[Closed] Thinking of leaving girlfriend or rather will be leaving

dude, have you packed yet?

You say you 'pay for her car'. Is the finance in her or your name? Don't worry about the V5 - that's just who is responsible - who actually owns the car? Be careful about just stopping payments if the loan is in your name.

But, whatever you do, get out. Pronto.

Rachel

Don't worry about your lizard and snakes, at the worst you/she can give them to a pet shop that can resell them.

You need to go mate, move to your mother's and don't go back.

I pay for her car and council tax

who is paying the rent.mortgage, leccy, gas, water, tv licence, etc?

Now i feel like a scruff, as most of my money is spent on funding the zoo and don't have any money left to go out and buy clothes like i used to.

but you have around £750 in disposable a month?

My colleague was in a pretty similar situation .
House full of pointless pets and pretty but mental G/F . Rottweiler plus many other silly things like stick insects in a 2 bed council house .
He paid almost everything whilst she spend it all on tat and pet food.
Unfortunatly for him the bills were all in his name so he got royaly shafted on the outstanding for months afterwards.
Dog ate his shoes, his Oakleys , poor thing lived in a cage in the kitchen most of time.

He is back with his mum , and is 36. Taken 2 years to get into a position to move out into his own place.

She has followed him to the town where he lives now for some reason too.

Get gone , never a good time but maybe not xmas day.

Get out mate. You've tried to fix things, she never played ball. Stick around and you're only making things worse. You sound like a carrying chap, who's staying because he cares - you're making it worse. You should feel guilty for staying and kidding her and yourself, not leaving. Use your next shift to phase yourself to your mums house. I don't know when your next "day" is with her, but it needs to be a sit down and chat as in "I'm gone". Not dinner, not a movie, not even a cup of tea. Get out the rut. If that means telling her on the doorstep, so be it. If you think you'll buckle and go back a call or text. Not ideal and many would say cowardly, but not as cowardly as staying! You're the priority here mate, do what MUST be done.

Good luck, and post some pics of your solo motor bike trip..... It has to happen, that's your medicine; not cat shit!

Get out.
Ditch your mobile number & email.
Life is too short mate.

Prove it to yourself.

If it was you or me I'd rather the person left than live a sham/lie staying and they didn't want to be there. Agree? Painful but you are deceiving her.

yup, what Hora said.
deceiving her AND yourself!, Your happiness awaits elsewhere.

This might sound a bit harsh, but it sounds to me like part of you would rather be in a relationship where someone treats you like shit, than be on your own. Seems fairly common.

Is that what you wanted to hear?

ChubbyBlokeInLycra - Member
This might sound a bit harsh, but it sounds to me like part of you would rather be in a relationship where someone treats you like shit, than be on your own. Seems fairly common.

This.
Stay put, accept being treated like shite and that she's probably shagging someone else, post on here every couple of months about how you're sick of being treated like this and then make excuses for doing nothing about it.
Is that what you wanted to hear?

thats sound about right,i have friends who i meet up with who still complain about the same crap there were complaining about 10 years ago.it's never easy but something needs to change and your mates will only listen to it for so long before they ignore you

what does she get up to every time to go to work for 12 hours? with another man while you pay for her hobby?

Get gone fella, you, like us all will be dead and in the ground as a certainty, spend what time you have being as happy as possible.

there's some good advice on here if you care to take it pal, grow a pair and do the right thing for yourself and her 😉
all the best to ya in yer decision 🙂

Before you do anything make sure there's no possibility of anybody except you having access to your bank account, credit cards etc. And think about all the other ways you can be hurt, physically, financially and emotionally and make sure you have taken steps to prevent these.

On the other hand it sounds like you may be gone for a few weeks before anybody notices...

This.
Stay put, accept being treated like shite and that she's probably shagging someone else, post on here every couple of months about how you're sick of being treated like this and then make excuses for doing nothing about it.
Is that what you wanted to hear?

Sometimes people actually prefer this.

What usually happens, if it is a man who is being treated like shit, is that eventually the woman cheats, leaves or sabotages the relationship.

Subconsciously the person who is behaving like a **** loses respect and attraction for the partner they are treating badly and looks elsewhere.

The person who took all the shit is left saying "I don't understand, I did everything they wanted and they cheated on me/left me"

Sadly, sometimes it seems like it has to get to this point before the relationship is over.

Electric and gas are on pre pay meter. Due to her previous ex's running up a huge bill then left. So who ever is in when it goes or if it's likely to go pays it.
Cars in her name, water she pays, tv licence she pays, I pay virgin media. Rent she pays.

And half each on food costs.

I know deep down I need to go, had the whole situation chat once before nothing changed. The texting bloke thing just ended up with her launching her phone across the room and crying. Saying it's nothing more than friendly banter.

I've had enough, so started packing things up ready to go this week.

No easy way to do it. You just have to do it!

I have four snakes and a bearded Dragon

If you want to attract someone normal you need to get shot of those.

I've had enough, so started packing things up ready to go this week.

Let us know and we will all be along to help ...
You have nothing to regret - it's just life.

Some people are great
Some aren't
Move on ....

I've been here...at about your age too. It took me a while to fully appreciate this and when I left it was very painful, but in truth I've never looked back since.

Thing is I feel guilty about just moving out and leaving them to fund for themselves.

That's the problem, she'll continue to do as she likes because she doesn't really respect you. In fact she probably doesn't know how to respect herself, but that's beyond your ability to change. It'll end with her chasing another bloke on your tab unless you take back some control for yourself.

Your parents would rather see you move home with them while you get back on your feet than together with someone who doesn't value you.

I've had enough, so started packing things up ready to pretend I'm going to go this week.

Good on you OP. If you fancy a ride over the festive period give me a shout. The texting thing reminds me of:

http://www.esquire.com/_mobile/blogs/news/half-of-all-married-women-backup-plan

Grow a pair of balls and leave.
If you've asked / told her not to get more animals, but she has, and she's involved (however tenuously) with someone else, then she doesn't respect you.
Subconsciously you know this, and it's affecting your self image.

You say that you can't afford new clothes, but clothes last a long time so being scruffy is down to your behaviour & lack of self-respect rather than money.

Leave or stop whining.

Sounds like this relationship is over.

Pack your bags and walk away.

Dont wait until the new year.

As my old man used to say 'are you a man or a mouse'
Do the right thing fella, grow a pair and leave. Simples. You will be better off in the long run.

Do you still like her?
Do you still fancy her?
Is she a good friend?
Have you had sex in the last ten days?

If you can answer yes to those you'll be thoroughly miserable if you go. If you can't answer yes I'm not sure what's keeping you there.

Best keep the answers to yourself.

The last time you went down did it taste salty?

FTFY

[s]Do you still like her?[/s] Do you like cat turd in your cornflakes?
[s]Do you still fancy her?[/s] Do you enjoy being treated like dirt?
[s]Is she a good friend?[/s] Would it get you going seeing her with another man?
[s]Have you had sex in the last ten days?[/s] Are you secretly a submissive who likes being dominated?

If you can answer yes to those you'll be thoroughly miserable if you go. If you can't answer yes I'm not sure what's keeping you there.

Best keep the answers to yourself.

 

I have four snakes and a bearded Dragon

If you want to attract someone normal you need to get shot of those.

So she's got reptiles & so do you?
I reckon your'e perfectly suited.

as a side issue you work in healthcare live in whats is best described as a shithole and not looking after yourself, go to work and pass on whatever diseases you could be carring.
man up and leave her and think of other people you come into cotact with makes my piss boil

What's [i]actually[/i] wrong with keeping reptiles as pets as opposed to small mammals, birds or fish?

What's actually wrong with keeping reptiles as pets as opposed to small mammals, birds or fish?

Looks fun to me.

[img] [/img]

Get the **** outta dodge.

Been there done that. She resorted to a fake eptopuc pregnancy, even going to hospital to be picked up after "the operation".
Even sitting in the the wreck of a flat she left and spending 3 years digging myself out of the £17k of debt she managed run up against my name. Was better than one more minute in her company.

man up and leave her and think of other people you come into cotact with makes my piss boil

That sounds like a urine infection.

You should get that looked at.

What happens to all the partners we have had lucky escapes from?

I reckon my clean pass of lore doesn't spend a moment ruminating on her effluent tunnelled historical shag disasters nor the secret abortions passed therein.

Hopefully she moved on to become an alright person for someone else.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
" Aye right".

OP - have you made your decision yet?

At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Come on then, have you gone yet? Was there much am dram or did you slip out the back while she was at work?
As a divorced bloke theres no better feeling than getting the weight off your shoulders after its all finished :D thankfully for you theres no kids involved or its going to end up costing you 10s of 000s of £`s to get out 😀

I fear the OP may be lacking the testicular fortitude to do what he needs to. You never know though, sometimes people have actually taken the advice they came here to get.

Something doesn't add up here. Your household income is three times what mine is, how can there be no money left?

I understand your reservations about leaving, but your main concern seems to be leaving them in the lurch financially when they're pulling in nearly three grand a month between them. They don't need your money, they need to learn how to not piss away thousands each month. As do you, by the sound of it.

Rent in East Lancs must be, what, £500? Say same again for living expenses, that takes us to a grand. Food for 27 animals, god knows, say another grand. And what's the car repayments, could be anything, let's be generous and say £500 to cover running costs. That takes is to two and a half grand out a five grand household income. Even taking your "disposable income" into account (and here's a clue, stop disposing of it), we're still missing about a grand.

You've said yourself, she can afford to pay for her car, and that seems to be the main thing you're covering for her. I put it to you sir, with respect, that you're making excuses not to leave. Get out of there.

Yeah, there's something odd going on for sure.

She admitted to me the other day she has £30 a day disposable income!!! I have £25 a day

That's just over £20,000 disposable income between the pair of them per year. Times must be very hard.....

Even taking your "disposable income" into account (and here's a clue, stop disposing of it)

Leave now. Start 2015 as you mean to go on.

Something doesn't add up here. Your household income is three times what mine is, how can there be no money left?

I understand your reservations about leaving, but your main concern seems to be leaving them in the lurch financially when they're pulling in nearly three grand a month between them. They don't need your money, they need to learn how to not piss away thousands each month. As do you, by the sound of it.

Rent in East Lancs must be, what, £500? Say same again for living expenses, that takes us to a grand. Food for 27 animals, god knows, say another grand. And what's the car repayments, could be anything, let's be generous and say £500 to cover running costs. That takes is to two and a half grand out a five grand household income. Even taking your "disposable income" into account (and here's a clue, stop disposing of it), we're still missing about a grand.

You've said yourself, she can afford to pay for her car, and that seems to be the main thing you're covering for her. I put it to you sir, with respect, that you're making excuses not to leave. Get out of there.

Being played, methinks
And BTW, just cos I'm old and wiser, re the text thing. There is absolutely a physical aspect to that going on ... and she is probably telling him that you are mean, beat her, don't understand her etc ....

Sorry I do confess to skipping some of the thread, but if your pulling in £2k a month and live up north, why do you need to move in to your mums?

Just shy of £2,000 a month. But with sickness this month I'm down to £1400. Moved back into mum's temporary yesterday. Collect rest of my stuff when mates free with a van on 28th. As predicted the guilt text of my life ain't worth living if you leave appeared at 0700 this morning.

But no contact since. Get Christmas over with then my three days off will be spent moving stuff out. Then January look for a place to live.

Good luck op. Brave move that try to keep busy as not to dwell on it all. I'm sure a few bike rides will help take your mind of it all.

Well I'm glad you've half-committed!

How much sh*t have you got? Just rent a van and go and get it right now, today. Whats stopping you? JFDI man!

I think you deserve each other. I'm sure you will both be unhappy together for a long time to come.

Good for you mate. Now don't give in when it starts getting tough and go back. If you do she will have your balls in a jar in no time.

I reckon it will take 6 months, but after you will look back and realise how much better off you are.

Only thing stopping me is transport (motorbike owner) and night shifts till boxing day. But trying to avoid when she is there also.
All my clothes are there. But nothing two big suitcases and one can, two car trips won't sort. If I had my own car I would have it all out sooner.

I'm sure there is a STW'er local, who can aid you in this endeavour.

Already looking up a two bedroom apartment. Close to my mate, family five minutes away. Lived in one with my ex before this ex. Brand spanking new. Fully furnished tastefully. £500 a month. Down the estate agents when they are open again.

Yay, good for you. New bike credit for you!

Best of luck mate.
It'll be hard for a while but you will adapt to your new life and then things will improve

OP. Where are you ? If I'm local I will help with your move

You've done the right thing fella 🙂 Well done.

and night shifts till boxing day

And she's working Xmas day. Get in there and clean out, Winston Wolf style.

+1 for van

If any places open this morn, you'd get a three day rental for very little.

Then, Boxing Day take your mates to some big hills in the van.

Get your stuff out and cut ties ASAP.

Good luck op, stay strong now!

Good luck, and well done!

I can emphasise being with someone with a zoo for a house, Miss Houns place is like it but fortunately does keep on top of it all!

New flat?

Does it allow pets?.........

Yeah be hard but no stranger to break ups. Not the longest relationship I've been in (2 years this one). Be kept quite occupied with work. And I'll go and see my mate. My bearded Dragon is being re homed, the snakes are going to my mate for now and if no pets allowed he will buy them off me.

Shame it's ended, but the zoo getting bigger, plus the texting her previous sexual partner then more animals added was the last straw.

Her mum can blame me all she wants but I know I'm not in the wrong. Most blokes would of gone long before I have.

Good luck with it. Sounds like you've done the right thing.

Just don't cave in to the texts etc. and go back.....

You've made the right decision, you know nothing will change/improve so time to move on.

Change your mobile number and email address at least as well as she'll start bombarding you once she realises that you're not going back.

Oh and good luck, you've made the right decision.

Block her number on your phone and junk her email address, there will be a surge of contact from the zookeeper until she realises you aren't going back, and there's no point enduring it when technology makes it so easy to avoid.

You sound a bit pissed off now, it's a really good sign, you are right to be.

Happy Christmas 🙂

Good luck pal. Leaving all your wordly possessions in the house may turn out to be a school boy error though. Hell hath no fury and all that.

Her mum can blame me all she wants but I know I'm not in the wrong.

Her mum can stick a potato up her nose and call herself Lord Kimbote of the planet Flangios for the difference it makes to anything. What's your relationship got to do with her?

Her mum can blame me all she wants but I know I'm not in the wrong. Most blokes would of gone long before I have.

Who cares what her mum thinks ?

She's just some woman you don't know anymore. Her opinion is irrelevant and shouldn't even cross your mind.

You've done the right thing, just don't let yourself down and let her trick you into going back.

By the sound of it she's likely to try.

Well done that man.

If you can, make the move out clean and one hit. You need to limit your exposure now to prevent 'mission creep'.

think of all the new bikes you'll be able to buy!

Well done.

Now go and enjoy the rest of your life. 🙂

What's your relationship got to do with her?

[img] [/img]

I agree with getting your stuff out of her gaff ASAP, then at least your jeans will still have 2 legs and shirts have both arms the same length! Get a big rucksack and make a few journeys on the bike when shes out, dont pi ss about waiting for folk

If it's just 2 suitcases of clothes, leave it. Small price to pay for a clean break.

Good luck - New Year, New Beginning.

Meanwhile, news is out that with internet access having been restored, Netflix can now show The Interview in North Korea
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From experience I would be changing every password you've had even if you think they are safe. Good look fella each day that passes will make you wonder why you did not do it yonks ago

Don't feel bad OP. It looks like she's dating already.

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