[Closed] The definitive stw joke thread

I git it. (Geddit?)

That's the one eyed g*t.

Waiter in Japanese restaurant asks customer if he would like any wasabi.

Wasabi? Replies the man

It's rike a wasp, says the waiter.

Stevie Wonder playing packed out gig, hears a voice call from the crowd...'play a jazz chord'

Impressed with this unusual request, Stevie plays a complex chord, his fingers stretching across the keys.

No, the voice calls back. Play 'a jazz chord, to say, I love you'

... and those who understand ternary.

They've been gulled.

... and those who understand ternary.

They've been gulled.

*insert slow-hand flap here*

What do you get if you cross a river with a bicycle

Wet feet

My mates got himself a dog.

One of its unusual traits is to wag its tail in perfect time to music, especially when my mates playing ac/dc.

Sounds like a very special dog, I said.

"Yeah, it's a rock and roll Dalmatian."

I've just been accused of being 'a plagiarist'.... Their words not mine.

My new thesaurus is crap.

Or to put it another way, it's crap.

My son has had an offer to study politics at an East Yorkshire University. He needs ACDC.

He's on a highway to Hull.

All the hair's coming out of my monkey

I'm in tears here

What's another word for thesaurus?

Midgets and short people have very little in common.

I made a thing. And I'm very sorry.

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Red tarmac, green tarmac and black tarmac go into a pub. Landlord shouts over 'I'm not serving him, he's a bloody cyclepath!'