[Closed] The app - SendIt & cyberbullying

Remind the school that to hold a mobile phone contract you have to be 18.
They should contact parents making this clear and also that being the case anything on the phone will be under the ownership of the "phone contract named person" ie the parents. The responsibility for the phone and it's use ends with the holder of the contract.

This video claims to show how to find out - I'm not familiar with the app, it looks like you have to do some set up and entice the responses and it won't work for historic messages

youtube

"Remind the school"?

This is parent fail tbh. If you're going to give your kids mobile phones you are culpable for exposing them to all the horrible things kids do to each other. You're an idiot if you thought otherwise.

Time spent telling your upset daughter how to manage bullying is what's needed here - and to accept that bullying is going to happen with or without mobile phones - and at least with phones you can indeed delete the app.

It's mind-boggling that parents now thing that there's "evidence" of bullying and "something should be done about it" - when bullying has been a thing for a long time and only now there is evidence of it written down and stored can parents indulge themselves in the fantasy of punishing other kids more readily than they were used to.

Tell her to delete the app and that people say horrible things and that says more about them, than her - and that whilst she feels bad now, it won't last (and she probably won't remember it long term).

And in the meantime, chill. Shit happens. I get the desire to want to kick people who've kicked your own, but it's not really going to go anywhere. The job is to be emotionally stable and to help your daughter feel the same.

– and to accept that bullying is going to happen with or without mobile phones –

A very outdated and unhelpful opinion there.

It shouldn't surprise me that views like this are still common in the UK but somehow it does. Try reading up about changing attitudes to bullying and how views like yours are actively helping bullying in schools to continue.

Then look at other places that have decided that bullying is actually not inevitable and one of the first steps to making that a reality is, believe it or not, to stop saying bullying is inevitable.

I'd like you to provide actual evidence @BruceWee of anywhere on the planet where bullying isn't a thing.

And then I'd further like you to explain how if a single school had elimanated bullying (which hasn't happened anywhere except in fantasy) - how these kids who never experienced bullying are supposed to go out into an adult world and cope with the fact that it's chock full of other adults who don't act in your fantasy manner.

Developing mental toughness is part of growing up. Some, unfortunately, fail. And your sort of wishful thinking doesn't help kids.

No evidence, no argument.

I’d like you to provide actual evidence @BruceWee of anywhere on the planet where bullying isn’t a thing.

Where did I say there was a country where bullying wasn't a thing?

Or are you saying that the prevalence of bullying is exactly the same in every country in the world because that kind of thinking is easily debunked.

And then I’d further like you to explain how if a single school had elimanated bullying (which hasn’t happened anywhere except in fantasy) – how these kids who never experienced bullying are supposed to go out into an adult world and cope with the fact that it’s chock full of other adults who don’t act in your fantasy manner.

Believe it or not, schools are nothing like the adult world. Adults are able to choose where they live, work, shop, socialise, etc.

Children seldom have any choice about where they go to school, quite rightly. However, with these reduced rights also comes reduced responsibilities. The child's mental well being is the responsibility of adults to a far greater extent to reflect the fewer freedoms a child has. So yeah, if you are a parent or a teacher then it is your problem. Don't try to dodge your responsibility because it seems like too much effort.

Developing mental toughness is part of growing up. Some, unfortunately, fail. And your sort of wishful thinking doesn’t help kids.

Mental toughness is a nicely vague description that is pretty meaningless. I prefer to look at the scientific studies that show childhood bullying causes long term harm. Wishful thinking about 'mental toughness' isn't going to change that.

No evidence, no argument.

I would say your strawman argument about 'eliminating 100% of bullying' is killing the discussion before we even get to the point where we need to provide evidence.

Point to where I said "eliminating 100% of bullying" - I said provide evidence of anywhere in the world where bullying has been eliminated.

You can't. (It also seems that in response to hard questions you've had to change my argument, then argue against your own fantasy argument)

Of course there are plenty of studies that show childhood bullying causes long-term harm - we all know that and that's not under dispute. In response you're reaching for the fantasy that bullying can be elimanated. It can't.

Pragmatically - the only thing left is to teach kids how to deal with it.

You live in an evidence-free fantasy land.

Often found 'evidence' is pointless because it still requires parents to actually give a damn about what their offspring are doing.

The repercussions are pretty non-existent for school bullies and the problem just gets moved around. Short of exclusion, what can schools or even the law do?

Hi all, does anyone know anything about the app – Sendit?

No , but we know how to turn a thread into a bickering contest. We surely do.

Point to where I said “eliminating 100% of bullying” – I said provide evidence of anywhere in the world where bullying has been eliminated.

I have no idea what you're talking about now. Is there some sort of linguistic trick I'm missing where what you said and what I said mean different things? Is it the '100%' part that's causing the issue?

Just to be clear, no country has eliminated bullying. I never said they had.

However, different countries have different rates of bullying. If there was genuinely nothing to be done and the only option was to teach your kids to get over it then all countries would have the same rates of bullying. This is definitely not the case.

You live in an evidence-free fantasy land.

Says the person who is a cheerleader for bullying because it'll 'build mental toughness'.

Sorry, but the evidence shows the opposite. One of us is actually looking at the evidence and I hate to tell you but it isn't you.

As far as this particular situation goes, I wouldn't be worrying too much about who the actual perpetrators are. Generally, punishing the bullies isn't a great strategy for reducing bullying.

I'd be more interested in asking the school exactly what anti-bullying strategies they are using and if they are planning on addressing the situation directly or indirectly (or if they are going to address it at all).

This app has a 17+ rating for good reason and I don't think it would be weird for the school to send a message to parents that it not only presents an opportunity for bullying but just having an anonymised messaging app is a danger to kids' safety (even the most DGAF parents take notice if you tell them a pedo is coming for their kids).

Also, my kid is still only 9 but I'm already having constant battles with him about how he uses technology. Apparently all his friends have full access to multiplayer games like minecraft and Among Us but I've told him he isn't allowed to use the www unrestricted yet.

Like I said, this app is rated 17+ for good reason. I know it's not easy but I think the OP has to take a look at how involved he is with his daughter's use of technology and maybe put some restrictions on the apps she is allowed to use. Easier said than done though, I know.

online bullying is a thing and we've been through it - 2 police investigations to count.

Ours was through instagram and although the police requested the information from Instagram - instagram turned round after 4 months and said nope - we don't have that data. Which is bollocks.

Keep all the evidence (screen shot everthing or take photos) keep a simple record of what and when things happen - its ouside of school so you can involve the police. We did ours with the support of school and becuase of the language used it became a hate crime.

Bullying happens -it shouldnt. Kids need to understand and to be called out on the their behaviour.

We solved our's with our schools help by getting the child excluded from the school. The schools can help, they have a lot of red tape and processes to go through. They move very slowly, but if you keep at them eventually things do happen.

I hope you get it resoloved asap.

Ignore.
Block.
Report.

Screenshot it. Delete the app. Be aware that if you really go raking it up the Social Media platforms will most likely suspend both accounts, your Daughter's included. They don't want the hassle, either from bullies, or users who complain of bullying.

If there's a repeated pattern of unwanted contacts, or changing of numbers to circumvent "Block", that is the time to go to the Police. You will need all your screenshot and call logs then.

99% of this would be most easily solved with the removal of the phone.