[Closed] The black dog

Houns - been in a similar place to you, over the years I've learnt to allow myself more compassion to get away from the darkness of self loathing.
On the really crap days it was just a matter of crawling through them until bed time. I used a visualisation from the film "Master & Commander" where one of the ship's crew had HOLD FAST tatt's on his fingers. Cheesy I know but whatever gets you through the day.

AS others have said get out into nature, volunteer dog walking or growing something# in the garden can help take your mind of the incessant painful loop.

[i]#not that sort of a grow[/i] 😈

Still miss her like crazy and would do anything to have her back (even if that's so stupid)

If you can say that then you obviously realise it would be 'stupid' because it wouldn't bring you happiness.

You really need to focus on the fact that you never be happy with her, whatever your feelings for her might be.

See this as a chance to escape for an unhappy and destructive relationship.

The sad truth is that love isn't enough to make up for everything else that's wrong. It's one of life's lessons.

I never enter these threads as I never know what to say. I have been in a similar situation where my world disappeared along with the girl that I loved. I've been in some very dark places with some very dark thoughts. I can talk here through anonymity, but I struggle to admit with friends.
I can say that with time and understanding thing will improve and you will be stronger in the end.

Tough times. Just do things for the moment that takes your attention away from her, even if you dont feel like it.

It gets easier in time.

Damn, I feel for you - can't really add to what others have said so well already, especially Ernie

It is widely accepted that going through that sort of shit can be worse than the person dying. You will be completely brokenhearted but you will, with time, get over it - that's the one absolute certainty.

Hang in there Houns.

There is some top advice on this thread (some of which has helped me) and I don't have any more to add other than to say there are a lot of people who care about you on here.

Some of the advice above speaks about finding something to laugh at / about. How about our good friend - [url= http://singletrackmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/ ]the Agent Picolax thread[/url].

It might help (I'm talking about reading the thread not taking the stuff).

Stay strong.

Well today Ive been on a date 😕

I soon realised that this was waaaaayyy too soon as all I could think about was the ex and was close to tears at points.

It did help that we were able to talk openly about our respective exes and she some how wants to see me again.

For me (and will make this absolutely clear to her) that it'll be friendship only

Did it do me any good? Well sat in the car crying for a while after so **** knows

Sounds good to me - it's a distraction. And it reminds you that there are other fish in the sea.

I'm surprised and impressed that you agreed to go on a date.

Of course it's too early to get proper involved with someone else, but lots of flirty stuff with no intimacy will do you the world of good imo.

It gets you out, distracts you, and gives you other things to focus on ..... all very healthy stuff.

Yeah that's exactly why I wanted to do it, I came close to cancelling it a few times (and walking out during)

I won't use her method of coping with a break up, a cocaine binge

No, not even with hookers

It's a good reminder that you're a person that other folk find interesting and engaging and that folk like to be around. Remember that when you're feeling low.

It's a good reminder that you're a person that other folk find interesting and engaging

Absolutely! I mean, FFS a day after nearly topping yourself you're out with another woman who despite the fact that you were a tearful, miserable wreck....wants to see you again! Sounds like you'll be alright mate.

Lets face it, a woman with kids, who gets engaged to a bloke she's just met isn't really living in the real world. You're well out of it!

[quote=Rockape63 ]
FFS a day after nearly topping yourself you're out with another woman who despite the fact that you were a tearful, miserable wreck....wants to see you again! Or it's a sign that she's even more desperate than Houns 😆

Or it's a sign that she's even more desperate than Houns

😯 Shhhhhhh!

Fluffy bunny! 😆

Heh, thanks.

Yeah need to try and focus on positives out of it. Must.

Be truthfull
Was it Hora in a wig?

Houns, I don't think you've 'lived' unless you've been dumped by a woman. It brings out emotions you didn't know existed and didn't ever want to know existed! But most of us have been through it at some stage in our lives and made it out the other side.

So as someone said earlier, just take it a day at a time and before you know it you'll be out the other side and you'll look back at it at some point in the future and wonder what all the fuss was about.

Houns

I've never met you but you have always sounded very much like a decent chap on here, and the response from those who know you better definitely seems to back that up. There have been posts with better advice than I could come up with already, so rather than add confusing noise to it all i'll keep it short. Keep talking about it to any one and every one, for what it is worth I'd be happy to talk, email in profile for contact details.

If you are ever in the Fort William area and fancy a ride let me know, I'd be happy to show you around 🙂

The offer is still open. So long as you don't try to date my close friend.

You die at the end of it all, do all the things you want to do before you do.

My biggest regret is that I wasted time over spilled milk (women) whilst the clock was ticking away in my late teens/early 20's. But hey, I'm not bitter now - I'm more focused actually, silver lining etc.

So much to do, so little time. Tick tock Houns, tick tock. Get on with your life and make a choice to put the effort in to try to enjoy it - you deserve to.

PS - she's older than me.

Take a lesson from Doug, enjoy yourself and stop giving a shit, you die at the end of it.

🙂

Houns, I'll drop you an email in the morning with some war stories, perspective and silver linings. Email in my profile if you need to talk at any time

As a teaser, I was going out with a girl 16 years ago. She went to Aberdeen for the weekend. Came home on the Sunday night, dumped me and announced she was engaged to a guy she'd met in a bar on the Friday night 😆

16 years later, she added me on Facebook recently and she's got 4 kids by 3 different fathers and will be on her 3rd marriage soon. Bullet dodged

May not be manly but bawling your eyes out is very therapeutic and sod people who think it is somehow weak.

Exercise is also good to make yourself feel better.

Keep going fella

One day at a time. You have a lot of help and support available here.

May not be manly but bawling your eyes out is very therapeutic and sod people who think it is somehow weak.

Exercise is also good to make yourself feel better.

Keep going fella

I posted this and more on the "lion" thread then deleted it for fear of feeding the trolls.

I did some professional exams last year, the guy who did the training made a big thing at the start about looking after your mind and body throughout.

One of the tales he recounts is of a survey of survivors of jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. I should caveat the next point by saying that despite some googling I've never found the source but he recounts that there was reported to be a broadly common thought amongst these survivors as they fell along the lines of...

[i]I can solve just about any problem in my life EXCEPT the fact that I'm now hurtling towards my almost certain death in San Francisco bay[/i]

A recent (December 2015) article in the Huffington Post tells the story of another recent survivor and his moment of instant regret as his hands left the rail that broadly echoes this.

I can't link it as in and out of reception on the train just now but it will turn up in a search.

Others have offered much more practical advice than I can but if the above helps offer any additional perspective or gives even one tiny whiff of positivity then it's worthwhile typing it.

I hope you are getting the support you need from friends and the health services. I've seen others go into and come out of some pretty severe mental health issues in a much better place, you can do it.

If you think the above is in any way inappropriate or unhelpful as a comment then I won't be in the least offended if you report it / ask the mods to delete it.

Is this depression or properly fed up because I'm heartbroken?

Again thanks all

Without full medical history yes it is depression, a history of it coming an going, worsening every time it visits. 2009/10-2012 also suffered crippling panic attacks. Then this traumatic event has sent me down this spiral

All of this. WTF is "manly" anyway as @pigface says.

Have you never met me? 8)

As you have had depression in the past then you can also see that you are able to come out of it too. Recent events may have been the trigger to this but life-affirming events can also help lift you out. The difficulty can be seeing any when you are in such a fog. Sometimes you may have to wait, not on your own, but the fog will lift. When it starts to lift you can see life more clearly. When in the fog its better to listen to other people on the outside than to yourself. I regularly have to remind myself not to believe what I'm thinking. It can be difficult but it takes the pressure off. I also find it a useful tool to be able to laugh at my own stupidity sometimes.

Take care.

Wobbling. Can't contact her as her fella has emailed me today to threaten me with police if contact her again. 😕

This is so hard and completely messed me up

Houns, she dumped you for a guy she'd met a couple of days before.

You don't need someone like that in your life
You're so much better than that
Her and her new man are both scumbags and are welcome to each other
You're a good looking guy that will have no problem getting girls
It's absolutely shit right now. I've been there (too many times)

Houns it may not feel like it but the new boyfriend is doing you a favour. It really is best not to contact her. Have you talked about this during your daily visits ? Hang in there, we're thinking of you

Houns have you got someone around you just now?

Hi

Yes have family around. Nurse visited so felt better after that.

Feeling better than earlier. I'm 'up' at the moment, thinking I am better off , however no doubt this will change in an hour or two

Thank you

Houns it may not feel like it but the new boyfriend is doing you a favour. It really is best not to contact her.

I couldn't agree more.

Think of all the negative things about her, list them all. Now be grateful that they are no longer [i]your[/i] problem - they are now [i]his[/i] problem. That's a very liberating feeling.

It's the weekend, go out, maybe follow up that date who wants to see you again. Just avoid alcohol - alcohol will only make your emotional feelings worse..

Yes the list has been wrote and being added to. Currently blasting Annie Mac out, hopefully out tomorrow night and yes, off the booze

Hi mate, I have stayed away from this until now, but wanted to chip in with my support.

It's OK if sometimes your only job is to put one foot in front of the other. I've been there, it's hell...and no one would underestimate that.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things, and I can only add my name to the growing list of people that care about you and would love to lend an ear/shoulder when you're ready.

Keep on keeping on.

Cheers Sc. you've helped before.... Will catch up soon?

I've followed the thread too, and still don't have anything useful to contribute, but would like to add my best wishes to everyone else's. Yesterday I was again dealing with the aftermath of a suicide, a young man with a wife and child. Even when you're used to it and its your job it's still an absolute tragedy. So all the best mate, and chin up.

Without a doubt. With not a bike in sight...

her as her fella has emailed me today to threaten me with police if contact her again.

Feel sorry for the guy; he's doing what he thinks is best, without realising the probable inevitability of the fact he will be in your situation. Touch of assumptions there, but just trying to set a bit of context.

I can't do inspirational quotes, but I'm a big believer in just allowing your brain to go through the stages of grief/whatever, in a situation, and just moping, posting drivel, drinking or fapping over pictures of beetroot. Whatever*,just do it if it's what you want to do at that point, which is all part of the brain's process, remembering though in the back of your mind, that you are yourself and you are awesumz, because we all are, just not everyone realises that, but the ones that matter to you, know, or that you are yet to meet, will 🙂

*within reason.

Told you I didn't do inspirational quotes.

fapping over pictures of beetroot

I am so trying this tonight! I'll let y'all know how I get on xx

fapping over pictures of beetroot.

Didn't work, had to switch to pictures of Swedes

Didn't work, had to switch to pictures of Swedes

Houns, I'm pretty sure we're local to each other and whilst I've not been though what you are my wife is currently recovering from some pretty hardcore depression so i have some understanding. So, if you want to talk to a complete stranger let me know, coffee, beer or whatever works for you is fine, the offer is there.

But stay strong, you'll get through this, not every day is a bad one, try to remember that.

Well 2016 is a ****

This year I've:

Lost my girlfriend/soulmate and the future I'd dreamt of
Lost my cat (died)
Lost my dog (ex kept him but had to rehome him as she moved rented property)
Lost my Grandma
Lost my marbles/mental health
Losing my hair

And today lost my job due to my health

I apologise to the world for being Hitler in a former life.

Reet poopy fella.

[img] [/img]

We still [img] [/img] you.

Sorry to hear this Houns. I've been there. 🙁

Just remember...

That which does not kill us.... leaves us with unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humour.

Very dark sense of humour, dude it will get better you just have to keep keeping on, there is no other alternative.

Hugs

All uphill from here then mucka.