[Closed] Suicide

An inbuilt instinct to survive which is universal to all species, and the knowledge that the feeling doesn't last.

EDIT : TBH "just can't be arsed anymore" doesn't sit comfortably with thinking of suicide. If you really "can't be arsed" you won't be thinking of of suicide - suicide is a very proactive reaction aimed at achieving a result.

David, please reassure me that you're not in that state yourself. Please?

If that's how you feel, go and see your doctor or ring Samaritans, sharpish! Please.

Everything ok chap?

Are you feeling that way?a

There are plenty of organisations, freephone numbers etc to chat to, then there are complete strangers like us on here who will listen and try to help.

Ask for help before its to late,suicide bids can be a cry for help, or and may just go to far and you die,and nobody wants that.

Tomorow is the start of another day,look forward to it tonight is the end of a previous day, say goodbye to it.

Mate please talk to us

Couple of times, yes. Not that I just can't be arsed any more but everyone else would be better off if I wasn't around. I've only ever been there when I felt I was pissing everyone else up so much that the best thing all round would be for me to just eff off.

That was a depression/bipolarity thing and what stopped me there was that I could see that while things were crap then, they *could* get better. And I was right, the shit went away eventually, I stopped cocking people up, I stopped being so angry, I stopped hating myself (as much).

You're not at this point are you fellah? Where you feel you are now is only a transitionary place, it'll change if you give it time and it will get better but don't speak to me. Speak to someone who can help you understand this better. Things can always improve. Family and friends if you've got 'em but if not try the Samaritans, they're good to talk too.

Talk here too.

Yeh had a bit of an up and down week. Today aint been great. Just struggle to see anything good "ahead" if that makes sense!

Answer to the question is family... visit yours?

i've nearly been there a few times over the years (i still have the rope that i bought to hang myself with about 8-10 years ago).don't mean to be morbid,but just wanted to be honest about it.

what stops me is the thought of the bastid depression winning (that ain't gonna happen 😉 the depression has taken away my life (the worst part is that you get comfortable in the perpetual spiral.that's one of it's worst curses). i know that when i can beat it (or at least control it/i will have it the rest of my life) there are plenty of things i want to experience/do with my life.

this is the first time i've said this on here 😯 i think people might be shocked if they knew the real me (am not a serial killer or anything like that 😉

depression has robbed me of my life tbh (riding my bike/getting an education/relationship/job e.t.c) but i will overcome it.

i wish you and anyone else who suffers (whatever way) my best wishes in overcoming the darkness,and give it a damn good slapping 😉
good luck 🙂

Been there. Get yourself to a GP and tell them you're having suicidal thoughts. Counsellors will take care of the rest. At the end of the day depression is just a chemical imbalance in your nogging. It's not 'you' thinking those thoughts. Feel free to talk to a stranger helpmybike @yahoo.co.uk

Yeh had a bit of an up and down week. Today aint been great. Just struggle to see anything good "ahead" if that makes sense!

If you're feeling that way keep off alcohol and phone the Samaritans - that's what they are there for.

And as I said previously, the bad feeling is only temporary, it never lasts.

I feel like that often due to my OCD, I imagine kicking my head into space to get rid of the OCD feelings, but when I catch it I can say the OCD is not me. I'm not great with my feelings so when I go to the doctor I write down my feelings and pass them to the doctor 😳 it works for me. Having said that Ernie has the answer all creatures will strive to carry on, we've all seen those tv shows where animals fight so hard to survive.

If it's you beat your thoughts, if it's a friend please help them!

Ernie, raceface and samuri have all nailed it, from varying angles

There will ALWAYS be something good ahead. Always. There will also always be people willing, able and wanting to help you see those good things.

I have thoughts like that every so often. It's the thought of family / relatives / close friends having to deal with it that always stops me. Not sure of your circumstances, but another thing I sometimes think of is that it'd be such a waste to do anything until I had completely blown all my assets / savings on the best biking road trip ever!

Sorry this might sound like a daft reply but they are the things that go through my mind when I feel I can't take any more.

Hope your ok mate, things often seem better even just the next day.

I had a close friend take his own life when I was 15. Steve was 19. Every now and then I stop and think about him. It makes me so sad to think of all the things he has missed. Not only the important things like my marriage and the birth children but even daft things like samrtphones and DVD players.

I miss him and his passing tore his family apart. He would have been 40 a couple of years ago and I can guarantee that the pain he was feeling at the time would have been a very distant memory if he was alive today.

Please talk to someone.

Life can seem pretty harsh at times.
At times, sometimes what seems like long, non ending times it makes you wonder how things will ever actually get better. And do you know what makes them get better? Money? A change in fortunes? Luck? ........no.
It starts to get better when you talk to someone, about how you are feeling, and how you can't see a way forward, and how frightened you are by that.
So start talking. Here's a great start,
Now try talking to these people.....Samaritans 08457 909090
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

I can assure you they are good people.

If you can, and this is a fair old ask, and may change the way you see things and the way you live, try seeing stuff in a different way; the world is the same, it's just you and the way you are seeing it that is a challenge at the moment, and tomorrow things can be different.

(sorry, a bit rambly...)

It's the way you think that makes you feel a certain way, so, understanding that, you can change the way you think and therefore the way you feel.

It doesn't happen overnight, it's something to practise, but you can push on through and come out the other side.

I unfortunately see a number of people who have tried to end their lives; it's not pretty, romantic, epic, or even a solution, it's tawdry and grim and soul destroying...

some brave stuff being said on here, from the OP and others ^^^^

dont think ive ever been close myself had some dark times, relationship stuff etc but always managed to keep perspective
I guess thats the trick,

but get some help, none of us may know you but if you need to chat we're here

There will ALWAYS be something good ahead. Always.

Yeh, that's it. Technically there's plenty of good stuff ahead. My head just makes me imagine it'll all be awful/negative/terrible/something not to look forward to etc.

Life can be shit, there's no escaping that. The problem is that once the darkness descends it is very difficult to see any positives, the negative overwhelms. I've seen someone close with deep depression and lost a very close friend to suicide.

I don't know your circumstances but I've struggled the last 12 months with one thing and another. Things aren't as good as I'd like right now professionally. Some days I really can't be arsed. Fortunately I've got a gorgeous wife and soul-mate and fantastic children who help me get up and get on.

If you'd like to offload, there are plenty here who will listen. We are good at that.

Plan to be there to do that stuff. Make a plan and follow it. You'll get there. No-one can mess with the plan.

And talk, yeah?

My head just makes me imagine

I think that's the key; the self-realisation that it's not you, it's just a feature of the way your head is working at the moment. Seize that Idea and run with it.

You're obviously a bright guy; your posts on here have a subtle comic quality that we need more of, so don't be going anywhere!

It's a wave. Just ride it out. It does get better.

David. I think many many people go through this, which is not intended to trivialise what you are facing.

If you are feeling that strongly then I would suggest you seek some support asap from the samaritans, your gp or your friends. If it was a friend of mine feeling like that a call at any time of day or night would be treated sympathetically.

\been there a couple of times and its not a great place to be. Took a very long time to turn my life around, retrained now doing ok. Still get angry down and tearful but thats a very private me that would shock most people around me.

I think my life will always be a struggle in some ways emotionally but at the very least I cope.

People will help and it can get better but little wins are what its all about if you are in a difficult place personally.

Whatever you do look after yourself, sleep eat and make time to talk. If its debt, relationships, housing work get some professional help. In the meantime while you are waiting for that talk to freinds who can help organise stuff for you and WITH you.

Stay off the pop and your GP can help with something to help with depression but I found great counsellors who gave me the tools to organise my life a little better.

[quote=davidtaylforth ]There will ALWAYS be something good ahead. Always.
Yeh, that's it. Technically there's plenty of good stuff ahead. My head just makes me imagine it'll all be awful/negative/terrible/something not to look forward to etc.
I'll be perfectly honest here - one of the good somethings ahead will be your contributions to this forum. You've a perfect knack of hitting just the right tone with some of your posts that really does make folk wonder if you are being serious. I'd miss you.

My head just makes me imagine it'll all be awful/negative/terrible/something not to look forward to etc.

Well your head is imagining wrong - it won't always be the same. Remember that.

Seriously, phone the Samaritans, if you can post on here you can make them a phone call, even if it's just for a quick chat. Anytime ..... 24/7

I lost an old friend last year to the same thoughts you're having. Don't make the same mistake he did. Talk to family, friends and the professionals. As above, there is ALWAYS a better way than what you're thinking about. Good luck.

I've had my share of dark times and as has already been said, rest assured that no matter how bad things seem, there is always a future and things will ultimately get better~ often surprisingly quickly.

You've made a brave 1st step by mentioning the subject on here; sharing the burden is the best thing you can do~ talk to someone so it isn't just swimming around in your head and your load should lighten.

Also try to keep exercising regularly, as the endorphins released will raise your spirits.

Hang in there and stay cool... I remember when you were in the MBUK slopestyle challenge 😉

Probably an idea to talk to someone professional David. Life is tough to get through sometimes and it can be easier if you get a little help... Often things can seem hopeless or bleak when normally you wouldn't see them in quite as dark a perspective - in fact if you are anything like me, your perspective can really get skewed for a significant period of time.

As you know we are all a bunch of over-opinionated arseholes on this forum - but some of the other guys on here are thoughtful, caring and supportive over-opinionated arseholes! So keep posting when it's tough and I promise this bunch of our fellows on here won't let you down. They can be brilliant as you know!

Id like to add that we are in the middle of a recession
and just come off a 2 day jobseekers course for people 6 months+ unemployed, was a relief talking to other people who've experienced the same depressing stream of job rejections

I think a lot of people are finding things tough right now

Appreciate the comments. Had been feeling alrite for two or three weeks, seemed to get all bent out of shape today. Every time I feel low it seems to be worse than the last time - might see if my doctor can prescribe me some better gear.

I remember when you were in the MBUK slopestyle challenge

There is another davidtaylforth???

Music and endorphins for me.
If biking is a faff, go for a run.
If this doesn't help, go see GP.
When it feels nothing can help, modern medicine will.

I remember when you were in the MBUK slopestyle challenge

There is another davidtaylforth???

Did you once have a Balfa minuteman?

No, although I once went riding with someone who did. He probably stole my name!

Boo... in that case, my apologies~ I daresay you rock anyhoo 😆

Has anyone/does anyone ever get to the point where they feel like they just can't be arsed anymore? What stops you?

last time, nothing stopped me...bloomin mate saved me from OD by pure bloody chance.

Has life got better and been a sea of joy in last 20 years...can't say it has, but it's the only show in town.

these days the thought that I wouldn't want to put anyone else through finding my body or being involved in the clean up.

the worrying thing is that the human mind has a great capacity to normalise and rationalise even the most bleak and ridiculous things, so that it is entirely possible to convince yourself that in fact ending your own life is a perfectly rational, controlled thing and not such a big deal.

I think those that haven't been there can sometimes see it as a rash/emotional/sudden thing...from those that have survived that I have spoken to, it's worrying how many have said that by the time the decision is made, it's seemingly coldly logical and rational.

it just seems to "click" and the thought no longer worries you.

Talk if you need to, seek help if you want to, don't ever be afraid to admit that you need help.

I'm wanting to type so much but something is holding me back.
And if I'm honest its probably the same thing that has pulled me back from the brink a few times. I was on the tipping point (literally once)

These days things are probably worse if anything as I'm a carer for my wife who now struggles to feed herself/do anything so I just live my life lurching from one medical crisis to another. I think the one thing that keeps me going is a sense of responsibility, once that's gone I can see how it becomes easy to spiral out of control.

I'm probably not making sense/helping but keep your mates close is best

This may help

David: seek professional help. Don't delay. Do it tomorrow.

Come back and tell us when you've got something organised. Please.

Over the last 10 years I have had a few spells in my life where I was convinced I was better off dead. Not for a day or two, but constantly. For weeks and sometimes months on end.

One of the only things I believe to be fact is that the universe is always changing.
Whatever shit situation I am in, it [i]will[/i] change eventually. Things might not suddenly get better, but change is inevitable.

Clinging to this belief has pretty much kept me alive. That and my family.

Get up early tomorrow,pedal to the top of a big hill,take your iPod and watch the sunrise.
Being out when there is no one around and the world is all yours is fantastic.

Being out when there is no one around and the world is all yours is fantastic.

or in the wrong frame of mind

can make you feel so isolated, lonely, insignificant and that your disappearance will leave no trace and have no impact.

seriously

seek help.

My brother and only sibling pulled the plug 20 years ago aged 17 and believe me, the aftermath of destruction and family ripping devastation never goes away. Think, seek help, talk, whatever it takes. Posting on a public forum screams of a cry for help to me and not a serious threat. Consider others and what you would leave behind...Apols if this sounds blunt and unsympathetic but even after 20 years the pain for those left behind still stings daily.

Hello mate ,A couple of years ago i was feeling the way you are now . All i can tell you is it does get better and you should speak to a profesional ( g.p or samaritans etc ) I went to my gp and i was a bit embarrased at first admitting my problems but she was superb and got me on track . 2 years later its all ancient history .Go to somebody please soon ! KEEP YOUR CHIN UP DUDE

Tazzy,fair point ,only ever experienced the good bit.

I often wonder why people choose suicide, surely if your life is no longer worth a damn to you then why not use its premature end to achieve something, pick a cause and become a martyr. A word of advice though don't go for the religion option, its tired and over done, why not go for the much overlooked political assassination option, someone in power that's doggedly eroding peoples rights or feathering their own nest at the cost of the less fortunate? or perhaps sink a super yacht full of hedge fund exec's lording it up on the spoils of the global financial melt down? I dunno, there's so much more that could be done if death was an inevitability you'd decided was your next parking space.

Just doing yourself in and leaving a horrible mess for others to clean up is a really shit thing to do and there's no fun it it whatsoever.

*note the above is pure satire, I don't advocate the murder of anyone no matter how much they may be an utter shit, crook or waste of air & organs.

If it feels like nothing good'll ever happen again, suicide guarantees you're right. You can always kill yourself later. This black pragmatism has kept a great mate of mine going for years now, he's always just a few steps away from another attempt but he's able to keep it just that far away.

He worked out a method that works for him by himself, you don't have to, listen to advice and seek help even if you're not convinced it can help. But at the same time don't swallow identikit fixes- it is very negative, to hear people say "Do X, it'll make you feel better", then you do it and you still feel like shit. What works for them might not work for you and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with this.

Personally? After my surgery I spent a fair amount of time just morbidly working out where the acceptable lines in the sand were- at what point I'd say the prognosis was too poor and I'd choose another way out. I'm very glad it didn't come to that.

Spend a bit more time trolling forums, that'll help 😉

When I describe why and what I'm feeling to people, they help me put things in proportion, inside your own head a hellish microcosm can easily be created.

As for pills, I'd be wary of grabbing them, depression isn't something you pick up on the bus home, it's brought about by many different things, you really need to dig deep and address what exactly is making you unhappy and want to give up. It can be the smallest things that you put aside in your mind and pretend they don't bother you but they all mount up.

Tazzy,fair point ,only ever experienced the good bit.

wasn't having a pop, when the bleak descends there's not a lot that'll lift it without help.

He worked out a method that works for him by himself, you don't have to, listen to advice and seek help even if you're not convinced it can help. But at the same time don't swallow identikit fixes- it is very negative, to hear people say "Do X, it'll make you feel better", then you do it and you still feel like shit. What works for them might not work for you and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with this.

this is spot on!

when the bleak descends there's not a lot that'll lift it without help.

if your feeling suicidal I would recommend that you watch this: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x22dcg_rodney-mullen-unbelievable_people

then watch every single video of Rodney Mullen, especially the TED talks, then if you think you feel like ending it all, go and talk to someone, a doctor or alike because there is something wrong in your brain.

Its better to leave a pile of clothes on the shore, smuggle yourself onto a form of transport leaving the country and begin a new life from scratch, if it all goes wrong, so what.

It's good to talk,help is out there. My brother in law took his own life 1 month ago and the devastation left behind is truly awful.Some say it's the cowards way out and some say it's a brave thing to do,believe me it's neither. It's a complete meltdown and lack of clear thought I'm convinced of that. I'm sure if he had thought for 1 second that his wife would find him and his young son would have to cut him down he wouldn't have done it. I'm sorry to be blunt but to see the aftermath is hellish and it will be for some time to come. Anyone who has these thoughts should feel no shame in opening up about it.

when the bleak descends there's not a lot that'll lift it without help.

Maybe it's just never been that bad for me - though I have thought about suicide (only in the sense of wondering whether it would be the best solution, never in terms of how and when I was going to do it). Because I don't really have a lot to help me - the drugs did nothing and the counselling I had didn't help much either. I do find I get over the really black times though - actually surprisingly quickly sometimes. The trouble is, when I'm in a deep dark hole it feels like it will never end.

Though I agree with you about finding things which other people think ought to be uplifting depressing. Last weekend at the village fete it felt like everybody was having fun but me - I felt so lonely and just wanted to find somewhere to hide and cry.

Answer to the question is family... visit yours?

If only. My sister hasn't spoken to me for 18 months, taking my (very difficult) admission that I was depressed as the ideal opportunity to write a long e-mail outlining all my failings for the last 10 years, refusing to acknowledge she'd done anything wrong and expecting me to grovel in a way I'd find difficult if my mind was straight. I'm not sure I'm ever likely to have a normal relationship with her again - and to be honest given that reaction to a plea for help I'm not sure I want to.

A good friend of mine committed suicide almost a year ago to the day. Still think about him most days, still miss him.
He had a lot of stuff going on and (I think) couldn't see any other way to deal with it. Still grieve for the friendship we could have had.
Seriously, talk to someone, family, friends, gp, the Samaritans.
Please, just do it.
Rip Dunky.

Dude. Phone the Samaritans NOW. Don't think you're OK. Dont think it can wait. There's no shame or stigma attached to needing a bit of help. Lots of my ex colleagues have been helped by combatstress. Get it done. You'll not regret it if you do, your family might regret it if you don't.

When I was close to it I phoned the Samaritans.

I guess that I was still thinking straight enough not to have done anything final and end it.

If you are having thoughts about whether or not to do it, then it isn't the end. There must be something salvageable.

Novaswift's post haunts me. A chap I knew from school did that.

Talk to people please.

Might i suggest reading back through Bullheart's posts?

Samaritans are on 08457 90 90 90. Someone will listen tonight.

My Gran and my best friend both tried to end things, both thankfully were found in time. My friend was 18 and after, she finally got the help she needed, and the doctors gave her medication which she will take probably for the rest of her life, and in her own words, it's the best thing she has ever done and she never wants to be off them.
If she hadn't been found she would have missed some fantastic things like finding her wonderful partner and having her daughter.
Talk, to anyone, here is a good start, go to you doctor, get help, there is no shame in asking for help ever.

Massive support here davidtaylforth, hopefully this will give you an idea of how much good stuff there is out there

You put your hand in a flame - it burns, do it again, same thing, and again same result. Same with life you try and try, but it keeps going wrong, everything you do results in pain and failure, so great that it's debilitating, eventually you start to feel numb. Nothing brings any joy everything serves to provide you with pain and misery. You listen to your favourite song do your favourite things and it does nothing.

Why not give up tomorrow? Because that means another second of pain, you've put your hand in the flame of life and it's burned you too many times, your mind simply can't imagine that it won't burn again.

But stop, hold your hand a bit longer let it set you alight, let it burn you alive, let it do it's worst.

That's what keeps me going, if my life really is [i]that[/i] bad then let it kill me, at least then I won't be to blame for my own death.

If it feels like nothing good'll ever happen again, suicide guarantees you're right. You can always kill yourself later. This black pragmatism has kept a great mate of mine going for years now, he's always just a few steps away from another attempt but he's able to keep it just that far away.

Kind of what has worked for me. Got to a point once upon a time where I really did reach the edge, but then it occurred to me, I [i]could[/i] top myself (easy enough to do really), or I could consider that black moment my 'death' and look at every day forward from that point as my 'rebirth'... so for the past couple of years I've been a 30 odd year old toddler, relearning my way in the world but with the benefit of a bit of life experience! Looking forward to my teenage years now 😀

I don't really have anything useful to say hats not already been said.

But I genuinely hope you're OK and get this issue under control. Life can suck, but it can also be pretty awesome.

I don't want to give advice that i'm not qualified to give either by profession or experience other than to say i hope that you are feeling a little more positive this morning and that you do seek out some help at the first opportunity.

Look after yourself.

Mate,

You're not alone,

You're not the only person feeling like this,

You need to talk to some one, (Samaritans are great)

You can beat this feeling.

Look after yourself.

Has anyone/does anyone ever get to the point where they feel like they just can't be arsed anymore?

Definitely.

What stops you?

A: I'm a rank coward! When they sell the over the counter painless death pill that might change. That said I have previously made two serious attempts (in my younger years before being diagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder).

B: The thought that it would be so unfair to those that I leave behind, possibly devastating to my children and partner, they might blame themselves. That and the tiniest hope that there actually might be a light at the end of the tunnel.

i cant see me ever being able to discuss this subject on STW.

worse than that, due to the inevitable impact that having the conversation has on the listener, it is all too easy to see your options decreasing...
but that should be the sign that you really need to bite the bullet and talk to someone.

Has anyone/does anyone ever get to the point where they feel like they just can't be arsed anymore? What stops you?

I have been to that dark place where you feel totally dead inside, see no point in going on, nothing mattered anymore and where I couldn't see things ever getting better. I just wanted to end it all as I felt death would be better than going on feeling like this.

Luckily one of mates saved my life.

Unfortunately about a year later another one of my mates I had known since I was 5 wasn't saved I think about that quite a bit.

My best suggestion is you reach out to your friends or family they saved me by making sure I didn't do anything. You don't have to explain yourself just ask to be with them.

I've tried twice and sanctioned twice this year.
It's just by sheer luck I was found or I would not be here now.
I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and my lows are unbelievable.
I'm under psychiatric care but when the depression hits I can't control myself.

Being depressed messes with your head in all sorts of bizarre ways. It always gets better though. always.

Does anyone know David here?

David, please log in and keep chatting on STW. Its probably as good (and bad 😉 ) as anywhere else.

I posted a response last night - as I have just been through three of the toughest most draining days of my life this week - but deleted it as you dont need the details. But the end was clear - there were things by yesterday that made it bearable. Friends and family and bizarrely the opportunity to help an old lady who had got lost outside my brothers house (yes weird anecdote). Things are always there to make life worthwhile - most importantly other people. So please reach out...

I am very saddened to read this and please 'check in' to let us know how you are today.

There's been some useful info posted but may I just suggest another approach? Pay particular attention to your diet with good quality fresh produce and reduce alcohol if you do partake. Avoid the peaks and troughs of sugar, reduce your carbs and ensure adequate protein.

Would be worth considering a vitamin D supplement, you may have read about this in the news. You'll need around 5,000IU, in my non-professional opinion, and you can get this for around £10 for a year's supply.

I do feel that by paying attention to nutrition, many symptoms of poor health, both physical and mental, can be improved.

E-mail in profile and happy to listen. Please let us know you're OK.

Sending best wishes.

c_g

[i]Has anyone/does anyone ever get to the point where they feel like they just can't be arsed anymore? [/i]

Yes.

[i]What stops you?[/i]

1. The logic of things, i.e. if you have nothing left what else can you loose? The only way is up after that.

2. Love ones, i.e. family.

3. It's not the time yet.

Dave I know from your previous posts and pictures that you live in south lakes, I can recommend [url= http://www.cumbriapartnership.nhs.uk/first-step.htm ] THIS [/url] and it is located just opposite the education center at Furness General. Talk to your GP, get out and ride, don't bottle things up or try to pretend that you can cope. Once you have made the adjustment that you need help and seek it, it gets much easier.
Mental illness still has a lot of stigma attached to it, but that's all depression is, it's just chemical in-balances. If you had a physical injury you would seek help, this is just the same. PM me if you want to talk/ride, live near Grange.
Jono.

This is a worrying post, always hard to tell when someones just feeling a bit down or whether someone might actually do something silly. Given only earlier yesterday he was chatting about going to france to watch the tour and then do some biking hopefully its the former.

Judging by his posting history hes on here on a daily basis. Maybe if hes not been heard from in a day or two someone tries to contact him through another means? (FB perhaps - his e.mail links to a profile).

Doesn't he have any riding chums on here?