[Closed] This romance lark....

This should get interesting....

I spent an hour walking round a field and woods, picking flowers to make a little bunch for an ex when se was ill. She seemed to like it.

I'm not much good at this romancing stuff.

My one and only single success story in this minefield, involved me booking a surprise weekend in Barcelona for me and the misses. I took care of childcare, her work, everything arranged behind her back.

It was a tremendous success and the best, filthiest sex I have ever had.

All further attempts fell flat on their face.

A disgusting schmaltzy insincerity designed to shift flowers, chocolates and hotel rooms that should be banned for the good of humanity ?

Blokes only drag out the flowers when they have misbehaved or are about to, so at least it has that going for it.

Women are easy to please just listen to them, talk honestly and don't be a ****, buying flowers is the cowards way out.

Oh yeah and edit to above, they drag out the flowers etc when they want to do something they have seen on t'internet.

Worn a suede jacket?

CFH, I have one of those, it works, it's the stuff that dreams are made of, so I'm told....

Romance is all about the little things. You cant just buy a bunch of flowers now and again, or book a weekend away once a year and then consider that enough to last the season. Its things like opening her car door for her, pulling up her chair, rubbing her feet while you watch a movie chilled on the sofa, make her a nice packed lunch for work, cook her a lovely candle lit meal with a cold bottle of wine when she gets in from work, tell her she looks fantastic now and again. Thats romance, a string of thoughtfull gestures, not a one off effort to redeam your lazyness every once in a while.

"Women are easy to please"

Women [i]think[/i] they are easy to please.

Romance is doing the unexpected (in a nice way), it doesn't need to cost much at all, for me it's the small things. Not the typical flowers/cards/chocolates etc. Two things that stick in my mind
1. living in the middle of nowhere and having to cycle to shop to get my sunday newspaper (I like to read it in bed). Guy I was seeing got up early without waking me to go and get it.
2. after coming back from a day in the hills both freezing cold and knackered, collapsed on the sofa. Totall totally exhausted. The guy had hurt his leg so was really crippled, but still got up ran a bath for me, brought me a glass of wine, washed my hair, then left me in peace!

But maybe I'm just easy to please?

All good stuff, but what about driving romance from the start of a relationship.

I told an Aussie girl that I met in London recently that I din't care about her brains just whether she took it up the arsenal. Whilst she was keen to come back with me, that clearly isn't romance. So I think I need some help.....

Alpine did you or he finish it? He sounds like a saint!

alpine girl, surely that isnt romance? Its just being nice...

I agree, surely those examples are just being thoughtful/considerate?

And why doesn't it work both ways?

Washing the hair thing, that's got to be romantic... surely?

CoffeeKing it doesn't work both ways because women are precious and need to be pampered.. obviously.

i turn up to dates and txt occasionally, je suis romeo

The guy had hurt his leg so was really crippled, but still got up ran a bath for me, brought me a glass of wine, washed my hair, then left me in peace!

You let him run around after you even though you knew he was really crippled and in pain? Where's the romance in that? 😉

Trim regularly

Washing the hair thing, that's got to be romantic... surely?

Depends how it's done I suppose. I've washed the vomit from a girls hair, not sure that was romantic.

CFH it doesn't work both ways because women are precious and need to be pampered.. obviously.

I'm not CFH?

To my darling The Southern Yeti

[img] [/img]

love tails

hair washing, is that a new fetish i've not come across before?

Tails - I'm a sucker for flowers... literally.

Being with me is reward enough for any woman.

Dunno, I'm trying my best with the current missus............

flowers - occasionlay
Chocolates - Regulalrly
Wine - lots
Home cooked food - every night
Meals out - to nice places (and I invariably pay)
Day's out - we went for a spontaneous day out in Lymington last weekend, does that count?

however;
Within 30 minutes she'd recycled the flowers to her sister.
The only chcoclates she's ever given me was a box she won in a raffle but doesn't like.
I only buy the wine because the stuff she buys is vinnegar.
Home cooked food obviously doesnt have enough MSG in it for her tastes.
She took me on a date to wetherspoons.
Her idea of a romantic weekend away is a Sun £9.50 holiday.

I'm trying my best to convince her that Paris (or anywhere else on the planet) would be a nicer place to spend my days off than sharing the air with council estate scum in March in a seaside resort that probably shut up shop at that time of year anyway.

And to top it all she's hot'n'cold more often than my radiator!

Romance? What's the f****** point?

The trick is to buy flowers when you haven't done anything wrong.

And as far as the rest of it goes, you just need to work out what she'd like - but without her telling you - and do it.

Don't take advice on romance from me though, I'm married!

non-spoon, other women are available...

I did know one couple quite well where he hadn't bought her any flowers in 20 years of living together on the basis that 'it would set a precedent'.

He thought this was dreadfully funny but she always got a slightly hurt look in her eyes when the subject came up 🙁

Grrrr, half the problem I recon is because I have set a precedent, now if ever I dont pay for something, dont cook, dont have plans for the weekend, dont want to see her 24/7 I get could shouldered for weeks!

Last nights winge (allong with the whole sun £9.50 holliday saga) was that I'm more house proud at my house than her's. Wow suprisingly enough, as my house isn't actualy a bulding site (her kitchen hasn't been a kitchen in the 4 months we've been together and looks like its been in bits a long time before that) I'm slightly more inclined not to take my shoes off for fear of getting a nail through my foot.

it's your choice to be with her

thisisnotaspoon - Member
in the 4 months we've been together

You're thinking this after only 4 months?

Does it feel like a match made in heaven?

I always thought flowers were a daft thing, however last year I didn;t get my girlfriend any, she was not happy, even though I took her out for the day, and paid for a nice meal. Just goes to show that simple things are better (and cheaper 🙄 )

She must be a looker then, eh Spoony?

OP - good question. It's not an easy one to answer. Guess it's a bit like that old chestnut of 'what is love'...you knows it, but putting it into words is something else completely!

Personally, romance is definitely not about being given gifts (unless there has been real thought behind them) (or it's a new DH bike 😛 ).

It's more about being made to feel wanted....so to be grabbed and kissed passionately in public, brought a cup of tea in bed in the morning, being allowed to be who I am without criticism....that's romance for me.

"2. after coming back from a day in the hills both freezing cold and knackered, collapsed on the sofa. Totall totally exhausted. The guy had hurt his leg so was really crippled, but still got up ran a bath for me, brought me a glass of wine, washed my hair, then left me in peace!"

If he had really hurt his leg properly this is stupidity not romance. Expect a man a man to serve you when he's really in pain is plain selfish if you ask me.

southern yeti - first one I finished, second one is an occasional long-distance thing.

jon - that's why it was romantic 😉 And I had done enough for him in the preceeding days

Anyway, again - romance is the unexpected (thoughtful) gestures to me. Money/cost is not at all a factor.

sku98rkr - I had already got him ice packs etc. And I didn't ask him to do it!

Despite expensive jewelry, the offer of a DH bike (I got a slap)and a vacum cleaner one Valentine's day (another slap, but she got more jewelry and a naked chef to greet her home from work) amongst other things. The most romantic thing my ex reckoned I ever did was preparing her a xmas stocking with just random little cheap things in it... hair bands and the like, I guess I'd listened to her over a period of months and actually absorbed what she was saying.

jon - that's why it was romantic And I had done enough for him in the preceeding days

How is it romantic situation if the upshot of it all is him buggering off and leaving you in piece to enjoy a glass of wine on your own 😉

I jest. Slightly.

jon........ she finished it?!

I think smaller things can be just as romantic as big gestures.... Ask Satsoma 😉

whilst attempting (and failing) to save my marriage I read a few relationship type books

a common theme seems to be that people have a different ideas about what constitutes "love and attention" from their partner - so I guess romance

some like sex, others gifts, others "service" or "acts of kindness", others talking and one to one attention.

Where you get problems is where one person is always buying gifts and flowers for their other half , as this is their idea of how to show someone you love them. But the other half just wants to talk - and barely registers or appreciates the gifts as tokens of love.

Being romantic means thinking about the best possible things in life and not letting the everyday drag you down. Being romantic with someone means focusing on the things they like and doing stuff for them. Not just so you can get brownie points, but because you love them and want to be nice.

And it's not always flowers/chocolates/holidays, although it could be. It's whatever that person needs at that time.

+1 for grievoustim. Last weekend me and the Mrs lay in bed for an hour and a half talking whilst the nipper slept. Made a big difference to the Mrs' state of mind.. cheered her up no end after a load of tribulations 🙂

after coming back from a day in the hills both freezing cold and knackered, collapsed on the sofa. Totally totally exhausted. The guy had hurt his leg so was really crippled, but still got up ran a bath for me, brought me a glass of wine, washed my hair.....

Wow, sounds like a keeper

then left me in peace

EPIC FAIL

What you interpret as being left alone was him lying on the bed upstairs waiting for you to appear and compensate for all that ikky lovey stuff by doing things that only appear on the expert pages of ancient oriental texts. In the end he had to knock one out while thinking of Kylie, and then move to the other end of the country to avoid you!!

The most romantic thing I ever did on account of somebody else was to completely self-destruct. 😕

jon........ she finished it?!

and...?

A disgusting schmaltzy insincerity designed to shift flowers, chocolates and hotel rooms that should be banned for the good of humanity ?

Blokes only drag out the flowers when they have misbehaved or are about to, so at least it has that going for it.

Women are easy to please just listen to them, talk honestly and don't be a ****, buying flowers is the cowards way out.

Oh yeah and edit to above, they drag out the flowers etc when they want to do something they have seen on t'internet.

Not that you're bitter, right? Good! Because I'd hate to think that you'd tar all men with the same brush hels. 🙄

Does it feel like a match made in heaven?

Well the first 3 months were great, then she got flu, which meant no romance for 2 weeks, just a continuous supply of tea and drugs.

Then things were fine again, then I mentioned that I'd applied for a job in the midlands, and she went ballistic about how I'd made the decision to move to the other end of the country without even telling her, etc etc etc.

Then things calmed down (I just told her to her face she was being utterly unreasoble) and everything was great again.

Now she's determined to drag me away on a holliday I've absolutley no interest or enthusiasm for. And keeps saying "I dont mind where )or when) we go, you chose" then every suggestion gets met with "hmmmm, no" because she want's to go on a seaside holliday to a chavtastic caravan park in March!

and...?

He obviously wasn't doing something else quite right. IF I'd done that for a girl she'd be feeling so [i]romantic[/i] I'd need a sh1tty stick to fend her off.

thisisnotaspoon; Best is to find her a chav, introduce it to her and send them to that chavtastic caravan park in March.
They live happily ever after.

On a serious note, I think you need to be honest to yourself.
She doesn't sound like an inteligent, reasonable person to me.
If something like this would've happened to me, I'd probably would've said goodbeye.

Romance is different for everyone, but for me it's making time for each other, remembering why we fell in love in the first place and making sure our relationship is always fun.

I don't need my bloke to buy me flowers, it's enough that when he goes to the shop he buys me a chocolate bar that he thinks I'll like. He finds new ways to tell me he loves me and if he ever thinks I look good, he'll tell me.

It's the little things that matter 🙂

"Then things were fine again, then I mentioned that I'd applied for a job in the midlands, and she went ballistic about how I'd made the decision to move to the other end of the country without even telling her, etc etc etc."

This is an impossibility as the midlands are in the middle on the country.

Thisisnotaspoon : Do you really think you've got a future with this girl? Doesn't read like you have to me.

Romance is very different for me, Spouse isn't on that wavelength but on the odd occassion he's bought me a book that I've loved and an artisan piece of jewellery. I don't seek materialistic gestures but it's the little things that matter when you least expect them, like the time he bought me my current bike! Ok, someone will say thats materialistic, but it was to make life a whole lot more comfy! He thinks I'm romantic tho' as I made him a gallon of Piccalli, he loves that! A labour of love?

Thisisnotaspoon - sorry to be blunt but you are not crap at "romance" your lady is just not a nice person.

Kit - I'm not bitter, cynical and realistic, the rose petals fell off my eyes many years ago !

southern yeti - I didn't say what I did after I had had my peace and quiet 😉

Well then Ms Alpine, you've confirmed that my simple brain just doesn't understand women haha!

TINAS - sounds like you have fundamental differences there.

Some while back Cosmopolitan did a survey to find out who women thought would be the best England goalkeeper. They found that most women preferred Seaman to Flowers.
Just a thought.

I once let a "patient" of mine gnaw halfway through her restraints before replacing the ball gag. She had beautiful eyes, I think they may be still around here someplace?

MrNutt - I hope you were singing;

'I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me....

Personally, romance is definitely not about being given gifts (unless there has been real thought behind them) (or it's a new DH bike ).

It's more about being made to feel wanted....so to be grabbed and kissed passionately in public, brought a cup of tea in bed in the morning, being allowed to be who I am without criticism....that's romance for me.

I think we must be twins!

Definitely not typical 'romantic' stuff like flowers and chocolates and not necessarily large gestures. A look, a word or a touch can be romantic especially if it evokes another past shared moment that meant something between you. Being made to feel wanted physically and spiritually, attractive and valued for who you are are the elements that need to be captured for something to be romantic.

*sighs* When can I get me some of that?

Leaving yourself wide open there jojo - this is STW 🙂

.... I'm in a relationship.... *sighs again*.

Hey this is my thread and you've started making me think about touching twins! I'm trying to escape my smutty past and become romantic and maybe even a bit sensitive. You've just ruined a day of good work!

For now though I'm more than happy to [s]grope[/s] grab twins public or private I don't mind!

For twins, I'll even drop the no relationship rule, how's that for romance?

Romance is NOT about giving flowers. MrfC used to give me flowers after a fall-out and then they would just sit there for a week reminding me of the row.

Romance is not about giving wine and chocolates; it's more about remembering the exact favourite bottle.

[i]Well the first 3 months were great, then she got flu, which meant no romance for 2 weeks, just a continuous supply of tea and drugs.[/i]

Are you mistaking romance for sex??

Being looked after when you are ill and look and feel like sh1t can feel really romantic.
One of the most romantic things I find is that MrFC can choose the exact book I would like to read. He knows exactly what I'll enjoy.
Romance is a shared look of naughtiness when the kids are around. It's about still holding hands walking down the street after 15 yrs of being together.
I think that romance is like beauty; it can sometimes only really be felt by the receiver. So when MrFC buys me a book he just sees it as practical, whereas I see it as quite romantic as he has taken some trouble and made me feel really special.

Romance, as many others have said is different things to different people.
For a friend it would mean the whole slap up meal, flowers and a gift on Valentines day.
Myself, just a walk or mtb ride in the countryside with him leaning over to kiss me when looking out over a hill at a favourite beautyspot would make me quiver at the knees.

I'm a big old romantic at heart, and my favourite thing is notes. I've left them in her purse, behind her credit card so she finds them when she's at the checkout, in her dressing gown pocket, in her makeup bag. I've sent her off to work with some lunch in a tupperware tub so when she opens it she sees a note saying "I love you more than lasagne its self"... things like that.

She tells me it's romantic because it makes her smile when she's busy or feeling tired and fractious first thing in the morning.

And I put toothpaste on her toothbrush if i get up first...

And I've just broken up with her and I'm utterly devastated. Romance f*****g sucks.

Romance is getting off the bus or train and seeing your partner there waiting for you- when you didn't expect them to be. (that's never actually happened to me but it's something I can dream about..)

The 'sweetest' things my ex did for me were buying me a chocolate pudding. or cookies at a reduced price. he also once gave me a flower that someone had left stuck on his windscreen.. I was touched by all those gestures. I don't consider them romantic, but they told me he was thinking about me when he wasn't with me

Are you mistaking romance for sex??

Being looked after when you are ill and look and feel like sh1t can feel really romantic

nope, eventualy resulted in me getting an earfull for doing the housework.

And I've just broken up with her and I'm utterly devastated. Romance f*****g sucks.

🙁

miaowing_kat - from those comments you come across as remarkably low-maintenance!

Shibboleth - maybe she heard about the little cute client doing some overtime for you and flicking the kettle on?

for me it's when a guy is really thoughtful, makes me feel really attractive and who will do anything for me....not to the point where i walk all over him i hasten to add 😉

Tribalchief, that was long before she came along. Weeks in fact...

the one thing i've learned from this thread is that women really ARE obsessed with chocolate.

CK - I wouldn't claim to be low-maintenance at all.. Whilst he might not have been romantic, he was always there for me in a crisis (of which there were many)
The fact that he bought me a burger and chips for my 21st birthday doesn't matter. and besides, the quickest way to my heart is food 🙂

Romance - pah! 😆