[Closed] Things that your gran used to say

Don't nip your sister, it causes cancer.

Do you have any Brandy?

"Tak twa"

When round visiting as kids we were given a glass of lemonade and a chocolate biscuit. Only when you reached a certain age were you told those words that allowed you an extra biscuit. I was sooo jealous of my older cousins.

I'll take my hand off your face 🙁

Far too racist for here. She was deaf & used to shout comments on a bus...in the 70's on it's route through sparkbrook & small heath in Brum with me a near 8 years old trying shush her whilst being glowered at by most of the other passengers

Evertime I saw her "That's nice jumper!", followed by "Have a banana" every tiem I saw her.

"Try to keep the plate upright" when others were arguing.

Turn the light on so I can see to tell a lie.

I hope all your chickens die

"Y' know what thought did. Followed a dust cart, thought it were a wedding"

Enjoy yerself when yer young coz ye'll no when yer old.

Cigarettes are the only pleasure left me.

Only boil what ye need.

An never thought and lose ma chest tae old age.

If that's the way the world's headed I'm glad ahm headed oot it.

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.

Chemi-Khazi

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Wogos. She lived in Hounslow.

Far too racist for here

your nana wasn't the only one rocketdog, that her daughter-in-law's mum was anglo Indian seemed not to make any different at all to the rude old soak.

"It's the way you hold your mouth"

"You'll be smiling out of the other side of your face in a minute"

rOcKeTdOg - Member

Far too racist for here. She was deaf & used to shout comments on a bus...in the 70's on it's route through sparkbrook & small heath in Brum with me a near 8 years old trying shush her whilst being glowered at by most of the other passengers

Sounds familiar. Mainly references to "the darkies" whilst completely oblivious to the black and Asian nurses in the hospital 3m from her bedside...

A particular favourite was "when I'm dead I'll come back and haunt you. I'll blow cold air on your toes so you'll know it's me." This to a small child...

When we came in from playing outside with a dirty face

"You look like you've been sucking a sows behind!"

and

"make sure you always have a condom with you" when I realised that my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary was only 5 months before my dads' 50th

If the wind changes your face'll stay like that

My nan couldn't understand a word Moira Stewart or Trevor McDonald said when they read the news. Nothing to do with their colour, so she claimed.....

Don't throw that tea bag out I'll use it again....

If you fall off that wall and break both your legs - don't come running to me!

Usually something to do with not wearing a coat and catching a cold

eeeeeh pet

and put in a VD and lets watch a film

"Eh? What? Speak up!!"

Far too racist for here.

My grandad once opined that the reason for the US losing the Vietnam War was that their troops were "a lot of yellow n*****s".

Which is hard to combine with the fact that he was a lovely kind old man, and I miss him!

Gran:

"Good garden stuff" (to avoid blaspheming)
"You want for nothing you've got" (when shown new possession)
"You've got some good understanding" (when shown new shoes)
"You want to think on" (at random times)
"Don't walk behind me, you're not a ****stani" (not really sure what that meant)

I'll tan your hide 'til it bleeds buttermilk if you don't stop that.

"Why can't you dress more like Rick Astley..?"

I would visit my Gran on my motorbike.

She'd give me a Mars Bar and a small can of Special Brew 'for the journey home'.

"Run all day, them lads" etc

"Yer grandads cremating it" sunday dinner, that is

"My God your fat, look at him, thick right through".

I loved my Nan.

I think Mrs Binners gran was a true sage.

Eeeeeeee.... the things you see when you've not got your gun.

and

Go on.... cry. You'll piss less.

And my grans favourite bit of nonsense...

I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking

It's all good fun til someone loses an eye !

I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking

This.

and

"Yer arse in parsley" No. I don't know what it means either.

something like:

"Fair chance of taking time out from equestrian competitions? (23 down)"

she bloody loved the cryptic crosswords...

(practically blind too, so she 'filled them in' in her head 😯

My Nasty Gran used to say "your Father worked hard for all you've got, show him some respect" pretty much all the time until he Died.. then we lost touch which thinking back on it was a good thing we did, nasty beastly Woman.

My Nice Gran used to say "where am I? who are you? where are we going? oooooh I don't know what I'm doing, where's Dick? (My Grandad) why are we all floating?" etc. Dementia or Alzheimers, one of them.. not always in suffer mode though, when she wasn't she was the nicest, kindest Gran you could ever meet. Outlasted my Grandad by 2 years, died of a broken heart my Mom reckons.

Thanks OP for bringing those memories back.. 😕

"Fair chance of taking time out from equestrian competitions? (23 down)"

Gymkhanaholiday?

"If you want help from someone, don't go to the church, go down the working mens social club".

"Impotent" instead of impudent.

If you put fizzy drinks in the fridge they will explode.

Electrical appliances, if not turned off at the wall when not in use will explode.

She was strangely obsessed with things exploding. Also stubborn as old boots. I never managed to change her mind on the fizzy drinks thing. I had to drink warm lemonade for my whole childhood.

On running your own business and the decision of whether to expand (she ran a local estate agent business her whole life):

"A small fire will keep you warm, a large fire will burn you".

That one has always stuck with me when considering work / life balance, whether to change jobs etc...

"Wa-rsh behind your ears, and keep your pecker in your pants.' Then she would laugh.

She was always being inadvertently funny, and almost had a sixth sense for what was going on among her children and grandchildren.

She was the best... and incredible woman.

It's not something she says, but my Gran does leave the milk out (next to the kettle) while the bottle of squash is kept in the fridge 🙄

"Cough it up lad, it might be a lump o' coil"

'The day I've had, I want to be put in me box and shot and burnt'
'you ought to give up they fags'
And of course, the timeless 'look at you, you're skin and bone, surely you can manage one more chop with your breakfast'

Although I don't know if sausage, egg, chips, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, bacon and three lamb chops was the healthiest of breakfasts for a 13 year old..

If the wind changes your face'll stay like that

+1

Also:

(In absent-minded flat-toned general agreement) 'yeess, yessss'

(In response to Grandfathers frequent audible trumps) 'Ooo - you [i]dirty[/i] devil'.

perchypanther - Member

Gymkhanaholiday?

possibly, i couldn't say.

The 'clever' genes must have got lost somewhere down the family tree, i can't even connect the answer (when i'm told it) to the clue.

'I'll have yer guts for garters' was her favourite if we were in trouble..
She was five foot nothing with a cackling laugh and as fierce as a tigress..
The most helpful and generous woman on the world.. I miss you Nan x

It was my mate's nan that shocked us the most though, when we sat down one afternoon to take some money off her for spends playing 3 card brag..

'if I catch either of you boys cheating I'll burn your face with the iron'

We didn't stop laughing for weeks 🙂

"if this was the wild west, you'd all be shot' to me and my two brothers cheating at Whist.

"I'll come to the foot of our stairs" which I believe meant "I am shocked/a little taken aback"

"Play outside, there's enough blue sky to patch a hole in a sailor's trousers'

I'm keeping all these for future use 🙂

"What do you want"
"You must be hungry if you've come to see me"
"Do you want an eccles cake"
"Why doesn't your mother feed you"
"Will you go home now"

You look like your father
You're going to hell
Kill all the English
Keep my teeth when I die

Whenever she walked in on me watching a bit of horror like JCs Halloween she'd mumble something along the lines of feeling the evil coming out of the screen or something.

🙂

'kin weirdo.

My favourite was "Hell Mend Ye" whenever I was proposing something unwise - it was accompanied by a special look that pretty much put the skids on whatever I was intending without so much as a raised voice... 😥

When we were very young, staying at my gran's in winter, she'd put our PJs on a clothes dryer in front of the gas fire to warm them before bed time. Then helping us get undressed, she'd always say "skin a rabbit!" as she pulled off our jumpers/tshirts.

If we asked for anything (she could never do enough for us) she'd jokingly say "you awkward blighter!".

If anything went properly wrong she'd always shout "hell's bells and a bucket of blood!"

Used to give us mini schooners of sherry when we were all of about 7 years old too. Legend.

Don't remember my Nan but my mate's nan used to snatch a banana from him if it had black spots on the skin because "that's where the *very bad word*'s touched them with their filthy hands." 😯 😯

When she died her dying wish was that her disgusting ancient Yorkshire terrier should be buried with her. Her wish was granted by having it put down the next day and sneaking into the graveyard at night with a trowel... 😳

A glass of Bar* lemonade with about 1ppm Ribena added, because any more would “give you the works”. Apparently.

*All “fizzy pop” was Bar. This was [b][u]THE LAW[/b][/u] in Salford in the 1970s

"it wont be this at 7 in the morning"
"you're burning the candle at both ends"

both relating to being out after 10...

Every time I left after visiting I would give her a hug and a kiss she'd say ' and this is for you' and force a tenner in my hand despite being over 20 with a job and a mortgage. Nobody argued with her even at 4'10" , I now live in her old house and think about her every day . Lovely lady!!

Don't really remember either Gran but my mother used to enjoy a slice of vendetta for pudding. 🙂

My 'old' grandma (b. 1885) used to call Asians 'Stackipans'. She was also fond of reminding us that, "went 'alf time in t'mill at 12, me". Which was in fact, true.
My 'young' grandma (b. 1905) used to say, "never trust a man who doesn't drink or a man with a beard".

"When you startcourting - a ha'penny pie'll soon be tuppence"

my gran's mark of approval for something/anything was to declare it "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"

Usually something to do with not wearing a coat and catching a cold

"Did we have spuds when you came round last week"
"No"
"Oh, thats why they're still in the oven then.."

Aunty Martha.

'Shape yersen' - get on with it, get moving, stop daydreaming etc.

Usually shortly followed by an exasperated 'Ye shape like me arse'.
🙂

After my grandparents died and we were going through their stuff we found some old cassettes that my grand father had made of me aged around 3 or 4 (and my siblings) being taught 'paddy on the railway picking up sticks' by my grandmother. Incredible to hear the voice of my long dead grandmother coming out of the speaker and little me trying to sing. Niagara falls!

My Step Gran used to use the exclamation 'Gordon's Brewery!!' She was from Walthamstow and it's something her mother said.

"I'll come to the foot of our stairs" which I believe meant "I am shocked/a little taken aback"

Although Gran was from 'posh' Black Country' Victorian stock, she'd still say 'Well I'll got'Anne' (pronounced 'arlguhTAN')

Who was 'Anne'? And why why would she go to her? I may never know. Maybe 'Anne' was a polite name for heaven or hell?

my gran was amazing - and came out with loads of crazy stuff.

my favourite was 'mind and wave to me when you get to the bridge' when she caught me or my cousins picking our noses...

I remember once when I was chattering away at the dinner table, "shut your mouth and eat your tea."

Buying my first midi-HiFi (remember those?!), my gran spent five minutes trying to persuade the sales assistant not to include the speakers as they'd make it too loud.

Buying my second car aged about 20, wanted something a bit larger and she disapproved, "why don't you get a nice little car like that?" pointing to a Peugeot 205 1.9 GTi... sure gran, if you'll pick up the tab for the insurance...

For reasons that I still don't truly understand (well, maybe), my gran used to call the nougat wafers you can from the ice cream vans a "black man". (this was in central Scotland in the early 80s)

Honestly, she used to send either my sister or me out to said ice cream van to get her a "double black man"...

I miss her. RIP Gran Barr.

For reasons that I still don't truly understand (well, maybe), my gran used to call the nougat wafers you can from the ice cream vans a "black man". (this was in central Scotland in the early 80s)

Be thankful that she never sent you to the chip shop for a black pudding.....or as my parents next door neighbour would have it,

"a darkies walloper". 😯

Disclaimer - language used in the context of describing elderly peoples casual racism off of the 70's. etc. etc.

One Gran, 'those rabbits have been on my bed again'
Other Gran, 'your'e as daft as a brush!'

I remember daft as a brush, never knew why the brush was considered daft and not other household cleaning items. Shot at dawn was another. My grandad would always say he couldn't join us for another game of football or cricket due to having a bone in his leg.

My Gran Hall and my Grandparents Angles used to say similar things to whats mentioned further up the thread. Reading these is bringing back happy memories and its getting a bit dusty in here.

Miss you guys!!

'Wearing a hat inside will make you bald' Then proceed to explain that's why Grand-dad was bald, and Grand-dad was very bald!

My 80 year old aunt still uses the lovely old Scots phrase "black affronted" meaning "embarrassed". And never swears but does say "In the name of the wee man".

"I might not be here next Christmas"

She's been saying that for about 25 years, since my Grandad died. I hope she's not right for a while yet. 90 in April (day after the Queen).

"Feed a cold, starve a fever"

Nobody EVER had a fever. No idea why I'm not 30st.

"it's not a dress rehearsal this"

Referring to life, only one go.

"you're never too old to clip around the ear"

The fact she was under 5' never bothered her, and didn't stop her throwing out drunks/fighters from her pub either.