never fails.
zhat is not my dog.
I fancied joining my local rambler's club, but when I phoned up to ask about membership the guy just went on and on and on...
Can't post the video because there's a swear, but "obviously you're not a golfer"
Two of those make no sense, so surely aren't one liners...
Can't post the video because there's a swear, but "obviously you're not a golfer"
You used IMG tags not the Video ones.
[pedant] if there's a set up then it's not a one liner.
That is not my dog is brilliant but only funny because of the previous bit.
You can even possibly argue that Morecambe's ice cream van isn't a genuine one liner as the siren is the set up. Without it - no joke. But I'll let it pass, and add this one in similar vein:
"how far away are they" I say it every time we drive past a field of Shetland ponies near us (and the wife does that roll-y eyes face)
Genuine one liner: Milton Jones.
"The man on crutches wearing camouflage clothing who stole my wallet - you can hide but you can't run"
I like Simon Munnery's...
"Clowns Divorce. Custody Battle."
None of these are one liners then
Tim Vine is the master:
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again
Yeah, agree that Tim Vine is current master.
Got any pistols....
Hey, you! What are you doing in my garden?
edit
Or is it get out of my garden?
Sadly, he doesn't anymore.
Got any pistols....
Lol.
Another Tim Vine one liner
Car park crime, wrong on so many levels.
[b] Multi storey [/b] Car park crime, wrong on so many levels
FTFY
Velcro what a rip off
I was a trampoline salesman, off and on.
bodgy - Member
Got any pistols....
Lol.POSTED 4 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
+1
NME many years ago had a regular smart-ass one-liner feature, the best one I remember was "Lowell George knew my father"
Living in a bungalow has one major flaw.
I never wanted to believe my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
First bit of dialogue in this scene
I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward.
[img][url= https://s2.postimg.org/be5gj4vih/big-line-of-coke_o_620136.jp g" target="_blank">
My lad said to me one day..
" Dad you smell"
"I can wash, you're ugly" was my response.
Tim Vines ' wrong on so many levels ' isn't his.
I was a trampoline salesman, off and on.
Surely.....
I was a trampoline salesman, [b]it had its ups and downs [/b]
There's a lot of fail on this thread, although I chuckle at the (accurately quoted) Tim Vine ones.
My wife asked for a double entendre, so I gave her one.
Mitch Hedburg was brilliant.
Well I'm disappointed as he never did his grape joke.
My wife asked for a double entendre, so I gave her one.
Then a roadie came in, and gave her one too.
You can even possibly argue that Morecambe's ice cream van isn't a genuine one liner as the siren is the set up. Without it - no joke.
The only thing that defines a 'one liner' is that its short and funny (just like your mum). But its typically a short funny response to a situation so they can be a funny response to something. Its not all self contained within the one line.
Tim Vine's jokes for instance - he sets up a scenario and follows it with a one liner. His set ups are also very succinct but the one-liner is still the second bit.
Can't remember where I first saw or read this but I thought it was pretty good . In response to his partner saying that he never gives her compliments she is told " For a fat bird you don't sweat much . "
Tim Vine's jokes for instance - he sets up a scenario and follows it with a one liner. His set ups are also very succinct but the one-liner is still the second bit.
Eh?
A one liner is the whole joke in one line. Hence the the name.
A line can contain multiple sentences. This one, for instance.
(Though yes, I broadly agree. A "one-liner" isn't a one-line punchline to a joke that takes a paragraph to set up. Otherwise you could call Ronnie Corbett's tales one-liners.)
They very least you would need to do for a one liner is have ONE LINE
other wise its self evidently contains lineS
That one liner is three sentences and three lines
Worse than that the punchline is crap 😉
One may accept a one liner includes a [very short] set up- Morecambe's required the siren for example- so I agree with the sentiment if not the argument
I've just seen Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg in the supermarket. He looked at me and said "Have to love Easter, baby!"
As fans of the James Bond movies, my friends all decided to dress up as the man for charity, only for roger Moore to appear in person.
Well that raised a few eyebrows!
Me and my mate who is 6' 5" standing at the bar in our local 2 young ladies came in and stood next to us to order drinks looked like on there way to a club with low cut tops on.
Turns and looks up at my mate
"I bet your getting a good view from up there"
My mate
"Don't flatter yourself love"
😀
When I told my teachers I wanted to be a comedian they all laughed. Well they are not laughing now!
Bob Monkhouse
Junkyard - lazarus
They very least you would need to do for a one liner is have ONE LINE
other wise its self evidently contains lineSThat one liner is three sentences and three lines
Worse than that the punchline is crap
One may accept a one liner includes a [very short] set up- Morecambe's required the siren for example- so I agree with the sentiment if not the argument
Peak STW right there
Bob Monkhouse was never really a comedian .
probably being dense but don't get the "Pistols" one ..please explain gently!
If you think Bob Monkhouse was never really a comedian then you have little chance of understanding any joke .
Bob Monkhouse was never really a comedian
What Bob Monkhouse the stand up comic and comedy writer?
Bob Monkhouse was the name that popped into my head when I saw the thread title.
"I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers."
fair enough re Bob ..got a bit confused as only just woken up !Yes he had some good lines.
There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
probably being dense but don't get the "Pistols" one ..please explain gently!
http://singletrackmag.com/forum/topic/nearly-had-fisticuffs-this-morning
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks." I said, "Don't mention it."
More Tim Vine:
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny, you couldn't swing a cat in there.
Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly
I decided to sell my Hoover… well it was just collecting dust.
Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes
Reply to a snotty tourist who complained that that the local beauty spot was the arsehole of the world.
Local "...and you'll just be passing through, I presume"
From Jimmy Carr's pre-show:
My town's holding its annual incest competition, so I entered my sister
Regarding Bob Monkhouse:
[url=Bob Monkhouse: The Last Stand: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b086tw3q via @bbciplayer]Last Stand on iPlayer[/url]
Can't remember where I first saw or read this but I thought it was pretty good . In response to his partner saying that he never gives her compliments she is told " For a fat bird you don't sweat much . "
Chubby Brown.
Who knows whether the joke police will allow a one-line response given to someone else saying something but it's very short (two words), very funny, and I found out about it the other day from the put downs thread:
MP 1: I am a country member..
MP 2 (the one liner): I remember.
Say what you like about paedophiles, they always drive slowly near schools
Not a one liner as such. The Inbetweeners having just reached mid Wales. The Camping Trip episode.
Jay: this cow was standing up firing milk out of it t**s
Will: udders
Jay: yeah, there were loads of them.
😀
