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...had been moaning for years about her 'boring', 'brain dead' part-time job and the bitchy women she worked with in a small office and how she wanted to kick-start her career now our daughter is growing up.
So she polished off her CV, got her 'ideal' full-time job in a local city, and a nice pay rise.
She's been in the new job 3 months and is now moaning about being tired, overworked and the 1hr each-way commute! (The city is still in the same place it was when she applied)
So do I...
A) tell her to STFU.
B) tell her I told you so.
C) offer warm husbandly reassurances.
D) other!
😀
All of the above-hedge your bets...
If the job has anything to do with Europe I'd just keep quiet. The problem will resolve itself shortly 🙂
A,B & C in equal doses if I were you
I'd say A then B followed by D but this is STW so you'll probably opt for C 😆
yes dear....
E) Gently hint that she needs to book you all a nice relaxing holiday somewhere warm and bike friendly.
D = THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU COULD SAY OR DO THAT WILL BE WELL RECEIVED.... as it is all your fault you callous heartless man...
F.- Buy her a nice road bike to commute on. Use that time constructively instead of sitting in traffic . . lead / balloon
If she wanted solutions....she wouldnt have asked you.
If she's like so many other women, she will be enjoying wallowing in her own self pity and all the moreso if dragging you into her orbit of anguish. Don't even think about volunteering sensible ideas on how to fix the problem you fool. Just shut up and listen to the whining. 'tis your job.
Just shut up and listen to the whining. 'tis your job.
I believe you're meant to make reassuring noises every so often, so she can tell you're really listening...
As above...she's venting, you are a part of her support network..binners nailed it.
White Men can't jump "Honey I'm thirsty" scene.
Taught me more about about Women at an impressionable age than I've learnt since through living and working with them.
I tend to leave a) and b) for small unimportant things, the OPs example counts as a major one so I'd be supportive. I'd mention about just needing some time to adjust to a new job after so long in the old one.
If it doesn't work out she'll remember that you tried to support her and that you'd warned her beforehand. This will count for you in the future, probably.
OP, your wife has put her career on hold for some time in order to raise a child. Now, it turns out her dream job might not be so dreamy for her after all. Perhaps she has good reason to be dissatisfied, and is just looking to you for a little support.
Lepeaords don't change their spots. Everybody has a weekly grumble quotient and has to stick to it.
Just pretend to listen.
She doesn't want answers. She just wants to [s]blurt[/s] believe you are there for her no matter what.
Me and the good MrsMC swapped roles at the start of the year, she's gone full time, I've gone part time, and taken on most of the household stuff as a result.
Apparently it is really hard working full time with two busy kids to run around afterwards, even if someone has cooked, cleaned and done the laundry. 🙄
Good job she wasn't having to do it on 4-5 hours broken sleep when the kids were small. 8)
Apparently it is really hard working full time with two busy kids to run around afterwards, even if someone has cooked, cleaned and done the laundry
Apparently it's even harder working full time only to come home to find dinner ready/shopping done/a tidy house/even the sheets ironed/kids fed/homework done/playing nicely or relaxing/getting on well at school/dog walked/garden lovely/holidays organised etc etc etc leaving her nothing to do but simmer in an ever deepening pool of bitterness for three years till her pretentious bitch friends convince her she has never been happy and wants a divorce. IME.
So she was unhappy and here current "job" was crap
She got shot of the job
New Job not all it's cracked up to be?
Your missus is the UK 🙂
We are all in this together - suck it up princess at least you voted for it
Daughter growing up or grown up? I.e. is she still at home generating work?
Straight question - if she is now in a full time 'proper' job and so are you do you genuinely pull your weight and doing 50% of the household load/ family raising duties? Not a bloke genuine 50% which normally constitutes doing the grass, unloading the dishwasher at the weekends and washing the car every six months but a proper 50%. Maybe should be up to 60/70% whilst she settles into a new routine and work role. People have a capacity and if she is doing more than her fair share at home and is topped up before leaving home that 1 hour commute and work related stress will feel way harder to cope with.
Your job is to listen and massage her shoulders.
Nothing else.
No advice unless asked for by her.
Enjoy the sex.
You're screwed, and not in a good way. Whatever you say will be wrong so take the path of least resistance.
It may be frustrating that she's moaning about her new job but at least she got her act together and tried something else. Too many people moan about their situation but do nothing about it. The thought of maybe having to change jobs again is probably hacking her off. I would be sympathetic
@Stoner- you sound like you're enjoying wallowing in your own sexist bile.
Browndog has actually nailed it - perpetually unhappy species, lost couthe of acquaintices that the has happened to (probably me next but I thinkthink my missus likes grinding away) then the "he doesn't give me what I need" departure followed by hooking kp with something considerably more offensive than ex
She likes complaining. Women do. Your job is to pretend to listen.
I agree it sucks.
Morning all - thanks for your input!
I've been busy with option Z (termination) - now what paving slabs for a quick and easy job!?
Enjoy the sex.
Ha ha!
Straight question - if she is now in a full time 'proper' job and so are you do you genuinely pull your weight and doing 50% of the household load/ family raising duties?
Yep - certainly pull my weight and I do a lot of the housework. And do all child taxi duties. I don't really do cooking though as my cooking usual consists of something frozen and chips! I've even adjusted my hours so I start earlier every day which means I can be at home earlier two days a week so daughter doesn't come home to an empty house.
To be honest, I'm a bit of a catch and would have the ladies going wild on Match.com!
I've just been patronised about having to do lots of washing today. It's not that ****ing hard to stick dirty clothes in a machine, press buttons, stick them on the line/tumble dryer, then iron them. Even twice in one day.
Funnily enough, I had the sense not to be so ****ing patronising about it when she was at home doing these jobs.
How long till the divorce thing, browndog?
OP as always there are only two answers
1) Leave it with me
2) I don't know
I did this...career progression blah blah blah...commute went from 10mins to 1.5hours...managed to stick it out a year - I went back to my old company and have never been happier:)
I thought I wanted a high flying, career driven lifestyle - LOL - turns out I just needed to put things into perspective. I can afford to do all the things I want to do, I have no stress and a 10min commute.
Tell her to look for something else closer to home.
Yep - certainly pull my weight and I do a lot of the housework. And do all child taxi duties. I don't really do cooking though as my cooking usual consists of something frozen and chips! I've even adjusted my hours so I start earlier every day which means I can be at home earlier two days a week so daughter doesn't come home to an empty house.To be honest, I'm a bit of a catch and would have the ladies going wild on Match.com!
Swoons
In that case you are in a much better position to tell her to [s]man [/s] woman up or appreciate it's not or her. Or just give a good impression listening and let it go over the top whilst thinking about bike, beer and chips!
It's a funny old world isn't it? I get similar from my wife - she hates her job and wants to be at home to spend more time with the children.
However she only works part time and term time so the only time she is at work when the kids are home from school is the one day a week when she works until 6pm. Every other day she is with them all the time after school.
C. Book up a nice weekend / treat for her as you can afford it now. Tell her the extra cash will be great for treats / savings
I am of the view (experience from marriage #1) that its healthy the Mrs understands what work and earning decent money means, we can't all have a cosy low stress job next door. Its ok if she has that sort of job provided she understands the sacrifices made by others
When I do the ironing (which I do all of) is my favourite of moan times - I get tuts and dirty looks because I do it in front of the telly and catch up on all the TV she doesn't like - I SHOULD BE SUFFERING WHEN DOING THE IRONING, NOT HAVING A LAUGH!
C. Book up a nice weekend / treat for her as you can afford it now.
She can book the nice weekend - she earns more than me now! 😀
The clue to the problem lies in the thread title!!!
New patio?
OP - you aren't that far from me - first Friday in every month we have a Dads Night Out in the village pub so we can discuss all of these issues in a safe and supportive environment. You are more than welcome to join us.
In the interests of balance, Mums Night Out is the last Friday of every month to moan about us.
The bar staff are incredibly discreet about it all......
Oooh - I'm being groomed now! My mum told be about your sort! 😀
What pub do you frequent? I may be able to get a pass-out when I've done my chores.
I'm being groomed
Don't flatter yourself! 😉
dragging you into her orbit of anguish
I like that quote a lot.
If it doesn't work out she'll remember that you tried to support her and that you'd warned her beforehand.
ahahahahahahaha good one are you a professional comic?
Given the general level of disrespect in this thread, I'm not at all surprised if your partners are prone to complaining.
Anyway the answer is she's your wife: support her.
wasn't that the plot of the Stepford Wives?first Friday in every month we have a Dads Night Out in the village
Have you noticed the general light-hearted nature to this thread Ransos!? You ought to pop over to Mumsnet and see how the other half behave.
I love her to bits, but as a husband you have to leave your thoughts in your head, nod and say the right things from time to time (or [s]quite[/s], no very often!)
Stoner +1.
She's venting to her significant other. The mistake you're in danger of making is thinking she wants a solution.
If you're quick of mind, you can make some reassuring noises and ask some subtle, pointed questions to get her to reflect on her current circumstances more objectively, but on your head be it.
ransos - MemberGiven the general level of disrespect in this thread, I'm not at all surprised if your partners are prone to complaining.
Anyway the answer is she's your wife: support her.
Are you new to being married?
Length of relationship has some influence on views me thinks
I would use the moment to look deeply into her eyes and confess to sometimes pissing in the sink.