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I know a few docs and medics on here so maybe someone has particular experience.
My mum had a minor stroke a fortnight ago, which has left her with no physical artefacts like facedroop or paralysis, but she struggles to find the right word at times, and has lost some memory. She has also become a bit belligerent with it, refusing to accept she is confused.
Unfortunately part of the memory loss concerns my lad, who I've mentioned before is TG. Mum can't remember that and when we visited this weekend insisted on using old name, how pleased she was to see her girls, and so on. When we corrected, she got all confused and argumentative. My son was brilliant about it although very upset, partly because he doesn't want to see his Grandma like that but also of course because it picks at a scab that previously she'd been brilliant with. Additionally, when we were talking about him and using him pronouns and his new name she then got more confused because 'who are you talking about?'
So like I say, any experience? I see both have needs that are somewhat counter to each other now and not sure which to prioritise. She has an OH therapist who worked with her while she was still in hospital and who should also be arranging to come on home visits and I've asked for them to give me a call, they said that her brain will rewire as best it can to work around the bit that the stroke damaged so hopefully she has the ability to relearn, but getting round the belligerence and distress it's causing right now is an issue.
Not a doctor, but funnily enough I'm editing an article which I created (with a doctor) about stroke and rehabilitation this morning.
Is she getting specialist support for any cognitive issues? It can be a long and challenging process (for the patient and relatives) apparently, and her needs may not be fully apparent yet - but hopefully she'll get the support she needs.
Be patient with her... I was lucky enough to have no lasting effects after my minor stroke 2yrs ago, but know many/most aren't as lucky. I was confused for a few days after, but things came back to me pretty quickly. She's not doing anything on purpose, she needs a level of understanding above and beyond what is normal, and as much as your son is in a place himself where he needs people to be understanding with his choices, your Mum has no control over her situation right now!
Seek professional help...
Anecdotally, I'd say two weeks is no time at all. My mum had a stroke a good few years ago now which has left her with a couple of physical challenges, but mentally she's absolutely fine (well, as fine as she was before she had it😁). Back when it first happened she was talking all sorts of random nonsense like asking how her mother was (her mum had passed away years ago, I replied something like "oh you know... no change.")
The brain is quite a remarkable thing, but it'll take time. And patience.
Good luck.
She should improve with time. MIL had a stroke that paralysed her down one side, affected speach etc etc. Her speach slowly improved, but she'd regularly get everyone's names mixed up. She had to learn to write with her working left hand. Hopefully she'll improve with times, but sometimes it doesn't happen.
Time and patience.
Anecdotally, I’d say two weeks is no time at all......The brain is quite a remarkable thing, but it’ll take time. And patience
From similar family experience, I'd go along with this. Might not be helpful to your lad, sadly, but sounds like he can understand.
Push for the relevant assessment/support, also not easy in these current times.
I don't have the answer to this but something to ponder,
She's getting antsy when you're correcting her. At this point, are you gaining anything by correcting her? Is "we have a son, you just forgot" a better approach perhaps? Like, when my mum was asking after her mum we didn't go "oh, she died 15 years ago."
Like I say, not a recommendation, I have no idea.
At this point, are you gaining anything by correcting her?
That's partly the question. Of course it supports him in this which is important, in some senses more as he is in a fragile state right now as well given some recent college issues. It's a difficult subject but for any subject or mistake should we be correcting (she had mixed up my name Jon with my nephew's name Josh a few times but we can correct that with less contention). If we don't does it wire in more firmly this situation.
Is “we have a son, you just forgot” a better approach perhaps?
I know what you mean but I don't think so, as she is adamant (and correct if you go back in time) that he is 'she' and it's not like a mistake that I'm not Josh, and her brain had muddled the words, it's right now a deep seated belief based on something that was correct 3 years ago.
I get that 2 weeks is early - and we have seen some improvements already, it's more understanding the plasticity of the brain right now and if we allow things to persist with this false reality do they become harder to undo, etc.
You'll have to remember her brain will be a bit wired wrong after a stroke - some areas damaged. So it will take time for these to fix, and she's lost some memory. MIL was in a terrible state after her stroke - she had a fall, FIL and daughter didn't take her in immediately, but a day or two later. She walked in, but within hours looked like death's door. Took her a long time to recover speach properly and memory. She was still barking orders many years later when the rest of her body was packing up, even in the last throws, woke up and told her grand daughter (living with boyfriend and two kids) to 'get married' as they were saying goodbye.
It’s a difficult subject but for any subject or mistake should we be correcting … If we don’t does it wire in more firmly this situation.
I would seek an expect opinion. While her brain is scrambled, it might be equivalent to telling somebody with a broken leg that they should be able to walk on it. Irrespective, if she gets belligerent when you correct her, she won't be absorbing the correction so it may be counter productive.
Have a look at The Stroke Association website (stroke.org.uk) - we found it helpful after my Dad had a stroke.
I'd say your lad is going to experience a lot worse so this is a learning experience on how to cope when an ill family member is incapable of making adjustments.
People are going to be actually deliberately mean, not just accidentally so. So what doesn't kill you...
He, will, does almost daily, and as per the OP was just 'outed' at college a week or so before Christmas which upset him. And his Gran's been hugely supportive and a safe place for him which is why it is a thing for him. In his own words; if he bashes my knee (I have a ****ed knee) then it'll hurt me. Whether he did it deliberately or accidentally might affect what I feel about him, but the pain receptors will fire just the same.
So while he can see it's not 'intentional' (except it is - she argued we were wrong when we used his new name, etc., just she doesn't quite control that part of memory yet), we need to work out how to get her back on track. By immediate and firm correction and deal with confusion, or gently and over time, etc.
Yep, as above, two weeks is quite early on for a stroke. There is normally a trajectory of change with a stroke, with the most rapid improvement happening in the first few days, and then the rate of change slowing down but continuing on for as long a year+
This gives a relatively good outline:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/stroke/stroke-recovery-timeline
thanks shermer, I'll have a good read of that
Cougar
Full Member
Anecdotally, I’d say two weeks is no time at all.
Very much this.
Edit - And pretty much everything else in his post.
As an ex neuro rehab coach, the level of recovery is very much related to the amount of work put in.
And unfortunately, as per the problems you have already encountered, the effects of a stroke can make this very distressing for those who know your mum well.
It's not unusual for someone to not be able to recognise their current partner and believe they are with a previous spouse. You can imagine how upsetting this can be.
You will find someone in the local care team who clicks with your mum and is able to put the work in.
And the key is frequent repetition of recognised rehabilitation techniques. That will work wonders.
Drop me a line if I can be of any help.
And remember, the squeakiest wheel gets the oil.
Be nice with the rehab people, but be politely insistent.
Ask what you can do to help between visits. Get stuck in. Ask questions. Get to know the team.
Visual aids and prompts will help massively, such as a nice, simple colourful chart to remind her to do certain things at a certain time.
It will also show the care team that you are fully invested in her recovery. This will ensure that they will go the extra mile.
Try and keep to a routine if you can. I cannot overemphasise the importance of routine and repitition when it comes down to relearning tasks, even down to how you speak to her and act around her.