[Closed] the handy hint thread

One I'm sure everyone here already knows:

Put the chain on the big ring before working on cranks/pedals/etc. Saves on those [i]OUCH![/i] moments 8)

Oh, and run the cold tap first, hot tap second to stop the mirror misting up...

Put the chain on the big ring before working on cranks/pedals/etc. Saves on those OUCH! moments

every days a school day 🙂

Always pack a coat hanger when travelling. Makes it much easier to hang a shirt up in a steamy bathroom to "hang out" any creases, as the hotel ones will be those annoying ones without a hook.

An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive gift your wife will love.

Do not hand your money over to a maker of mountain biking related cartoon style keyrings without a realistic delivery date.

Razor before gaffer tape.

newspaper is excellent for polishing windows/mirrors for a streak free finish

bicarb and bleach mixed gets rid of mildew brilliantly

Always pack a coat hanger when travelling. Makes it much easier to hang a shirt up in a steamy bathroom to "hang out" any creases, as the hotel ones will be those annoying ones without a hook.

When using the 'turn the shower on and steam the creases out' method, always ensure that the bathroom door remains closed, because smoke detectors in the Ibis hotel chain, sited convieniently outside the bathroom door, are unable to distinguish the difference between steam and smoke.

You may inadvertently cause your fellow conference attendees to run out onto the corridor dressed only in small bath towels.

Ahem.

When using the 'turn the shower on and steam the creases out' method, always ensure that the bathroom door remains closed, because smoke detectors in the Ibis hotel chain, sited convieniently outside the bathroom door, are unable to distinguish the difference between steam and smoke.

Another top tip;

Stay in good quality hotels. 🙂

NHS were paying... 🙁

I used to stay in hotels of such good quality that they trusted the guests not to nick the hangers and hence they were the normal kind.

Those days are sadly missed.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply
pissing in the sink.

bruneep - Member

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply
pissing in the sink.

+1

Don't waste money buying an expensive telescope. Choose the cheapo option and practice jumping really, really high.

When buying a camera, actually buy two. That way, you can take a photo of it for advert purposes when it's time to upgrade.

Couldn't resist this one from Viz

CASH STRAPPED police forces. The average police woman's uniform costs around £250. But Ann Summers' shops do a wipe-clean one for under twenty. So save money and improve public relations in one stroke.

😀

one stroke.

Is that all it takes?

Try using your left hand. Feels like someone else is doing it.

Another top tip;

Stay in good quality hotels.

Alternatively, go on conferences with good quality attendees.

Couldn't resist this one from Viz

CASH STRAPPED police forces. The average police woman's uniform costs around £250. But Ann Summers' shops do a wipe-clean one for under twenty. So save money and improve public relations in one stroke.

Just one stroke!

HOUSE HUNTERS. Kind homeowners warn others of undesirable areas by covering their houses in lights at this time of year...

Don't tug on Superman's cape.
Don't spit into the wind.
Don't pull the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger.
And you can't **** with me and my men.

Trapped wind or bloating?

Don't bother with chemically pills and the like, just lie on your back and pull your knees up to your chest, squeeze, and relaxxxx....

Note: more sensitive co-workers may object, so it may be best to sneak into an enclosed space, like the bosses office while he is away from his desk.

Avoid Birmingham and surrounds by taking the M6 Toll 😯

When you want to remove your bicycle pedals and can't remember......

BACK OFF!

When the bike is upright and you put the pedal spanner on the pedal vertically, you rotate it towards the back of the bike to take them off!

Avoid Birmingham and surrounds[s] by taking the M6 Toll[/s]

FTFY. 😉

CaptainFlashheart - Member
Try using your left hand. Feels like someone else is doing it.

Apparently, if you lie on your knob for a few minutes first, it feels like you're doing it to someone else... Sommat like that anyway...

If you use a combi boiler turn down the heat of the water - Not much point heating it up to then cool it down for baths etc by adding cold.

Always let shoe polish dry for an hour or so before polishing.

Vinegar is cheaper and better than viakal.

Half a ping pong ball makes an ideal crash helmet for a hampster.

A used shuttlecock is the perfect wedding headwear for a chicken.

On the night that both Manchester sides experience the ignominy of exiting the Champions League at the first round, don't swan around whistling "You'll Never Walk Alone" 🙂

Cut down on road deaths by driving on the pavement.

don't stand on the top of hill wearing wet copper armour in a thunder storm screaming "all the gods are Bstards"

and a real life one, when riffling through a cupboard DO NOT MIX UP A TUBE OF VEET WITH PILE CREAM 😯

Also, keep superglue and vaseline in separate drawers, when rumaging in the dark it easy to get them mixed up. I did and you can imagine what happened!
The broken spout fell off my teapot again.

On the night that both Manchester sides experience the ignominy of exiting the Champions League at the first round, don't swan around whistling "You'll Never Walk Alone"

Thin ice dd. Thin ice..

On the night that both Manchester sides experience the ignominy of exiting the Champions League at the first round, don't swan around whistling "You'll Never Walk Alone"

😆

Please tell me you did?

Also, keep superglue and vaseline in separate drawers, when rumaging in the dark it easy to get them mixed up. I did and you can imagine what happened!
The broken spout fell off my teapot again.

😆

Qualitage.

Elfin's Top Tip:

If the need to argue on tinternet overcomes you, avoid arguing with Elfin, as he is always right and the more you argue with him the sillier you will look and more laughing he will be.

😀

confused about what bike to ride? don't want to miss out on the next big thing in the world of mountain bikes?

just buy a set of handlebars and run around imagining whatever bike you want. no longer will you need a slacker head angle or more travel for that gnarly bit and it really will climb like an xc hard tail.

cleanin and maintenance is even easier as well

Tazzy - I keep getting chain suck and had 3, yes Three punctures the last time I used mine.

don't drink too much alcohol unless you feel like it, and then you could make a flowerbed or something out of the unused alcohol. And a packet of crisps in the wind is a useful packet of crisps not spared whatsoever, it's foil in the wind... and then there's the terrible unused cake in christmas parties.. bad.

Tazzy - I keep getting chain suck and had 3, yes Three punctures the last time I used mine.

TSY you should have imagined a stans system and a single speed, no problems then 😀

When you've missed the last coach back to Bournemouth at London Victoria coach station, don't abuse the Met Police when they're trying to help.

Or you'll spend the night locked up in Belgravia cop shop 😳

don't stand on the top of hill wearing wet copper armour in a thunder storm screaming "all the gods are Bstards"

Thank you, Twoflower.

I have a bike like the luggage as well

lol @ hill wearing wet copper armour in a thunder storm screaming. The gods of thunder don't give a toss about mild mannered stwers!

dont ever buy new razor blades again.

sharpen them on a pair of jeans...

joking aside this works....

[url=

save money this christmas by telling carollers to eff off.. 😐

GrahamS - Member

Trapped wind or bloating?

Don't bother with chemically pills and the like, just lie on your back and pull your knees up to your chest, squeeze, and relaxxxx....

Note: more sensitive co-workers may object, so it may be best to sneak into an enclosed space, like the bosses office while he is away from his desk.

But this is a doozy

flip - Member

When you've missed the last coach back to Bournemouth at London Victoria coach station, don't abuse the Met Police when they're trying to help.

Or you'll spend the night locked up in Belgravia cop shop

I wish I'd met more of you lot when I lived in Victoria...

Don't go to the expense of buying summer and winter tyres. Simply buy one pair of winter tyres and run them inside out during the dry summer months!

Never come first, never come last and never waste an erection.

Never come first, never come last and never waste an erection.

drilling a hole in the wall? use a post it

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[img] ?Expires=1323525708&Key-Pair-Id=APKAIYVGSUJFNRFZBBTA&Signature=CoAYVKdjm1mfpCBYgrsxxm~f9m-oW7tDZJ0xldUegKtAvSTgnkKdfdMjGBNjyLTdaT2lgVGc8p4CkCLcBLSNTw8euRBLycBrvYOplvjrp~uxyAvJ0rAOOeKzGilXxZbBvuFdn6LQKzZ82ono9u6LmTwN23mpBbDl-~rxYTAZTWE_[/img]

When posting images to STW try and make sure everybody else can see them.

Greyish coloured or dirty marks on hand painted furniture or painted surfaces
can be taken off using a good quality rubber (Steadtler)
So no need to rub down and re-paint.

Plane not cutting too well despite just honing the blade? Put a few streaks across the sole with a candle and your plane will really glide across your timber.

When stuck behind a learner motorcyclist, honking your horn, flashing your lights and gesticulating like an epileptic experiencing both a fit and 240 volts passing your scrotum will not help in getting you on your way any quicker.

In fact it will lead to the learner motorcyclist having a bit of a panic and forgetting how to do a hill start after a stall, then going on a deliberate go-slow up the hill.

If a pregnant lady wishes to give birth you should lay her on her back with her legs in the air and entice the baby out by waving a rattle near the end of her skirt.

Save time when crossing a one way street by only looking towards oncoming traffic.

When crossing a one way street, make sure you look both ways in case a bin wagon is reversing the wrong way down the road.

samuri - Manchester Infirmary.

Prit make crap lip-stick.

Go green. Save your toenail clippings. Put them in an old stocking and knot it. Now you have a very good pan scourer.

[img] [/img]

18bikes - Member

drilling a hole in the wall? use a post it

Elfin's Top Tip:

If the need to argue on tinternet overcomes you, avoid arguing with Elfin, as he is always right and the more you argue with him the sillier you will look and more laughing he will be.

Pw3d 😆

When trying to convert your non tubeless rims and tyres to be tubeless using the popular "Ghetto", use a compressor.

[img] [/img]

A serious one..........

Gamut chain devices are noisy due to having a nylon chain roller. Cut a section out of a roadie inner tube and slip it over the roller with a bit of glue and the noise goes.

I loved the viz one about polar bears adapting to global warming by rebranding themselves solar bears. It then had a picture of polar bears poolside on sun loungers.

When playing the 'Wake your friend up with a spatula' game- make sure the spatula isnt a metal one.

Metal ones hurt and may have the unwanted side effect of being ****ted by said friend......

Save money on expensive beehives by stealing a bee from your neighbor's hive, one per night.

That way, in just over 37 years you'll have your own [b]free[/b] beehive and free honey to suit...

DrP

Going away for a few weeks, but worried dirty crooks will break in and ride away on your beloved stead. Just use some muckoff; spray on thoroughly, wait a few minutes then rinse off with plenty of water, in a mearly 24 hours all moving parts will sieze and rust solid, completely immobalizing the bike, making it virtually impossible to ride away on.

don't throw used condoms away, they make great chewing gum for cats. (from viz)
Make jeans last longer by not sharpening razors on them. (my own)

Make razors last longer by sharpening them on your jeans.

worn out 22t chain rings make brilliant ninja stars.

After a late night kebab fight with your mates, remember to blow your nose to clear the chilli pepper he snuck up there. If not, in the morning the numbness to that side of your body may cause you to think you've had a stroke.

Never let your 3 year old have the upper hand

[img] [/img]

EVER

After a late night kebab fight with your mates, remember to blow your nose to clear the chilli pepper he snuck up there. If not, in the morning the numbness to that side of your body may cause you to think you've had a stroke.

😯 Was that after the 'Wake your friend up with a spatula' game?

Tame budgies and parrots easily by replacing their grit with iron filings. By holding a large magnet, they will sit hapilly on your hand for hours.