Struggling at Christmas

Yip, I really struggle with it. I just try to distance myself from it by doing my normal things. Along struggling with the winter generally, it all adds up to be very stressful. The only thing I try to be positive about is being off work for some much needed time away from it.

I try and pick the bits I like, and skip the bits I don't - I have to spend every other Christmas without my kids. I've tried to get out of the 'regular traditions' stuff because it reminds me of what's not there, and when I can't do them there's a gap.

This year I have put up a tree because it was a nice thing to do with my kids, but I don't always do it. We do always do stockings of little bits (mostly novelty food!) when we get together, but we don't really do presents in the traditional sense. I feel overwhelmed by 'stuff' for the sake of it and it seems to make more sense all round to just buy gifts through the year when they're needed/wanted.

One year I spent all of Christmas day having a massive walk with a friend and cooked ramen on the top of a hill for Christmas dinner. Another year I did a bike ride with friends and then had curry after. This year I'm going to the beach in my van to camp out and probably eat curry again. I try and avoid the trad Christmas dinner stuff because it's easier than being reminded I'm not with a big family group etc etc.

If the weather is too wild/icy to do my beach plan, I'll go to a local collective/community Christmas dinner where those that can wash up/pay/cook and those that can't just eat.

The worst bit for me is the dead space between Christmas and New Year. I usually try and do a few bike rides, have a fire pit, and see some friends - even if it's just for a walk for an hour or whatever. Getting outside, working through a to-do list of chores, or even working at work when my inbox is quieter all add a bit of productivity and help me feel I'm moving forward through those dead days.

If I had the money, I'd definitely just go away somewhere with either sun or snow until it's all over!

Hope you get through it all with good vibes.

Christmas can away and step on a landmine, and anyone who says 'cheer up, it's Christmas!' can run bollock naked through that minefield. Too much trauma has got me hating it, and trying to put on a brave face for my kids' sake is painful, especially as I feel terrible for not enjoying it.

Me. I really struggle. To the extent that I totally shut myself off from the whole period as much as possible. Like Hannah I usually just go for a walk in the hills or on a beach somewhere on Xmas day and dinner has often been no more than a pot noodle or a pasta ready  meal cooked on the bonnet of the Land Rover with a jet boil. I am not sure why but suspect it has as much to do with the lack of sunshine in the run up period as with an intrinsic hatred of the holiday season. That said, having no kids and finding the whole process of exhanging plastic rubbish and the waste that entails really brings me down too. Roll on a sunny few days in January

I empathise with this. Its a miserable time of year (bad weather, short days) and the thing that society has as a whole decided is meant to cheer us up (a combination of family gatherings and retail therapy) doesn't really work on me.

I disliked Christmas for years because of my childhood.

During lockdown I started cooking Christmas dinner for some friends and elderly neighbours, and it's made it far more meaningful for me. It's relatively little additional work for me, and it means a massive amount to them.

I think that if I was on my own, I'd go and volunteer somewhere over Christmas.

Yep, I don't find much of it enjoyable other than eating with friends.  The rest of this season isn't much fun

Not so much struggling specifically with Xmas, although my old job as a postie didn't help with how ridiculously insane the workload became in the last ~10 years as online shopping took off, but generally struggling with the autumn/winter months like many with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Catching up with some family like last week is nice, but the ~4 hours left my partner and I even more drained than it used to, thanks to long covid.

Not a fan either.
I'm off to some winter sun, back for NY (which I also hate but flight times and prices made it unavoidable!)

We're doing a sort of late family Christmas in early January which might help that horrible dead week go a bit easier.

I stopped watching the telly c1983 so that insulates me a bit but not from the supermarket tannoy. The Mrs puts up trees which is quite nice. On xmas day we go down the local for a few at lunchtime then sort of graze on some nice bits and a serious bottle of wine. Maybe a few loud choices on Spotify, some animated chatter and the day is gone. Boxing day some of the kids are around and we do pretty much the same. I always give them money for presents and this year bought my grandson a proper bike. So no real worries about buying unwanted crap or freaking out over cooking complex meals and it all passes by hassle free.

I don't have any close family - and the annual pre-Christmas get-together with my 4 second cousins, which is the only time I see them, was cancelled this year - so the Christmas period is generally trying to find things to keep me occupied whilst the rest of society seems to indulge in huge amounts of conspicuous consumption.

For the last 8 or so years I have volunteered, initially at a care farm for people with learning disabilities, as there was only one staff member on Christmas Day to muck out, feed and check on all the animals, so having another pair of (my) hands was always appreciated. More recently, I have volunteered for the whole Christmas period for a Caring at Christmas project for homeless and vulnerably housed people, and will be doing so again this year. It's great fun, and all the guests seem to really enjoy it as there is an endless supply of food (cooked by a Michelin starred chef), clothing and things such as backpacks, haircuts and a range of other support services. It's also lovely to catch up with other volunteers who regularly work on the project, many of whom I also volunteered with during the Covid period when we delivered food to the same groups for over a year.

I love Christmas - not for the plastic tat, overconsumption and glitter, but the chance for a few days off at the same time as everyone else (so no fears of being overwhelmed by what's come in while I was away). Time to spend with family and relatives

But it's my mum's funeral tomorrow, and for her Christmas (and gathering the family and everything around) was the highlight of her year. So it just feels totally empty this year. The wife put the tree up yesterday, in a life goes on sort of way, but I sat on my own next to it last night and just cried.

Right now, pretty much all of it can get in the bin.

Best of luck theotherjonv, we lost my dad just before christmas a couple of years ago and it is pretty much perfectly shitty timing.

This might be weird but, I've always got on pretty well with depression at christmas. Maybe it's a church of scotland upbringing or something but we always dialed right into the melancholic and bleaker side of christmas, the whole midwinter and cold and darkness thing. So I feel like I can kind of lean into it a bit and it's sort of compatible- you can wrap up warm and stay inside and huddle in bed, or sit under the tree and read or watch films or whatever, and not feel like a total weirdo. AND eat too much. The whole saudade thing works great at christmas.

Now depression in summer, that I ******* hate. Long days, warmth, sunshine, perfect evenings, it's no time to be low.

Getting past the solstice puts joy in the bones of us SADos.

Best of luck theotherjonv, we lost my dad just before christmas a couple of years ago and it is pretty much perfectly shitty timing.

Sorry for your loss theotherjonv.

My sister's MiL died just before Christmas last year (leukemia which had been treated but then came back very aggressively).

It was difficult because they live next door to my sister and BiL so the kids were always round there, it was very "close to home" rather than being the death of a grandparent who was only seen a couple of times a year.

My sister hosted Christmas last year so there was me, my Mum, my sister/BiL & 2 kids and then the FiL. He'd been quite down about the whole thing obviously but Christmas made it far worse because she did loads in the village for Christmas, helping in the church, volunteering, delivering trees and decorations.

Everything he saw, he'd be like "oh Maureen used to put those lights up..." and "oh Maureen would be ringing the church bells now..."
Was really tough for him although he put a brave face on it for the two kids.

BillMC

Full Member

Getting past the solstice puts joy in the bones of us SADos.

Sunsets aren't getting any earlier from now.

The morning doesn't seem to matter as much to me.

I have had many happy Christmases and a lovely family so unlike many I have it easy. But I do hate the enforced fun in the run-up, the crazy expense (so this year I have avoided every Christmas 'party') and the dashing around like a maniac between stuff and family, all whilst trying to juggle both a husband and brother who work shifts (not their fault at all - just add complexity that many other friends can't get their heads round!).  So p20 and I are going away for a few days before Christmas and then I am just spending some chunk of time chilling at my parents whilst he works (and hopefully my Dad's mental health continues to improve as Christmas for him the last few years has been very difficult - last year he freaked out at the beef and my Mum ended up cooking him vegetable pasta).  I am very lucky, but I'd almost be happier spending a few days hanging out with my parents and brother and then using my leave to go on an adventure when p20 when he can get the time off work.

It's not me but Ms. RM, they've always had big family Christmases in the past, then COVID hit, this played havoc with her father's health anxiety to the point he avoids gatherings of more than a few people, then as things got better last year her mum fell and broke her femur which kiboshed 2022, then more recently she's has another fall and fractured her hip which means another one down the spout.

Add in a few sibling divorces and irritating new partners to the mix and she's got a lot to contend with. Hopefully me the hound can make it less shit for her this year, but I'm definitely feeling the weight of all that negative energy and worry.

I have really struggled with Christmas the last few years. My dad passed away on Christmas eve a few years ago, I work in retail so it's my busiest time of the year, huge stress, don't have time to look after myself (ride my bike) so my colitis usually flares up (like it has the last few weeks) resulting in another 6kg+ weight loss, signed out of work for last few weeks but the stress of not being in work at this time is worse than the stress of being in so I keep going to work pumped with steroids feeling crap. Roll on January so I can relax, ride my bike and get my outside therapy. Anyway, only 3 more Christmases to go then I can leave it all behind and maybe begin to enjoy it for once.

Thanks crazy-legs, that was my mum's name too.

For me New Year was always the bigger deal it involved about a week of continuous parties. However time passed, marriage came children came and divorce came. We agreed that my ex would always have the kids with her at christmas, I started a job in a different area so New Year was no longer possible .I find the whole period a bit of isolating Mrs Gordimhor is not part of a conventional family either The result is we often just work through both christmas and New Year now. Roll on the solstice for us!

Work pressure on the run up to Christmas has really dampened my enthusiasm for Christmas over the past few years.  I have to remind myself to be positive, about the things that're happening even though all I'm looking forward to is the office closing on December 23rd.

But it’s my mum’s funeral tomorrow, and for her Christmas (and gathering the family and everything around) was the highlight of her year.

That must be massively difficult ☹️ But if Christmas was hugely important to your mum perhaps you could focus on how she would want you to enjoy it as much as possible?

But yeah, it will feel very incredibly empty. Maybe this year try to make the routine different to previous years so that there is less association? Meals in restaurants, away for a day or two, that sort of thing.

I'm sorry about your mum @theotherjonv.

Xmas not so bad here, just the two of us, and (jewish) don't do Xmas so its a couple of days off and an excuse to catch up with friends, for a nicer bottle of wine to share and some foodie treats (I'm a sucker for Xmas pudding). We've volunteered at homeless shelter before, or wife has volunteered to speak at Limmud, but this year; we're hibernating and relaxing.

Hate it , and those who try to force me to enjoy it, and the gluttony that seems to be all consuming.
I think it's because of the expectation of joy, coupled with the social failure aspect. Christmas brings all families together..yes but my lot are all weird. Power kite twins can't hold a conversation despite getting degrees and being allowed out in the real world. Sister is obese , her husband just had stents to open his arteries up.
Mum at 90 is deaf and refuses to get a hearing aid , so she can't follow a conversation.
Brother painfully single all his life , no g/f and no kids . Exactly the same as me . Dad long dead but he was very angry his entire life .
The weather is usually rubbish , everywhere is a mud bath so riding becomes a real test. It's just dark all the time , and it's either dark and wet , or dark and cold , or dark and windy .

Not religious , don't believe in God so why celebrate the pretend birthday of a non existent person whose worship has caused the painful early death of thousands of people.
Hate consumerism and all the wasted plastic tat , plus people going mad in Tesco with £200 trolleys of food and drink and those " make me a diabetic tins of chocolates" piled high .

All thoroughly depressing to me . I used to survive by getting very , very drunk and having a ski holiday or 2 to look forward to in January but my ski buddy died of cancer and I am struggling to go with anyone else

That ^^ must be the most miserable post that I have ever read. 😦

Not keen on Winter mainly due to poor daylight (SAD sufferer) and I'm outside as much as possible. January is usually worse for me and iit's sometimes my longest hours on the bike !

Last 10 years have been looking after elderly parents on my wife's side. Both gone now, and we hosted Christmas last year for my wife's family as MIL had passed earlier in the year. Just as SIL is getting over all this, her husband's mum is now back in the UK due to ill health, and it's all starting again (e.g. running around) for them. We're going there this year, and will help out where possible. Small family get together arranged for after Christmas with my family, but that's about it. We're off to the coast for a few days on Boxing Day to chill out.

I have to spend every other Christmas without my kids.

Similar here, except that the "take turns" approach stopped as soon as she spent one Christmas without them, so now I spent every Christmas without them. Yes, it sucks - I find it the whole thing really stressful and more than a little depressing, but have started a tradition of having a "second Christmas" with them in the days after boxing day (the changeover day seems to keep drifting back each year....).

I'll be heading up to see my parents for a couple of days - aiming to stop off at Cannock for a lap, and they're quite close to Llandegla so will head out there one day for a ride - that bit will be nice!

Wouldn't say I struggle at Christmas but maybe I do and don't admit it! Not enjoyed Christmas properly for 25+ years the Mrs and the MiL both love it and would like everyone else to love it as well but after a while I think that just wore me down. Although I work away from home and because of this sometimes miss Christmas I don't always see the kids on Christmas day anyway but because we  separated earlier this year and I'm home this christmas it's yet to be decided what's going to happen, we still get on ok so I may not see them on the 25th but I'll see them lots over the holidays which is better than the one day as far as I'm concerned. This year is also the first without my dad which will be harder than if I don't see the kids on Christmas day but my big concern is how my mum deals with it but I'll have her over for plenty for meals and to see and play games with the kids as she's only 10 minutes away.

Just need to wing it and see what happens

the chance for a few days off at the same time as everyone else

I like this about it.

I think it’s because of the expectation of joy, coupled with the social failure aspect.

painfully single all his life , no g/f and no kids . Exactly the same as me

I dislike these the most about it!

Brother painfully single all his life , no g/f and no kids . Exactly the same as me 

Has your singleness made you bitter, or your bitterness made you single?

I used to go away on my own at Christmas, skiing, mtb in Southern Spain etc, Miami.  Now married with kids and we take it in turns with my sis-in-law just down the road to host and have the most evil person I have ever met my entire life, my Mother-in-Law.  She is ville.

I really struggle to be in the same room as her for more than a few minutes so a whole day is horrendous.  Excuses I have made and things I have done to keep out of the way - mtbing, road riding, big long dog walks, go back home to check on the dog and sit with her for a few hours.  Last Christmas at ours I did pretty much all of the above...<br /><br />Covid Christmas was bloody excellent, just the four of us and the dog.

Cycling in Southern Spain for Chrismas was excellent, Christmas day was 22+ sat on the beach have a coffee after a four hour tough ride.  Bloody ace!

I am saddened for those who struggle, whatever your individual reasons, at this time of year. The dull days and artificial commercial cheer can really grate. Sometimes, I find this happening but I try to refocus on what matters to me - friends, family etc. Count my blessings and not my problems. Sometimes I quite literally lie awake in bed thinking of the good things that I have in my life rather than the pain, frustration and annoyance at how others behave which can try and creep in. . It sounds a bit trite but it does work for me.

It order to try and spread a little joy and happiness to this thread, how about a free gift to those who would like one?

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The photo only shows pendants but the coloured bits are also available on keyrings if you don't want a necklace. I sell these at Winchester Market but am happy to donate up to a dozen or so to the great and the good of STW.

It will be first come, first served and if you are planning on giving them away as gifts then that is fine too. If you need more than one - mother, wife or perhaps multiple children - then let me know in a PM along with the address for me to post them to.

Happy Christmas

Yeah I've been feeling really low and also angry for the last few weeks which really isn't like me as I'm usually a jolly sorta  fellow. This results in keeping myself to myself at work and being less social so as I don't snap at people. Then you get people asking if you're okay and your head you're going 'Of course I'm not 'king okay, why don't you leave me the duck alone.'  But instead you just say it's fine. 

I really struggle with the hypocrisy also of Christmas. That all year everyone's recycling plastics and using a bag for life and buying an electric car then when Christmas comes round it all goes out the window, 'king light up plastic shit to decorate outside your house burning fossil fuels to power it all, 'king Christmas jumpers for one day at work, 'king secret Santa, one off hilarious bits of tat that's funny for 30 seconds before becoming landfill. 

Jesus is invented, God is invented, Christmas is invented. It's all va. I try to engage the npcs at work and they look at each other like 'christ, Mike's on one again.'... It's the Solstice for me as well, as least I'm pretty sure the Earth and the Sun actually exist. 

Happy Solstice for next Friday fellow saddos, here's to ya. 

Christmas is always a strange time of year, I dislike the consumerism but enjoy the period when nature comes to a standstill and goes into hibernation. This afternoon at 3pm , the sun dipped behind the woods next to my house and cast long beams of light through the trees in a way it never does at any other time of year. I love waking up on a frosty or snowy morning and seeing animal footprints across the garden. By the river, the path is sticky mud and the brambles bare and spikey, the whole structure of the landscape is laid bare once the foliage has gone.  It's hard to believe in a few months the green will return, the nettles and reeds will be back.

I try to imagine a sort of medieval christmas, one where the weather outside is snow and ice but inside the fire is warming the great hall, a roast is turning, music is playing and one day of the year is for festivity. And laughter.

The journey from new year to spring is a long one, so I try and focus on the silver - the stunning winter days, the starkness of the landscape, feeding the hundreds of grateful birds that come to the garden (this year's present is a big sack of peanuts). A hipflask in the pocket, an estuary walk with a thousand wading birds calling out across the flats. The binoculars cold and stiff to handle, a hot drink in a flask. Tucked behind the sea wall, planning the year ahead

My pendants are real. They are made from the paint I spill while painting. It lands on my glass work table and I use a razor to lift it and then place it under the glass cabochons. Upcycled and recycled but I just do it because it is pretty.

WCA, David Bailey's splash of red paint. Superb

Christmas is always a bad time for me, has been since I was a teenager for one reason or another:

Having to deal with the parts of the family I don't like.
I have a big aversion to forced jolliness at the best of times, let alone now.
Too many years working in retail sucked all the fun out of the big day, used to sort of enjoy that bit before then.
Having a birthday a few days after sucks. You get crap presents or gift vouchers as no-one knows what you had a few days before. Friends never want to go out for a meal or a drink as they're full, with family or working. My 18th, 21st, 30th and 40th(due to lockdown but didn't even get a message from a lot of so-called friends) have all been spent alone or with just my parents.
Twice I've spent Christmas in hospital, once after a car crash that I was a passenger in and the other was with severe concussion after getting beaten up by the local bully and his crew.

Have spent quite a few Christmas days over the last 15 years either volunteering to work, escaping on my own on the bike or just hiding from family. Have always seen my parents on the day though, but that's nowhere near the same for the last few years as it's just been me, mum, dad and my billy-no-mates racist, ignorant uncle. This year is going to be even worse as it's just me, mum and my uncle after dad passed away at the end of October. Oh yeah, family deaths always seem to happen around now too so that sours most of the days (my Nan passed in the lounge on my 36th, that sucked). I don't even get the pleasure of seeing my niece and nephew on the day as my sister does her own family thing and I don't see them until my birthday.

The whole festive period just sucks really.