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Me first! Flew from Glasgow to Heathrow and booked overnight at Travelodge Heston Services West - apparently just ‘5mins from airport’. Jumped in Taxi at Terminal 5 and 20 minutes later with £35 on meter arrive at Heston Services East. Me, I asked to go to Heston Services West? “Err OK” says driver who then proceeds all the way down the M4 to Chiswick, turns around and we eventually arrive at destination in about 30 minutes and £80 on the meter. I’m spitting feathers at this point, so I agree to £50 as he’s giving me some aggro asking me “which route?” The money I saved on the hotel was promptly exceeded by the taxi fare and I still have to get back to the airport tomorrow FFS! Already complained to Public Carriage Office and will raise charge query with credit card but
The one where the taxi driver started telling us about all the painkillers he was taking, at which point my mate asked him if he’d informed either the DVLA or his insurers. Quiet trip after that.
For some reason every other taxi in Greater Manchester has a Sefton or Wolverhampton taxi plate. Anyone know why?
I think I would rather have jogged across the motorway than cough up the extra cash...
I think I would rather have jogged across the motorway than cough up the extra cash…
If it was me, maybe but with 2 heavy bags and Mrs DB with a stinking cold, my options were limited. I didn’t have any Bombers, couldn’t get his shoes off or know whether he had a lawn, or a dog…
For some reason every other taxi in Greater Manchester has a Sefton or Wolverhampton taxi plate. Anyone know why?
Some authorities make £mn from cheap private hire licensing. Regs changed in 2018, you'll find Wolverhampton registered taxis everywhere from Scotland down
In Dallas coming back from a late night work assignment the cab driver showed me and a colleague his piece.
What was in it? Ham or cheese?
Sharing a Volga in the Crimea heading back with a colleague and 3 strangers as the only vehicle with a driver mad enough to take me north through the falling snow and mega drifts - when in it pulled up at a level crossing and driver just said out...... spoke to my colleague -and had told him we were to jump on the next passing train - of course my colleague if it was going to stop and he laughed..... Anyone ever vagabonded a moving train ?
Or the time in Equatorial Guinea
We had to keep stopping to top up the 2litre coke bottle gravity feeding the carbs in his 80s Datsun bluebird.
Or also in EG I got a Peugeot
305 saloon taxi where I swear I was sat ON the rear axle coupled with when we went round the round about I'm sure the rear axle was going to take the previous exit to the one we left
More in-keeping with the op - I flew into Heathrow Terminal 3 at night and had a booking for a hotel at terminal 5 before my onward to Aberdeen in the morning . My inbound was late so busses were done and I got (the last) cab - 8 minutes and 55 quid later I was at the hotel.
Something to do with minimum fees and the hour of night -he did show me it in the hackney book..... I didn't really care much at that point after 4 weeks offshore in a hole - long as he gave me a receipt for the full value.
Always nice to get the ****** cyclists rant usually while being driven by someone whose driving falls so far below test standard that my dog would probably score as well on a driving test.
It's extremely rare I travel in a taxi and feel comfortable with the way it's driven. 50mph at 5am through thick fog in a 30zone when I had allowed an hour for what was normally 30 minutes to the airport sticks in my mind as particularly unnecessary.
I can't beat trail_rat's tales, but the scariest taxi ride I ever had was in Dallas.
I had a layover of several hours and thought "I know, rather than sit in the airport, I'll see if there's a mall nearby that I can have a mooch around in" and called a taxi.
This little Mexican bloke turned up, and he was a maniac. The car pedals were binary, either on or off. Leaving the carpark he stood on the loud pedal like a turbo start in Mario Kart. Coming up to traffic lights was like "red... red... RED!... JESUS FUC-" and then he'd stand the car on its nose to screech to a halt. Rinse and repeat.
It wasn't a long journey but I was genuinely in fear for my life.
Port-call somewhere in Indo, waiting for a 40ft with a load of seismic kit to clear customs. Eventually found the only bar and nightclub, and eventually rolled out of it in the wee hours. Only transport was 2x 50cc moped taxis for 4 of us and we had no idea where we left the ship, got there eventually and cost an absolute fortune, about $5.
Missed the last boat taxi in Surabaya once, bribed a squid fisherman to take us (far end of the anchorage, 30 minutes screaming 2 stroke), chief gunner fell off the quayside, ended up in a heap in the bottom in sloshing squid juice and promptly started snoring. Met by the Bosun to a cheery "welcome home gentlemen" at about 4am.
Not so glamorous was the (ex public school head girl) junior surveyor who threw up in a 7 seater taxi (with 9 of us in it) in Blyth as we were late for the newly introduced curfew (someone on another ship had gone for a swim in Montrose harbour by accident a few weeks before).
Can't beat trail rat but I have had: reversing backwards along a dual carriageway in Dubai as driver missed exit, 150km from Andorra to a airport hotel in a people carrier overtaking like mad man and me screaming. Crazy taxi driver from Gatwick who would randomly and violently switch lanes if overtaken, 175kmh though Poland (that wasn't too bad but a bit fast for my liking), Romanian taxi held together with string and a drive that kissed his cross at every junction then floored it.
Then the usual UK weirdo telling me his racist views within 5 min
nothing s bad as this but twice I have told a taxi driver to stop and got out halfway as their driving was so poor.
No tale of woe, just an amazing experience with the moped taxis in Uganda in 2005 on a kayaking trip.
It was quite an art holding your boat and kit across your legs while the guy rode enthusiastically up dirt tracks through narrow bushes and little kids ran alongside.
Me going into town of an evening
My late, great friend, Kai
Then there were the trucks. Standing up on top with your boats waving at all the kids shouting 'jambo muzungo' 😂
Amazing time.
The Wolverhampton plates thing…
Taxi/private hire drivers are licenced by local authorities Wolverhampton was one of the cheapest / least restrictive local authorities registering private hires last time I was looking at this (some restrict vehicles to low emission to improve local air quality, for example).
Some local authorities make it harder for out of area private hire vehicles to take fares in their authority and some don’t, but even so there are all sorts of loopholes. There was a review a couple of years back and it left it as confused as ever.
Never get a black cab from Heathrow by airport, there’s a couple of reliable private hire companies that service it well, I always use Parker’s.
As for tails of woe, taxi drivers in Moscow are generally at the bad end of the horrific driving standards out there, but I do remember a particularly rubbish journey during the first early snowfall of the winter. Nobody had snow tyres on yet and it was gridlocked with accidents everywhere. What should have been a 40 minute journey had already taken 90 mins and we were nowhere near. Hopped out and got on the metro.
Got stranded in Edinburgh once due to the high winds closing the east coast train line. Had to get a taxi from Waverley to Burntisland, which was the closest place with a hotel in budget! After dropping a mate also stranded at Dunfermline Premier Inn, we headed for Burntisland. Dark road, but I saw the T-junction, the driver did not. Cue me yelling "it's a junction!!"; the driver mumbling something incoherent; followed by a car to hedge/barbwire fence interface 😳 guess who had to get out and push the car out of the hedge. Eventually made it to the hotel minus most of my nerve.
For some reason every other taxi in Greater Manchester has a Sefton or Wolverhampton taxi plate. Anyone know why?
Because some local authorities have much more relaxed standards and enforcement than others.
Already complained to Public Carriage Office
My experience is that they're pretty good, having had a whinge about a black cab driver doing about 70 mph in a hotel car park with a 15 mph limit.
Some truly terrifying tales on here. Not too many truly scary ones from me although I do remember a taxi driver hitting the speed limiter in his Merc on a desrestricted autobahn one even… 155mph
The taxi driver I use to go to the airport is the most Zen person I’ve ever been driven with. Amazing how calm he is in a car.
the only way to Heston W services is from the westbound M4, so yeah Chiswick it is.
There is a gated service road round the back though if you wanted to walk a bit...
Coming out of clubs in Brixton or vauxhall at 5 am, GF & I a little bit worse for wear , always said we wouldn't get the dodgy unlicensed taxis but they'd be half the price of the legit ones, halfway home I'd always be regretting it.
In my student days train from Aberystwyth got delayed so missed connection at Brum, train company paid for a taxi to Milton Keynes, taxi driver confessed he'd been in the pub all day watching footy and asked if I'd skin up... We drove about 40 the whole way and he then got completely lost in the grid & roundabout system in MK
We did some traveling for out honeymoon in Peru, always told not to get a taxi that hadnt been booked by hostel or hotel. Last day in big shopping mall in Lima buying gifts for return flight taxi we'd booked didn't show. Clock was ticking for out flight home so got in a local taxi
No seatbelts in back, at one point we hit a speedbumbp so fast I flew up and hit the roof of the car.My wife was shaking when we got out. He wouldn't go into the airport so left us on the motorway outside, to climb over concrete bollards and a ditch to get to the airport!
A couple...
Bangkok 2002, I'd been in Thailand for a year, so my Thai was passable.
We'd just a left a nightclub at about 3am and were heading north to our flat, and the taxi driver was weaving in and out of traffic, honking his horn, generally behaving like a ****.
I started berating him in Thai, which confused him, as most farang don't speak any!
Eventually I shouted that he was effing crazy and to stop, which he did on the side of the elevated motorway/dual carriage way. He then pulled a gun on us, demanded his fare, and sped off leaving us on the side of the road.
A few minutes later we got picked up by a police car, and taken to the station for walking on a dangerous road. Took a bit of explaining in my iffy Thai!
Brixton about 1997.
We'd been at the academy, and had imbibed of a variety of liquid and other substances.
Jumped in an unlicensed cab and said to take us back to Chalk Farm (a fair way!)
The cab driver had no clue where he was going, so we had to direct him the whole way. Quite a bit if arguing and shouting as we were bolloxed!
Evening ended up by ear our house, asked him the fare, and noticed he was really silent and quite scared looking. Turns out he wasn't a can driver, just a bloke who had meant to have been picking up some friends from the academy. He thought we were car-jacking him and was shitting himself.
We gave him a wodge of notes, a cup of coffee and a massive apology!
Not as scary as many of the above but a fews years back during a holiday in Tenerife my wife, young son and I were getting a taxi back to the hotel. Near the entrance to Siam Park our taxi driver took umbrage at a another driver's manoeuvre and loudly shouted his displeasure through the open driver's window. The other car driver screeched to a halt and shouted back. Cue doors opening and both drivers jumping out of their cars and standing nose to nose. They both start hurling abuse with much hand waving and then start pushing each other. The wife and I are both thinking WTF as it looks like this could get nasty.
I'm getting out to see if I can calm the situation down and the now backed up traffic begins a chorus of honking horns. Luckily this seems to convince both of the hot-heads to cease their foolish endeavour. Upon his return to the taxi, our driver calmly turns back to us shrugs, and with a sheepish grin says "sorry family we go now". The rest of the journey past without incident. Looking back now I find the memory quite amusing, my wife not so much!
Once took a taxi in Egypt from Aswan to Abu Simbel. Seemed to take 4hrs or so in the very early morning as I remember, followed by most of the day wandering around the site and then another 4hr ride back
While we were wandering about, driver bought a lovely load of fresh fish at the lakeside ... and left it on his back shelf, obviously in the direct sun. Many hours later when we got back in, the thing ****ing stank - well beyond "fishy" and quite like the bottom of a wheelie bin. Nice bouncy drive home with MrsP who gets carsick even on the M1
Best thread for ages. Not had anything as mad as others on here. Worst I can remember is a guy driving us back from a night out in Huddersfield. He kept turning around to chat with us. Arm over seat and head properly turned to us whilst weaving all over the roads!
Not particularly dodgy...although it was in Moscow. Outside the hotel waiting for our ride...it was quite a nice one, so loads of shiny black Mercs lined up picking ip or dropping off Oligarchs presumably, scabby Lada comes fishtailing (it was -30C that week) up the hotel access ramp. Yep, our ride.
Airport transfer from Heraklion. Driver in a 15 year old E Class Merc doing (according to his speedo) over 200kph down the motorway whilst steering with his knees. One hand was holding a cigarette, the other his phone, I’m not even sure if he actually looked at the road for the whole trip. Genuinely thought I was going to die.
I do remember a taxi driver hitting the speed limiter in his Merc on a desrestricted autobahn one even… 155mph
almost ditto, except it was a 7 series BMW being driven by a company driver. As we came down the slip road it made a sound like a spring unwinding and the speedo started increasing. I thought it was going to top out but went well into the 200's in kph. And then the phone rang. This was 20-odd years ago and it seems handsfree wasn't a big thing then, so he answered it holding it with his hand to his ear. AND THEN - he decided he needed to indicate but he he had the phone in the indicating hand.... so at 240kph he jammed a knee under the wheel, and then reached over the steering wheel to indicate with his wrong hand. At this point I was clenching so hard I'd actually swallowed a fistful of upholstery with my arse.
Even that paled into insignificance with a Milan driver, who the way he was weaving around the early evening traffic assumed every onlooker must have been a Ferrari talent scout and this was his last chance.
And the London unlicensed drivers in their MOT failure deathtraps at kicking out time back in the day....but I was usually too wasted to notice them.
Had a job in pre Uber days working unsociable hours and work had an account with a private hire firm so we could get to and from shifts. One of the regular drivers was everyone’s least favourite to get. His driving was fine but his nickname from his employers was the Vicar of Dibley. Apart from wanting to talk religion his other interest was poetry. That he’d written. It was as bad as it sounds!
Venice taxi to the airport during a public transport strike
Speedboat, obvs, 150bhp diesel in the back so massive wake and bow up attitude once it got going out of the canals where they're limited to 4knots
I don't know when a boat's driven well, which added to the fear-factor, but it didn't feel stable at any point crossing the lagoon (call it what you will, it's the sea 🙂 )
In the late 90s I lived in Homerton. Getting a cab from central London was nigh on impossible* so we used minicabs. Two standout memories:
1. Hammered and covered in red wine I get into the passenger seat and am told by the driver not to touch the pedals. I look down and see that this is a driving instructor’s car. I’m quite paranoid about accidentally braking… until I pass out.
2. In the back seat and my mate next to me notices that under the drivers seat is a pillowcase… full of silver cutlery. Keep quiet 🤫
*when a black can finally did take us home he explained that lots of people would hijack cabs in the area we lived in … but because he went to school on the road where we lived he reckoned it’d be cool.
I also remember a late night cab driver knocking on the front door just after we’d gone in to give me my Travelcard I’d left by mistake on the back seat. Proper geezer.
Gran Canaria a few years ago. Private taxi booked to hotel. All the cars were new Merc's yes great, erm not ours. Fairly tatty old C class estate, whth completely shot shocks - the thing was like a boat. Didn't help he was bombing it on the motorway, and the thing didn't corner. He laughed when I visibly clung on.
1996 Cairo to Benghazi, Libya in a Peugeot 504 estate taxi with no ac in August.
1996 Cairo to Benghazi, Libya in a Peugeot 504 estate taxi with no ac in August.
Is the forum in smellovision.....I can smell that from here