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Our office loos comprise two cubicles and one urinal. I walked in earlier (for a wee) and both cubicles were occupied. What surprised me was, one of our younger employees was waiting outside trap 2. As I was busy at the urinal, there was a flush and trap 2's door opened. The poor guy that had just dropped off his library books was confronted by the waiting one. He nervously said "alright mate" as the young lad went straight in.
Talk about taking the hot seat.
Surely toilet etiquette dictates that if both traps are occupied, you leave immediately and come back later or in this case, use the alternative toilets in the factory?
Yep, that’s what I would do. Never hang around in a toilet unless moving would cause you to shit yourself.
Unless you're touching cloth, in which case all bets are off.
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Why would you go away and come back? Surely he observed the toilet etiquette by waiting outside the cubicle? Didn't realise there was a 'reasonable gap' time limit between visits? When you gotta go you gotta go...
So is climbing over the door and shoving the occupant off the thone shouting ‘shit or get off the pan!’ no longer the done thing?
Well at least he didn’t take a crap in the urinal!
Yep, unless I was nursing a curious turtle, I'd go away and come back later.
Or possibly go for a handicrap.
Well at least he didn’t take a crap in the urinal!
I saw that in a pub in Barnsley.
Pee paw...vehicle reversing...pee paw.
Threads like this make me so glad I WFH.
Threads like this make me so glad I WFH.
....where you put your slippers on and piss outside.
Substitute "Work's bog" with "That plushly carpeted area just outside the First Class Shower Room" and you'll get the idea.
So, if you elect to wait outside - at work or elsewhere - how long do you give it before trying the handle, or shouting "you all right in there?". How long is reasonable to have a crap in a public bog?
If you elect to wait, it's good form to hammer loudly on the door and howl in pain whilst demanding that the current occupant should vacate the trap at the earliest juncture.
It gives clear context to all involved and avoids embarrassment.
Touching cloth - ladies , disabled or sink . Long term IBS sufferer .
I'm not sure as I understand this. What's the difference between using a trap immediately after someone else and using it two minutes later? It's not like it's a secret what they're doing in there.
How long is reasonable to have a crap in a public bog?
Depends where you are..... at work, then clearly as long as possible because time spent shitting is time spent away from the mind numbing tedium.
If you're watching the fourth day of a test match...... well, a drinks break is 5 minutes so you hang on until one of them, leg it to beat any queues, and then attempt to be cleaned and polished and back into your seat with an overpriced beer in hand by the time they resume.
If out in a pub with your mates, and knowing they will then take the piss if they know you've been for a shit... you have to try to achieve the above in the time it would normally take for a wee. 'Fortunately' I have a 50 year old cyclist's prostate so the days of zip/slash/zip/wash and back before anyone notices you're gone are over; it can take a couple of minutes to go for a wee nowadays. However after a few pints of dark beer, you can't afford to scrimp on the cleanup, so have to minimise the time actually spent pooing, which means powershitting so hard that you risk a prolapse.
😁 @perchy
Well at least he didn’t take a crap in the urinal!
Seen the aftermath of that in a bar in Derby. Where I was working. And had to clean it up *shudders*.
Yeah I’m in the come back later unless absolutely necessary camp.
If out in a pub with your mates
Yeah, I'm sorry, but I would risk intestinal rupture before using a pub toilet.
I just shit myself and get sent home for the day.
Win-win.
I’m not sure as I understand this. What’s the difference between using a trap immediately after someone else and using it two minutes later? It’s not like it’s a secret what they’re doing in there.
I'm sharing a room in a Hotel for a stag do at the weekend, with a bloke I don't really know well enough to share a room with so I'm observing toilet etiquette with interest
I feel that one answer to Dracs comment is that no one really wants a warm seat because there's some kind of psychological association with your arse being closer to thier arse when the seat's warm.
edit: Beaten by ossify ^^ 😀
What’s the difference between using a trap immediately after someone else and using it two minutes later?
Are you insane. Everyone knows that if you sit on the toilet seat just after its been vacated then it'll still be warm. The mere thought of which would cause any right minded person to immediately throw up in disgust/ revulsion and cause them serious issues for months afterwards.
So, if you elect to wait outside – at work or elsewhere – how long do you give it before trying the handle, or shouting “you all right in there?”. How long is reasonable to have a crap in a public bog?
The only time I can think of it being reasonable to wait (barring touching cloth scenario) is on a plane, waiting to join the Pile High Club.
Limited bogs, etc. Unless you can see the door and dash for it, waiting outside seems acceptable.
It's not just the warm seat. It's also the poo-pouri.
Yeah, I’m sorry, but I would risk intestinal rupture before using a pub toilet.
Don't ever spend a day on a building site.
The bloke hammering on the door is using an actual hammer and any malingering is likely to be met with a rolled up page of the Daily Star being set alight and launched under the door to gee you up a bit.
If out in a pub with your mates, and knowing they will then take the piss if they know you’ve been for a shit…
Do they not poo then? I think the last time I was concerned about someone laughing at me for going to the toilet I was 12.
People are weird.
you can see the door and dash for it
Not the best idea on a plane TBH.
I can’t relax if I know there’s someone out there waiting, it makes me tense and thus unable to fully evacuate successfully.
However, I felt sorry for the chap who entered the cubicle after me in the first services on the M5 after Glastonbury a handful of years back. I had ensured copious amounts of immodium were used over the 5 days I was there to prevent any movements causing use of the trenches, the resulting back log decided to suddenly, and very urgently make a break for it as soon as I got on to the motorway. If I hadn’t have made the loo’s in time that could’ve caused a mass pile up on the M5.
Not the best idea on a plane TBH
Probably about the same as:
a rolled up page of the Daily Star being set alight and launched under the door to gee you up a bit
I never understand the need to have a shit at work? I think it's a soon learnt fact that when in builder land you empty before leaving the house or fave the consequences of the site toilets....
I never understand the need to have a shit at work?
Not always a question of choice, I'm afraid, as you may one day discover!
Ah if I only I could have one shit a day at home
So, if you elect to wait outside – at work or elsewhere – how long do you give it before trying the handle, or shouting “you all right in there?”.
If I was spending a bit too much time on the bog by my Dad's speedy standards, he would ask "do you need some scissors in there?"
I never understand the need to have a shit at work?
You are being paid to shit
Why would you shit on your own time??
I never understand the need to have a shit at work?
It's not just the need, it's the satisfaction of knowing you're getting paid to do it.
nursing a curious turtle
Proper LOLs!!!!
Threads like this make me so glad I PAH.
I think only once, when I was ill, have I had to take a dump at work. Grim in the extreme.
If the indicators are all red, it's always worth a quick knock on the door. I worked in one of those Regis shared offices for a while, which was critically under-bogged.
The problem was exacerbated by a few people 'reserving' a cubicle by locking it from outside so they didn't have to hot seat after anyone else. How bloody selfish is that!
I quickly got in the habit of looking under all the cubicle doors, and taking a 5p to let myself in. Fortunately no dwarfs in the building!
it’s the satisfaction of knowing you’re getting paid to do it.
You'd have to pay me a lot more than my hourly rate to enjoy that feeling!
People are weird.
And getting weirder.
Anyone else use their foot to flush if handle position allows?
If out in a pub with your mates, and knowing they will then take the piss if they know you’ve been for a shit…
Do they not poo then?
Not in pubs, if they can help it!!
If the indicators are all red, it’s always worth a quick knock on the door
This pisses me off a lot. Your quietly enjoying a moment, then someone rattles the **** off the door. Its red for a reason!
Your quietly enjoying a moment, then someone rattles the **** off the door.
Put you off your stroke?
I work 12 hour shifts, so the option of not using the facilities is not an option.
Last night both traps were occupied, the emperor suite (disabled) was also in use, so it was to be the ladies. The horses head was over the stable door so coming back later was, also, not a option.
We only have two ladies at our works, one is on maternity leave, the other was on rest days. Someone else had obviously had to use the ladies before me, because the back of the pan looked like a badgers face, or the starting grid at Santa Pod race way.
If all my traps are loaded I go up to the 11th floor, or the 12th, or the 13th (I'm on the 10th). It all adds up to my floor climbing stats on my Vivoactive: it's a win-win 😁
I had a good chuckle at some of the wording on this thread, thanks for cheering up an otherwise dull afternoon.
I read once that in Victorian times at was considered bad form for a lady to take a seat recently vacated by a gentleman in case it should be indelicately warm. So the OP is right on bog seats.
I can't be the only one here reading this on the work look can I?
If the indicators are all red, it’s always worth a quick...
...check that the indicator isn't swapped round
Used to work in Italy, where it was a hole in the ground. There was one cubicle with a normal bog. The indicator in the lock got swapped so that it always showed red when vacant, so most people thought it was occupied. Pretty much always guaranteed no need to "hover and hope". Failing that there was the disabled bog that was like s(h)itting on a real throne, on the first floor (never did find lifts in that building 😉 )
Not using the facilities at work? Really. Frankly I feel a little robbed taking a crap at home at the weekend.
Even the 16-year-old NMWer deserves to be paid a quid for a 15 min crapbreak, it's what separates us from those ruthless greedy Yanks.
Personally, I like to get in first in the morning, in winter it can be bitter with the window open, if I have to suffer the 'warm seat' I try to look at the positives, it's warm. Unless you have to go after Andrew the lazy CAD monkey who must assume his Mum comes in with the loo brush after he's had his little dirty protest in the pan. I hate him.
Anyway, 1 toilet, not as in a small room with toilets in, but a singular toilet for use standing or seated between 13 men at worst, and a Ladies loo for the near-exclusive use of the 1 women who works here full-time. It's usually warm.
I do enjoy a good works bogs debate 😀
If you need to go you need to go ..
I used to be a timid shitter ..frightened to fart or make a splash for fear of offence ..those days are long gone and I now make as much noise as possible in public / works loos ..
It's only a crap for godsake..everyone does it !
In the last place I worked the bogs were in the middle of the office - man that was stressful!
As we're on this subject what's the opinion about the weirdo's who go in the cubicles for a piss when there are urinals free?
I've always thought it's a bit strange and they're upto no good, they usually leave the seat down and piss all over it too!!
"Bashful bladder" sufferers probably. But at least put the seat up. With your foot if you don't want to touch it.
This reminds me of my last office: it was a small open plan office, of about 10 people. At the same time every day a guy who's desk was the furthest away from the toilet would proudly stand up, roll up his newspaper and stomp through the office to the toilet.
He would spend so long in there we started taking bets on times: we called it the Defecation derby. with a little prize going to the person who guessed the right time. I think the record was around 40 minutes.
Once done, the guy would proudly exit the washroom and show some interesting news story from the paper to the nearest person available.
I've noted a couple of guys who stand and pee, with the door open, in a cubicle, when there's a full complement of urinals free.
They are both now on the 'not to be trusted' list....
It's the fear of splashback on yer pants with a urinal ..perfectly understandable to pee down a toilet to avoid it ..
lol @ excessive time when on company time
in a previous job, one of the college day release apprentices guys walked back in to the office with a scar on his forehead
turned out he was still pissed (not yet hungover) from the night before, went for a dump (beer shits come in threes), fell asleep for half hour or so, went to stand up after wiping only to find his legs had gone numb, so stumbled and took out the lock with his forehead.
It’s the fear of splashback on yer pants with a urinal ..
Indeed. Also I'm of the age where I like a seat.
You've obviously never used North American WCs: they are splashback city, being fairly shallow and with a much higher water line.
Not to mention German traps with their JobbyLobby shelf.
I’m a bit puzzled too about this. The bog is just a funnel over a hole in the ground that you have shit on. So long as the seating arrangement is clean, then there shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t like it if someone leaves shit around the pan, but it isn’t a deal breaker, and my family seem to have a strong genetic propensity towards needing to go there and then.
Still, it’s a long time since I’ve seen the phrases “turtle’s head” and “touching cloth” written down, so made me chuckle. If I type “laying cable” does someone cry “House”?
Totally agree with urinal splashback as well. At my office we seem to have selected the piss bowl design that maximizes soggy thigh frontage. I reckon it would be better just pissing my crackers and cutting out the middle man.
Still, it’s a long time since I’ve seen the phrases “turtle’s head” and “touching cloth” written down, so made me chuckle. If I type “laying cable” does someone cry “House”?
Long way to go!
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Releasing a Mersey trout
Drowning a brown snake
Etc.
I haven’t had a dump at home during the week for about a year, since I started working at the place I’m at currently.
The toilets in our office are palatial, and are cleaned constantly all day, and they always smell of mango and ginger. Really quite a nice place to be. Warm seat or not.
These threads just aren’t the same without thegreatape.
A true connoisseur of the art of the workday China Cruise.
Sadly missed.
^Que? What happened to thegreatape??
So long as the seating arrangement is clean, then there shouldn’t be a problem.
Which is why squatty potties are preferable while travelling in dubious places. However, this view seems not to be widely shared - one of my colleaagues was unable or unwilling to use the work facilities in Beijing - even though they were spotless - and insisted on going back to the hotel for a crap. Weird.
"I can’t relax if I know there’s someone out there waiting, it makes me tense and thus unable to fully evacuate successfully."
Me too! The bloody cleaner at ours, knocks on the doors-"anyone in" and waits until you're done. It ruins it for me.
Our Gents toilets don't even have urinals so you kinda just have to wait even for a #1 (just to make it more awkward there's not really enough room between the cubicles and sinks to queue without having to get uncomfortably close to people :p ). As a fair proportion of people I work with don't seem to be able to aim it's always embarrassing to leave a cubicle that already had a small puddle on the floor only to find someone waiting to go in, presumably marking you out in their mind as one of the people with poor aim/manners.
If all my traps are loaded I go up to the 11th floor, or the 12th, or the 13th (I’m on the 10th).
And hang your arse out the window?
What happened to thegreatape??
Presumably a casualty of the great forum upgrade process.
And what about those people who stand at the urinal and undo their belt, button and zip so the whole frontage is out? Are these individuals endowed with draught excluder size organs?
Sometimes its nice to air the veg bag. Especially after the summer we've had.
Presumably a casualty of the great forum upgrade process.
Oh, nothing sinister then, that's okay.
Not to mention German traps with their JobbyLobby shelf.
We had one of those in our place in Austria, wife made me swap it for a new toilet straight away. Nothing fancy mind you, bog standard really.
I'm working in Tokyo at the moment where you have to get used to a constantly warm seat.
Why's that? Is there a shortage of toilets per person? 🙂