[Closed] Things to say to get rid of cold callers / door knockers

you need to speak to the landlord

"did you read the sign that said no cold callers?"

I was on nightshift a while back and some idiot rattled the door like a copper so I put on my wifes pink housecoat, swung the door open and snarled "what"??
His reply was sorry mate as he turned round and went back up the path.
I might not have tied the housecoat btw..

LOL!

Say nothing, just stare at them with a blank expression until they retreat.

Charge them to speak to you:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-23869462

I tell them that my wife is just about to give birth in the living room, it was correct once and seems to get rid of them pretty rapidly.

I put on my wifes pink housecoat, swung the door open and snarled "what"??

Full lycra works the same 😉

I'm usually really polite at first and just tell them I'm not interested, 'cos it must be a horrible job to have to do.

I once nearly punched a LoveFilm bloke in town though, I politely explained that we watched very little TV and preferred to read or go for a walk, and when we wanted to watch a film we were quite happy to buy it or pop to Blockbusters but he just wouldn't leave me alone. I think I called him something quite rude.

Danny, do you still ride at Wharncliffe / Greno? Think we're heading down this Saturday

"Mother! Unleash the honey badgers!"

Tell them you are just burgling the house so in a bit of a rush...

No thanks
Shut door

"Can you make it quick? I'm in the middle of dismembering a body. Actually... you've got strong arms, can you give me a hand?"

I'm usually really polite at first and just tell them I'm not interested, 'cos it must be a horrible job to have to do.

I'm usually really polite at first and just tell them I'm not interested, 'cos it must be a horrible job to have to do.

What a crap job it must be. Why make it any worse by being rude or trying to be a smartarse

Unless they're pushy / arsey with me, in which case they deserve what they get!

If I can't think of a smart arse response, I just say that I'm just a house-sitter and that the owners are abroad for X months/years/centuries.

We have an official issued 'don't call or we'll report you' stickers. I've seen a few people now see it and turn right around. In fact we don't get any cold callers now!

They are only doing a job so I try and be polite to a point.

Cold callers - explain that I am on TPS, usually works.

Door knockers - smile, "no thanks" and slowly start to close door.

Had an interesting moment when I opened the door to a jehovah's witness (oap) lady in just my undercrackers on a saturday morning.

Judging by her reaction i'm a lost cause.

Do you do a discount for dss?

Just say

"No thanks, bye now" smile and close the door.

Never really had a problem with it tbh

patriotpro - Member
Tell them you are just burgling the house so in a bit of a rush..

I did this once and the chap went on to call the police.

I was at a mates house.

Oh how we laughed 😳

 

My mate Matt had Jehovah's witness round one day, he told them that he really wanted to hear what they had to say, but was off to work and asked if they would come back tomorrow which they duly did.

Over night he had got some old bedsheets and painted satanic symbols on them and hung them from the lounge walls and added a nice touch of a dead blackbird he had found in a bowl on the table, he said they took one look and ran out!

I did this once and the chap went on to call the police.

Oops 😆

I once opened the door to a JW wasnt particularly happy about it but then it dawned on me she was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen, it caught me so unaware I sort of stood there open mouthed grunted upon receiving my copy of dead tree and shut the door.

Fingers crossed for a second coming.

I find that "sorry I don't actually live here" works well! If it's JWs, I tend to tell them all about Orthodoxy, which often keeps them away for a while!

Go away.

Invite them in for coffee that'll fox ehm

A few years back, I was having treatment with strong doses of steroids, this made me quite/very short tempered, me being a chilled out sort of person, was quite a change for people around me to manage.

So one morning, just before 8am, we had a double glazing rep call to our door.

I lost the plot completely, at the door with him, sure the whole street could here me swearing at him.

My wife, calmly pulled me away from the door and calmly said to the guy at the door.

'I am sorry, my husband is on drugs' then shut the door

😐

I'm doing a charity ride in October and the charity has sent me a collection tin. If anyone comes to the door between now and then I'm gonna rattle my tin at them.

What are you wearing? Lipstick and stained underpants? Me too, nothing else, Wanna know what I'm...

mate of mine had a telephone sales call

said "Im so glad you phoned me, Im halfway through having a w**k - what are you wearing ?"
way to get rid of them, esp if its true

[i]Knock-Knock[/i]

*Open door*

"You call this prompt? The agency said you'd be here in an hour...."

*slight pause*

"Nice uniform though"

"Come in"

[b]"Now"[/b]

I usually let my10stone Douge De Bourdeux speak to them.......

Normally they try somewhere else within 3 seconds...

I usually give them a polite no thanks.

The pushy ones who won't take no for an answer get increasingly rude responses.

Luckily we don't get door knockers. With regards to the phone I let them say a couple of words and then I say "it's done, he's dead and there is blood everywhere" and wait for a response, oddly they put the phone down on me

Slightly passive aggressive, but one of my colleagues recommends repeating, in a calm voice, to whatever they say "I'm sorry, I don't deal with cold callers" until they take the hint and FO.

This works suprisingly well.

We already support a couple of charities (ones that don't doorstep).

So when someone in a charity bib calls round, I politely steer conversation to one of the charities I support and ask if they fancy putting their bank details on the blank dd form I keep by the front door. Funnily enough they suddenly seem keen to leave.....

A good one to get rid of Jehovas Witnesses is to say sorry I'm a blood donor therefore our beliefs are incompatible .

@FMC - I am still riding Greno but unfortunately Mrs D is working Saturday so I am in charge of the boy.

Anyone got any tips for strapping a 14 month old to handlebars so he can come with?

I'm usually really polite at first and just tell them I'm not interested, 'cos it must be a horrible job to have to do.

Same here, unless they won't take that for an answer. Someone once put a foot in my door which annoyed me a little.

I'm always polite to them, No thanks usually does the trick.

Charity muggers are fun to play with though, as those companies don't work in a vey charitable way.

Anyone got any tips for strapping a 14 month old to handlebars so he can come with?

Big camelbak? 😉

I had some Jehova's witnesses ask me if I liked Trees. I asked them if they liked hospital food (smilingly).

They made their excuses and trotted back up the path 😈

They get one polite no thank you then they get a less polite off you ****.

If I'm in a more relaxed mood, I like to critique their direct debit paperwork, because I'm that cool. "No, this isn't compliant with the direct debit guide and rules! Terrible!"