange pumpkin body and a witch's hat
Poo Bear - Winnie the Poo
Hat - A knitted had worn by Winnie the Poo
Edmund - An elephant
Edmund's Bib - A bib belonging to the afore mentioned elephant
Congratulations and Karma points! You are doing a good thing for the right reasons.
I recently attended a village football club meeting (I coach the U5s to U8s) wearing shorts, t-shirt & sandals.... I wondered what the giggles were for and realised the other coaches were laughing at my toes. My 6 year old daughter had painted them sparkly pink the previous day when I had fallen asleep on the sofa - I hadn't got round to removing it. They stayed pink for a couple of weeks as I quite liked the confused reaction (and I felt a bit naughty!).
You're in for some tough times but even more fun times. Enjoy them, they're great creatures!
Congratulations 😀
My 6 year old nephew last week asked if he could go to his granny's funeral in his Zorro outfit! My bro didn't let him, but I reckon it would have given her a laugh if she was looking down from somewhere 🙂
Congratulations!!
Adopter of 1 here. Pleasure and pain, but ultimately a massively rewarding experience.
Best of luck.
That reminds me - my 5 year old niece was at her Great Grandmas funeral and started swishing her arm about during the ministers speech. Turns out she was mis-hearing sorrow as Zorro and was drawing a Z in the air Antonio Banderas stylee. 😀
congratulations
that's cheating, we had to suffer 9 months of pregnancy why did you get away with it.
congratulations, kiss you free time good bye though
Great news. Congratulations. 😀
Brilliant news. Friends of ours are in a similar situation: IVF didn't work, presently going through the adoption checklist. Stressful, but so worth it for both parents and kids. 🙂
Awesome news. I don't know you but I am well chuffed for you.
We fostered then adopted, and also have one biological child as well. Were at the point where things are starting to work out and we are considering fostering again in the next year or so.
It may help to attend adoption support meetings if they are held locally, we found them in the main not for us, but we did meet other adopters who were getting a lot of benefit out of the meetings.
Keep in touch with your SW if they are any good as they can be a great help in the early days if needed.
Letterbox contact may soon loose it's appeal depending on the parents, we had one follow up then silence which suited us, but knowing there back ground it wasn't a surprise.
Life book is good a do keep it updated kids love to look and reflect as they get older.
Also we have never kept the adoption a secret form the kids and they can ask questions anytime they like and we will answer them to the best of our ability. But it depends on age we fostered at 1yr and adopted when 4 years of age.
Brilliant stuff.
Tonights ride will be a good one thinking of the happiness youve managed to put across in this lil' ol' thread.
Mine are 6 & 7.
Hard work but they amaze me every day.
As a Beaver Scout Leader I'd say get their names down now. 😉
That's not such a silly idea if it's an revenue you'd like them to pursue. Some groups have a large waiting list, ours has come down a bit it used to be crazy long. It's all calmed down by the time I see them in scouts.
Congratulations. I have no advice other than to have fun as a family, everything else pretty much seems to work itself out in my experience.
Lovely news for you OP. It's hard work but worth it!
Congratulations OP + mrs_OP. Best and toughest thing you will ever do, bringing up a child in my experience.
Islabikes store is that way ------>
I hope this really adds something to your lives. All the best.