[Closed] STW Citizenship test- to be a citizen of STW

Test depends on status - minnow or big hitter?

Baby robin?

Which forks are best to 'own' someone with?

Name two things commonly found in shoes.

How many bicycles has Hora owned?

[i]this is a trick question - the correct answer is, of course, 'all of them'[/i]

FAILing to search to see if your thread has already been posted = OUT!

What word described SurfMat?

Is TJ ever wrong?

You are lying in bed at night, when you hear your back doors being rattled. Do you

a) tell the potential assailant exactly what you think of him through a strongly worded post on an internet forum.
b) Grab a set of bombers and go investigate.
c) Think "this is the perfect opportunity to implement the Edinburgh defence I have been practising in the dojo for the past few months".

Are you an utter flecking throbbing bell end.

[b]Yes[/b] - You are a life time member of STW

[b]No[/b] - Keep posting but you might be asked to leave at some point.

[i]You are lying in bed at night, when you hear your back doors being rattled. Do you[/i]

d) claim to have a headache and suggest your partner goes back to sleep.

wwaswas fails both the subtly and obvious innuendo tests.

Middle class whiney cockbag?

[i]wwaswas fails both the subtly and obvious innuendo tests.[/i]

and therefore pass the stw citizenship test?

It was subtler than the first thing I typed, I have to say, but then I thought about Mark and his banning stick and edited.

Although I think Internet is still out at stw towers so it's possible that there's no one looking today...

STW Citizenship checklist

Drive an Audi,
work in IT/middle management,
Keyboard Warrior,
Always right

What tyres for riding over a childs face on?

How do I bleed my avid brakes?

Why are Fox forks inferior to Rock Shox?

Do you know what 'the' badger thread is?

If the answer is 'Racist!', what is the question?

Which is correct - 'awesome' or 'AWESOME'?

do you know what Picolax is?

Do you own or want to own:

a. A wood burner
b. a chainsaw
c. A wood store

is carbon better then alloy?

a. yes
b. no
c. depends on what hits it
d. they use it for planes dont they?

Would a plane on a conveyor belt take off?

What precautions should be taken before taking picolax?
a. Do not stray out of doors
b. Do not assume that little things can do no harm.
c. Store ample supply of toilet paper in fridge.
d. All of the above.

<EDIT> Dammit too slow </EDIT>

Maintains that titanium is a world pacifying uber-metal with godlike properties when used in frame manufacture, but is surprised when the cheap Ti frame from <insert country of your choice> breaks at a weld during an ordinary ride.

You happen across a group of riders in the woods. Which one is unlikely to be a STW member:

a. The guy on the single speed Titanium 29er?
b. The guy on the single speed fully-rigid 69er?
c. The guy on the geared 26er with jones bars & a fat bike front wheel?
d. The girl on the trek top fuel?

When eating Taramosalata do you eat it straight from the tub, or put it into a ramekin or bowl?

Corollary to the above: Do you know what a ramekin is?

Have you licked Binner's eyeball?

Did you buy your ramekins at John Lewis?

double post edit.

Name the smallest variety of caper?

Have you read any of the above posts before considering your answer?

Which of these breakfasts is ok on the idiet

a eggs
b toast
c Cereal

Is steel real?

Have you read any of the above posts before considering your answer?

Do you wear full-on style stormtrooper body armour to commute to work?

[i]Name the smallest variety of caper? [/i]

well the range is 'shoplifting Black Jacks from the Newsagent' right through to 'Great Train Robbery' isn't it?

Do you shave with a Bic razor?

Do you write with a biro?

Do you tell the time with a Timex?

You happen across a group of riders in the woods. Which one is unlikely to be a STW member:

a. The guy on the single speed Titanium 29er?
b. The guy on the single speed fully-rigid 69er?
c. The guy on the geared 26er with jones bars & a fat bike front wheel?
d. The girl on the trek top fuel?

Blimey, this is tough. How many of them have beards?

Are you over 9 years old and STILL find really long threads about a man having a poo in advance of a medical investigation really, really funny?

Are you outraged by cable that deviates from parallel to a top tube?

Are you over 9 years old and STILL find really long threads about a man having a poo in advance of a medical investigation really, really funny?

That's not the STW test, that's the male test.

[i]That's not the STW test, that's the male test. [/i]

blimey. [goes for gender test]

double post. soz.

Fill in the blanks

___nsafety suggested that ____ was _____ fiddling when he was a ______. This was totally ____.

TJ is a plastic _______

Captain flashheart is actually a _______ who pretends to be ______

😯

iDave mentioning a cable not in form with the top tube has ruined my afternoon.

Who is in the right, the cyclist or the car driver. Bear in mind the cyclist is dead now.

That's not the STW test, that's the male test.

I knew I was female anyway.

"Are you an expert on everything?"

Can you cook a 3 course evening meal for 4 people and eat all of it yourself?

Do you have a highly paid job which allows you to spend all day on the interweb?

Have you ridded 'The Beast' backwards, while eating a porcini mushroom (which you picked yourself from the forest) baguette, wearing full body armour on a SS with 'v' brakes?

Do you get a slightly smug feeling after telling someone not to SHOUT in the classifieds?

How is a full english breakfast best served?

a) On a plate.
b) In a pie.

Who was Fred?

Blimey, this is tough. How many of them have beards?

Are we counting downstairs beards?

Aye you male and pee sitting down/ female pee standing up?

You get home and find your significant other has changed the locks and left your overnight bag neatly packed. Do you?

a/ fumble in your pocket for your mobile device which will obviusly take you to STW chat as soon as you touch the screen.

b/ knock on the neighbours door and ask to use the PC to access STW/visit a cyber café to access STW/switch on you laptop in the hope the SO has left the wifi on and you can log on to STW.

c/ break down the door, walk in and log on to STW.

d/ phone a friend or realtive.

e/ phone your SO and try to talk.

Obviously only a/, b/ and c/ are acceptable responses.

oh **** there's no f/ ...

Ask STW what I should do.

are you some sort of fluffy, bleeding heart, yoghurt knitting, poncey coffee drinking liberal, with massively left wing tendencies and no sense of humour

Yes- welcome to STW
No- well done you have a life

are you some sort of fluffy, bleeding heart, yoghurt knitting, poncey coffee drinking liberal, with massively left wing tendencies and no sense of humour

I drink good coffee, lots of it, and have been known to have a sense of humour at times. Otherwise, no.

*Confused*

Choose life. Choose a desk based job. Choose a dead end career with unlimited internet access. Choose to ignore your family. Choose a ****ing big set of 29er wheels, Choose washing machines, VAG group cars, apple products, and electrical coffee bean grinders. Choose iDiet, tabata training and skills courses. Choose fixed-gears. Choose to brag about a home that isn't real. [s]Choose your friends[/s]. Choose lycra and wear it under baggies. Choose an M&S suit and TM Lewin shirts in a range of ****ing fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the **** you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch pressing F5 'refresh' and mind-numbing spirit-crushing reality shows, stuffing ****ing Waitrose food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ****ed-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've STW?

Flashy - you're not supposed to answer the questions 😉

Oh. Sorry. Mea culpa. 😳

Another question then;

What did you do during the Great Hack?

the hustler - Member

Do you know what 'the' badger thread is?

this

and anyone that will post up a picture of a pristine bike in a garden with any or all of the following

1. An unkempt lawn
2. A fence in poor shape
3. Any brickwork that requires repointing

"[i]pressing F5 'refresh' [/i]"

Thank you, I didn't know that.

What tyres for the following:
a) A trail centre.
b) Another trail centre, but one you have not been to before.
c) The first trail centre, but in the wet.
d) A bivvi ride, tyres to go with the one-use-only-before-I-ebay tarp, sleeping bag, stove and other uber-light paraphanalia.

Do you flounce off here and say you're leaving as the place is sexist, only to return a week later, & then go on to post relationship questions?? 😐

Ahh, but to be an older STW'er you have to remember the Parrot forum takeover!

We also have to reminisce about GoFar and paying our subs up front to get the magazine off the ground!

What tyres for the following:
a) A trail centre.
b) Another trail centre, but one you have not been to before.
c) The first trail centre, but in the wet.
d) A bivvi ride, tyres to go with the one-use-only-before-I-ebay tarp, sleeping bag, stove and other uber-light paraphanalia.

You missed

D) the first trail centre, in four weeks

are helmets:
A: Dangerous in certain conditions
B: for wimps
C: not for TJ
D: something you should wear ALL THE TIME!

Chuckling lots at this thread 🙂

Which is most important: being nice or being right?

There's a test?

When was the last time you ACTUALLY rode a bike?

slainte ➡ rob

Is TJ always:

1) right
2) right
3) right
4) only slightly trolling and didn't mean it anyway
5) right, and you're an idiot for challenging this
6) right

have you ever had tea & toast at Mr Adams house between the hours of 12 and 3am on a feburary morning?

or

have you ever driven half way across the country to give the aforemention large sums of money, so you and your mates and ride around a muddy field?

What watch should I ask for? I'll be twelve next week and want to make a statement in the playground

Does your opinion on mildy controversial topics as reported in newspapers carry any weight?

Do any of your bikes have white cables/grips/saddles?

Have you converted your shed/garage/out building into a "man cave"?

Do you feel a little bit like Batman when you go there?

Are you ever embarrassed by the fact that you often cannot fix minor household electrical/plumbing problems?

And finally are you replying to this thread whilst sitting on a swivelly office chair?

And finally are you replying to this thread whilst sitting on a swivelly office chair?

Oh yes, yes indeed! And eating a banana.

I didn't like The Wire. Can I still come on here?

Have you read any of the above posts before considering your answer?

What would a STWer do next?

a) spend £1500 on last years pooh hot model?
b) spend £3000 on the next big thing?
c) spend £100 on an Inbred and pee the rest up against a wall in Todmorden

😐

Holy thread resurrection Batman.

stevewhyte - Member
Are you an utter flecking throbbing bell end.

Yes - You are a life time member of STW

No - Keep posting but you might be asked to leave at some point.

You must be in line for a free VIP subscription.