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How do you tell your missus she's getting fat?!?!
Buy her some nice underwear, a size too small. It'll either make her realise she's bulging a bit, or you'll get your hole.
Win win.
You stay away from my wife, the cheek of some people on here.
Can I have your bikes, you know, after you tell her?
Be magnanimous, offer to take her shopping for some new clothes. Let us know how it goes.
Hahahaha, have you been married for long no Beer?
whilst wearing a crash helmet?
Make "wide load manoeuvering" beeping noises when she moves around the house.
whilst wearing a crash helmet?
In front of your groin
We just tell each other!
Write it in icing on a cake?
Suggest turning the mattress more often as "there's a divot forming"
Mine asked me, once, if she was getting a bit F..
I'm a rubbish liar and she can tell straight away when I'm not being completely honest.
Maybe it's just 'water retention' or 'bloating' after having pasta/bread?
Tell her F2F in front of her Mother.
What business is it if mine? I know not to stick my beak in where it's not wanted.
Posthumously.
17 years thered.
Just tell her. We are pretty open and honest with each other. If I tell her she's gained a couple of pounds I usually get "You think so? Thanks for letting me know." Likewise I appreciate knowing.
Write it in icing on a cake?
*snort*
OP - are you nice and buff? Toight like a toiger?
If you are it's probably difficult to tell her, but if you're like me and a lot of middle age cyclist, a bit round in the middle, you could suggest that you're both letting yourselves go and need to pick it up a bit on the weight loss front.
Get some of those scales that record your weight to an app, then she'll figure it out herself
I usually get “You think so? Thanks for letting me know.”
...and it gets stored away for some future use. Which might not be today, tomorrow, or even next year. But one day, when the carving knife is wobbling between your shoulder blades, you'll know how well she really took it.
Let her catch you in bed with a skinnier woman.
email link to this thread.
When she asks "does this top make me look fat?" Reply, "it's not the top that makes you look fat..."
You stay away from my wife, the cheek of some people on here.
hehehe
BTW How the chuff do you quote on here?
I'd prefer my OH to just tell me if I'm getting a bit doughy so I can do something about it, usually involving stopping drinking alcohol for a bit which seems to work nicely as well as saving a bit of money- win/win 😀
On a serious note to the OP, its a difficult one. Define 'Fat' Nowadays Fat was once obese, now the goal posts have got wider (no pun).
Is there a reason why she has put some weight on? Maybe chat with her how she is.
Has she put a lot of weight on recently or has it been gradual.
Take her to your gym where you're in the mirror checking out your six pack and ultra athlete aesthetics and she may have a 'ding' moment?
How do you get a fat girl on the roof?
Piece of cake 😀
How do you tell your missus she’s getting fat?!?!
You don't - like EVER!
It's the quickest way to create resentment and hate that I've ever found.
she may have a ‘ding’ moment?
....whilst stood in front of the microwave, presumably?
Wish there was a simple way to tag and follow a thread...I have a feeling this could get interesting...
Guess it depends how buff you are yourself. If you also need to shed a few grams you can suggest getting in shape as something you could do together...not that she needs to lose any beef of course...it's purely to support your efforts...
My son told Missus J the other day that her "bum was MASSIVE!".
You could have heard a pin drop.
...as it fell out of a grenade?
Honestly, you don't. She'll know herself and will decide what, if anything, she's going to don about it. You telling her will help neither her or you.
Has she put on a pound or two or needs to lose a stone or more? This could be the difference between "I think we should have a healthy month" and "we need to talk about short term health and Type 2 diabetes".
Couple of pounds? Then dont say a word directly, go for a "Let do something together" approach.
Cook all meals and give her less of a portion - no pun intended.
Buy a tuba and follow her around the house parping in time with her steps.
Hire a marine drill sergeant to put her through her paces. Don’t tell her about this though, post up a reaction video to YouTube when he / she arrives at your house and send us the link.
Do you have small children, preferably under six? They are brilliant at breaking bad or unwanted news in a comedy format
“we need to talk about short term health and Type 2 diabetes”
This should work out well. And don't ever use the word obese without prefixing it with "morbidly".
Then you can have a discussion about your autism.
"Darling, I've been thinking about a new patio..."
Do you have small children, preferably under six? They are brilliant at breaking bad or unwanted news in a comedy format
Yeah, except the start of their conversation generally runs, "Mummy, Daddy says ......" and you are in twice the ****, (sorry, assumed the sweary filter would pick pick that up).
Just cook smaller amounts and say nothing. Tackle the cause of the problem, there's no need to talk about it.
Buy a tuba and follow her around the house parping in time with her steps.
Very funny that man 🤪🤣👍
according to conversations in the office this morning the polite term is portly.....
or as our resident azeri miss-heard *porkly*
I'm in decent shape, slim build. When I've lost then remaining 4 kilos of the 5 that I want to get rid of, I will be skinny.
I've tried doing the cooking and only preparing healthy low fat stuff, she complains and takes over after a few weeks.
I've suggested that I want to lose weight in the hope that she'll join in too.
Alas every time I get in her car it is filled with chocolate and crisp packets.
We have a 5 year old, he's not subtle and repeats everything, what should I say to him that will get the message across without dropping me in it.
Bring home some cake, when she asks for a slice say "none for you, fattie fat fat"
That should sort it.
Dumb question, from your last post to me its clears she's he's happy with her diet and weight so what's the issue?
Tackle the cause of the problem
We haven't identified the problem, or even determined if there is a problem. Maybe the problem is the OP with his obsessive body fascism. Either way I'd evaluate the pros and cons of addressing the matter of fatness. Perhaps get an opinion from somebody who knows the "said wife" better than us on this internet. I always find the Simpsons to be a reliable guide to human behaviour and I believe there is an episode where Homer stumbles on the existence of a thing called a "gym".
There's a certain chap off of here who came to visit us with his lovely wife and daughters a few weeks ago. I was making some bacon butties in the morning and asked his lovely wife if she wanted the fat cut off her bacon (like my Mrs does).
He piped up "does she look like someone who cuts the fat off her bacon?"
He was in a lot of trouble. He probably still is.
"Dumb question, from your last post to me its clears she’s he’s happy with her diet and weight so what’s the issue"
If it's got to the stage he's turned to here it's probably worry for her health and wellbeing.
We have a family member who's just recovering from a triple bypass after ignoring similar plees from those that love her
There's no worry at the mo but I know how hard it is to get our of the habit of eating. She tends to turn to fad diets when wanting to lose weight and I also know this isn't a great idea for her cos she never keeps it off. In fact puts more on.
There are always excuses for not eating well and the frankly absurd amount of choccy and crisps is only going to take thing's one way.
What i want to avoid for everybody's sakes is the creep towards morbid obesity. Her parent are and diabetes is now an issue, one of them can't get up and down stairs etc etc.
Her parent are
In which case tell her she's turning into her mother, likely to result in more rage but more action than "fat"
Would be like a pot calling a kettle black in my case, and we both know she loves cheese more than me anyway!
Ask if she is pregnant, "how are the twins doing"
Put one of these on the front door.
Next time you're getting 'jiggy jiggy' in the bedroom with her, just say "Hey love, you don't sweat much for a fat lass"...
Ask if she is pregnant
If if you do this please video it... I asked a girl at work... in my defence she did have a baby about 8 months later so I wasn’t wrong...
Maybe there's a Bad Manners record you can play a few times a day.
“You could have heard a pin drop”
”…as it fell out of a grenade?”
ha... no, it was a ceramic rolling pin from aga. 😉
Have an affair with someone younger, fitter and more attractive. Should get the message across.
If you say anything to her, she’ll probably tell you “you’re fattist’
Sorry love, I think you’ll find .....
Just tell her she is looking well fat these days. When she stops shouting at you, apologise and say you mean fat with a ph like the yoofs talk. She will realise what you mean and say thanks but it will have sown a seed. Your welcome fella. 😀
Dave says have you told chunky yet?
Buy her diet and sweetner alternatives. Also serve up smaller portions. You wont need to say anything
Next time you’re getting ‘jiggy jiggy’ in the bedroom with her…
take your surf board into the room with you.
Or tell her that her hair style doesn't suit her now her face is a bit fuller.