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I'll start! These rules are in strict order of importance:
- If you drive an Audi then you must fully justify your choices.
Example I drive an audi but I inherited it and fully respect the (current) highway code. I even indicate at all times, even when I'm changing lanes on an empty motorway. - Anytime you mention your car in any context, you must state exactly:
- What method you mostly use for transporting your bike (inside/roof/towbar rack).
- If not inside, wth did you bother getting it?
- If inside, what the max bike capacity is. NOTE: Please use these commonly accepted units
Fwo=Front wheel off
Bwo=Back wheel off
mFSb=modern full suspension bike/ebike
Cb=childs bike. 1 Cb(Fwo)=0.5 mFSb(Fwo) - Optional but recommended, do try and state what the max mFSb(Fwo)/passenger is otherwise be prepared to be questioned on bike & seat combinations.
- Also state if there is a boot lip.
Example: My Vauxhall Zafira (no boot lip!) easily has an inside bike capacity of 4xmFsb(Fwo). It has a max mFSb(Fwo)/pass of 2.5. Can do 1 mFSb (with most of the rear seats folded). How do I replace the headlight bulbs without dismantling the entire front sub-assembly?
- There is no need to rehash environmental arguments ad-infinitum. Everyone agrees that in theory all cars are no good bad for the planet. There's some disagreement on what combinati0n of make/model/age/fuel type are the worst but we all know a brand new Tesla SUV is morally and environmentally repugnant and at least as horrific as a diesel Citroën Berlingo. Let's not always rehash the same argument over whether someone should or should not replace their battered ancient Vauxhall Zafira with a new EV on environmental grounds. It's ok to move on.
Example:
thebunk (Full Member). I'd like to replace my Zafira* with a brand new Tesla because I deserve nice things but have no moral compass. Are they any good for transporting bikes though, as that is the most important thing about cars and I don't know why people would talk about cars on a bike forum without being very clear about their bike transportation abilities.
* (no boot lip!) easily has an inside bike capacity of 4xmFsb(Fwo). It has a max mFSb(Fwo)/pass of 2.5 mFSb(Fwo). Can do 1 mFSb (with most of the rear seats folded).
Don't respond:
If you replace your Zafira with a Tesla you are the worst. Don't you know that scientifically if you replacing your car we will all go to hell next year rather than the year afterwards? You should buy whatever car I own!
Do respond:
Teslas have a boot lip and can store precisely 0.75 mFSb(Fwo). What is the point? Buy a Citroen Berlingo (no bootlip) and you can fit 1 jillion mFSb(Fwo) inside it! PS ELON SUCKS
I think I've covered the most important rules, but feel free to add any minor ones you can think of.
Simple, clear, effective. I like it
You’ve not covered making progress and…
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Where do "we" stand on colours of cars?
An electric car is a no brainer.. Unless you need to tow a caravan then it’s impossible.
They are very expensive though ?
Not owning a car or ebike is probably better ??
I think you'll find that a silver 2010 diesel Mondeo hatch is the zenith of automotive history.
Not as fast as a red one but it matches my hair and beard better
Are there rules for discussing the apparently insurmountable challenges of driving at 20mph?
Rule #1
You shall only recommend what you currently drive.
Everything else is rubbish.
Isn't the answer a van?
Or not a van because they're evil?
?
Isn’t the answer a van?
Well yes. But a proper van, not an aspirational lifestyle chariot that's compromised by having most of its load capacity used up by overpriced chipboard furniture.
My personal choice in vehicle is the zenith of powered personal transportation.
anything more expensive is a frivolous waste of money.
anything less efficient is personally responsible for 20m of annual glacial retreat
anything more powerful is pointless dick waving as you’ll be in traffic anyway.
anything bigger is a waste of resources.
Anything longer, wider or taller is starting an arms race to the bottom
and as a result, any of my pie in the sky proposals for limits, taxes, fines etc will conveniently allow me to keep my car at no extra cost, while being prohibitively expensive for anyone who doesn’t meet my rules
oh and any tyre that isn’t conti, Bridgestone or Pirelli must be referred to sneeringly as a ditchfinder.
Why do you need to fit a bike inside a car? The car should be as small as possible for your daily needs then put a bike on the roof the rare times you need it.
My car is so achingly niche that I’ve only ever seen another one on the road three times.
@munrobiker I said that but the mpg police took my roof rack away.
Of all the things to stop my post making sense without ninja editing an @ into it, I get ambushed by a surprise panther appearance.
Where do “we” stand on colours of cars?
As with bikes, whatever colour gets it past the missus.
My car is so achingly niche that I’ve only ever seen another one on the road three times.
*bites lower lip (not to be confused with boot lip) and quivers*
I get ambushed by a surprise panther appearance.
I am so achingly niche that I only ever get spotted very occasionally.
not an aspirational lifestyle chariot that’s compromised by having most of its load capacity used up by overpriced chipboard furniture
Bugger 🫣
Shouldn't there always be a spurious link to a WCA "Are you Bored Enough... " video?
Bugger 🫣
I think that might be more about where you park up rather than what you drive...could be wrong.
My car is so achingly niche that I’ve only ever seen another one on the road three times.
My car is so achingly niche that I've only seen one on the road, and that was mine that time I got carjacked in a posh suburb of Manchester.
I don't currently own a car. First time since 1996
I didn’t bother reading any of the previous posts including the OP which was quite long.
I’ll just tell you all about the current topic on my mind instead.
Does anyone else’s rear view camera get dirty really quickly? How do you keep yours clean ?
[i]My car is so achingly niche that I’ve only ever seen another one on the road three times.[/i]
When I complete mine (see clip above) it will definately be 1 of 1 globally.
The Merc I traded in to buy this donor was only 1 of 1 in the UK so not really that niche.
Why do you need to fit a bike inside a car? The car should be as small as possible for your daily needs then put a bike on the roof the rare times you need it.
Or even better, get rid of your car and only ride in places that you can get to by train.
You must have a watertight reason why you need a big car and listen to no arguement
I have an Audi the reason being, I like them
- If you don’t own a car you have to tell everyone and tell them that there is no reason for anyone to own a car.
Op, if you are going to impose that charter, expect a raft of amendments ala the American Constitution with argument and counter argument going on for years.
I'm fairness, an "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that..." could come in pretty handy on here. 😉
Did what it's with I think that anyone with a car is a planet murderer, guilty of global cross species genocide.
(I'm between cars at the moment so for once have the moral high ground. 😁)
the-muffin-man Full Member
You’ve not covered making progress and…poweerrrrrrrr
This is a safe space, so if folk want to fulfil their car journalist fantasies and babble on about their skoda <i>having</i> a sporty feel that doesn't sacrifice comfort then that's absolutely fine. But people will feel a bit sorry for you and completely ignore what you say. You know what car journos never talk about? How many bikes you can get in sodding thing; or if it is possible for their wife to get her mountain bike in and out of the boot without cracking it on the lip. Pointless knobs.
Bruce Full Member
If you want to discuss cars you could just go to a car forum.
I've reported you to the mods as a shill for piston heads.
matt_outandabout Full Member
Where do “we” stand on colours of cars?
Unless you are posh you don't get to choose the colour of your car so it not worth talking about. Also everyone knows there is only One True Colour.
trail_rat Free Member
An electric car is a no brainer.. Unless you need to tow a caravan then it’s impossible.thepurist Full Member
Are there rules for discussing the apparently insurmountable challenges of driving at 20mph?
I've reported the Electric Car thread and the idiot 20mph threads for not containing enough information about the bike carrying characteristics of any vehicles mentioned therein.
ElShalimo Full Member
J-R Full Member
perchypanther Free Member
WorldClassAccident Free Member
Something about Mondeos and/or niche cars
This is a safe space, so no-one will tell you they pity you. But I think the kindest thing to do is to tell you the truth.
richardkennerley Full Member
Isn’t the answer a van?
Only if the question is: What van should I get? Otherwise you sound like someone that doesn't know the difference between vans and cars.
ayjaydoubleyou Full Member
My personal choice in vehicle is the zenith of powered personal transportation.munrobiker Free Member
Why do you need to fit a bike inside a car? The car should be as small as possible for your daily needs then put a bike on the roof the rare times you need it.Kramer Free Member
Why do you need to fit a bike inside a car? The car should be as small as possible for your daily needs then put a bike on the roof the rare times you need it.
Or even better, get rid of your car and only ride in places that you can get to by train.tjagain Full Member
You must have a watertight reason why you need a big car and listen to no arguement
Wow good points. Feel free to bang on about that stuff when people are asking for your opinion on whatever that point was.
WorldClassAccidentFree Member
Shouldn’t there always be a spurious link to a WCA “Are you Bored Enough… ” video?
No!
Drac Full Member
I have an Audi no reason being, I like team.
That's gone badly for you that has.
That’s gone badly for you that has.
Didn’t it just. I’ve edited it now.
Christ when my head is a mess my dyslexia plays up ten fold.
I ride my bike and use my car for carrying people instead. Weird.
Don't make judgements about people based on what brand of car they drive (or what brand of bike they ride).
I own a Porsche Cayenne called Greta.
I find this rather confusing as all answers/problems can be sorted by the "Skoda Octavia" clause has been left out. I'm sorry, but this simple admission negates all previous paragraphs and thus renders this entire thread worthless.
I drive a van, not a Skoda by the way.
The use of the phrases 'spirited driving' (transl. 'I invariably drive like a ****, but don't realise it') or 'a nice place to be (transl. 'I live in a deluded fantasy world where being in my car is like lounging in a gentleman's club rather than being sat in a means of transport and have swallowed the hype and more') should lead to an instant ban.
I'm not sure you need rules beyond those. Some sort of teleport button where threads can be instantly banished to Pistonheads wouldn't be a bad call either, but probably way beyond STW tech however.
"WARNING! WARNING!"
A Prius thread has started up. It's only a few hours old but remains solidly on message. Actually, given the topic, there's very little you can say, and certainly no chance of offering the OP an old Berlingo instead.