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Putting your hand round the toilet u-bend to retrieve your son's favourite toy car, right after he's done a number two.
Having to do a full field change (on Holmburry Hill as it happens) because your supposed toilet trained three year old has both wet and shat himself.
Both of which feature in the last 24 hours.
Going into the downstairs toilet and finding your youngest son has proudly done a Bobby Sands.
I have more of those kind of stories...
Getting wee'd on by 5 year old girl when she was 'desperate' in the woods... Lifted her up so she was in seated position facing me with arms around my neck and a jet of wee soaked my jeans.
6 year old boy joining me in a wee in a toilet cubicle and getting it all over my left trainer...
When he was about 3 wiping other sons bum who was sure he was finished and then with a massive convulsion sprayed liquid poo over my hand...
We had a dirty protest from our girl when she was about 12 months... The only baby poo that really made me feel ill. It was everywhere.
Going for a wee in the night then coming back to discover a 4 year old has snuck into your space and he shouts surprise when you pull back the covers. So proud !
Feeling lucky that I was woken up by eldest screaming the house down at 4am, only to tell me he wanted some juice. This gave me the opportunity to get up and work on that report that is due tomorrow so i can spend the rest of the day playing in the snow with my boys!
A time will come in our lives when revenge can be exacted. As our minds degenerate and our bodies fail us it will be their turn to clean our bottoms.
That even when they've left home and got children of their own you'll still be expected to leave your warm lounge and take them home from the supermarket on a freezing cold Saturday evening cos they've spent all their money and can't afford a cab home.
Good job I only had one pint in the pub with Mrs Z on the way home from town yesterday.
Does it ever end 🙁
Having to stop the car at the side of a rural road and jump in the back to scoop up sick chunks with your bare hands and an insufficient piece of tissue. Then having to put up with the smell till you get to a supermarket to buy some new clothes for the little darling because you were on your way to a niece's party 2hrs away from where you live. Meanwhile little madam is naked in the back of the car apart from your jumper. You now have a choice at the party of being cold or wearing a jumper smelling vaguely of sick.
Going to pick your 4 yr old up from nursery where the teacher tells you they have had a quiz for the children. When asked what cuticles were, my little darling put his hand up and said 'they are the things that hang down when daddy dries his leg on the bath'
Youngests first day out of hospital after being born, took him home and there was a powercut. Changing his first ever nappy at home by candlelight, lifted his ankles delicately with one hand, he did a mahooosive spray of green shit all over me, the wife, and the brand new settee.
When asked what cuticles were, my little darling put his hand up and said 'they are the things that hang down when daddy dries his leg on the bath'
Oh that's fabulous! Only a child could make sucha malapropism.
FOllowing an episode of Octonauts, my youngest was making references to Electric Peado Rays for quite a while.
How many times does one have to tell a little boy to point it down before weeing! Mine was always surprised that it sprayed everywhere. And of course there is the motorway service incident 😳 ... After pointing said down for eldest to wee properly in a cubicle, he decided to say in a loud voice "Daddy, do you want me to hold your willy now?" . How I made it out of the toilet without being assaulted, I will never know. Golden times!
Having a one year old projectile vomit in the car. Despite facing backward, he got it to ricochet back forward and go in the gap between headrest and seat - and down my neck. A hundred metres past the motorway exit, and so I drove for the next 15 mind with the screaming, the smell and the dribble down my back...
Pre-parenthood kicks in the balls: 0
Post parenthood kicks in the balls: 3
"abandon bath, abandon bath a brown submarine has been spotted!"
"abandon bath, abandon bath a brown submarine has been spotted!"
Abandon public swimming pool, abandon public swimming pool! Yes really. 😳
Yes really.
Snap!
Fishing it out did not go down well with the young lifeguard who was ready for full on biohazard disposal. I mean, one small turd in 200,000 litres of water is an E-coli concentration of...
In the swimming pool changing room, just got a 2 year old and 4 year old into their swimmers. Come out of the cubicle and putting things in the locker when the 4 year old slaps some random bloke who had just got out of the pool on the arse as he walks past! What do you say apart from hold up your hands and say it wasnt me.
Having my son jump on my lap with sufficient force to put me in hospital with a busted bollock.
[quote=geetee1972 ]
Abandon public swimming pool, abandon public swimming pool! Yes really.
Abandon holiday resort pool 😳
Small child responsible, not me!
My eldest is 10, my youngest is 18 months - when the eldest asks his little sister for a kiss she often just leans forward to let him kiss her forehead or as he calls it "giving me head"... I don't care for it.
I think the worst thing though is cleaning up little girls after a wet poo 🙁 it's fairly grim having to get into all sorts to clean up. No one told me about that.
She's gone right off me this week too, proper Mummy's girl, it's a nightmare when Mrs J is working, she just keeps calling for her Mum and being grumpy, she's usually Daddy's Girl though 😉
Had a dirty protest here as well, but there's enough fecal misdemeanors here that i don't need to recount.
So instead I'll keep it clean with - we were out shopping for a Christmas present for Mum, and had selected a book. "Can i carry it in my bag?" said #1 daughter - "Yes" I reply - "but we have to pay the lady first"
"No daddy - that's a man"
"No" (slightly flustered already) "it's a lady. Some ladies have short hair"
"Well..... it's a VERY ugly lady then"
Book was paid for and shop departed at record speed without making eye contact. I'm saving it for wedding speeches.
The 3am vomit comet. Copious chunky vomit over all bed clothes, 3yo and floor. Top bunk. Child into shower, bed stripped, back to child, cleaned dried and dressed in fresh PJs, put to bed in my bed. Then back to scraping chunks from duvet covers and such like before finally being able to go back to sleep. Then, do it all again 😥 😥
Who needs sleep anyway.
done a Bobby Sands.
Probably wrong on a whole number of levels but I laughed at that phrase.
Actually, the one I wasn't warned about was the side effect of teething....
Woken up by MCJnr screaming. In proper pain and fear, he wasn't that kind of kid.
The smell gave the game away. Took off his nappy, and under the mess his skin was actually blistering. Wife had to hold him down while I cleaned him up, while he begged me not to hurt him. Sadly he was an early talker.
By the time he was clean and smothered in Sudocreme, the blistering had gone down to a nasty looking rash. Wife rang the health visitor who just said "It happens sometimes when they are teething".
I actually cried afterwards, seeing him in such distress and able to verbalise it.
I was the only person available to take my mum to hospital for an appointment I was also looking after crankbrat who was porley about to leave and running late he decides its time to puke o get him safely to the bathroom point him at the toilet and tell him " make sure your sick in the toilet " at which he turns round looks at me and says " what did you say Daddy?" And promptly spews all over me.
my eldest when he was about 3 was grunting in his nappy. on removal of said nappy i could see the turtles head poking out but he was struggling to push it out. a gentle squeeze of his buttocks resulted in a large log shooting out and into my hands.
our daughter when she was about 6 months old projectile poo'd all over the bed and down my shirt while i was changing her nappy...it was the brown/yellow runny stuff and stunk.
last summer at the beach she was on my shoulders (she'd just turned 3), told me she needed a wee. i tried to get her to the toilets but just as i was getting off the beach i felt that warming sensation as the wee poured down my back. i had to then take a 15 minute walk back to the car to change my t-shirt, while her mum got her changed and cleaned. i had to leave my wet shorts and underwear on... 🙁
little one when he was about 9 months old decided to do the mother of all poo's while we were out shopping. i was carrying him and the poo had leaked out of the nappy, through his trousers and onto the sleeve of my jacket. wife then tells me she's left the changing bag at home! had to finda supermarket so we could buy nappies, wipes and spare clothes for the little one. my jacket went under the tap. little git now likes to stick his hands in the bog whenever he's upstairs...it doesn't matter to him whats already in there...its splashy time!! bathroom door stay shut all the time now.
we've also had all the various projectile vomiting issues from all 3 of them at various stages. worst is n the night when they vomit in bed. you change the bedding and then they do it again. then they come into your bed and do the same.
worst was when all 3 of them had the same vomiting/diarrhoea bug at the same time
projectile poo in parabolas up your wall. managed to matrix dive out of the way just in time.
that one's not in the manual
Pre-parenthood, I never believed that it was possible for a baby to poo in their own hair.
"watch what you're doing!"
...at almost every toilet visit. Followed by cleaning up the floor.
I'm on the verge of installing full on wetrooms, then he can just stand there and whizz in any direction he likes.
So far we've been quite low on the projectile count thankfully.
Think eldest was about 5, we went getting our hair cut. He sat in the chair got done, then I sat down, he's fairly well behaved and place was empty so he was reading a book and doing some colouring but at one point he walked out of the shop, I jumped out of the chair and followed. Found him outside with his keks down, turtles head protuding, barber said there was a toilet he could use in the back so I picked him up, worried about him crimping it off onto me/the barbers floor I flipped him updside down to 'contain things'. Walking through the barbers with his bum infront of me, shite emerging was not a high point of parenthood. Fortunately the circumstances seemed to breifly halt his intestinal transit and we made it to the toilet. I was sooo glad the shop was empty.
Everytime we go in there he recounts the tale to whoever is in the shop 🙄
Last night's bath ended in panic as my wife walked back in to see the boy holding a nice little handful of food egg and promptly throw it toward her. The bath was full of the stuff and as it drained away the magnitude of my cleanup task became apparent. Not a nice well formed sub, but a veritable visual artpiece of smears lumps and chunks over the whole bath.
Having your mouth open at the wrong time when the projectile vomit came...
my lad is 9 and I still have to explain to him that he needs fully unsheathe the old chap when he is having a pee, he seems to think that as long as there is day light on it somewhere he's okay to let rip . pee on his clothes and wall do not seem to faze him.
I've never been that traumatised by toileting mishaps.. I've changed 100's maybe thousands of nappies and cleared up gallons of puke..
My two were potty trained pretty swiftly and painlessly too, although during this process my oldest had a habit of proudly comparing his poos to things from his limited palette of cultural references
'Look dad, this one looks like Peppa Pig' or more scarily 'dad, dad!! I've just done a beanstalk, it's growed out of the top of the potty!'
What I find more scary is the seemingly endless thirst for psychological battles..
My youngest uses the threat of poo and wee as a weapon for example..
But the thing I hate the most is the constant competition between them..
Who's got the most peas on their dinner plate, how many socks they put on this morning, who went to sleep the quickest, who stayed awake the longest, who is the most annoying, who is the kindest, who's sweets taste the nicest, who is the oldest, tallest, smallest, cleanest, best/worst behaved, hairiest, cleverest and on and on and on.......
it never stops
I wanna scream at them that they are both ****less, incompetent little dwarves who are gonna need to give each other as much help as possible if they want to survive, but that would probably be bad parenting
Who's got the most peas on their dinner plate, how many socks they put on this morning, who went to sleep the quickest, who stayed awake the longest, who is the most annoying, who is the kindest, who's sweets taste the nicest, who is the oldest, tallest, smallest, cleanest, best/worst behaved..
.....Cause you're a Record Breakerrr!
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Never mind poo in the swimming pool, my lad threw up. That was nice 😳
The 3am vomit comet. Copious chunky vomit over all bed clothes, 3yo and floor. Top bunk. Child into shower, bed stripped, back to child, cleaned dried and dressed in fresh PJs, put to bed in my bed. Then back to scraping chunks from duvet covers and such like before finally being able to go back to sleep. Then, do it all again
Been there, got the (soiled) t-shirt. Both kids have a knack of doing the bed vomiting thing when the missus is working nights. I don't have a strong stomach for the smell and have lost my dinner too on occasion when cleaning up the chunks.
Took off his nappy, and under the mess his skin was actually blistering. Wife had to hold him down while I cleaned him up,
Our daughter had a dairy/soya/egg intollerance that took till about 3 months old to diagnose. In that time, most if not all nappies where like that. Poor thing, it was heart breaking 🙁
It also led to a spectacular shit fountain from the changing table across the cot and on to the oposite wall 😯
Taking curtains down at 1am after our daughter projectile poo'd all up them whilst getting a nappy change. She was about 2 months old and did this 3 or 4 times. No-one ever tells you about projectile poo before you have a baby. And then when you mention it to people already with children after the event, they say 'oh yeah, didn't anyone tell you about that?'
Our eldest used to treat us to, what became lovingly know as, "Anger Poo's". We'd put her in her cot for the night and, if she didn't want to sleep, would scream loudly whilst filling her nappy with poo. She knew one of us would then have to get her out and clean her...lasted about 2 months
Although nothing can really prepare you for the streams that appear from all the orifices, the worst experience I had was when minilugz hurt his arm when he was around 18 months old.
Hurt enough so that he just held it and wouldnt move it.
the barrage of questions at the hospital made me feel quite frankly terrible!
The other one - If it fits in the mouth its food. Checking poo for swallowed stuff is pretty grim.
My daughter has had a cold for approx 2 months. Finally getting over it now, and she's clearing out a lot of enduro-green snot.
This is bad enough, but this morning she sneezed a couple of 6 inch dangly snot blobules out and then promptly licked them up and ate them 😮 while I was frantically scrambling to get to the tissues. Helpfully afterwards she said "tish". Yes, "tish" indeed.
It made me feel more sick than the time she was actually sick directly into my open mouth.
My 10 year old unexpectedly projectile vomited in the back of the car at 4 a.m, about 40 minutes in to the 12 hour drive to Cornwall last summer holiday.
To compound matters, he tried to hold it in his mouth with his hand......have you ever put your thumb over the end of a hose? It was like that only with vile smelling, weetabix puke.
Car seats, carpets, roofcloth, in car DVD Player, wee brother, big sister, back of the seats in front, back of the neck of Mum and Dad ......all were splattered.
I stopped the car and turned round to survey the carnage.
It was like a puke version of the Pulp Fiction scene when Travolta declares "Aaw man I just shot Marvin in the face!"
11 more hours on a hot July saturday in the car were an experience.
It starts before they're born.
My wife's waters broke all over my trousers and shoes, which ended up in the clinical waste.
I had to call the grandparents-to-be: "It's a girl. Can you bring me some dry shoes?"
From yesterday...
Rolling a giant snow ball in the park and picking up several frozen dog turds in the process.
Many, many poo and vomit anecdotes. Projectile vomiting a complete milk feed all over our bed springs to mind.
Most painful is when they're jumping up and down, and manage to catch your chin on the way up. No swearing allowed to relieve the pain...
Nothing so dramatic, but I don't think we've had an unbroken night's sleep in over five years.
I thought I knew what exhaustion was...
abandon bath, abandon bath a brown submarine has been spotted!"
That's a "code brown" alert for rapid extraction in our house.
Remember a bad poo incident for our boy. Runny poo in his high chair. Out the side of the nappy, up and down and out of the trousers, dripping down his leg, a pool of poo on the floor.
Had the nights of vomit, wash down, clean clothes, clean sheets, back to bed, vomit... repeat till dawn.
Oh and lost count of the number of times I've been kicked in the balls. I doubt I even need to bother with the vasectomy.
And mealtimes are a particular joy at the moment 😕
Having a small car "parked" in the hole (this is not a technical term) of my sub woofer; it has been there for 7 years to be fair and still works but rattles every now and then.
If my wife reads this, she's kill me but....
It's not just the kids. Due to a few issues the good lady was on lactulose (I think) and hadn't been able to poo due to a 3rd degree tear (F to B). She was having a bath and announced that she might need a poo. Her mum, a trained nurse, suggested that it would be OK to do it in the bath. What followed has no explanation..What was a nice bath full of clean water was turned into the largest bowl of Weetabix I'd ever seen in a matter of seconds.
Items removed from Sub Woofer.
1 x rubber snake
2 x bouncy balls
1 x ELC digger driver
1 x Action Man ski pole
1 x small yellow rubber monster
All of which “just fell in”.
My brother apparently destroyed our amstrad 'PC' in the 80's by pushing coins into the disk drive, apparently I was just as bad for pushing cards into the slot but was forgiven on the basis that disks had pictures on them which matched the ones on the screen, so at least my destruction was logical.
Lots of "I'm feeling more sick", no "I'm more sick" competitive vomiting in the back of the car (we spent a lot of time driving to grandparents 3h away).
All of which “just fell in”.
Yup, lost - one arm off a pair of Oakley frogskins... Found - In the bottom bracket of my XC bike a week after losing the damn thing. He's been going through a phase of posting items into small spaces for about 4 months, I'm still missing a wedding ring and a watch that he somehow picked up from a window sill.
Todays favourite is my 2 year old deciding to wake me up by hitting me with a model truck. Right in the middle of the forehead. At 4.55 this morning.
Being awoken at 3am by strange noises downstairs, to find the daughter lying on the hall floor and piles of alcohol induced vomit everywhere. Going back to bed and saying to the wife. 'Your daughter is downstairs and needs your help'........... cue sounds of wife gagging while the daughter is smiling, scooping it into a bucket to help............ daughter was 21 then.............
Twins throwing up over me three times each at kings cross station. Misery is sitting on a train covered in someone else's vomit.
Getting kicked, elbowed and kneed in the batteries daily
Having to dig a hole in frozen ground to conduct a memorial service for Harry the ex-Hamster in the middle of heavy snowfall.
Only after repeated attempts over a 48 hr period to revive the lifeless rodent with heat pads and massage to make sure he wasn't hibernating.
its the embarrassing things they do in all innocence that gets me...
4 yr old son wanders off in the local park, hes out of sight for maybe 5 minutes before the wimp in me won and i went to find him - hes sitting in a kiddies swing - the one with the bars - swinging away quite happily. I saunter over, ask how hes doing and he points at the woman close by and in THE LOUDEST voice ever say 'the fat lady gave me a push'..
elderly chap napping in KFC, same son, now 6ish walks up to him and asks if he was dead?
teaching the kids to cook with fresh ingredients, stressing how important is is to eat 'proper' food(previous tale excepted). next trip to supermarket, the poor woman in front of us had her shopping dissected with scathing remarks about the state of her weekly shop.
they don't warn you about it, and they should!
Ha, Smudger!
Similar - sat in Starbucks and a portly chap walks past our table and my 3 year old daughter points at him and says loudly 'that man's got a baby in his tummy Daddy'
i've also had the honour of being vomited on by my daughter while we were shopping in H&M. i had some items of children's clothing in my free hand when she unexpectedly spewed all over me. cue me covered in vomit walking up to the counter whilst holding a vomit covered child to pay for vomit covered clothing...which i only wanted to look at and had no intention of buying!
my eldest son when he was little crying in the car on the way home from birmingham. wife managed to climb into the back to try and calm him down, then he started coughing so she made me pull over on the hard shoulder while she got him out of his seat to pat him on the back....cue vomit spewing out all over him, her, the car seat and the back seat of the Audi. she strapped him back in and sat there in stoney silence for the remainder of the journey. our son fell asleep....we got home quite late that night so i had to leave the car as it was until the morning. took me a couple of hours to clean everything and to get the stains out of the fabric, took a few more days and lots of febreze before the smell of vomit cleared.
Was stood at a pedestrian crossing with my littlest one when he was about 4 when he noticed that there was a woman in her 50's standing next to us who was a dwarf.
I'm stood there thinking " Don't say anything...Don't!.... just don't" when he comes out with "Dad, look at the size of that wee lady!"
Before I can respond, the lady turned round and looked my four year old straight in the eye ( no bending down required) and said to him....
"I didn't eat up my vegetables when I was a wee girl".
She looked up at me, winked and scuttled off across the road, leaving me and the boy speechless.
YYYYYYYU
I still haven't gotten over the high pressure,in car, projectile vomit incident.
Or the Lady in black ,in the deli', who Li'l J refers to as "the witch".
He get's it from his mother obvs...
Poo on skin I can deal with , but when it's transferred to clothing I struggle to deal with or breath........ha.
Trip to a Mexican restaurant with our 6 month old daughter and we noticed a bit of a pong. Our daughter had done an explosive one in her nappy which was massively leaking. We both scarpered to the toilets with her as it was a two man job. It took ages to get her cleaned up and it was really whiffy. Also, the hand dryer was above the nappy bin which was next to the changer so anytime you went near it jets hot air in to the bin, mixes with all the baby shit and wafts the warm air all over the toilet!
We were gone so long the restaurant thought we had left!
Got the weeman a fairly immense collection of brio from a mixture of my mum's loft and bootfairs. Shortly after that we noticed that there was a strange, bonfire-esque, smell coming from the gas fire. opened that up and yeah sure enough there's a little brio man in there who has taken a trip through the grill on the front of the fire and landed on the hot part of the back boiler where he has been unceremoniously cremated.
Words were exchanged as best you can with a 3 year old, but sure enough a week or so later it happens again, "have you put another man through there onto the fire?" ..."yes", take fire to pieces, remove man, this time its a full on explanation of why you can't put brio men in the fire, really don't do it, "do you understand, no more putting your men in the fire" "yes daddy".
True to his word no more men went on the fire, which was no consolation when woken by the sound of the smoke alarm going off with the whole house smelling like burning plastic a week or so later, I suppose its my own fault for being too specific as I didn't explicitly rule out plastic toy cars.
We were on holiday in Spain with my sister, BIL and their kids. We'd bunged all the kids in one room and my son (4) and my neice (3 and a half) were top and tailing. I woke up in the night and my lad was screaming so I went to check what was wrong.
He'd severely shat the bed, covered himself and my neice, who somehow was still sleeping!! The poor sod had no idea what was going on as she woke up to having shit showered off her, dried and put back to bed, which had now been cleaned up.
One of the kids mentioned it in the morning, but all the adults just said, "no, nothing happened last night......."
... I didn't explicitly rule out ...
🙂 got you on a technicality
At a classic car show near the Trafford Centre last year, 3year old son gives a 5 second warning that he's going to be sick.
Had to move him at lightning speed away from the classic TR7 he's just been sat in and catch his vomit in my cupped hands, then carry said vomit 100yds to the nearest toilet.
Its not the first time I have had to catch his vomit either.
Also his elder sister when she was a similar age referred to a Dwarf stood next to us at the airport as a 'Funny little Man with a funny head'.
My wife's waters broke all over my trousers and shoes, which ended up in the clinical waste.I had to call the grandparents-to-be: "It's a girl. Can you bring me some dry shoes?
I had to replace our ensuite carpet due to afterbirth all over the place.
The floorboards below have a faint tinge of birthday blood to this day.
This thread is hilarious
My kids have wrecked my car. Including both front cup holders, they no longer have a front or a button, so they're stuck in the dash.
Being a BMW part they're monstrously expensive so I've not had cupholders for a good couple of years now
Trip to a Mexican restaurant with our 6 month old daughter and we noticed a bit of a pong. Our daughter had done an explosive one in her nappy which was massively leaking. We both scarpered to the toilets with her as it was a two man job. It took ages to get her cleaned up and it was really whiffy. Also, the hand dryer was above the nappy bin which was next to the changer so anytime you went near it jets hot air in to the bin, mixes with all the baby shit and wafts the warm air all over the toilet!
We were gone so long the restaurant thought we had left!
Now I think about it, when #1 spawn was about 6/12 old, we met my Dad's auntie for afternoon tea in an old lady hotel*. After a bit there was an aroma, and my wife took herself off for a new nappy.
Time passed.
Wife returned, holding baby clad only in a nappy, with instructions to dress child while she goes and cleans the poo Armageddon up in the baby change. While she was gone and I was dressing child in the middle of the lounge, I kept being told by members of staff that they did have a baby change. Baby clothes had to go in the bin.
This may have been the same trip where we left the changing mat on the roof of the car following an al fresco change and drove off without it.
*Royal George in Perth
Sh1t flicked at random OAP on the bus after hand went down nappy.
Molten acidic Vomit over my bare back on a summers day in the Park ,and what can only be described as Bear grade scat whilst bathing my then 2 year old lad.
Its all there to ruin the hardiest of Parents.
Its broken me over the years I can tell you.
It doesn't end when the pooing and puking stops... try this:
tomorrow I have to explain to the boy why he's been dropped from the rugby team he's been part of for the past 5 years, while all his school mates, who he introduced to the club this season, have places 🙁
(Luckily it's only one match, so hopefully he'll get over it)
Wife's first night back at work after we had twins. "No problem" I hear you say. We also had a 2.5 year old... "Well that's your fault", I can hear already. You would be right so far. Then imagine that they all have gastro-enteritis. All excreting poo with all the pressure you would expect from a firemans hose. You are bathing babies covered in poo, stripping beds full of poo, cleaning a bath that's had pooey water in it plus some poo directly in it.
This doesn't stop and all of a sudden it's 3am. You start to feel ill yourself, you begin vomiting and then need to quickly change positions as the other end starts misbehaving too... A bizarre sound is heard from your twins bedroom and rush to it - only to see the Omen-esque sight of your pair of angels puking in a vertical 18" puke fountain. This then starts another round of bathing, changing, cot-stripping and this time with the added interest of trying to fit this in between your own bouts of sickness and supersonic defecation...
Feeling very lucky reading this thread. Our daughter is almost 6,and we've never had any really dramatic poo or vomit incidents.
It's too late for her to start, right?
On the other hand, we have her writing passive-aggressive notes to teachers, and other kids' parents, which can be mortifying.
The smell of a teenage boys bedroom and the things that lurk therein.
The father of son's girlfriend knocking on the door and beginning the conversation "I'm recording this conversation and may hold it as evidence......"
I've always gone by the Profanisaurus definition of "Crop dusting" until yesterday with my 2 year old.
Usual Sunday morning apathy from me - leave him in his nappy until we get dressed. Overnight wees plus morning drinkies equals a fair amount of saggage. Which would be ok but he also deposited a fair quantity of rabbit droppings in there too.
And then he ran around the in-law's with his big brother for quite a time.
While his 8 month old sister crawled around intrigued by the chocolate drops now sprinkled sparingly around the kitchen, hallway and lounge...
Bit of a moment when I spotted them followed by mild panic as I tried to clean, secure and prevent movement from all 3 of the little sods!
Qtipped big poo's out...yes.
Sucked bogies out of blocked noses...yep.
Countless dramas...yes.
5k damage from after teenage parties..yes.
Any thanks.....not likely!
sucked a bogies out of a nose?
WTF!
I'd rather clean a bazillion shitty nappies and the like.
And I've just realised/remembered what a q tip is.
Christ. :grim:
Ha, this thread is awesome. I've had the whole family norovirus event, where you have a small un' puking down your back while running to the bathroom to do so yourself, not an experience I want to repeat.
Worst one was trip to the city in the summer and walking back to the car giving our eldest a shoulder high when he managed to poo himself, leaving me with an excrement soaked back. Got a few interesting looks driving home through the traffic topless 😆