You don't need to be an 'investor' to invest in Singletrack: 6 days left: 95% of target - Find out more
This may be slightly subjective, but in my mind, Americans seem able to come up with brand/product names that are so stupid they actually vulgarise the very thing they name. So, for example, 'Smuckers Goober'. What the actual ****? (If you don't know what I am talking about, google it.)
But the name I think is the worst in the market place must be...
Krispy Kreme.
For one thing, doughnuts aren't crispy. And what's with the deliberate misspelling of two otherwise legitimate words? Also, they're terrible (but that's beyond the scope of this post).
Do you agree? Can you think of others?
When I pay for a Hummer, I WANT AN ACTUAL HUMMER
Ya know what I mean!
Ooni. But only marginally more so than people who get worked up about it replacing the equal non-word Uuni.
Milk It!
Anb expensive solution to a problem that doesn't exist they are milking till the udders bleed.
On One - I mean all their bikes have gears FFS! On Eleven more like.......
For one thing, doughnuts aren’t crispy
It’s deep fried dough they’re crispy.
Oh and Smucker is the founder’s name and goober is another name for a peanut.
Not sure if it's stupid, brave, naive or gloriously self-aware but:
http://colourswheelchair.com/spazz/
Blueball Sports.
I always thought BENCH was pretty stupid too.
Cilit Bang? - probably stings a bit
The daftest and most offensive/ misguided one I ever saw was a cheese when we lived in Oz in the early 90s; Coon - our cheese is more than food it's a friend! Seriously, even for one of the more racist nations in the world that's some going....
Some of the best are car names.
Juke.
Bentayga.
Bongo Friendee.
Referring to peanut butter as "Nut butter"
Angel Delight.
Neither angelic, nor delightful.
Baby oil.
Does NOT contain babies.
Viagra.
I have no idea why they named it after a waterfall.
Viagra- hmmmmm maybe cause it flows so well
Ya know what I mean!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
I love Angel Delight
Viagra.
I have no idea why they named it after a waterfall.
I do.
The daftest and most offensive/ misguided one I ever saw was a cheese when we lived in Oz in the early 90s; Coon – our cheese is more than food it’s a friend! Seriously, even for one of the more racist nations in the world that’s some going….
Back in my field archery days, a shoot at night was named a "coon shoot." Shocking as it initially sounds, it's a contraction of "raccoon." Coon hunting has been a thing in the US since colonial days. I've no idea of the etymology of "coon cheese" but it's easy to assume racism through modern eyes (especially in Australia where it's pretty much mandatory) when none was intended.
In fact, having now googled it, which I should have done in the first place:
Coon cheese is named after its American creator, Edward William Coon (1871–1934) of Philadelphia, who patented a method, subsequently known as the Cooning process, for fast maturation of cheese via high temperature and humidity.
And what’s with the deliberate misspelling of two otherwise legitimate words?
Doesn’t that cover roughly 50% of all Americans words though? I can never own a Specialised bike for this very reason. Krispy Kremes aren’t that bad and the Beastie Boys managed to name drop them in typical quirky style so they get a pass from me.
Back to the OP - Car names, pretty much all of them.
I have always loathed those " edgy" but childish bike names - stiffy, inbred etc
But nothing beats the Nissan Cedric
There is also the fabulous looking Naked from Diahatsu.
Did they build it out of Lego?
Who remembers Heavy Tools bikes from the mid 90's?
Mrs was having an awful Grundig WC MTB race in Budapest and the only thing that kept her going was trying to stay ahead of a Heavy Tools rider 🙂
And some Scandinavian snacks when discovered by English kids:
Plopp (Sweden)
Krap (Iceland)
Has anyone ever went to a bike shop and asked about a hand job?
I am here to correct you.
I give you the Great Wall Wingle.
I stand corrected, that’s a great name
More amsing than stupid - spotted on a shop in Stockholm:
I have literally no clue what in the shuddering **** this thing is: 
It also always struck me that "Jimmy White's Cueball 2" just made fun of the poor guy's well-publicised testicular cancer. Low blow, guys...
An 80s anchor for windsurfers called the Wanchor. Thank you America.
How about South Africa's Christian bookstore...
dare2b is such a dumb name for a clothing brand
But lest we forget:
Krispy Kreme...
To be fair to the Americans, the name was created by a Frenchman.
Who remembers Heavy Tools bikes from the mid 90’s?
Of similar vintage, Checker Pig.
King Dick.
No I take it back, it's a brilliant name.
Cookie Puss
Now ancient US IT company called Wang.*
And their catchy slogan - "Wang Cares"
* It was the founders name but still...
Mitsubishi Pajero
Literally hundreds of brand names in China/Taiwan that have been hilariously translated.
Smeg
But nothing beats the Nissan Cedric
I give you the Pivot Les.
Pace Cathy.
(One for the retroheads there)
I give you the Pivot Les.
Eh? I thought that was quite clever.
Just had an ebike advert come up on YouTube - the Baby Maker.
WTF.
I have always loathed those ” edgy” but childish bike names – stiffy, inbred etc
Good call. I could almost never have ridden a Kona for that very reason. And a few other names as well. Just juvenile. Like they were named especially for the pages of MBUK.
Zakk Tempest
King Dick.
A mate has a huge one of these. I have had to go round and borrow it when my own tool has proved inadequate.
Much to my wife's amusement.
The owners of this fancy office furniture store may have been Seinfeld fans...
Sick Bicycles?
Says it all really.
Ionis Pharmaceuticals were forced into a bit of a rebrand in 2015...
Good call. I could almost never have ridden a Kona for that very reason. And a few other names as well. Just juvenile. Like they were named especially for the pages of MBUK.
Yeah, Cinder Cone, lolz. Fire mountain ROFL, Stinky LMAO.
Not.
Dunno what you're seeing that everyone else isn't.
Does he mean Cove?
Super Dickmann’s Dicke Nusse
Dunno what you’re seeing that everyone else isn’t.
It was the Stinky I was thinking of. But it looks like I’m batting zero tonight, so I’ll just head to bed now.
I have always loathed those ” edgy” but childish bike names – stiffy, inbred etc
Well, you can call me childish then*, ‘cos I’ve still got a Handjob frame out in the shed, I had a Hummer for a while, sold the frame and built up one of two Inbreds I currently own, the bits from the Handjob went onto the other.
*Don’t bother, ‘cos I just don’t care.
Has anyone ever went to a bike shop and asked about a hand job?
See above.
Good call. I could almost never have ridden a Kona for that very reason. And a few other names as well. Just juvenile. Like they were named especially for the pages of MBUK.
Kona bike names are almost all based around Hawai’i and volcanos, Cove bike names are what they are because they’re Canadian, I don’t think they really cared much about MBUK.
Don't think the Kona Sex One / Sex two were anything to do with volcanos.
How about the Toyota Urban Cruiser. If the car you drive says something about you, then well....
Hyundai Terracan. I know what they tried to do but I just read it as Terror Can.
I was surprised the first time I came across a piece of Wayne Kerr test equipment.
They didn't even have the decency of being an american company.
http://www.waynekerrtest.com/history.php
edit: looks like I should have read all the replies before posting, sorry eskay.
Danish Candy...
Specialized - Ubiquitous would be closer to the truth.
Giant - other sizes also available.
Trek - or if you don't want to walk maybe use a bike.
There used to be an Eastern European kayak company called Zelezny kayaks, who had some brilliant names. The best was their creek boat, the 'Zelezny Spunt'.
Goblin vacuum cleaners. I had a Goblin Pixie. I thought it would make the ideal mythical creature. A friend had a Goblin Rio. She said it would be a good name for a film.
Back in the day, diet confectionery.
Aydes.
Who doesn’t love a Goblin Teasmade in their hotel room?
OK, so it pre-dates the film, but Schindler Elevators. Probably should rebrand, just like the World Taekwondo Federation reluctantly had to.
Why rebrand from schindler?
Being on Schindlers list was generally a goid thing wasn't it?
A friend had a Goblin Rio. She said it would be a good name for a film.
Rather specialised film IMO.
Don’t think the Kona Sex One / Sex two were anything to do with volcanos.
Oh well that rules out Curtis as well then #metalsex
Or maybe, just maybe, look at it as of its time, a time when people were less prudish and could have a laugh about these things. 24bikes are certainly on the revisionist naughty step. Should probably shut this place down too #kyliefriday. Some of us were in our late teens and early 20s when this stuff was coming out, it was a much more fun time than now where everything is aimed at the middle management crowd and their associated price tax.
OK, so it pre-dates the film, but Schindler Elevators.
Well there was more than the film but they’ve been around long before that Schindler too, no need to rebrand.
Yeah, Cinder Cone, lolz. Fire mountain ROFL, Stinky LMAO.
Not.
Dunno what you’re seeing that everyone else isn’t.
The fact that the Kona logo is a stylised anus?
The fact they have a Stinky and used to have based Sex One and Sex Two?
Some of the best are car names.
Juke.
Bentayga.
Bongo Friendee.
The Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard wants a word.
eing on Schindlers list was generally a goid thing wasn’t it?
Schindler's Lift, no? Or is that the joke?
See previous answer to near identical point.
When I lived in Provence, the pizza van would turn up in the village square every Thursday evening. Proper wood fired oven, freshly built pizzas, bottles of flavoured oils etc.. Superb set up and gorgeous food.
Just the business name emblazoned across the van was a bit off putting PIZZA FANNY
See previous answer to near identical point.
Too late in the week for me.
Kona is phonetically c*nt in Portuguese (with a c, and there's no direct translation so it's not clear if it's the really c word or another slang word for it, but my Portuguese neighbour says it's not a word to use in company)
I saw a video of rip off MTB products. Can't remember where but he was comparing pedals. I think the legit product was RaceFace the Ripoff was ****er!