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I was out for a quick spin last night.
I've not been out at night for ages so it was really just a quick shakedown to see if my lights still did what they needed to.
My route took me passed a small construction site which had some plant equipment outside. Protecting it were two of these:
As I rode passed a light came on and little klaxon went off and I was greeted with a warning shouted in a gruff Northern Irish accent. "THIS IS SECURITY, PLEASE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, THE POLICE HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED"
Obviously this was highly amusing and I rode passed it again so I could here the funny voice, but it got me thinking.
Do they use one recording for the whole of the UK? Did they choose the Norn Irish accent because its nice and intimidating everywhere or did they only pick it for Scotland?
Which accents would scare people somewhere else? Personally I think Glaswegian would work really well anywhere south of Manchester, but Bristolian or Brummie probably wouldn't work anywhere 🙂
I have seen these in a few places in Edinburgh but never set them off. Its badly adjusted if it goes off when you cycle past on public access
“THIS IS SECURITY, SO IT IS, PLEASE LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, THE POLICE HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED”
FTFY
Every time I see one it makes me think of a Portal Turret....
Very sadly, HS2 a-soles are all over my local countryside, flattening it.
Every single little compound from which they conduct their destruction of dubious legality, there are shit loads of these things. I mean, one every 20 feet or less.
I wonder why they need so much security? Can't be because they're doing anything wrong and don't want anyone interfering.... 😕
Which accents would scare people somewhere else?
Little ghostly children’s voices with long echoes would scare me somewhere else.
there are shit loads of these things.
Each one has to be overlooked by at least one other. Otherwise you could just walk up behind it undetected and disable it.
"Derry Daleks", we call them.
Have they got lasers?
Disappointed it didn’t say
‘GET BACK YA BASTARDS! I’LL BREAK YER LEGS! AWOOOOO...’ in a Bolton accent.
Thusly:
Made me think of this
Little ghostly children’s voices with long echoes would scare me somewhere else.
"Come play with us Danny, Come play with us forever!"
That would have got me cycling home pretty fast!
How much!?
Take my MONEY
Someone needs to replace that voice with the one from ED-209
Me and my mates encountered them a couple of years back near where there was some pylon work going on by implication lots of expensive parts and materials. We pissed ourselves and flew off giggling like a bunch of kids getting chased by big lads. When we got to the bottom route man said we were heading back up as the downhill was an out and back. So we did it all again but this time commando stylee.
ISTR the Strava ride was called something like '20 Seconds to Comply'
So we did it all again but this time commando stylee.
No pants? 😳
THE POLICE HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED
I'm sure you're aware, but this is almost certainly a lie. AFAIK it's unlawful to have automated systems calling the police, it would have to go via a call centre to filter out the risk of false alarms.
Someone needs to replace that voice with the one from ED-209
This - that would be a good nod. Not that yoot' would get it.
"I say you chaps! You'd better toddle off as I've notified the local constabluary I'll have you know!"
I mean geordie would be good, just not necessarily comprehensible.
AFAIK it’s unlawful to have automated systems calling the police
It's not unlawful to pretend it has though.
Bristolian or Brummie probably wouldn’t work anywhere
I did a placement with a Bristol based company while I was at university. One of my friends who was working on the same placement told me about being in a pub on the night he'd arrived when some skinheads came in. He hoped they wouldn't cause trouble because he knew he wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if one of them said "did you spill moi point?" and that would probably have ended poorly for him.
it would have to go via a call centre to filter
At which point you have about three and half weeks to scarper. When faced with the robot call handler 'Your call is important to us' the robot sentry would also become self aware at the sheer pointlessness of it all. Either that or the batteries would run out.
XKCD just because
AFAIK it’s unlawful to have automated systems calling the police
That's interesting. I'm sure that's what the safety thingy in my van does (Ford) if it detects a massive accident and I'm too incapacitated to cancel it.
We had two of them 'guarding' some pipeline work in one of our paddocks last year. Bloody things went off every time a lorry went past (luckily we don't get many) - not once did the police arrive.
Look kinda cool though!
I third the portal turret voice. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from setting one off on purpose if I saw one. Wish they had been around when I was younger as they would’ve made a brilliant piece of booty from a drunken night out.
That’s interesting. I’m sure that’s what the safety thingy in my van does (Ford) if it detects a massive accident and I’m too incapacitated to cancel it.
I could well be wrong or there might be some sort of clause or exception, but I'd have expected it to ring Ford Assurance (or some such, I just made that up) rather than contacting the emergency services directly.
Jesus. The ED209 piece is just as shocking, graphic and downright scary as it was back in the day.
I almost coughed a Malteser into my shorts.
Someone needs to replace that voice with the one from ED-209
This – that would be a good nod. Not that yoot’ would get it.
Alright then - how about Metal Micky?
how about Metal Micky?
There's an article about that show in this month's SFX.
First time I saw those things was where there was remedial work being carried out on the side retaining wall of a bridge under a railway embankment just down the road from me. It was all fenced off with cabins with equipment in, and there were three of them. It took me a while to figure out that they were remote security units, and not long after, when I returned to work I saw a bunch of them in the transport yard of a logistics company near where I work, who I guess had either just shut the yard, or gone bust. It’s now being used by DX Logistics.
The ones by the tunnel were right next to the footpath, so unlikely to start yelling at people.
derek_starship
Free MemberJesus. The ED209 piece is just as shocking, graphic and downright scary as it was back in the day.
Nobody but me liked the new Robocop film, but the Tehran sequence in that which is the equivalent scene is even more horrible.