[Closed] Them new 'Minis', the fat ones

All Minis are rubbish

FACT

I think Andy should chrome-plate his little Staffy. It would look well cool.

All fat and bloated

The ideal STW car then?

All Minis are rubbish

FACT

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Recently leased one for my daughter, I like it, at first i felt it looked a little awkward but its really grown on me and its a great car to drive. Better than a boring golf/focus/civic by a long way.

Better than a boring golf/focus/civic by a long way.

I didn't realise people outside the mini marketing department found their product exciting. I'd suggest if you find a car used for transport on public roads exciting you try a track day.

Excitement is rarely a consumer product.

I have owned a classic Mini Cooper and a MINI One in the past, both were great cars to drive btw.

But did see one of the Countrymans I think thats what they call them, well the 5 door version anyway & sorry, the front end looks just so wrong!

Is there a reason they had to make it look so pig ugly?

Can we blame the US again?

This one, ewww!

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awful

Small Mini's are pretty cool, and serve a purpose as a small fun car - but big bloated MINI's??? Hmmmmm, can hardly call them MINI's any more then surely? Stretching the brand a bit there.

I'm I the only one who doesn't get all these so called 'soft roaders' and 'lifestyle' vehicles'. What's the point?

I always believe you should buy the tool that's most suited to the job in hand. If you want a practical car to carry the family that handles well then buy an estate car. If you want an offroader then buy a proper Landrover or similar. There's no point in compromising with some sort of half way house vehicle that's not particularly good at anything.

I didn't realise people outside the mini marketing department found their product exciting. I'd suggest if you find a car used for transport on public roads exciting you try a track day.

Excitement is rarely a consumer product

You obviously don't work in product marketing

I usually assume that any man driving a mini is either borrowing their girlfrend's/wife's car, or is a hairdresser.

I wish I could find a pic of the chrome one....

The ride in the BMW half series is terrible too.

And what have they done to make something SO HUGE so tiny inside? I'm 5'10", and my head was smacking the hand handle on the roof. There is no room to move your feet about either. This never happened in the proper minis, which were like a match box in comparison.

they are pretty gopping.... and how they can still call it a 'mini' is beyond me:

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All Minis are rubbish FACT

I had a an early mini: rubber starter button between the seats and string to open the doors and a gear stick about 4 foot long that disappeared under the dashboard (loose description), but with wide wheels and wheel spacers… …any corner and speed. But it was awful

Sold it to a mate who found a corner that it couldn’t handle and destroyed a brick bus stop and the tiled roof collapsed on to the car

Having seen the new bloated mini... ...its truly awful

You think the fat mini is ugly ?, I won't disagree, but its nowhere near as fugly as that nissan juke.
😯

Come on, there must be someone from STW that has one, please post and tell us we are all wrong & why 😉

Modern cars have to pass all sorts of new safety standards, have crumple zones etc so are going to be bigger. But the new Mini is horrible.

Personally, I think Fiat were much more successful with the new 500; they've managed to keep it simple and produce a cute 'little' car.

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It's the estates that make me want to poke my eyes out with a stick.

Agree with Elfin.

Way prefer the fiat 500. Not much bike room though 🙁

60% of Mini customers are male.

The 500 actually has some styling taken from the original as well

they are pretty gopping.... and how they can still call it a 'mini' is beyond me:

+1. didn't know about these new oversized ones until I saw one the other day and sicked a little.

Maybe they should resurrect the Maxi name for them. Or Allegro.

I think the mini (originally) had plenty of cues taken from the old one. As did the Beetle.

Modern cars have to pass all sorts of new safety standards

But sadly no "pass the sick bucket" standards.

Same could be said for the Citroen Picasso and Fiat Multipla but look how well they sold!

until I saw one the other day and sicked a little.

YES! This!

I find them slightly scary. In the way some people find clowns scary. Like a genetic mutation gone wrong, or a pumped up body builder with 'roid rage.

As we are drifting a bit, what does everyone think of the new Scirocco?

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As usual, sniffpetrol are pretty succinct in their appraisal:

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[IMG] [/IMG]

To me, apart from anything else it just looks a bit cross, like someone's just nicked it's chips.

cant agree more - looks like a 'normal' mini that has been inflated and is straining for a....

the fact i have seen plenty of nissan jukes around proves that some people just are not visually aware

but its nowhere near as fugly as that nissan juke

Now we're getting somewhere... saw one in the flesh the other day and did wonder how anyone with even close to 20/20 vision could be persuaded to hand over their own cash for such a disfigured lump of nonsense.

I absolutely bloody love the new Scirocco.

I mean just look at the font they've used for the badge. How can a typeface be so beautiful?

hp_source, +1.. you beat me to it, how did they have the gall to use the "mini" name on the new one?

As we are drifting a bit, what does everyone think of the new Scirocco?

I owned two Sciroccos during the 1990s and 2000s and was very fond of them, so I was ready to be outraged - but I think it's quite pleasant-looking tbh.

Mountain bikers have no business buying coupes though.

what does everyone think of the new Scirocco?

Looks like an elephant sat on a golf

the fact i have seen plenty of nissan jukes around proves that some people just are not visually aware

People over the road from us have just bought one, *sigh*, so I get to look at it while doing the washing up.

Buying a dish washer next week.

I like the new Scirocco.

I think Nissan Jukes are great. Anyone making radio controlled cars that big gets a thumbs up from me. Although I've even seen some on main roads, which is a bit naughty.

Just took delivery of my ever so boring Golf, very impressed after 3 years of having a Qashqai that was knackered after 18 months and nearly dead on its feet at 3 years and 86k miles on the clock

Some lads at work have ordered the Mini Clubman why is beyond me but each to their own, my Golf had a 26 week delivery time so must be a lot of boring people around or maybe its the Bluemotion engine and tax that's attractive

As we are drifting a bit, what does everyone think of the new Scirocco?

I'm biased (since I own one) but I like it. Different enough from a Golf and still relatively practical.

Mountain bikers have no business buying coupes though.

This is all made possible by the fact that it is actually a hatchback rather than a coupe, but nobody told VW.

Back on topic, the Mini Countryman is the worst bit of car design I've seen in years. Each design feature seems stuck on - there is no fluency to it. I feel ill from looking at the above pictures. I can live with the looks of the Mini Cooper etc (although they are terribly packaged with tiny interior space). Agreed that the Fiat 500 and VW Beetle are examples of how redesigning classics can be successful.

I take it you lot haven't seen the Mini Coupe they're planning on launching 😆

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My Mk2 Sciroccos were hatches too of course, and two bikes with seats down was easy.

I stand by my previous assertion though.

On another note, what's going on with all those ridiculous square shaped cars on the roads now? Are the drivers being punished for something?

The square cars are massive inside - the shape really maximises space. Form vs function innit.

That Coupe version looks as though it's been made with bits left over from other projects....all of which were abandoned due to their hideousness.

Truly truly gopping.

Am sure it will sell like hot cakes 🙄

WRT this,

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/p>

I've seen this before...

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BoardinBob - Member
I take it you lot haven't seen the Mini Coupe they're planning on launching

Hope your not suggesting that, that is a looker... <scurry's off to the loo to puke>

The Coupe was an attempt to make the tiny inside Mini even less practical.

My friend has a Cooper S and got a lift from her couple of times. The car is ok space wise at the front however sitting at the back is a joke. We were coming back from uni and my mate who is around 6' was sitting at the back. He was so squashed that he could lick his knee. I sat at the back as well, there is not enough space between the seat and floor to fit my feet.

The Coupe will be perfect for 2 people and a small dog, or a cat or a sick bucket.

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New "mini" styling que..

Really pig ugly, like it's bigger brother.

Best served in Brown.. And owned by STW readers.

The Fiat 500 - very nice.

I like the comment about the Mini being tiny inside. When we were shopping around for a second car we tried to fit a buggy in the boot - no chance unless we started taking wheels off and stuff which is a faff. Ended up with a Polo GTI which was LOADS bigger on the inside and seemed much smaller on the outside.

Don't get me started on the Juke. I walk past a Nissan dealer on my way to work and have to stop myself from wretching every morning and evening. Whats worse is that you see LOADS of them on the roads! Can't understand it... Those fuggin Kia things with the DRLs as well. Loads of ugly cars around at the moment...

Oi! My first car was a Maxi!

Built like a tank, cheap, and massive to chuck loads of fishing tackle in!

Those aren't Minis!

They're New Minis!

Just like 'New' Labour, they've got nowt to do with what went before.

😉

G.R.F. + 1

Ah, one bit, the poor love.

I think G.R.F. is now weeping into his Cath Kidson hankie.

Ha ha.

Now that G.R.F.'s kicked it off, I can also admit to owning a Countryman Cooper S 8)

Had it two weeks and it replaced a turbocharged Cooper S, which had in turn replaced my original supercharged Cooper S.

All brutally quick with go-kart handling.

Enjoy your diesel Skodas chaps...

I'd prefer a Mini.

Erm, given the "average" STW demographic, I don't really think the Mini, Juke or any of those other cars are really aimed at "us".

Jeebus, so what if someone wants to drive a Juke or a Mini or it's beefed up version.

Better than a boring as **** Audi*, Volvo, Skoda, etc

* That'd be me 😳

I also had a Mini (BMW version) and then a Cooper S for a couple of years. "Practicality" wasn't really first and foremost in my mind when I was driving it. Yeah, I guess I probably grew out of it...camping, dogs, a need to carry bikes (to the trail centre of course) more.

Mountain bikers have no business buying coupes though.

what's your problem with them?

I think they might be a bit too exciting 😉

I take it you lot haven't seen the Mini Coupe they're planning on launching

Brilliant. Even [i]less[/i] space inside. I actually doubt I could physically fit in it going on the size of the standard one.

A bug eye beak of ginormuss size
Makes it look like my m’sus thighs,
So ugly are the wings out front,
It looks just like your driving a fat hairy runt

It’s tonka toy wheels are rarely ideal
For driving upon our soft roads,
Yet boing’ing and bouncing is all that you do,
When visiting your mates, who live in the Zoo

So why did they strife to give it some space?
When most of us laugh at it’s pig ugly face,
It’s fat arse is worse, though seemingly it’s retro,
So’s riding along in an old Mini Metro.

The profile it sheds, is bleak and obtuse,
And finds itself living in world full of Moose,
For antlers it needs, and it should feed upon seeds,
And drive backwards to head everyone’s pleads.

It’s fatter than You, so expect limited view,
From within it’s four tiny walls,
But we’ll see you in there, with your big poncy hair,
And laugh as we pass you in tears.

You gullible fool with more money than tools
Who’ll spend shed loads on pointless cars,
For we’ll only view this blatant show of You
And pander to your brain full of scars.

Elfinsafety - Member
I think Andy should chrome-plate his little Staffy. It would look well cool.

I'd look a bit more stupid than usual dragging a chrome staffy round the park though. 🙄

I looked at a new shape mini to buy, the interior is comedy, it's like a patronising array of tack that would fit in an early learning centre kiddy car. They've 'tried' to make it fun and have succeeded in a teletbubbies kind of way. It doesn't matter how good they are to drive, it's like a nice bike (ibis, orange whatever your poison is) with a clown horn on the front and if you complain the owners say 'you just don't get it'.

What Fred said about the 500 is true, they are great.

Why should the owners care whether you "get" it or not?

It does seem to follow the styling precedent set by the X6 ....

Enjoy your diesel Skodas chaps

Diesel Fabia vrs? I reckon I would enjoy that cheers 🙂

EDIT they don't do a fabia vrs diesel 🙁 They do an Octavia tho 🙂

Excitement is rarely a consumer product.

They do an Octavia tho

Taxi driver chic 8)

Dd, they care as the ones I know all see it as a fashion statement. True this can't be said of all mini owners as I don't know them all.

G.R.F., I wouldn't touch one of those style-less abominations with yours, let alone any part of my own body, and I would never, ever, spend money on one, mine or anybody else's. I spotted a new Countryman in a square in Bath one night on the way back from the pub with a friend. We both stood and stared at it, unable to believe just how [i]big[/i] the bloody thing was, and how ugly. It dwarfed a newish Polo in front, and the Micra behind looked like that old Mini by comparison. The styling is typical BMW, they are incapable of making a stylish car with body lines that flow and shut and panel lines that flow coherently. The Fiat 500 is a textbook example of how to design a modern replacement for an iconic little car, make it bigger, but still keep the design cues that make the car instantly recognisable and still look small. Audi's A1 looks smaller than a Mini. And I'll happily keep driving my Skoda Octavia TDi; at least I can get four people in it in comfort if necessary, and an entire bike in the back with the seat down and saddle removed. If G.R.F. wants to look a complete tit driving around in an ugly car then I for one won't stand in his way. Minis allegedly handle very well, but so did my old Puma, and that's a much more stylish car. I read a road test of three hot hatchbacks recently, a blown Mini Cooper, a Citrôen DS3 Racing and a Renault, not sure of the model, possibly a Clio. The Mini was comprehensively thrashed by the DS3, the Mini's handling was criticised for being choppy and harsh. This is the car I would rush out and buy if the money suddenly became available:
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a much more stylish car, with a decent amount of room inside.

If you think THAT's stylish...

In most cars you get an emergency tool kit of some kind...

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But in a BMW Mini the emergency tool kit is slightly different;

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Agree with Elfin

What Fred said about the 500 is true

The Fiat 500 - very nice

The Fiat 500 is a textbook example of how to design a modern replacement for an iconic little car

😯

Is this actually people agreeing with me???

(Falls over in shock)

LHS - Member
60% of Mini customers are male.

I've got to go back to this quote.

From my experience of insuring them, almost every 40+ male [i]owner[/i] who rings up just happens to enquire about putting the 17 year old daughter on the insurance. The conversation then normally goes around in circles until the colour has been established as 'girly blue' and the cover needs to start on the daughter's birthday.

Heres one of the 2 Sciroccos we run

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Jon, from an insurance point of view do they get arsey about people insuring cars in their own name when they're a named driver's main car?

I'd have to have this one. It's too cute! 🙂

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molgrips, not so much 'arsey' as just adding a huge load to the premium to try to discourage the fronting and explaining that the cover will be invalidated if the 'second' driver is found to be the main user.

The insurance operator can only go on what you are telling them, so if you insist it's your car they have to go with that.

Of course, if the young driver then wrecks the car, the insurer will start asking questions and perhaps refuse to pay out.

Elfin, have you seen the Ferrari tribute 500? Only £30,000.

http://www.carmagazine.co.uk/News/Search-Results/First-Official-Pictures/Abarth-695-Tributo-Ferrari/

Ooh that's cute isn't it??

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