Returning to Germany I've been reminded by friends how often I tell someone that I love them.
In Germany it's not really something you say to anyone other than your partner.... "Ich liebe dich", i love you is reserved for one person (unless you're into that kinky polyamorous thing).
Maybe "hab dich lieb" is the closet to "love you!" In a platonic sense.
But I enjoy letting people know that I love them. Who knows what's around the corner.
Very rarely - wasn't said to me as a kid, rarely said it to our kids, no longer said to each other. Never said it to the mates who deserve it.
I've made an effort to say it to the kids now they've left home when I see them, but after so many years not using the phrase it seems a bit false - or desperate - to suddenly be using it now.
Every time I see or speak to my (now-adult) daughters, it always ends with ‘love you’, and a big hug, which is just one of those little things that makes life better. Me and Mrs Binners say it a lot to each other too as Christ knows how I managed it in the first place, never mind how she’s put up with me for this long
My best mate of half a century is 6’3”, built like the proverbial brick outhouse, hard as nails and retires next week after 39 years in the Royal Navy. He tells me he loves me every time I see him. I tell him I love him and how proud I am of him and his service.
My regular riding (and drinking) buddy and I tell each other all the time “mate, I love you dearly, but you’re an absolute bellend!” 😂
I realised about 10 years ago that I'd never heard my then 81 year old dad tell me he loved me. I knew/thought he did of course, but he was an old school stiff upper lip bloke and having never heard it sort of got to me. So I made a point of saying it to him every time I saw him and every time I phoned. And hugging him too, something else he'd never done. It was very, very awkward at first, and clearly made him uncomfortable but eventually he came round and became an enthusiastic hugger and sayer of "love you". I think he is grateful for being shown that it's Ok for men to do that (he was mostly raised by his mum). It's never too late. He's still with us 🤞
Every day to hubby. It’s our 23rd wedding anniversary tomorrow, I don’t expect anything, I don’t need anything and I don’t want anything, because I know I he tells me everyday he loves me, even though we’re both at that grumpy stage of life. 🥰
Pity the poor upper-class children who are formally introduced to their parents (with a firm handshake) by their nanny before being packed off to boarding school.
Mind you it was this character-building upbringing which allowed young men to display fortitude in the face of adversity and build a Great Empire
I often think about this, I grew up in a house where I can’t remember any affection being shown, not to say it wasn’t there but never revealed. The only time my Dad showed any was when I told him I had only a 25% chance of walking again.
My wife’s upbringing was similar (with some ill treatment), but, the interesting thing is I grew up and she grew up as reasonably well adjusted people. We tell each other we love each other on a daily basis and we tell our two daughters most times we meet or talk. They tell us too and also our grandson is very demonstrative of his feelings.
Our upbringing has perhaps made me and my wife more insular, with a very small group of friends as we found some very disappointing.
Me and my mate hug each other at happy and sad times but I’ve never told him I love him, although, on a film set once the crew did think that we were a couple!
Everyday to my wife and children. My 11 year old lad has started saying 'love ya' as he heads out the door which gives me a real kick. We're huggers too, although the kids will usually only offer up the top of their head to kiss these days. My mum and siblings too, always greeted with a big hug and a kiss.
Always felt plenty of love growing up, especially from mum so it just seems normal.
Pity the poor upper-class children who are formally introduced to their parents (with a firm handshake) by their nanny before being packed off to boarding school.
Mind you it was this character-building upbringing which allowed young men to display fortitude in the face of adversity and build a Great Empire
Is there any thread you can't jump and ruin by trying to make some point or other?
Only to my partner and immediate family... but with the partner we save it for special moments. I have friends who use "I love you" as "Bye" on the phone. Makes no sense to me, it's like, you feel obliged? what happens if you don't say it? That's not how I want to hear it from my loved one.
I'm from a family of soppy buggers. I'll tell my wife and kids I love them all the time, although I think I went through time I probably didn't tell my wife enough. We've been together for 33 years so things change a bit. She knows I've always loved her though from day 1. We're back to telling each other every day at the moment though, I like it.
Always tell my mum I love her when I see her or when finishing on the phone.
there any thread you can't jump and ruin by trying to make some point or other?
You take the person as they come. You don't get to pick and choose just best aspects of that character. You either take them as they come or disregard them. You can't just cherry their best attributes and ignore the rest
Used sparingly, actions speak louder than words. It should be obvious. I prefer hugs.
As for friends, this is France. A firm handshake whilst looking them in the eye is very different to a quick grab of the hand while looking at your boots. Some situations merit a hug. The way a lady does la bise is very informative, that's if you merit bises and don't get a hand stretched out to shake. If you bang noses it's because they're from a region where they start on the other side, more or less than two bises likewise. Sometimes it's just the motion, sometimes cheeks touch and sometimes you get a peck on the cheek. Then there's that look in the eye as you separate that says tu me plais beaucoup. It's easy to get right for a man, just follow the lady's lead.
Ernie has a point, I returned to the UK for a family and friends event this year and found the lack of contact and warm words odd, or maybe they all think I'm a ****. 🙂 "Hi X, long time no see" doesn't feel the same as "schön das du da bist" or" (je suis) ravi(e) de te voir... ". Our OP spends most of his life with main land Europeans.
I wasn't making a point! 😂 The tone set by the OP in his first post concerning different attitudes in the UK and Germany, and then someone mentioned "old school stiff upper lip" which reminded me of how the English upper-classes are portrayed in Family Guy. Binners seemed to have got it but apparently not everyone did.
Maybe some people need to watch more comedy on the telly then they might not take things said clearly in a light-hearted manner quite so seriously!
I was going to respond to binners last post with a "Don't pooh-pooh me Darling" but thought someone might possibly be offended by that. Oh wait, now I just have.... flame me! 🤣
I knew you weren't, I should have added "but many a true word said in jest". There was even a smiley at the end of the sentence. I need one here too. 🙁 And you joking apart, you had a point. 🙂
Odd isn't it. I don't think I ever heard the words "I love you" from my mum or dad, and I think I only ever told Dad I loved him on his deathbed. They were pretty reserved in many ways, but then as others have said, we all knew we were loved without the need to express it.
My in-laws were almost as reserved. I first met them when I was 19 and I'm not sure I remember hearing them tell Mrs Scape they loved her, although MIL finished every phone-call with "lots of love". I can only really conclude it's a generational thing.
I can quite happily and unreservedly tell my 28 year old twins I love them, and have done all their lives. Both son and daughter are enthusiastic huggers, as too are my daughter-in-law and daughter's girlfriend, which I find fantastic, with the following caveat:
I struggle with hugging in terms of social etiquette. There was a time I simply didn't do it, thinking or believing that hugging adults was way too transactional, to the point of being too intimate. I realised at some point in the last ten years or so that I was being too reserved. I was afraid, if you like, that folk didn't want me to invade their space, and occasionally struggled with some of the people that wanted to hug me. Initially I more or less had to force myself to hug people, and still find myself weighing up whether or not I should. It's much easier if they take the initiative, but I'm much more relaxed about it now than I was a decade ago.
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