Therapy.... mambo jambo or a real benefit?

Helped me a great deal at the time I had it. But if you go into it with the attitude that it's mambo jambo and a money making scheme and something you have to do only as a means to get some cursory outcome then it probably won't work for you and you'd be taking up someone's time that they could spend with someone else who could benefit.

Think of it like pills for your head (I know you can get that too). If you had a physical condition (IDK, let's say acid reflux) and the doctor gave you pills, and you went at them with the attitude that they probably won't work, they're just a waste of time, and rather than took them left them on the shelf only occasionally taking one, how well do you think they'd work?

Or take the full course, as directed, and give them a chance?

Helped me a lot but very dependant on the relationship with the counsellor and the type of counselling. Try a few places and find someone you click with otherwise waste of time.

I tried one place and they wanted me to express my feelings by drawing in a tray of sand. Couldn't get out fast enough!

mambo jambo and a money making scheme and something you have to do only as a means to get some cursory outcome

In that instance, at that time that's very much how it felt.

It was one of the conditions of regaining my licence and in that context I wasn't open to the idea, I was just jumping through hoops and ticking boxes.

This time round I feel that I'm open to the idea, but still somehow reluctant to go through with it. I don't usually umm-and-arrr too much on decisions, but on this one I am.

Well if they can get to the bottom of what is really bothering you, then give it a go.

If not and it's just textbook rubbish, then it's not going to work. I've had several rounds. None helped.

What is really bothering you? Most stuff I get angry and stressed about isn't actually the cause of the anger and stress. It just manifests itself as everyday problems.

Helped me a lot but very dependant on the relationship with the counsellor and the type of counselling. Try a few places and find someone you click with otherwise waste of time.

This is the key thing

I have had some years back, some since bereavement both of which helped and am setting up some more now.   I have also had some training in counseling.

I don't believe in the american style lifelong therapy Jungian type stuff at all.  However both CBT and person centered counseling I am a fan of and are shown to have a positive effect.  I have used CBT type techniques myself since bereavement and its helped enormously.  I have however reached an impasse where I can do no more without professional help.

If your leg was broken you would go to the leg doctor.  So if your head is broken go to the head doctor

Don't remember mumbo jumbo, screamager was always my favourite

Ultimately its all mumbo jumbo BUT so is what is happening in your head.

Imagine a magic trick creates £1000 from thin air? It's bollox because its a magic trick and you can't actually spend that £1000 ... however a magic trick that makes you feel better or less shit you can actually "spend"

In other words does it MATTER if its mumbo or mambo or jumbo if YOU feel better/less shit?

Don't get me wrong, being sent to an addict unable to control their own addiction goes beyond ironic... but you're going to have to buy in for the magic trick to work.

This time round, however, I’m more open to the idea, but still hesitant.

How many Therapists does it take to change a light bulb? As many or as few as you like, but the light has got to want to change !!

So you are part of the way there, well done.

I have used a Therapists for three or four periods throughout the last 12 years, not bad, glad I have done them.... But you know they'll not "fix" you right?

It's a journey, you're about to take the first step, good man.

There is no magic bullet, therapy, or switch that you flick you are all good.... It takes time, education, patience, practice and all thing things new SKILL would take to learn.

I've recently come to realise that mental health is like your physical health .... you need to keep working at it.

Now I've made that realisation I feel better for it. I've trained my body for various different activities, events, races or just life in general over the years.... so why not my mind !

Just like running or cycling is part of your physical fitness, see therapy the same way for your mind .... and explore other practices for your mental health.

Good luck

Don’t remember mumbo jumbo, screamager was always my favourite

I'm picking up what you're putting down 🙂

But to the OP, therapy, with the correct person can be a life changer. We all react differently to it, so you need to work with someone you are comfortable with. Possibly ask for an introductory session to 'feel' them out.

There are also lots of different techniques that may or may not work for you.

I have had couples therapy, to iron out a few bugs me and the wife had with our relationship (mainly my hang ups) and more recenely i have had personal therapy. It has made me realise a few things, given me headspace and allows me to be much calmer and more zen. I feel like life has a lot less weight bearing down on my shoulders these days.

i say, go in with an open mind, dont be shy, share all and i am confident you will come out the other side a better person.

What others have said - there are lots of types of therapy and lots of different therapists. Shop around and find one you like. Many therapists now offer online services, so your options are loads wider than before covid, and often they'll do a first brief meet for free to see if you gel and if they think they can help you.

"Therapy" encompasses a whole load of things from mumbo jumbo to evidence based stuff with a good track record.  From simple techniques to deep soul searching.

I'll give an example from my recent experiences.  As a result of caring for my partner until she died I developed classic trauma symptoms.  Flashbacks being the main one which of course just adds to the trauma and ingrains it.  To get out of this cycle every time a flashback came I said out loud " I'm proud of what I did"  Over the course of a few months that feeling of despair slowly turned to one of pride. The flashbacks still come occasionally but the hurt is replaced by pride.  Thats a classic technique and it worked for me

Don’t remember mumbo jumbo, screamager was always my favourite

I used to listen to that in the dark as part of self therapy!

Back on topic, I think the outcome pretty much depends on whether you click with the therapist, seem some who are excellent and really gelled with and others I just didn't like at all and hence just binned it.

I would say ‘it depends’

I tried it but I was trying to control my inner negative voice. The more I focused on it and tried to control it, the worse it got. What you think is what I felt and it was quite a bad experience.

From my experience, if nothing in general is bothering you, except how you feel - the best way out of it is to learn to dissasociate from that inner chatter and feelings. It’s not easy and not instant.

If on the other hand something is bothering you, ie money trouble, divorce etc, then I could see the benefit of talking this over with someone.

Just my opinion.

As above, loads of different types of talking therapy, and it's about finding an approach and person that suit you.

Counseling literally saved my wife's life. She's had a lot of significant issues to work through, but without a good counselor, and with the dark place she was in, I'm pretty confident I would have been a widower by now.

We've a huge problem with the stigma attached to mental health in this country, (and the world in general). If you break an arm, you go to a bone doctor, if you have cancer, you go to an oncologist. So why, if a mind is broken, is it not standard practice to go to a counsellor?

Edit: sorry TJ, just seen similar from you!

No need to apologise to me.  I'm happy that you made the same point so its not just me being weird 🙂

Don’t remember mumbo jumbo, screamager was always my favourite

😂

I'd suggest trying a few different people to find someone who you click with. As people have said there's various different types of therapy, and depending on you and what you want to get out of it some may be more beneficial than others. If there is a specific problem e.g. scared of flying then CBT can help to give you strategies to cope, this can often be time based, eg 6 week course. Another is person centered therapy where the therapist helps you to talk though your issues to try and get to the root of the problem, but doesn't really instruct you how to fix things, that comes with time and helping to get things clear in your head.

Disclaimer: I've not had therapy but MrsF is a person centered therapist.

Cheers guys..... Going to give it a go, Better Help online purely because I heard it mentioned on a few podcasts (who says advertising doesn't work?)

I don't really know what my problem is and as such don't know where to start.

Have spent many years resenting the fact I wasn't doing what I really wanted in life. I never dreamed of working 40 hour weeks just to pay for an existence, surrounding myself with "things" and looking forward to holidays to get a break from the rat race.

Over time and because of various jobs the GF slowly lost faith in the "system" and came around to my way of thinking.

I'm fortunate that I'm financially OK. Could choose not to work from now (40) till I die assuming I live frugally.

GF and I have rid ourselves of all unnecessary possessions and downsized our life into a van. Plan to spend the next few years going about Europe and trying to do good and enjoying life whilst we're for enough to do so.
Really things are freaking good.... We're doing what so many people tell us they wish they had the balls/money/life situation to do what we're doing.

Despite all that, I seem to be upsetting the GF too often, usually through my interpretation/handling of a situation.... Of course it could all be her fault and she's the one who needs to talk... 😘

Arrrrgghh!

Retrace the source or trigger point(s) of the problems then solve that or untangle them.

Unless you know where the trigger point(s) or how the problems originated, the problems cannot be solved. i.e. cannot solve a problem without knowing the problem.

I always said it was a waste of time despite being told numerous times to go due to my anger issues but ignored it, but when I was injured in the fire service I was sent for rehabilitation and part of that agreement was a chat was a therapist, I didn't want to go but I did under duress. We chatted about my parents and childhood and I don't know how but it somehow drifted to the moment I as a 17 year old held my army colleague also aged 17 as he died in my arms, she kept saying it wasn't my fault which annoyed me and made me angry but something clicked and changed I cried, a lot I felt embarrassed and bad but from that moment I felt better , I still have bad thoughts and feelings made worse by drink but I am in no way as angry anymore and I must be a much better person and dad because of it, something and I don't know what was made better by that rehab fortnight away and despite my misgivings I'm glad of going, all I can say is if you go it can't make anything worse than it is now
Apologies for rambling

A good therapist is worth their weight in Gold...

A bad one might tip you over the edge!

Choose wisely...

Trying to get re-referred to the one I was seeing earlier this year after recent issues and the NHS would rather just give out drugs willy nilly, it's ludicrous! This woman actually helped a lot... I trust her, she was incredibly pragmatic and helpful, but they are only interested in prescribing me a load of drugs (which really don't work for me)...

@mboy - if it was IAPT you saw, you can self refer, no need to get the GP involved. However you went necessarily get the same practitioner you had before.

If IAPT is a dead end, check to see if your employer (or a health scheme you may be part of through your employer) has an Employee Access Program. These often give you access to services for free for a set period.

I don’t really know what my problem is and as such don’t know where to start.

That’s exactly where you should start - tell your next councillor that. And stop judging them, it’s not what you are there for.

As above, your benefit gained will have a positive correlation with your engagement provided.

I think the devil may be in the detail a little bit here. I've engaged really well with psychologists, because I could see the sense in what they were doing. However, psychotherapists drive me up the wall because they approach a problem in a different way to me.

Shermer - there are many different forms of psychotherapy / counseling.  Some are directive, some are exploratory, some are technique learning

You maybe just didn't find the therapist / form of counseling that suits you

I've had a few rounds of counselling over the years. I also regularly employ a CBT based approach with my patients.

As others have said, it's about finding the right person who uses a technique that works for you. This year I have seen an NHS counsellor (workplace support) and more recently begun working with a charity funded counsellor (one benefit of advanced cancer I suppose). They both use the fairly modern Person Centred Model (Carl Rogers), although their interpretation, delivery and effect on me were very different.
Person centred might be a good place to start. It's fairly gentle and inobtrusive... at least at first! It will probably feel very weird talking about yourself at first, but in a really good way. Work with your therapist and I'm sure you'll benefit from the experience.

Contrary to what others have said, it is not "All in your head"! Counselling can support you to make real changes that can hugely benefit how you think, feel and experience your life.

@shermer75

I think the devil may be in the detail a little bit here. I’ve engaged really well with psychologists, because I could see the sense in what they were doing. However, psychotherapists drive me up the wall because they approach a problem in a different way to me.

CBT for you. You'd probably appreciate the evidence base.

Have you ever thought about going to an ayahuasca retreat?

@keva

Seriously?

I am being serious, yep.

My wife is a qualified and very experienced counsellor, who only saw clients face to face before covid, but since has had to take on some online and telephone appointments instead and she’s been really happy with how well it still works in our new ways.
Good luck with it.
I’m not trying to sell her services as I’d obviously big her up to anyone and she wouldn’t see anyone that I know, but I would pass on her email address on if anyone here needed it