Time Gentleman Plea...
 

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[Closed] Time Gentleman Please

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Recent events in our household have me thinking about whether I would prefer to know when my times up or not.

Father in Law has been given six months tops. Gives him plenty of time to make arrangements, say goodbyes etc. But he must also be feeling like he is just sitting around waiting for it to happen.

thoughts?

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 1:38 pm
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Yes, why not.

Other than socio-economic or family pressures I see no reason why wouldn’t you like to know.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 1:41 pm
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Cancer? AIUI the 6 month diagnosis is just for getting better access to services/benefits.

My mum was diagnosed with 6 months to go in July. I am expecting her to still be around at Christmas time.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 1:42 pm
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I suppose it depends on how you would want to fill that remaining time.

The wife of a good friend got a terminal brain tumour in her 40s with a young teenage boy and husband to leave behind. They filled the time they had with experiences they wouldn't have done otherwise and she helped leave behind some happy memories.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 1:43 pm
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Nah, nearly 40, so I've had a few thoughts recently about if mibbe that's me passed the half way mark or not. One granda lasted till 84, the other, not so sure, I'm guessing he died of exhaustion in 1953 after having 13 weans! 😆 so I guess 50s for him.

My wee ma has cancer aswell, and it's terminal(no date on it, just about slowing it as long as possible), so it's just a case of waiting and seeing, all about quality of life for her, which thankfully she has at the moment. She's got a great attitude though(least on the face of it, I know she'll have her private darker moments), but she doesn't really want to know either, she's just determined to live the life she has, she's an inspiration tbh.

Conclusion, nah, no point just get on with it and enjoy it while you can.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 1:47 pm
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yes I'd like to know when I'd pop my clogs. This would allow me to release some savings & spend what pension fund there is on travelling places I haven't been. I think it was also be fun to have a goodbye party, a proper p up for family and friends where you can say goodbye with some decent food and some drinks.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 1:50 pm
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Yeah I'd want to know, so I can make arrangements, say my goodbyes, maximise the time left and quit my job asap. Ofc if it's a degenerative terminal disease that's the cause then it's going to mean a lot of sitting around waiting and worrying but then I guess you'd have that anyway if you just started getting more and more ill with an undiagnosed condition.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:19 pm
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Well if I get diagnosed with something terminal then my Life Insurance pays out a pretty hefty whack, which gives me the opportunity to go out with a bang.

So in that respect, knowing would be very useful!

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:21 pm
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My Grandmother made the difficult decision to refuse any more medical care - efeectivley ending her life. We all got round the bed and said goodbye etc.

After being silent for about 15 minutes, she opened her eyes and shouted [i]'Oh get on with it[/i]'. absolutley hilarious at the time.

Getting the family round because you know it's about to end is comforting but also odd. I've watched two of my grandparents die; literally take their last breath. I'm not sure I'd allow my family in when it comes to my time.

I don't think i want to know now - but i might in years to come.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:22 pm
 km79
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I'd like to have some notice if possible, not years but 6 months or so. Enough time to cash in all my assets, spend the cash on some adeventure (no point leaving any behind) and book a one way ticket to an all inclusive sexy time resort for final curtains.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:27 pm
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km79 - Member
I'd like to have some notice if possible, not years but 6 months or so. Enough time to cash in all my assets, spend the cash on some adeventure (no point leaving any behind) and book a one way ticket to an all inclusive sexy time resort for final curtains.
i'd suggest doing that long before your 6 months are due will be more enjoyable. Likely to be fairly debilitated by the time you get there.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:29 pm
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Cancer? AIUI the 6 month diagnosis is just for getting better access to services/benefits.

FiL was told "you'll feel ill at Christmas if the treatment doesn't work", it didn't and he was then told 6 months but MiL was told it would be sooner. Died in Febuary. Apparently they tend not to tell you if it's less than 6 months incase the depression makes it worse.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:31 pm
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I'd not want to know that I was going to know?

I'd like a bit of warning, but equally I'd not want to know that the warning was there, otherwise I'd just end up with a 6 month to-do list of fun stuff that I'd put off.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:34 pm
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I'd certainty want to know if I had a terminal illness. But if you said to me right now I can tell you when you'll die, no chance not in the slightest interested.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 2:56 pm
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Looks like the majority would want to know.....

Its been a strange few days in the family since the prognosis. I cant help thinking I would rather not know. Mil is organising all sorts of stuff (renewal of vows, parties, social visits and occasions etc etc). Its the last thing I would want to be doing in his situation.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 3:03 pm
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Well then perhaps you get involved and ask him what he wants before he feels he can't say no to his wife.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 3:05 pm
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johndoh - Member
Well then perhaps you get involved and ask him what he wants before he feels he can't say no to his wife.

Absolutely this.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 3:06 pm
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I'm interested in knowing what the form on doctors telling patients is. Do they tend to not give advice unprovoked, i.e. you have ask "how long have I got doc?"

It's a difficult one though. We all die eventually, losing a chunk of (anticipated) life is a terrible shock but I can't really say whether I'd want to know in advance in that case. Of course "you've got 40 more years" would be pretty good to hear 🙂

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 3:12 pm
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I think I’d want to know, as long as it was reasonably accurate. My dad had no real warning, he had lymphoma but was part way through treatment, went into hospital with a bad shoulder, and that was that.

On the other hand a mate of mine and his wife were preparing for her last Christmas 7 years ago, she’s still going strong. If I were in that situation I’ve have bankrupted myself 6 and a half years ago.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 3:32 pm
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And what about the rest of the family. They are now effectively grieving for someone who is still alive, and could be doing so for 6 months or more. Then will start grieving again when he does actually pass.

 
Posted : 23/10/2017 3:36 pm

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