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I know this is kind of a resurrection, but it was at least a couple of years ago and we have several new members, and this is such a work of genius it deserves a replay.
I was reminded of it because we have a teaspoon shortage at work. There were three a while ago, now none. I've bought 12 off amazon for £2 something, but as my finger hovered over the button, I was inspired to find generallucifer's blog again, and I've just spent 5 minutes pissing myself. I haven't yet got the bottle to buy 100, but who knows, depending how these 12 go.......
NSFW if your work computer picks up sweary words or you are overlooked, but it's just writing, no pictures or sound.
https://generallucifer.wordpress.com/2016/07/22/183-how-spoon-is-now/
long termers - what's your favourite GL blog entry?
Science has the answer
Abstract
Objectives To determine the overall rate of loss of workplace teaspoons and whether attrition and displacement are correlated with the relative value of the teaspoons or type of tearoom.Design Longitudinal cohort study.
Setting Research institute employing about 140 people.
Subjects 70 discreetly numbered teaspoons placed in tearooms around the institute and observed weekly over five months.
Main outcome measures Incidence of teaspoon loss per 100 teaspoon years and teaspoon half life.
Results 56 (80%) of the 70 teaspoons disappeared during the study. The half life of the teaspoons was 81 days. The half life of teaspoons in communal tearooms (42 days) was significantly shorter than for those in rooms associated with particular research groups (77 days). The rate of loss was not influenced by the teaspoons' value. The incidence of teaspoon loss over the period of observation was 360.62 per 100 teaspoon years. At this rate, an estimated 250 teaspoons would need to be purchased annually to maintain a practical institute-wide population of 70 teaspoons.
Conclusions The loss of workplace teaspoons was rapid, showing that their availability, and hence office culture in general, is constantly threatened.
Brilliant! That brightened my morning a bit.
I should be working! 😂
I think he only created an account to see why the traffic to his blog spiked after being STWed, but GL is a forum member. After it first being mentioned on here I waded through his entire blog over the course of a couple of months, at one point my girlfriend got out of bed to come see if I was alright because my 'crying' had woken her up.
As for spoons, it's a bit like the artificial fuel crises we see. Someone starts a rumour that there's going to be a fuel shortage, every mouth-breather in the country races to the pumps to top off their tanks like that last piss of the night after a beery session where you try to squeeze out another few dribbles in the hope it'll see you through till morning, result is there's a bloody fuel shortage.
Same with spoons, people think "there's never any spoons," keeps one for themselves just in case, result is there's no bloody spoons. Back when I worked in an office I did what Lucy did and brought in my own cutlery, not least because deity only knows what the rest of the menagerie might do with them.
Was expecting more carbon fibre repairs
Oh my. I normally don't find this stuff at all funny but I was hooked at menopausal beaver and that was only the start
I was hooked at menopausal beaver
Magnificent mental image.
Thanks for the link to this stuff. It is quite brilliant. Never knew of it before.
I too read all that General Lucifer blog at the time. It's magnificent in the main, bittersweet in others.
I'd like to know what he's up to now.... (No spoilers)
That teaspoon study is also excellent. What a thing to publish in the BMJ. 🤣
I was hooked at menopausal beaver
This was the line that made me think sharing with my wife might be fun. She'll either laugh (lots) or I'll get punched in the mouth. Timing is everything, but sadly I'm not let in on the secret to that rune.
Outstanding - glad I've got some spare days over the weekend to catch up. 🙂
I didn't know about this. I laughed a lot. Maybe the odd involuntary snorting guffaw. I will peruse some more of his blog posts, thanks!
That's ace!
Very funny,gave me flashbacks to an office 'Who took my yogurt?'incident many,many years ago. 🙂
I bought ten spoons for a pound or some other desultory price in Morrisons, one per person on the shift. Went in the cupboard and by two days later we were down to three. **** only knows what folk do with them, same with forks, they just disappear or get squirreled away (still dirty) into desk drawers. But plates? We could keep a clay pigeon range going for a month with the amount of shitty cast-offs adorning our mess room. Pots? Nobody ever seems to cook but we appear to have Gordon Ramseys entire ****ing inventory lying about the place (half of which is dirty). Oven trays? Enough to plate a moderately sized fishing vessel.
But
No
****ing
Cutlery
I keep my own stuff now, it's easier for my sanity. Well, besides the guy who has "his" own drawer and most of the two (normal sized kitchen) cupboards taken up with his stuff (supposed to be shared amongst nine of us orignally, now six).
So I totally understand how people like GL are created, they're a product of their environment, natures way of striking a balance.
Oh my. I normally don’t find this stuff at all funny but I was hooked at menopausal beaver and that was only the start
It was that bit that got me too
We had a Dimples in our office, she used to cook bacon sandwiches in the kitchenette for her friends.
Eventually she was fired for not actually doing anything else other than cooking bacon sandwiches.
I felt especially vindicated as I had turned her down for the role of project manager but was accused of being sexist for doing so by HR, so the company hired her anyway. Only took them a year to figure out what had been blindingly obvious after 5 mins of listening to her talk in an interview....
Back when I worked in an office I did what Lucy did and brought in my own cutlery, not least because deity only knows what the rest of the menagerie might do with them.
When I started a new job some time back I took my own mug and teaspoon with me, that I’d been using for some considerable time at my previous place. After about a week or so, both had vanished! The mug was pretty identifiable, a large black one with a yellow Batman logo on it. Eventually turned up in the back of a cupboard with a load of random mugs, because the mad but sweet lady who did cleaning around the place had taken it to wash it. I explained it was mine, and I’d clean it when necessary, so just leave it alone. The spoon, however had vanished, it wasn’t in a drawer with a load of other random bits of cutlery, but there was a very solid and unusual spoon that took my fancy, so it replaced mine. I’ve still got it, two subsequent jobs and about eighteen years later.
Thing is, it’s such a nice design and very solidly made, I’d like some more along with matching cutlery, but I’ve never been able to track the design down.
Maybe an image search with Google Lens might find a match.
Am I dead inside?
I didn't find it funny at all! Not in a judgy way just in a "could he try any harder" kind of a way.
No, not at all. Some people find Michael McIntyre funny, I don't. Don't bother reading any more then, just as I wander off whenever MMc comes on TV
@joshvegas I'm with you - I did chuckle at the concept of replacing the spoons, but otherwise given the fanfare was kind of hoping for more.
Don’t bother reading any more then
I didn't 😀 It wasn't a judgement on anyone else finding it funny was just curious as i literally read that whole spiel and was just like "I don't get it". I'd even like they premise just the delivery left me cold.