[Closed] Time for some honesty and a reach out for advice

Footy, Parkes. You're a bloody good keeper and it won't take much time out of your week

Oh, and get in touch sooner.

(a) ask for something other than Citalopram

(b) ignore the bluffing that you see on this forum. Most folk I've met are nowhere near as gnarly and active as you'd think by their posting on here. I bet someone will pop up in a few posts and offer to meet up under no pressure whatsoever (I would if I was closer) and you'll go out and have a great time.

If you promise to take me to Lord of the Pies, I'll happily nip by to talk crap and listen/share experiences, that I wouldn't dare share on here.

(Genuine offer, but pies are a must)

Do you enjoy rugby? I'd be happy to take you to a game at the AJ Bell stadium (Salford).

First thing, stop calling yourself a burden. If people find you a burden, they probably don't care enough anyway.
I have suffered with mental health issues over the years and have also been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have been a royal pain in the arse to my wife over the years, but she is still here, I assume, because she cares for me.

Medication never worked for me for either problem, but I have known it do wonders for others.

What worked for me was meditation and practicing mindfulness. It's a bit of a cliche, I know, but it has reduced my anxiety levels significantly and has allowed me the perspective to see what matters and what does not.

Also exercise (though I am still a fat bastard).

ignore the bluffing that you see on this forum

It's a good point in that people choose what they share. It's easy to look at others' "perfect" lives when in fact they're as messed up and having as many issues as the rest of us. Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to a rose-tinted fiction.

The only other thing I'd add is, if sounds like you feel bad because you're a burden on her and she feels bad because she's a burden on you. You need to both talk about turning that around; having been in a similar situation, I'd guess that you're both [i]better [/i]for each other rather than [i]worse [/i]for each other and neither of you are communicating that to each other. You are each others' rocks, not millstones. Realise that, believe that, and for the love of dog [i]tell[/i] each other.

First thing, stop calling yourself a burden. If people find you a burden, they probably don't care enough anyway.

Moreover the danger is, if you call yourself negative something often enough, eventually people start believing you.

It's a good point in that people choose what they share. It's easy to look at others' "perfect" lives when in fact they're as messed up and having as many issues as the rest of us. Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to a rose-tinted fiction.

That, is something that should appear on the front page of Google.

I know I shouldn't say burden, my wife is amazing she worries more about me than she does herself and getting better.

I read my posts on here sometimes and it's like looking at a better version of me. I want to get out and ride again.

I know I can't let the anxiety beat me and I know a panic attack can't hurt me, I wish I could just shut it off. It's not who I am. When I speak to people they don't believe me. I'm just very good at putting up a front that everything's ok.

Building up the 5 has kept me busy and I really do want to get back to what I love. I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too! There's the burden card again.

It frustrates me so much, I hear myself saying these things and it's not me!

Brave post pal. I'm sure you're not a burden and you shouldn't think of yourself as one.

I've also moved away to be near wife's family (she's also got a chronic physical illness as it happens) and have left my social group behind.

The first couple of years were a bit hard but I'm getting out more now. Riding with others more than going to the pub sort of thing, but that's my choice as we have two young and demanding kids - and social opportunities are very few and far between.

I am the other side of Manc and would be happy to show you the delights of Rivington if you'd like to bring your turquoise dream machine out.

Muddy dwarf, I love rugby but my first panic attack was about a year ago at a sporting stadium. I've not been able to shake that barrier since and it's one of the places I avoid at all costs 🙁 that anxiety is actually the main focus of my CBT sessions.

I thank you so much for the offer though.

That, is something that should appear on the front page of Google.

I was thinking more Facebook, but yeah.

I know I can't let the anxiety beat me and I know a panic attack can't hurt me, I wish I could just shut it off.

Have you spoken to anyone about it? Be that a GP or a counsellor or anything? There are things you can do to get that under control.

Cougar, yes, I was referred to Stockport Mind (CBT) and started my sessions last week.

When I was in a depressive state, I always looked at myself as a burden or inconvenience to others. It looks to me like you are doing a similar thing. This becomes a vicious circle, where you increasingly isolate yourself because of your low self-worth, making you feel worse.
Go out on your bike, slow your mates down, I guarantee they will care less about it than you do.

I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too!

Rubbish!

I slow down many a ride puffing and wheezing up the climbs, but I know it doesn't ruin anyone else's ride, any more than me having to wait for them (And/or scrape them off the trail again) on the way down the other side.

No ride is ruined.

A brave post, and best of luck to you!

You need to get yourself out on a Monday Night with Harry the Spider and co. The Prestwich rides in particular are easily do-able from Stockport and there's always an hour of piss taking in the pub afterwards if you fancy it. If you need lights I've got a set you can borrow any time you wish. I'm only down the road and am off the bike for the foreseeable with injury so happy to meet up for a brew or a beer and talk bollocks for an hour if you fancy.

My daughter suffers with panic attacks and is under Trafford CAMHS so I have some limited understanding. Email in profile.

I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too!

Mosey, what you doing tomorrow?

Seriously, I need pie 🙂

Chakaping, thank you. I would love to take you up on the offer. I've not ridden for probably 6 months 🙁 my fitness is shot and I've put on so much weight.

My counsellor has stated how important exercise is with my wellbeing so I need to address this quickly.

Go out on your bike, slow your mates down, I guarantee they will care less about it than you do.

+1

People will secretly be happy if you're making them look fitter. This will make you a valued member of any group.

Tomorrow I'm helping my wife's dad move his virgin media job. He went through something similar and was who talked to me about seeing my GP and putting me in touch with someone to help me with this.

Have a look at some of my posts/threads regarding my anxiety/depression/work issues from last June or so.

You are not alone. Your GP will be able to sort your medication. Take an active part in the counselling. Get out in the fresh air walking, riding, running, whatever. Exercise and fresh air work wonders.

Someone on here will be close enough to show you local routes, have a drink and a chat.

One thing I found helped was cutting down on caffeine (for the anxiety) and alcohol (a depressive).

Good luck. It won't be quick nor easy.

ive nobody to slow down. My riding buddy moved to Canada and having moved to Stockport I didn't know anybody.

I can't thank people enough for their kind offers. I wrote this post out maybe 5 times over the last month then deleted it each time.

Well I'm not going to post mine again! Email in profile 🙂

having moved to Stockport I didn't know anybody.

I moved out of London to a small village a while back, knowing no one in the place. Then discovered another STWer in the village through here. We drank beer and laughed, then the lazy ride-dodging bugger moved house. I think he was sick of me already. 🙂

You'd be surprised how easy it is to get people together through this place. As above, the MNPR, buying bearnecessities a pie (I'd do that. He sounds hungry), and others have already cropped up!

I like this place some times.

People will secretly be happy if you're making them look fitter.

This, very much 🙂

I would gladly meet up, live in Monton so not too far. Happy to ride out and you set the pace. Just don't leave me behind. Happy riding xc type stuff or a bimble along the Mersey on my cross bike. Don't know what the weather is like on Sunday but could meet up then? All the best 1 shed.

I just know that is slow people down and most likely ruin their ride too!

Well if you are ever in the Highlands I can sort that out, ten minutes of watching me puff away then throw up at the top of a climb and you'll feel like a whippet.

You wont always feel like this, you go through it. Not much help now but maybe hope.

Cougar, yes, I was referred to Stockport Mind (CBT) and started my sessions last week.

Good, that's a good start.

there's always an hour of piss taking in the pub afterwards

TBH, I'd be more than up for joining you all for that at some point. It's the 'ride' bit which is my barrier to entry.

Also, in terms of rides out,

My only STW ride-out proved to demonstrate how rubbish I was. If you're concerned about blowing it out of your arse I can guarantee I'm worse, not least because I've not ridden in probably 18 months or longer now.

Point (other than I'm crap) is, it didn't matter. I felt like a liability at the time, but everyone was very lovely about it.

I found a great group of guys to ride with through the Meet up site
http://www.meetup.com/find/ have a look you will find someone to ride with

Having been through the anxiety and panic attacks and come out the other side, a couple of points:

- Good on you for such a brave post. I felt extremely daft telling people like I was defeatist as tough northern blokes don't do that kind of thing... however once I did, it is surprising how many have been through this stuff.

- There are online CBT programmes you can register on to do in your own time which may be of use to support your sessions. I found researching loads about the psychological side of it on the Internet helped immensely.

- Motivation is a big issue but excercise really, really helps. Even if it just means getting out on your own and wasting some of the adrenaline.

- I found stopping caffeine helped, but if you are a tea guzzler, don't just stop! Ween off it! Sounds silly, but those who know, know!

- You sound a reasonable, intelligent (and you might not think it now, but) level headed chap, so remember... you will get through it!

- Good luck dude.

TBH, I'd be more than up for joining you all for that at some point. It's the 'ride' bit which is my barrier to entry.

Well I no longer even own a Mountain bike and I will still be turning up at the boozer for the "post ride mortem" from time to time 😀

Mosey I live in Cheadle, haven't ridden enough for a while, can be found at Bruntwood Park every Saturday morning helping run the BMX club and ride out around Marple now and again. Come down and see us for a chat ride on a really small bike and join us on an infrequent, plan to become more frequent, ride.

Current riding group varies in ability, I lean to the freemincing side of the sport, I'm pretty good at finding new chicken lines by accident.

There was a plan to ride Sunday, but weather forecast has meant the usual mid week chatter Jas been quiet, no doubt the we'll bluff about asking better half's for a pass out at the track tomorrow. I fancy a short blast up Rivi if numbers dwindle on Sunday morning, you're more than welcome to join me, subject to pass out!

Steve

i wonder if it's time for another pootle?

Sounds like somebody needs to organise a friendly little group ride in those parts.

Right fella,
Mail in profile. I'm in New Mills. I lived up by Stockport grammar for years so have a vauge idea of mtb opportunities around the area.
If you just want a route, or a short ride, or a night ride, or whatever really, drop me a line
We have a very informal and occasional nighttride from marple on a Thursday which follows the age old tradition of riding round a bit then having a pint whilst taking the piss. I've just getting back into this as my shifts at work haven't allowed me to get out for AGGGGGEEESSSSSSSS but I've got bit of a run of earlier stuff....
we work firmly on the premise that there is no back to a group ride, (see pooks rules for a pootle!!)

You are not as slow as you think........completely open offer. If you want to, get in touch whenever you feel like!

i wonder if it's time for another pootle?

Yep....!!!

Best wishes for the future, keep chatting and things will get betterer, keeping stuff to yourself always causes problems, perhaps some of the more personal stuff for one to ones or via email not an open forum,

This thread is a great example of why I love this place. For all that we can be argumentative dingbats, when it actually matters it's one great big group hug.

If you ever find yourself heading in a southerly course, & fancy an amble round Cannock's tundra, give us a shout.
I have a Five. I'm of rotund stature.
There would be tea stops. Many, many tea stops.

STW at its very best!

I went through the tough northerner, not talking to people about it for about a year and it's been hell. Keeping up an act when really I've been struggling like hell.

Lots of amazing offers and I really can thank people enough.

I'm just going to sort out some email responses to offers. I really do love this place. Like I said, I dwindle away hours in here. Just wish my posts were always how it really is and not how I wish it was.

Oh, email now in profile, think my pass out is assured for Sunday morning at least

I've no experience of anxiety/panic attacks, but i've had a little experience of depression.
Back at the end of 2008 I split up with my fiancé, got through Xmas and then crashed through the floor in January.
I ended up tying a bit of ratty old rope (string really) into a noose, tying it to a beam in the garage & stepped off the stepladders.

The string broke of course, I sat on the floor of the garage with a noose around my neck sobbing my heart out.
I've done the 'Northern Bloke' thing, it does you no good and stops your friends/family from being aware you need someone to lean on.
It's not an admission of weakness, we ALL need help at some point.

Wasn't easy to write that..

Muddy, an incredibly brave post. My heart goes out to you, how you must have felt to take that step.

Like I said, I spent too long thinking of it as a weakness and I needed to get help.

I feel so lucky to have so many people reach out, it really means a lot and I will hopefully meet so
Many of you over the coming months.

I've no excuse now, I can't let the anxiety hold me back and it's time (easier to say, now I hope I can do) to take my life and wellbeing back.

Twisted, I'll definitely be coming to see you at the bmx park. I was down there a few weeks ago taking my dog for a walk.

Sunday I'm at at the opticians. The medication caused my pupils to enlarge and caused a complication with my astigmatism. This probably explains my post about glasses a few weeks ago.

Just drop me an email when you want to ride, address in profile.

🙂

Cool, come down after 10, coaching session between 9-10 and I'll sort you a bike pads and helmet and a cup of tea, ask for Steve if I'm not in the cabin.

Muddydwarf much respect for posting, if you find yourself down Stockport way and fancy a blast on a 20" single speed fully rigid bone shaker let us know!

Mosey, lots of people in the same boat, mostly men, bottling things up, not coping, sometimes being introverted, sometimes being aggressive, its a man thing, sod that, sometimes you just need to talk and talk some more, without someone offering advice, but just listening.

Perhaps when you feel more well youll sit there and listen to someone cry, get upset and realise you hadnt known anything about that persona few hours ago and now theyre sharing their world with a stranger, and you realise you can make a difference to their life and give them hope for the future, just by listening .

Been in both places and the second one is the best feeling ever, and something you should aim for.

don't worry mate. things always work out okay.

To recap, I'm fine now 🙂
Everyone is different and everyone has different troubles. I can't personally imagine how strong someone must be to care for someone with an on going physical or MH condition and I take my hat off to those of you who do that day in, day out. Puts my self absorption into perspective.
Remember though, to be there for your wife you need to be there for yourself first.

Mosey

Hands up another carer here.
My week has so far consisted of
Monday, come home to Poo & Wee

Tuesday, take wife to hospital appointment that had been cancelled without our knowledge (days holiday wasted)

Wednesday, wife taken into hospital by ambulance late afternoon (non responsive & pulse @ 30bpm , dash back from work @ hospital till 10:30pm till I can take wife home nothing really found.

Thursday work very full on, get home to find wife in a distressed state and almost on the floor.

Friday, get home to find her like someone with dementia.

She has had secondary progressive MS since she was 21.

I live my life in a fog of tiredness & dark thoughts, like you I build more bikes than I ride.
I find myself crying at the slightest sad thing as staying strong for her takes its toll.
I feel my life has no future & only keep going as its not my wife's fault she has MS.

Sorry I now realise that post was all about me.

As I have got the wife to bed it must be time to go out to the workshop & build another bike.

Muddydwarf you are so right about needing to be there for yourself but its so very hard if like me you see everyone else's troubles/point of view without seeing what an idiot you are being.

Very frightening how close you came to finishing yourself off, I have once sat where I am now with a tub of Paracetamol & a bottle of Brandy for over an hour on the brink of downing the lot but I must have had a slight glimmer of hope left as I thought "don't be such a ****"

Mr Overshoot, it sounds like you're an amazing human being being incredibly strong for the person you love. MS is a horrible illness, I've seen what it can do. A close friend of mine has suffered since her early 20's.

Your life does have a future, I wish I could say more to help you.

This post was for me to reach out, if others do too then that's amazing.

I'm so, so thankful for all the replies and I will be meeting up with people off here thanks to this.

I've just injected my wife's Enberol and broke down talking to her about this thread. She's so thankful that people reached out to me.

That's all well and good, but what about buying bearnecessities a pie?

😉

Captain, at some point in the coming weeks I'll be buying bearnecesseties, and whoever else wishes to join us, a pie.

I have once sat where I am now with a tub of Paracetamol & a bottle of Brandy for over an hour on the brink of downing the lot

I can understand someone wanting to end it all. But I can't understand anyone wanting to do it in a slow painful and horrific way.

Please don't overdose on Paracetamol.

I'm sat here in my slightly shabby house, where the cats have wrecked the carpets, the bathroom is falling apart & I need several grand I don't have to sort all the problems out.
And I realise I dont actually have any problems!
I'm in awe of you who who deal with life limiting conditions every single day.

As long as binners doesn't read that post, you'll be fine! 🙂

As before, bravo to you for posting, and that bravo extends to everyone else here, be they supporting or suffering, or both.

Friend of mine raises a lot of money for this lot - https://www.thecalmzone.net/
They're good folks.

Muddy, I might not be ready for a stadium but it'd be great to meet up and talk about anything and everything.

That goes for anyone and everyone. Maybe a pie pootle would help us all.

Bloody great sometimes this interweb & stw.
I wish you well & get out there man,outside is free etc.

Dude, if you're going to organise a ride out that involves no riding whatsoever but has pies and beer, half the forum will be all over that like a tramp on chips.

^^that!

I've been going through some pretty rough times lately too.

If the meds you are being prescribed don't suit you then you need something else. I'm afraid it's a bit of a lottery as everyone reacts differently. Remember that you don't have to be taking pills forever, just for now.

Try to be both long sighted and short sighted, pick the one that suits you best at that point in time and shut the door on the other. One day at a time is probably best right now, make a plan for each day to do just a little bit more tomorrow than the day before. Don't aim too high, you will be bound to fail taking big steps right now. Remember the end goal, when the time is right, to be fit, to take care of your partner, have fun and get the best that you can out of life.

Don't be hard on yourself, you can get through this, best wishes. Neil.

Thanks Neil, that's really helpful advice and makes complete sense.

I know big steps will set me up for a fall. I'm sorry to hear you've been going through a hard time too.

I started off in Sertraline and it knocked me for six. The eyes being the worst. I have to wear glasses full time now because of the reaction (and underlying issues) and the thought of that is causing another barrier to me taking the Citalopram.

Mosey I'm not amazing, just doing the best I can in a poor situation just like you are. It breaks your heart seeing the person you love being destroyed by illness, we've been together for 34 years & I hate myself for sometimes wishing <deleated>

ernie I now know what a utter unt of a death it would be but at the time it was all I could think of 🙁

MrO, you are ****ing amazing, no two ways about it. I don't know anything more about your situation than you have posted here obviously, is there any additional help you can get to lighten the load a little bit?

Mosey, I'm taking three different meds myself right now due to long term MH issues. You need to find the right one for you. Do you have a good relationship with your GP? If not then find one who will work with you better.

Hiya.

If anyone would like to get out with a genuinely nice bunch of people, have a look at the [url= http://www.karabiner.org/ ]Karabiner Mountaineering Club.[/url]

Gentle walks to proper tough stuff, a wonderfully peaceful hut at Llanberis, just an hour and half down the road.

And please get all the help you can.
It'll help everyone.
Treat it as a proper job.
Establish a relationship with your local Social Services/care providers.
Your GP will help, if not, drop me a line.

Have you got a really annoying, pain in the arse friend who never stops arguing and likes a challenge?
Get them involved.

And the in laws too.

Muddydwarf, you've floored me there son.
You're someone I genuinely admire, a person I'm proud to know.
Mr Overshoot too.
🙂

We all live within, what, an hour's drive of each other?

Rusty Spanner - Member

Have you got a really annoying, pain in the arse friend who never stops arguing and likes a challenge?
Get them involved.

Pete your not annoying enough & your a proper carer.

Pete, its not something I like to admit to myself let alone others.
Meeting up with you that day for a brew and a spin out meant more than I can articulate.
To recap, I was in a somewhat bad way and Rusty Spanner took time out of his own life to offer mental and practical help to a bloke he didn't know from Adam.
An afternoon of tea and bikes can make one hell of a difference, believe me.

Many people (mostly women) find their rheumatoid arthritis goes away during pregnancy. So all may not be lost.

Apparently pregnancy suspends the auto-immune response.

Go for it.

Have any of you lot been on the Monday Night Pub Rides?

Seriously, if you can make it, they are so much fun.
I work on Mondays at the mo, but the usual suspects are proper gentlemen in real life.

They make everyone feel welcome.

I'm down in the dirty south myself.

This is worth a look, only needs 10 minutes a day.

https://www.headspace.com/

Thanks Neil, I'll definitely give that a try.

In terms of the baby, Claire would have to be off medication for 6 months before she can get pregnant due to the high risk of birth defects.

Don't worry about slowing people down, most of us are happy to get a cheeky breather in while keeping that air of cool! It's all smoke and mirrors and never begrudged IME.

OP don't worry about the rides with the STW lot, you will not get dropped or anything.

I've only managed one MNPR due to working but I've done a few pootles and everyone off here are absolutely fantastic.

Ignore the petty arguments on here, everyone I've ever met off here are genuinely superb friendly guys and girls who will do anything to help anyone.

Anxiety and paranoia are my best mates unfortunately and I've have treatment for both. I don't like mixing much with people but I feel so comfortable with everyone off here. Last time I went out I froze at the top of a descent. One of the lads showed me a different route and everyone was waiting for me at the bottom.

I'm only in Bolton so if you want to have chat anytime give me a shout or I will see you in the pub with the STW guys.

Mosey, I wish you all the best. I get the way you feel , however from a completely different set of circumstances. I am feeling more relaxed now from not wishing to be the person I was a few years ago.
Doing something community based may help progress friendships even if you never imagined it.
In the past year I have taken up art and joined a local community choir, which initially seemed daft to me, but have massively helped. I have found, that seeking out people with a like minded outlook has been beneficial. I Don't want to sound cliched but remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I hope this helps and good luck.

Mosey best wishes and good luck. You have cleared the first hurdle (the biggest) and lots of kind offers here will help you fly over the rest.

Get on your bike and ride and ENJOY.