[Closed] The worst day of my life

dont go on the internet looking for answers has to be my number one tip.. full of misery.. so stay away from google.

be positive.. you could be wrong with your dates.. wait the week..

good luck!

but there's really nothing I can do to help.

I don't know what to say other than be strong, especially for your wife.

Perhaps you are out with your dates? Either way, I sincerely hope this turns around for you.

Been there, done that, (after 3 1/2 years of fertility treatment) it seems so unfair.

There's a pheonemnal statistic that 1/3 of all pregnancies fail, it just seems to be the ones that are wanted. 🙁
Stay strong, as the others have said. It [i]could[/i] still be ok.

How sad 🙁 Would it help your wife to post on [url= http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage ]Mumsnet[/url] miscarriage thread ?

Fingers crossed for you! Lets hope the dates are wrong.

Pregnancy and the associated problems is a stressful and heartbreaking time for many people.

All I can say is be strong for your wife, it will be tough for you but emotionally tougher for her carrying the baby.

Best of luck.

So sorry to hear this. It could be alright though so keep hoping. Waiting is very hard.

Unfortunately it is quite common. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but the statistic quoted above is about right. You should prepare yourself for this possibility. And trust me, I know precisely how you're feeling right now, I have been there a number of times. It's absolutely heart breaking.

Thinking of you fella, I have been exactly there (except we were told there and then that it was a failed pregnancy). It was utterly awful.

Chin up and keep strong. Cry a lot if necessary. It'll get better.

It'll get better.

Don’t hold on to hopes you know aren’t there - things happen for a reason and you can try again if this pregnancy does fail.

My thoughts are with you and your wife

We went through a similar experience and like you my own feelings of grief were outweighed by my frustrations at the feeling of helplessness in seeing my wife so upset. This could be the begninning of a tough time for you two, or as stated above a bit of miscounting could allow a resolution.

The best advice we were given after our miscarriage was that the next ovulation would likely be a very promising one as my wifes body was already set up for pregnancy, so whilst it seemed odd, getting on with trying for another one was the recommendation. This definitely worked for us, and the ability to make a positive action to resolve the feelings of grief was definitely a helpful mindset.

The most amazing thing was that once we shared our story the number of people shared back that they had gone through something similar was incredible. Talking about it helps!

Thanks for your words guys. I think in a strange way we'd both feel better if there wasn't any hope. She had some light bleeding and a stitch-like feeling 2-3 weeks ago and at the time we were told it was probably nothing to worry about but in hindsight it probably was. Logically, we think we know which way it's going to go but we can't greive and start the process of moving on while there's still a chance that we're wrong. That's the hardest thing of all.

So sorry to read this. Wishing strength and courage to you both.

Just stay strong and keep talking to the missus. It's an awful time and it's all to easy to retreat into the metaphorical man cave. If it does fail it's quite a long and painful process that she may have to go through. Hoping for the best for you both.

[i] my own feelings of grief were outweighed by my frustrations at the feeling of helplessness in seeing my wife so upset[/i]

This, and resisting the urge to punch the utterly untactful and uncaring radiographer in the mouth.

Be strong. My wife and I have been there too after our first round of IVF. Test positive, 10 week scan... Basically no embryo, no heartbeat, minimal foetal pole. That was not a good day. The following two rounds of IVF failed as well.

You have to be strong, both for yourself and for your wife. It will be tough though, so do not be afraid of asking for help if it is offered. We're here as well, but that's likely to be less than useful for you.

I'm trying to be there for her, but there's really nothing I can do to help.

Feels like it doesn't it? You never know what to say that doesn't sound trite or patronising, and there's very little you can do physically. But by just "being there" you're probably doing far more than you realise.

I've never been in this situation myself, but I have a friend who was at one stage suicidal. I felt that I wasn't doing anything because I couldn't offer any physical or practical help, and I figure that if you've nothing constructive to say, best not to say anything. But she said to me once she had received counselling, and got the proper help that she needed, that she couldn't have done it if I hadn't been there, and I probably pulled her back from the brink more than the professionals did.

So being there can make all the difference. Be strong, be positive.

I sincerely hope that all turns out well for you both.

You'd be amazed how many people have been through the same experience as you. I know I have. I know this is no consolation to you at all. But its surprisingly common. So... I know how helpless you feel. But just be there to administer hugs, make brews, and have a good cry on. Its all you can do really. Do it well.

It feels like the end of the world right now, but in the grand scheme of things, it'll probably only be a minor setback. Next time will be fine. And there will be a next time. Sooner than you think. Good luck to you both

As has been said above, Be There. Let her know how much it affects you too, but be strong for her. *virtual hugs*

Be strong for her, no matter how hard that is. She needs a rock to lean on, an unbreakable man... this is your time to do that which what husbands are for.

And you will get a second shot at a baby, try to consider it a physiological thing, turn the human aspect into science, a baby has not developed, how would the doctors view this? To them they see science, you're not losing anything as the normal course has not been followed by nature this time around.

Your wife will recover quickly, keep her mind busy and thinking about the future.

All the best.

This place is actually quite nice sometimes, isn't it?

I feel for you and your wife. we were in the same position this time last year. My wife was about 10 weeks gone, and lost the baby.

But, there is hope. Our second baby is due next week.

One thing to remember and to make sure your wife understands is it's not her fault, and it is a lot more common than you think.

One thing we talked about a lot was the reasons behind the miscarriage. The body is a amazing machine, and if things weren't 'right' then maybe losing the baby early is better than losing it later.

Be there for her, as she'll be upset, and it will take her a long time to get over. This aspect of it is something I struggled with tbh, as it didn't effect me half as much as it did her.

good luck mate.

As others have said, be strong for her.

What is also important is that you don't bottle things up. You need to be strong for her but you also need to talk to someone too. Do you have a good friend with a sympathetic and suppoting ear?

I went through a similar experience with my wife a couple of years ago and put all my efforts into being there for my wife that I failed to recomgnise that I needed support too and paid a heafty price for it a few months later with a breakdown.

I feel for you both.

You'd be amazed how many people have been through the same experience as you. I know I have. I know this is no consolation to you at all. But its surprisingly common. So... I know how helpless you feel. But just be there to administer hugs, make brews, and have a good cry on. Its all you can do really. Do it well.

It feels like the end of the world right now, but in the grand scheme of things, it'll probably only be a minor setback. Next time will be fine. And there will be a next time. Sooner than you think. Good luck to you both

^^^^exactly this.

My wife miscarried what would have been our second kid - unpleasant at the time, but after waiting 6 months we tried again, and the result will be turning 9 in a couple of weeks... Very rarely think about "what could have been", as others have pointed out it's quite common, and unavoidable.

Don't beat yourself up about it, support your wife, and if it's not to be there's always another chance.

My wife and I lost our baby girl last March at 4 months pregnant, so my thoughts are with you during this time.

It all feels a bit surreal as you're going through the medical stuff at the same time as dealing with it mentally and emotionally.

There'a already been a lot of helpful stuff said in this thread regarding talking about it to people who can properly understand (friends, family etc).

The NHS offered us lots of care and counselling, although we didn't feel we needed this as our family and friends were excellent.

For my wife, it was important to be reassured that most of the time there is no explanation for these things, i.e. it wasn't her fault.

We quickly learnt it's extremely common, which also helped us deal with it.

As for what you can do to help, being a bloke you'll naturally want to be doing something practical, whereas really you need to just be available for love and support.

Try to carry on with most things as normally as possible, but be aware that your wife will be emotionally very up and down.

She needs you to be the one consistent and dependable thing in amongst all the turmoil.

Another +1 to 'been there'

Binners speaks the truth (for me, the best post of the year thus far.....!)

Interweb hugs from MM Towers.

Thanks again for all the words of encouragement, they're helping, they really are. I'm trying to concentrate on doing what I can for my wife just now.

So sorry for you both. We've been there before over 6 years ago and we were both totally devastated. Looking back now we learned so much about our own characters but at the time we couldn't see the wood for the trees.

Keep strong, its these things that bind your relationship together. I know it's so easy for me to say this but if we look back now on our own experience it was really tough time but we came through the other end stronger.

Another +1 to been there. Twice. Its horrific.

Nothing else I can really add but you've just got to pick yourself up and be there for the other half. Once its all over then theres nothing to stop you trying again. Both times we have and we've now got our two boys who are well worth the complete devastation we went through to get there.

All the advice above is wonderful.

Devastating is not a word I use lightly, however it does feel like that. You have no control and look for answers, why us, what went wrong?

There are no answers to these questions.

It's like a bereavement and you will need to grieve.

Lots of hugs from me too.

http://www.arc-uk.org/

unknown. We lost our first child and it was a hard time so I can fully relate. What kept us going was the fact that Helen conceived in the first place, this may sound crass, but it gave us optimism that someday we would have a child. Many of our friends couldn't even get over that hurdle despite years of trying. You are doing everything you possibly can by simply being there. Your wife needs to know that you love her regardless of outcome.

Do not give up hope though. Do not accept that it's a miscarriage just yet.

It may be, it may not.

Slightly different position, but my wife came off her bike in Les Gets while 10 weeks pregnant. Collected the bars and stem on the way. Bruised stomach, bleeding that night, no confirmation either way until the scan a few weeks later.

Said pregnancy is being made to walk the plank by his big brother in a soft play area at the moment.

Don't give up until its confirmed one way or the other.

Wherever this takes you, I wish you well.

And before someone points it out, downhills, even easy downhills, might not be the best idea in retrospect.

Also been there, and I feel for you. Ours was heartbreaking as we'd been trying for 2 years and were just starting to consider the possibility we weren't going to be able to succeed naturally. At least we had the hope that having succeeded once we could again; hold on to that.

I don't believe in God, only science, but at times likes this i have to believe that there are reasons why so many early pregnancies fail - the human body is amazing in it's ability to self heal, and by the same token i believe that if this isn't meant to be this time, it's because your wife's body has decided this isn't a good one.

But also don't give up all hope yet. With our second pregnancy my wife also suffered from early bleeds and stomach cramps and we had that same 'oh shit' feeling. We went to the scan expecting the worst, and the moment when the radiographer turned the screen to us and showed us a tiny fluttering heartbeat was at least as good a moment as the first time I met my daughter in real life.

She's 9 now.

My thoughts are with you & your wife.

A couple of years ago, me and my wife went for our 12 week scan and a similar thing happened. Couldn't find our baby on the ultrasound scan so had to have an internal scan where we were then told we'd lost the baby. Had another scan a week later to double check there wasn't any growth (which there wasn't) and was told for definite we'd had a missed miscarriage. I was devastated, gutted - cant put it into words how i felt. I spoke with family and friends and they were very supportive and helpful in coming to terms with the situation - It's remarkable the amount of people who have similar experiences.

A few months after all of this and my wife was pregnant again and we had the early scans for reassurance and it all went smoothly. In November my son was born and it was the happiest proudest moment of my life. Just to think, without all of the pain and anguish he would not be here.

Continue re-assuring and being there for your wife. It will get easier with time and don’t be afraid to cry on the shoulders of each other and family & friends. Just because it happened this time doesn't mean it'll happen again.

We have been there and have come out of the other side with a second gorgeous little girl, dont give up hope for one second.

In our case someone drove across the path of the wife and caused an accident which then seemingly caused a bleed which led us to think that is it. After numerous harrowing visits to the hospital for scans and more bleeds it transpired that the little one was literally hanging on by a thread, the sac was literally just attached to the wall.

We had months of worry following and it continued to a point where she was undersize so we thought we were going to have to have her by c-section very early. Again, scans week in week out followed but by staying positive(i feel) and eating healthily she hung un there until the expected date and came out very healthy.

Its an awful time it really is. However we came to the understanding that if it was not meant to be then that was the case. We both agreed that nature should take its cause and would have aborted if it looked like there was going to be issues due to what had happened (not everyones view and not an easy one but one we both agree is right and only fair on the unborn).

The early days are fraught with problems and its when your wifes body decides if its a keeper or not. Try look at it as nature just doing its thing if the worst comes to the worst. On a plus side, you are in a position where you can get to this stage, a lot simply can't. Keep positive both of you!

People don't talk about miscarriage enough but the reality is that when we went through the same we found out it has touched the lives of pretty much everybody we know, sometimes personally and if not then via realtives or friends. It is very common, perhaps even more common than the statistics suggest. How may women think they are having a period when they are actually miscarrying?

The reason I say this is not to say that what has happened to you is any less horrible, of course it is not. But I guess you may feel that this is sign of an underlying problem that will cause this to happen again, this was certainly how we felt. The reality is though that it is almost certainly not.

Nature deals some pretty crappy cards sometimes. It is a horrible time but it does get better.

Another been there , mrscarlos 3rd pregnancy never really started in a similar way (no2 at 12 weeks and no 4 at 18 weeks were miscarriages).I can only echo the advice above ,there's a possibility you will need each other more than ever.Be strong for your wife but don't hold your own emotions back, if you need to cry then just do it! after all this is your baby too.

Mrscarlos ended up on antidepressants after the first miscarriage and blamed herself for everything going tits up when as mentioned above at least 1/3 of all pregnancies fail, luckily she caught on with our 2nd son soon after we'd given ourselves a 12 month deadline (we were both over 40 by this time).

Hugs to you both.

So sorry to read that, and I can only echo the above. Hearing that it is a common occurrence won't offer any comfort, but the support you will gain from friends/family who have been through similar situations will.

And it is a bereavement, so make sure you get the feelings out, talk about it...share it.

Depending on how you deal with situations, the thought that "nature knows best" might help, but I know for sure my wife doesn't think this way, so let her deal with it in the best way she knows, support her as best you can.

Wish you all the best...

We went through it 1st time round, it was awful. As many above have said, it isn't necessarily an indication of a long-term issue. For us the second time round followed soon afterwards and youngster is now six months and all good.

Best wishes to you both, help your missus as much as you can - it's instinct for her to feel culpable.

OP big manhugs from me.

Not been through it personally, but it basically ruined my sister's marriage when she miscarried. My now ex brother in law was a bit older than she was and they were so focused and desperate to start a family that the miscarriage caused a huge rift between them because they dealt with it as individuals, not as a couple. My sister blamed herself and then went off the rails a bit.

As the others have said, be strong and make sure you deal with it together. Good luck, I hope that the news is not bad.

Having been through this - twice - I still don't know what I can say that will help you. My wife, who is usually a complete hardnut, cried for three nights solid, while trying to put on a brave face to our eldest during the day, as he hadn't been told at that stage that he was going to have a brother/sister.

I do know that this is very common - something like 1 in 3 pregancies, and our own record is 2 from 4. Despite the pain and heartache, having seen other people go through worse, it is possibly less horrendous to lose one early rather than late, but it sure doesn't feel like it.

You need to be there for your wife, there should also be advice to support her from the midwives and other groups. Sadly, there is nothing I could find to help the father at such times. I didn't calm down till I'd been out and beasted myself round a local 30 mile road loop, and let the wind dry the tears.

Hope you come through this and it pulls you together. Shout and scream at us on here if it helps.

Similar but not identical situation here. Positive test at five weeks and we were very happy. At six weeks my wife started to bleed and during the scan they could only find the sac on the screen but no foetal heartbeat. Another scan a week later showed cardiac activity. The emotions that we went through during that week really were something... We were lucky but just getting though that time is tough.

If you can talk about it with people you know do so, as many people go through it and many are happy to talk about it as well. However I would say don't quite give up hope yet - we didn't and her name is Kathryn and she is nearly eight...

Thoughts are with you both as it's very tough. We had similar scares when we were told that daughter #2 had a high risk of Downs Syndrome but it actually turned out to be that daughter #2 was in fact daughters #2 & 3!
We were then told that there was a risk of them having Edwards Syndrome and we were given the choice of not continuing the pregnancy. We decided to go ahead and give them a chance and it turned out that they were fine thankfully.
I sometimes think that these things happen for a reason and maybe this time it just wasn't right for you - next time it will.
Good friends miscarried and went on to have two children with no issues so hang in there as best you can.

The fact it can occur for no discernible reason is what got to my missus and I. Our first pregnancy was a dream and apart from a bit of encouragement coming out everything was textbook.
We were overjoyed when we discovered we had another on the way. Then we had the stitch and blood spots that someone mentioned, sal was quite sore one day and while I was out started passing clots. Rushed to the out of hours Gp, then up to the hospital.
Had a scan and the doctor basically said we'd lost the baby and there was prob no reason. He wasn't very sensitive with us and that was the first anyone said about losing the baby although at that point, what really upset me was that Sal had to be admitted and I had to go home to relieve the in laws from baby sitting. Was horrible being at home without her, dropped off to sleep to be called an hour later to be told that sal was haemorrhaging badly and had to go to theatre for a D and C (don't ask me what it stands for- I don't like thinking about it..). Spoke to sal on the phone and she told me to stay at home. Anyways- next morning she called me and told me to come pick her up!
The next few days were really tough, for both of us. But we were lucky enough to have Cameron to keep us busy and the three of us got through it.
Being the practical folk we were we wanted to try again ASAP..
Happily we've got two healthy boys now (no 2 didn't go quite as smoothly) but just wanted to share our experience with you. Hopefully it's good news, but if not, just be there for each other and talk about how you're feeling- to each other, friends, he'll, even on here if that works for you.
All the best,
Al.

Me and the wife have just had three years of miscarriages. The first at 7 weeks was so upsetting as we were so excited and we had the same situation where they couldn't be certain, so they ask to do another scan a week later. It took them three further scans before they would finally say for definite. Then the second one happened at 14 weeks which convinced my wife there was something wrong with her. There was no telling her. They don't investigate until the third as this is when the probabilities get too high to be coincidence. So we tried again, and again we lost the baby. We were referred to St Marys in London. Their investigations suggested my wife had a blood clotting disorder - the remedy was aspirin. I didn't believe it, neither did my wife. But we tried, and got pregnant again, and everything seemed to be OK, until the same pains and the same bleeding, so off we go to the epau again, expecting the worst. We were both staggered to be told it was still there, still fighting. After what must have been a record number of scans for one pregnancy, we finally were induced 2 weeks early. A wee man was born 12 weeks ago tomorrow. Our own little miracle.

We got through somehow. My wife was in pieces most days, and I was sure she had depression at some points of the three years. But all through it I kept telling her that until someone says we can't have babies, then there is no reason why it won't happen. I was definitely the shoulder to cry on, all my emotions were about trying to be there for her. I was always feeling it must be so much worse for her, this was her body rejecting the one thing she wanted so much.

So don't give up. It really is possible to get through the initial pain and emotions. The best thing we found to do was to go for a walk somewhere new, during the week when there was no one else about, and just wander and talk and cry. I think we are a lot closer now than we were before all this happened.

Big hugs OP. Currently sitting in the hospital waiting for my wife to come out of theatre - had a miscarriage this morning at 11 weeks. Feel like shit but trying to stay positive. Sometimes STW can be a good place.

It wasn't until my uncle died that I learned that 45 years earlier, I had an older brother. He was born with serious deformity and passed away within a day or two. I can't imagine how my mother felt. Loosing a child is never easy, especially as she lost her daughter of 46 years. The way her generation dealt with issues was to not talk about it. Not sure that was a healthy thing, or otherwise. The hideous losses of WW2 probably gave people a different attitude to these days.

Life throws all sorts of crxp at you, but you just have to try and put it behind you and carry on. There is one strategy i use for dealing with such events: there is always someone worse off than you.

I won't cite examples in detail, but my neighbours on either side each went through protracted terminal illnesses with one of their kids. One 18 months old, the other was 9. Harrowing! Neither ever mention those experiences now.

I hope all is well with the pregnancy, but if your worst fears are realised, think about the future and what might be in a year or two from now.

I wish you both the very best of luck!!

OP another one from the been there done that club. All the advice i can pass on is that don't give up hope and that it is incredibly common - but the unspoken secret ! We lost one at 11 weeks last year and talked about it to friends - straw poll showed 75% had been there too ! Insane. It feels like the end of the world and you have to treat it like the loss of something. Saying all that, we cracked on and we have a gorgeous 2 week old girl who has melted her dads heart. I would walk on glass for her and the pain of the miscarriage(s) is distant. Man hugs and woman hugs for your wife. Have a wine, have a laugh and enjoy life - its an incredible process that sometimes stops iteslf to save you further pain and anguish, thats how i rationalised it.

Another one to add to the been there done that list, along with NZCol.

I hope all goes well for you OP, I'll not forget the night at the hospital when we were informed that we'd lost our first. It was such a sad time for us, and I wouldn't wish it upon you. But it started us on a road that led to a small op that fixed mrs deadly. I've just fed the result of that fix and put him to bed alongside his mum. Yay for the NHS!

If you need to take positives from this, it's that YOU CONCEIVED!! And that is a big problem for lots of people that go through fertility problems. What NZCol says about it being halted sometimes is nearly always true. I doubt that will comfort you and your partner right now, but it might help you further down the line. So the fact that you conceived is a major positive and something that any fertility expert will tell you.

Conception, pregnancy and the rest of it is one of those horses that throws you off every so often. You just have to get back on again. To echo NZCol (again), we used to look at friends conceiving and having babies and think "FFS, everything always works fine for [i]them[/i]." Only to find when we talked about it, that many of the "[i]thems[/i]" had had the same things happen.

Best of luck with the next scan fella. Keeping fingers crossed and sending manhugs.

So sorry to hear this. I would say though, that those who are saying "be strong for your wife" yes you need to be there for her but I think you also need to show her how upset you are. I know if this happened to us I would be very upset if I thought that he had to hide his feelings to proect me, or worse, that because he wasn't showing them meant that he didn't care.

I think (hope) she knows me well enough to know how I'm feeling. I don't talk a lot at the best of times, more of an introspective type with added hugs and tea-making. We've both gone back to work today and we'll try and keep our heads down and hope this week passes as quickly as possible. Had some more bad news about an unexpected death in the extended family yesterday, so it's been a pretty brutal couple of days.

It never rains but it pours bud, but in the end all things come good! Maybe the bad news will be countered with some good, often happens strangely! Stay positive!

Yep, been there - wife had a car crash at 7 weeks, then a miscarriage at 12 weeks... was awful at the time - looking at a empty black space on the ultrasound sreen was horrible, but we came through it, and just over a year later we had a daughter, who is two and a half now.

Miscarriage is often the bodies way of terminating a pregnancy that isn't going to work out, so you just have to accept it for what it is and work through it.

Keep strong for your Mrs, you will get through this - you'd be surprised how many people have experienced the same...

I wanted to update this thread, and thank you all again for your kind words. We had the follow-up scan today and it was as we'd feared. In a way it's a relief as it feels like we can start to move on now that at least we know for sure. I'm not what you'd call back to normal yet but I am feeling a lot better than I did a week ago.

It has been all said before but just wanted to add my condolences. It is incredibly common - that doesn't make it any easier but you are at leats falling pregnant - this is the only positive my wife and I took from our two miscarriages.
That and the fact that so many friends and family came forward with support and to tell us of their experiences. My advice for what is worth mirros the others' on here - support each other and allow each other to grieve. Don't balme yourselves!
We now have a lovely, healthy 4 month old daughter (third pregnancy) and it has helped enormously to ease the pain - but we still feel intesne sorrow for the two that never were.

So sorry to hear it's not a good outcome. I know others have said be strong for your wife, but I'd like to second what mrsflash said - don't hide from your wife how much you are grieving too. Share your grief together. Things will start to feel better, it takes a little while, but it will happen.

I think (hope) she knows me well enough to know how I'm feeling.

Good luck for the future.

So very sad to hear the update. We lost two so feel your pain.

On the positive side (and it might be too soon or too raw to say this) but now you know it is possible to conceive. Take time to grieve; you both need to.

We now have two beautiful children who mean the world to us.

We've been here before and it's way more common than you think. Your missus will be all over the show as her body is still flooded with pregnancy hormones. It'll be rough but you will get through it.

Happened to us. Feel for you. Not an easy thing to go through.
Us.

Really sorry for your news dude, really sorry.

As raw as it is now, the hurt will ease - make sure you keep talking to each other and don't bottle anything up.

A week ago I was in your situation so I've a pretty good idea how you feel. Email in profile if you want to rant to a stranger.

Very sorry to hear your news. We have also been there and tough as it is things do improve.

Best wishes to you and lady unknown.

Was hoping when I checked back that it'd be good news. Condolences and best wishes.

Look after each other. If you're anything like us, then when you're both hurting is when it's easiest to say something you didn't mean to, or fail to say something you did. Or even to hear something that wasn't there. Make allowances.

And ignore all advice unless you really want to follow it; however well meant some of it will be garbage.

I'm sorry to drag up this thread again but I do feel I need to let some stuff out today.

Yesterday evening we found out it's happened again, at 5 weeks this time. I'm feeling all the same helplessness and pain as the last time and I can't bear to see mrs unknown so upset. It seems like there's enough of a difference between this time and last to suggest there isn't an underlying cause - just more bad luck.

After last time we were trying not to get too excited but you can't help yourself and I'd been hoping to revist this thread with good news once we'd had a scan. The contrast between that hope and excitement and the despair we feel just now is horrific. Mrs unknown said last night that she doesn't know if she can go through this again and hearing that broke my heart.

I know the answer is let it pass, pick ourselves up, stay hopeful and try again, but I haven't spoken to anyone yet and this morning I just needed to vent.

I just don't know what to say - all I can do is send you both virtual hugs.

Really sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how awful you must be feeling. Perhaps not the time to be thinking about this now, but at some point remember that a decent majority of women who have recurrent miscarriages do go on to have a successful pregnancy, so don't lose hope.

The difference between the two miscarriages is actually positive news, although nothing must feel like good news at the moment.

Unknown - so sorry to hear this. Friends of mine recently lost their first child and the stuff that's written in the thread above really struck home, it's amazing how little you hear about pregnancy problems until you or somebody close goes through it. To have it happen twice - well, there's nothing I can say. Hope you both can keep your heads together and stay strong.

Unknown, once again, it's hard to know what to say. Motivation's probably the last thing you want last now, but I'm not sure what else I can offer other than hope. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you both again. It's going to be hard, but be strong and be there for each other. Keep your chin up.

As above, so sorry - again. Wishing you strength and courage.

OP

Very sorry to hear this ,it brings back memories of when we went through a similar situation.It was a long time ago ,but I will never forget that sadness and how hard it was going through it.

It seems like there's enough of a difference between this time and last to suggest there isn't an underlying cause - just more bad luck.

Get as much information as you can from the people helping you ,to make sure that this is the case . We went through lots of tests at the time and the more information we got ,the more prepared and hopeful we felt for the future. Good luck

Our very first *baby* was misscaried at 3 months.

Then we went to private doctor for extra care as NHS are not interested in these kind of things.
We were explained as our blood groups were different and incompatible (mine rezus plus her minus B groups), her body didn't accept allien bodies and rejected. So once she concieved, I had to top her up with prescribed hormones (injecting) to help pregnancy last. It was struggle but we went through it.

Our second child, again ... had same symptoms as first pregnancy (heavy bleeding etc etc) so we lost hope immediately, but we were wrong. Miraculously it went ok. So now we have 2 boys (3y and 9m).

Don't lose hope, most important is to achieve your target and to have a healthy baby. You might want to fine tune yourselve by doing compatibility tests, check her hormones etc and good luck. You deserve your happiness.

My parents lost two babies before I came along, so all I can say is there is hope for you...

unknown - so sorry to hear this news again. We're another couple who've been through similar (complete molar pregnancy - including two operations and six months of follow up monitoring for associated cancer risk).

One of her colleagues had six miscarriages before striking lucky with number seven. So don't give up hope.

I feel your pain. Keep going - remember why you got into this game together: love. Tell her how much you love her, and keep telling her. And don't forget to love yourself too.

Good luck.

Good luck with it and don't lose heart. You need to be strong for each other, it's as hard on you as it is on her so don't be tricked into thinking that you have to be the strong one all the time because you're the man. It's okay to need her help or the help of friends and family to get you to a better place mentally.

you can't dwell on this - it is just a natural process, as natural as conceiving in the first place. sometimes things just aren't right. it happens to a LOT of people. it's happened to me and my wife and I could name 10 couples close to me that this has happened to, some of them multiple times and they all have healthy kids now.
you need to rationalise this as much as possible and move on, plan for next time. be mechanical about it.

I too have rocked this particular t-shirt. Mrs.TRH, raging with pregnancy hormones, went to bits. All I can suggest is to be there for the Mrs.

sorry

Horrible, horrible time, we had our eldest after a miscarriage then could have any more despite a few years of ivf, ended up adopting our second 4 years later.

Nothing anyone can say or do will help at the moment, just be there for your misses. The whole process brought me and mine far closer together than we had been.

Thoughts go out to you both, if you ever think of adoption my email is in my profile