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I have a very unsettled 14yo boy living with me. It has been increasing since Lyanda sadly passed away. Even though I have raised him since he was 2, I am not his biological father. But I am his Dad, even according to him.
He has been asking a lot recently if I can adopt him. This is something me and Lyanda talked about a few times, but as various things happened over the past few years, never got sorted.
He has expressed great concerns he will be taken away to live with his father as I have no legal rights. He has said he doesn't want to live with his 'drugged up alcoholic father' and he wants to stay with me, like mum would have wanted.
So, how do i go about this so I can make it official and put his mind at ease? If it makes any difference, he already has my last name. That was changed when he was 8/9 by deed poll. That is what he wanted at the time.
I know nothing about adoption, but I do know that you're a ******* legend.
He'll be a lucky lad to have you as a father on paper, as well as being the father you already are in real life.
*Raises glass*
We're currently in the process of adopting our boys who have been with us for nearly a year, im pretty sure adopting a stepchild is a similar process.
I think you need to tell the local authority in writing three months before you can put in an application for adoption order. A social worker will do an assesment and prepare a report for the court.
I may be wrong on all the above but i wish you the best of luck. And chase up social workers progress as much as you can as they tend to have their own pace of work.
I'm shocked to see the government website is actually quite helpful...
https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption/adopting-a-stepchild
Thanks for the comments.
Jim - thankyou for the link, will look into it.
Kevs - good luck with your adoption
Flash - wouldn't call myself a legend. Just doing what is right. And hopefully doing enough to keep him safe and at home. I can only hope Lyanda is looking down, and with her blessing, guiding me along the way. After all, he is right. It is what she would want.
I can’t help on the adoption process, some short term reassurance- the Children’s Act is very much couched in terms of what is best for the Child. Sometimes that is not entirely clear and different people have different arguments which is why we hear the stories that make you/him concerned. I find it difficult to imagine that SW or a Court would decide that a grieving 14yr old remaining in the same household attending the same school, with his siblings (even if legally only 1/2 siblings) with a parental figure he respects and has lived with for many years is a worse option than removing the child and placing him with a father he doesn’t want to live with who has substance misuse issues.
do you already have a social worker?
On a further more positive note, getting communication from a 14 yr old about what is concerning him in life is not an easy task!
Gnusmas; sorry, can't help with the adoption thing other than to say good luck with it and if there is any sense in the world, it will be a cinch.
But on the legend thing. Just as you cannot decide to call yourself a legend, it is a title bestowed on you you others; so you cannot decide that you aren't. It's for others to determine, and on that basis you are a ****ing legend mate. Keep on going as you are, and your kids and stepkids will have a father we can all be proud of.
Adoption may not be the best solution to giving your lad the security he needs. Courts can sometimes be reluctant to break the legal bond with a birth parent.
Also have a look at Special Guardianship Orders as this might be sufficient. Good luck!
Jonv - that's me told! Thanks, means a lot.
Esme - thanks for the link.
I read the links and have acted this afternoon. The council have to be informed 3 months prior to an adoption application. The lady I spoke to also mentioned another avenue available. This is more straightforward and easier and gives me equal parental responsibility.
She is sending out information this week so I can read over it and discuss with him before getting back to them. All they have said is as he is 14, his views and opinions will be taken into account. As will our unfortunate circumstances.
I have never worked in adoption - although know that any assessment would focus on what the child wants in such matters.
What I would suggest is discuss financial Implications first before adopting.