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I was getting angry thinking about the batman/superman film again, and the fact that the tracker device he shoots at the van has a FLASHING RED LIGHT on it.
FLASHING.
RED.
LIGHT.
On a secret tracker device.
Stupid.
DrP
The flashing red light on the secret tracker in a film about an alien with super abilities who wears his y-fronts outside his pants is hardly the most stupid in that example 🙂
Did it beep too? Another stupid favorite
That's how batman knows it's working, Durrrrr.
Tyre squeal on dirt tracks in films.
The flashing red light on the secret tracker in a film about an alien with super abilities who wears his y-fronts outside his pants is hardly the most stupid in that example
Well, you see, this is something that I can kind of live with..
I mean - films 'set up' their reality and you accept that.
I 'accept' superman exists in that film. I 'accept' wonderwoman exists.
This is the story that we choose to accept.
If, all of a sudden, bees flew out of batman's mouth, that I WOULDN'T accept because at no point has that been offered as a premise to the film...!!
DrP
If you actually went to see that film, given the[url= http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-entertainment/most-people-wondering-why-batman-would-possibly-be-against-superman-20160324107478 ] ridiculous premise[/url] of it to begin with, then quite frankly you deserve to be annoyed
Motorcycles that look like a four stroke, but sound like a two stroke.
With 15 gears.
My wages.
The laxative effect of Ensure liquid feed on our most challenging client.
I was going to get angry with you getting angry about this but then I found out your Mums called Martha so its all good now.
Batman Vs. Superman as it should have happened:
[img] 
[/img]
How about this then?
When the LED on my phone keeps flashing to let me know the battery is getting low. Because constantly flashing a light is really gonna help with battery life..
Stupid is as Stupid does... 😀
That Tesco bike is great. Spec says V-brakes, picture shows discs.
[i]spekkie - Member
Did it beep too?[/i]
Oh no, that's what EVERY COMPUTER DOES in EVERY FILM when it displays stuff on the monitor!
Googling something in a film? blp bleep dit dit dit bleeeep up comes the results!
Do they think nobody out there in the real world has seen a damn computer??
That's what I call STUPID.
When the LED on my phone keeps flashing to let me know the battery is getting low. Because constantly flashing a light is really gonna help with battery life
The flashing LED will probably use a tiny amount of energy.
If you have got a couple of hours of standby left, it will probably shorten it by 10 seconds or something.
With 15 gears.
Like the Mini in Bourne Identity (the second one I think) - he changes gear constantly. And even more annoying is the constant camera shots showing him change gear too - like it is such an achievement to know how to change gear (yeah I know, the Americans will probably think it is one of his more impressive skills).
[quote=Trimix ]That Tesco bike is great. Spec says V-brakes, picture shows discs.
this solves the issue
[img] 
?oh=dad1c7fe50faa96521bfa42b2d80d314&oe=57831D75[/img]
I always get angry at the LCD counters and blinky lights/beeping on bombs in films.
Why the hell a super villain would do that and not just make something that would just sodding work is beyond me. Unless he'd contracted that bit out to a sub-standard henchman.
We shall be in my father's lands by sunset
Kent to Nottingham via Hadrian's Wall?
TV programmes like NCIS/CSI etc. where they can seemingly do any search from any screen on any computer. They just type a few characters and the computer calculates the trajectory of a bullet/finds the current GPS location of a mobile phone/brings up the personnel file on a rogue agent/ex-military person.
Can I have one of those computers, please?
Actors who are carrying and drinking out of an obviously empty coffee cup. We can tell, the movement is different! Just put some coffee in it!
The ability of CSI computers to find enough detail in 12 pixels of a zoomed image to 'enhance' into a hi-res image of the perp....
Work related - if you have a drawing open in our 3D CAD package you can open the model/assembly associated with it using 2 mouse clicks....but if you want to open the drawing with the model/assembly already open you have to go the normal File>Open route. Why? It's STUPID! If it works in one direction, it should work in the other.....!
Microwaves that beep at 100dB repeatedly. STOP IT!!
Mercedes foot operated 'hand' brake.
Weeds. STUPID THINGS. Stop Growing!!
ahem.......perhaps I shouldn't have any more coffee today!
Movies - Unlimited bullets in guns
In general, People ( i have recently sold my house, the amount of stupid people and idiots who came round was just amazing) 😕
threads on the chat forum. 😛
people who dither when driving. people who drive at 40 in a national speed limit zone. people who don't Capitalise correctly.
The Eiger Sanction.
people who drive at 40 in a national speed limit zone, then continue to drive at 40 when entering small villages with clear 30mph signs...
FTFY!!
DrP
Jekkyl WhAts WRonG wiTh Capitals DOnE ranDOm.
lotus seed pods.
Standard TV locking car sound effect.
No car has ever made that sound, is it an industry in joke that they keep using it?
Silent Witness? Constantly bleeping bloody witness more like.
HARUMPPH
Whilst we're talking about 'comic book' films...
If, by magic, mutation or intergalactic adoption I could "leap tall buildings with a single bound" or whatever else, I wouldn't feel the need to dress like a dickhead to do it.
Seriously, why do they all feel the need to dress like the Kiss Army to cock about doing whatever they do.
God, I can't wait until the Comic back-lash comes and they stick them all back in their box for a few decades and make some other kinds of films for a bit.
On a similar vein...
If I were exposed to massive doses of mutating radiation, I doubt I'd develop Xray vision, mega strength, or stretchy arms.
More likely I'd feel nothing, but after several years get worse and worse headaches until a radiation induced brain tumour was discovered.
Instead of super strength, I'd lose the vision on the left side, and rely on a carer.
I suppose that wouldn't make a good film though, would it. Hmm.
DrP
STEALTH EDIT... if only covering the audit trail was this easy....mwa ha haaa
How the forensic "labs" are always really dimly lit.
swavis - MemberTyre squeal on dirt tracks in films.
The Mission Impossible:2 car/bike chase where he upshifts about a million times on his speed triple and yet still can't outrun a pickup truck full of fat blokes. By the time he's in 300th gear he should have been moving at about 5000mph.
how come in comics and movies the baddies always look like baddies. eg, Darth Vader or the green goblin. If I was a baddie I go about being dead nice and wearing jeans.
GP's who can't spell 'vein'.
🙂
Red wire, green wire, blue wire?
If I was a baddie bomb maker I’d use black wires and put labels on them whilst I was making it. I would then peel the labels off before leaving it somewhere for Mel Gibson to find.
Also, I’d probably have some sort of feature so that the bomb went off when the massive LED display got to 8 seconds.
Further also. I’d put the bomb up somewhere high so that Mel Gibson would have to defuse it stood on a box and we’d all see his stupid built up short man vanity shoes before he got turned into a pink mist when the clock reached 8 seconds.
Even more also. I’d use armoured cable that Mel couldn’t get through anyway with his wire cutters whilst stood on a box in his daft shoes immediately prior to being transformed into a pink mist.
And breathe.
That “Plip-Plip” noise that car remote central locking makes only on TV. It bothers me.
Northwind - Memberswavis - Member
Tyre squeal on dirt tracks in films.
The Mission Impossible:2 car/bike chase where he upshifts about a million times on his speed triple and yet still can't outrun a pickup truck full of fat blokes. By the time he's in 300th gear he should have been moving at about 5000mph.
Ah, the same Speed Triple that switches from almost slick road tyres to very knobbly off-road tyres and back again every other shot?
In movies and TV EVERYTIME a character walks away having parked their car they press the button to lock it: and it goes "WOOK WOOK" from the alarm. FFS! cars stopped doing that around 1989.
In real life the incessant announcements on commuter trains about no smoking - we stopped smoking on trains oh I guess around 1989! Then the conductor just repeats everything the automated announcer says.
Edit: Just beaten to it by a Spider.
More likely I'd feel nothing, but after several years get worse and worse headaches until a radiation induced brain tumour was discovered.
You have me worried now. When I've been x-rayed there has been far more effort made to shield my crotch with pants shaped nad-guards than give any protection to my brain
Edit: and I have no discernible super power
Car chase films; infinite gear changes.
BrrrrrRRRR-bbbrrrrrRRRRRR-brrrrrrrRRRRR etcccCCC
People on forums that don't read what others have said before posting their contribution...
surroundedbyhills - MemberIn movies and TV EVERYTIME a character walks away having parked their car they press the button to lock it: and it goes "WOOK WOOK" from the alarm. FFS! cars stopped doing that around 1989.
In real life the incessant announcements on commuter trains about no smoking - we stopped smoking on trains oh I guess around 1989! Then the conductor just repeats everything the automated announcer says.
Edit: Just beaten to it by a Spider.
According to SIL who lives in the US, they're still pretty common over there, people like them to find their cars in car parks. After-all, Americans still insisted on completely non-functional ariels on their mobile's pre-iphone era.
People on forums that don't read what others have said before posting a contribution.
Films or programs where they do a computer search and the computer displays all the possible search candidates as its checking through them. JUST DISPLAY THE DAMN FINAL RESULT.
TV programmes like NCIS/CSI etc. where they can seemingly do any search from any screen on any computer. They just type a few characters and the computer calculates the trajectory of a bullet/finds the current GPS location of a mobile phone/brings up the personnel file on a rogue agent/ex-military person.
Can I have one of those computers, please?
Ah, my favourite CSI quote!
"I'll create a GUI interface using Visual Basic. See if I can track an IP address."
It's like that bit in The IT Crowd where Moss and Roy convince Jen that the Internet is in a box, but done with a straight face!
P-Jay - MemberAh, the same Speed Triple that switches from almost slick road tyres to very knobbly off-road tyres and back again every other shot?
DAMN IT! I missed a bit of my rant out. Yep that's the one.
Or films where there's an outbreak of some disease and a random doctor who finds someone with immunity. With a bit of centrifuging and a big computer thing they manage to sequence the DNA, magically identify which piece of DNA confers the immunity and create a vaccine and deploy it to the whole world within about an hour.
Think that was last annoying me on x-files.
In films where they make a bank transfer and there is a progress bar showing the money being sent £ by £ to the recipient's account....
People on forums that don't read what others have said before posting a contribution.
whenever someone steps up to a previously working microphone and there's a SCREEEEEEECHHHHH of feedback #shakesheadandtuts
Contributions on forums by people who have only read the title.
Contributions on forums by people who haven't read the title.
Entitlement by people who have no contribution.
OMG that is glorious!!!!!
And when someone transfers vast amounts of money to another account it shows a progress bar as the ill-gotten gains are moved, apparently one dollar at a time.Films or programs where they do a computer search and the computer displays all the possible search candidates as its checking through them
Whenever I log into my computer now I always announce over my shoulder "I'm in!"
And when someone transfers vast amounts of money to another account it shows a progress bar as the ill-gotten gains are moved, apparently one dollar at a time.
Chuckle
DrP
Oy I got there first.
In films where they make a bank transfer and there is a progress bar showing the money being sent £ by £ to the recipient's account....
Or is this a wind up?
Right, so a serious one now.
Access to Waverly Station, Edinburgh. IT.IS.PISH. and it was really expensive too. A classic case of an attempt to sort out the access problems by spending huge sums of money and then making it worse.
People in my office who work longer than everyone else to try and show how "good" they are at their job, except it does the complete opposite.
No ones mentioned Women yet.... 🙄
My mistake. Just upholding the great STW tradition of not bothering to read any previous posts.Oy I got there first.
When actors drive cars in action films, and they weave the steering wheel to show they're driving hard (little lefts and rights)
They're driving in a straight line, not a slalom!
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
People carrying obviously empty suitcases in films and on TV when they are travelling or going off on holiday etc.
Characters in films getting a REALLY SEVERE HAMMERING and then getting up with just a couple of scratches.
Mr Woppit - MemberCharacters in films getting a REALLY SEVERE HAMMERING and then getting up with just a couple of scratches.
Aside; I really like it when it goes the other way. Like, say, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang where Robert Downie Jr spends the entire film getting panelled, and by the end is pretty much ruined. A leading man who fights like a normal person.
Or, weirdly, the first Fast and Furious- by film 17 or whatever it is now, Vin Diesel is some sort of superhero, impervious to all harm (if I got punched by the Rock, I'd disintegrate) but in the first film, stuff actually has consequences- people get hit once and fall down, they get shot once and die in a really unheroic way, fights are undignified and messy, the daft truck boarding scene turns out to actually be risky... And right at the end Vin Diesel crashes his car and gets out [i]completely ****ed.[/i] it's like some sort of documentary.
Except the driving obviously- in the biggest ongoing film irony ever, all the driving is shite.
Had a Skoda that made a plip noise when it was locked or unlocked!
No ones mentioned Women yet....
Alright then, my wife.
She watched me walk into the partially open tailgate of the car, nearly knocking myself out. "Oh mind your head" she says, why the F didn't she say that before I walked into it.................
Dinosaur films and TV programs where the T-rex roars like a lion on steroids.
Films or TV programs where someone drives off in a car which has supposidly been going for ages but there is water vapour coming out of the exhaust.
Top Gear any time they are doing something "spontaneously" whacky but you can see the tyre tracks where they have obviously required several takes to get the stunt right.
Hackers in films who manage to hack into things ridiculously quickly.
OMG that is glorious!!!!!
Yes, yes it is!
Also stupid - most depictions of video games in TV shows, whether it's an appalling fake MMORPG or FPS that looks like it's been dragged from kicking from the mid-90s being paraded as cutting edge, ANYTHING to do with Second Life, or somebody playing on a modern console yet the sound effects are like Space Invaders bleeps.
In one of the recent Bond films the good guys use all sorts of clever computing power to track the baddies through the Tube network but not once did any of them think to turn the power off to stop the train itself.
Hollywood blockbuster films that have lasers that go pew-pew, are green, and cause huge fires , in the endless vacuum of space, and the mighty roar of the explosion carries through the huge vacuum of space, where punctuation and sentances get longer and longer
and stretched tyres
In space, no-one can hear a pedant scream.
That Hollywood is barely 100yrs old and they seem to have run out of ideas. (I'm looking at you, billionth remake of spiderman).
people get hit once and fall down, they get shot once and die in a really unheroic way,
I'm always struck at how quickly and quietly non-leading actors die when you shoot them - as if its possible to shoot someone in the 'off' switch
We watched Fast & Furious 6 (I think) the other night, (the London one) and I was amazed at the length of the runway in the last scene!
Also, I fell off a ladder from a few feet once and winded myself. Falling 40 ft from a speeding truck will put you in ICU!
Road signs and road furniture. Acres and acres of garish metal signage stating and restating the sodding obvious or irrelevant. Caveat Auriga! Should be the mantra. That and hidden bear pits in the road.
And not forgetting "Cyclists Dismount"
No.
**** off.
"Cyclists Dismount"
No.
**** off.
That's got to be worth a T-shirt.
slowoldman +1
And not forgetting "Cyclists Dismount"
If it's the riverside footpath in York when I'm coming back after having a retina scan at the hospital so have limited vision and the [rude word removed] cyclist can't be arsed dismounting on the short section of shared footpath - ride if you want but you'll end up in the river 🙂
Two similar film things:
The one where any cop in any city instantly knows where some little cafe is.
Or the 2 second telephone call, and the person receiving the information has to remember a zillion things instantly, and does. Any normal person would listen, and go "what?"
The one where any cop in any city instantly knows where some little cafe is.
No, sorry, cops are like cyclists - they really do know where every café is!