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I've posted a couple of times on here about problems with my new job. Nothing has improved after trying to speak to my manager, got noticeably more pressured as we now have staff off for the summer, still waking me up at stupid o'clock in the morning and dominating every waking moment.
Driving home from work this afternoon in a stressed out fug I completely missed the red lights at a junction. Scared myself stupid, luckily I passed through a gap in the traffic without hitting anything, but properly shit me up. I've got to get a grip of this.
My immediate thought was that I should go see my GP, but I'm not sure what I expect/want him to do. If he signs me off, it won't look great at work with the kids breaking up at the end of the week, plus I'm applying for other roles and don't want an iffy sick record.
I'm really not keen on the idea of antidepressants but that seems the lesser evil.
I now seem to be stressing about how to get help for stress. And I'm aware I probably should just MTFU given what other people have to deal with.
Ask for a referal to a councillor so you can talk to someone without an agenda. GP should be able to sort that.
Pop for a chat with them, tell them the main issues causing it and ask about some counselling. I take it your work doesn't provide any?
You know what the issue is and anything other than dealing with the issue is just sticking a plaster on it.
Speak to you manager. Be honest. Tell them how their actions are affecting you. If they won't listen, speak to their manager. Speak to HR. Keep going until the issues get recognised and solved.
If they don't want to take action, go to the GP and get signed off until things get fixed.
Document everything.
I'm speaking from experience. I was off for 5 months getting my work life sorted. I'm still at the same place, in a new role and happier then ever.
If nothing else think of other health side effects. Such as high blood pressure which in itself can be bad on it's own. Go for a chat!
I'm really not keen on the idea of antidepressants but that seems the lesser evil.
Speaking to the GP is not an automatic path to getting signed off or getting pills, it is however a path to experienced advice. No harm in going aong.
Is it just the amount of stuff you have to get through at work, or the complexity of what you are having to handle at work ?
How much spare time do you get left with at the end of a day ?
If you have 40mins at the end of a work day then try 30 mins of some strenuous exercise (and a shower) just before bed to see if you can sleep better/deeper, as lack of sleep doesn't help at all.
You'll probably get that time back by sleeping through the 40 mins you would have woken up early, or couldn't get to sleep.
Given that my manager dumped a heap of cases on me as he went on two weeks leave - allegedly with one of my colleagues - I don't hold out much hope.
Blood pressure is borderline at the best of times, so that is a bit of a concern. Guess I should get checked for that at least.
still waking me up at stupid o'clock in the morning and dominating every waking moment
Sounds very much like my new job, cant sleep ,always on my mind and unable to switch off , went to see the doc for a chat , helped a little but have decided that no job is worth ill health and so time to move on and find something else ,
Good luck in getting it sorted
All antidepressants would do is (after they make you temporarily feel waaay worse) insulate you from the feelings of stress. They won't sort out your work life balance or stop your employer taking it for granted that you work every waking hour.
If you find it hard to address this with your employer find someone you can trust to accompany you - doesn't even need to be a colleague - when you discuss how work is affecting you.
It's the fact that I started a completely new role 4 months ago and seem to have got a full caseload without any proper training as to what it is I'm supposed to do, how, why or when.
I was told when I started that there was no one be to train and support me properly. They weren't kidding!
Watching this thread with interest as I am in a similar place. Pretty miserable most of the time and it's affecting my home and family life.
Sounds to me that the problem is your work environment and your manager and your normal reaction to them as a human being, rather than the inside of your head per se... (other than the bit of your self-talk which is suggesting to you that you MTFU - that's your unhelpful-self talking!)
When I got signed off I didn't go to the GP asking to be signed off, I went because I recognised my thoughts weren't healthy. My GP simply said to me "it's only work" and gave me two weeks off to get myself some perspective, which I did. I resigned and both life and my job got a lot better shortly afterwards.
FWIW I've never been asked by future employers to disclose this and as I don't have much faith in people understanding stress I don't tell them...
Worth going to chat with your doc and see where that takes you IMO.
Good luck.
IME there's no culture of excellence in UK management at all and it leads to a lot of problems - usually for the employee. The day I gave up expecting a decent manager and went contracting (where they become clients rather than bosses) life got a lot better
People get promoted to their level of incompetence...
[url= http://www.buddhaphoto.net/buddhist-paintings/the-ten-oxherding-pictures-1/ ]Kuò?n Sh?yu?n's Ten Bulls[/url]
[url= http://tinyurl.com/qb9afzj ]Mindfulness[/url]
Agree with posters above that it sounds like the problem is fundamentally nothing to do with you or your mental state, and it doesn't sound like you should be seeking medication. You should be seeking a discussion with your manager, and/or a new job. It's ok to feel lost for a couple of weeks, not several months.
If you feel you can't talk to your manager does your firm have an in-house HR function?
They can be more sympathetic as it is their job to make sure that the firm is not hit by any employee liability claims etc and may be able to step in to see if there is anything that can be done to improve your situation.
Of course some HR departments are complete barstewards who just use it all against you but they were really helpful to me when I was struggling helathwise at work.
Go to work. Do only as much work as you can comfortably handle. Go home.
Repeat.
If you don't know what to do with it, ask someone. If no one will tell you, tell your manager (or his manager) that you've left it as you haven't been trained to deal with it. Leave it.
Repeat.
If you have a lot of work on, don't let him offload more onto you. Politely decline giving the reason why you can't do it - too much other work. The more you do the more is expected.
Work your contracted hours, nothing wrong helping out from time to time by working more, but not consistently, otherwise it is expected of you all the time.
Do fun things at home/away from work, even if you initially don't feel like it.
Learn something like mindfullness, which is to detach from your thoughts. You can't control your thoughts, you are also not your thoughts. Stop being pulled in by them and analysing.
When you can have a chat about workload with your manager, if you can't get any sense from him, talk to the next manager up from him.
Last resort, if nothing changes, mayby look for something else?
If your stressed with work then it's time for a change . I started getting migraines at my old work place through stress . If your boss is a bully then there is no confronting him as he'll make life akward . Time to look for something else I think . People say switch off when you get home , easy said . Good luck .
What do you have to lose by going to see your GP? Now ask the other side of that question - what do you have to gain by going to see your GP? Go and see your GP.
It's not social work by any chance is it?
This is always a challenge for a GP as, has been pointed out above, it kind of sounds like work is the problem, and not mental health per se. Yes, it's causing issues, but they sound like normal responses to terrible work settings.
Often in cases like this I'd sign someone off fur a couple of weeks with the proviso that at the end of the fortnight they either:
Consider stuffing the job.
Get management to make the job better...
Best of luck.
DrP
Im the last person to say about this, recently took a promotion and stressed to the point my days off have been ruined and work has suffered I should of never took the promotion.
Keep telling myself it will get better, new management team coming to work with me, as the current guys have resigned and don't give a toss about it.
I have my step down letter to go back to my old position just haven't handed it in yet, seriously tempted, I want my life back and to be able to go out biking again!
From my limited experience, the doc will give you what you ask for.
Now, he signed me off for 2 weeks, but I only took 2days because I found it far more useful to go in to work and sort out the issues.
The doc did also give me anti-depressants, which I will never take again! If there's anything that will stop you making decisions and sorting out problems it's anti-depressants! Well the ones he gave me anyway - they knocked me out all night and the following day!
If you are signed off I think there are issues going in to work, with their insurance etc.
Just saying..
They renamed it a fit note so you can return early if you feel well enough.
You only need a sick note for a certain number of days, I didn't take enough days to need a sick note, so didn't produce it.
Go and see your GP, explain the situation and that you're having problems reaching a resolution on your own and inform them that would like to be referred to a Psychotherapist. Not a Psychiatrist, but a therapist.
Drugs are the last resort, talking, especially if you get a good therapist, will help.
My wife is a Psychologist.
Had the same happen to me in a job that suddenly got extremely stressful 3 years ago, was really awful. I needed to get myself a new job but because I wasn't sleeping I was finding it too difficult to focus on all the effort associated with job hunting. I therefore went to the doc and told him pretty much what you put in your 1st post and asked for some sleeping tablets so I could at least get a decent night's sleep to hit the job hunting hard and focussed.
They worked a treat and having a full night's sleep allowed me to rationally deal with the on going stress and job hunt. Didn't take me long to get another job and get out, hope it's the same for you. Good luck.
Seems as if both you and your manager are not coping with the jobs you have, over promotion , to much work due to lack of staff, or just pressurised management trying to play at being managers or even a failing department/company. You know which camp you belong to.
Go on the sick with stress,but eventually youll have to go back or resign or be sacked/made redundant, so start looking for another job, before the stress seriously affects your health and your family and freinds health.
Your health is more important than any job, and when you find a job you enjoy, then youll find peace and happiness and your family ans freinds will see the same in you.
Some sensible perspectives here guys - I can see where the problem and solutions lie - I started looking for another job in earnest at the weekend, but the shit my manager dumped on me after I left on Friday has rather pushed me closer to an edge, he isn't around for a fortnight, I have no idea who his boss actually is after 4 months! Civil service HR are sod all use at anything to be honest. Some serious conversations being had at home about work life balance and plans for the remaining 20 years of our working lives.
I'll see how I sleep tonight and decide in the morning. 20 miles on the road bike in the pissing rain tonight has helped clear my head a little too.
Sorry but I do think a dose of MTFU, all being signed off will do is make it worse, as you will have 2 weeks of thinking about how much you dont want to go back. Take some ownership and control of your destiny (stress is often caused by feeling helpless about your situation). Go and find another job. There are plenty of jobs out there. Write your CV tomorrow, remember all those things you are good at. Phone at least 2 agencies tomorrow. Go on. Get on with it and you will feel better about it. You dont have to stick with the same job and suffer.
Sounds like you're in a similar place to me. I'm taking Quiet Life tablets (mild herbal tranquillisers you can buy in Boots) and doing Headspace. Seems to be helping. You can try out Headspace for free ("Take 10") then pay for a subscription if you want.
Having been in a similar position where life was getting too hectic and things started to suffer, if there's something you can walk away from do it. Don't even think about it, just get away from it.
I never.
I ended up sleeping in for work so often I was on a competency assessment which now sits in my permanent record. I made my team leader aware I had problems at home but he never gave a crap and pinned the blame on me saying I should have explicitly asked for help (I thought I was fine as people often do in these situations). Unfortunately HR agreed and company policy also appers to put the onus on the person to ask for help (rather than putting more emphesis on team leaders being trained to spot the signs of someone having difficulties).
Anyway, tl:dr - take the time off that you need to make a proper decision on this. **** the workload, that's your bosses problem, NOT yours. At the end of the day if you weren't capable of doing teh job when you were hired how can you be capable of doing it now with no training or support? You may also want to consult a union (if you're not already a member) and have someone sit in with you if you do anything formal. You are entitled to this by law whether or not the union is recognised in an official capacity.
Oh, and permenant records look worse when it's a disciplinary matter rather than health, just saying.
Sorry but I do think a dose of MTFU
Is that from personal experience or the ignorant ramblings of someone who's never been unfortunate enough to have been in such a situation?
Scotroutes has it. Go in and do what you can in the time you are contracted to work. Home at the right time and repeat for the rest of the week.
If you talk to HR take a witness.
Meanwhile job-hunting, with luck you should have a new job by the time the holidaying manager gets back.
Good luck.
Yes it is from personal experience. Stop behaving like a victim, you have choice over things like work (unless you are very unlucky).
You will feel much better when you take ownership and take action to resolve. With something like work you can.
For the record job I loved turned awful, I stayed too long and got bitter, second job wasn't much better tbh, other than a massive pay rise. Next job much much better.
GP I saw did me a massive favour, he refused to sign me off and told me to get another job.
I now know my stress signs and can spot it early usual before it manifests as physical stuff (like tight chest not able to breathe and painful jaw from clenching) and do something about it
Stop behaving like a victim
**** you, you know absolutely nothing about what I went through, if anything I was a victim of unfortunate circumstances and nothing else. I don't blame anyone else for what happened but I do know that I was shown nothing but contempt from my employers for the situation I found myself in.
It's very easy looking from the outside in to judge and say what someone could do better but comments like yours (MTFU) don't help in the slightest and only help to reinforce the notion that if you're stressed then you should simply 'get over it'. Whatever that means.
Fair enough. Your life and all that. Good luck. I look back at that phase of my life as a good learning experience though it sucked whilst I was wallowing around in it. Suicidal thoughts are not a great place to be. I stand by my advice if it is something you can control you should. Friend of mine has cancer, that puts things in perspective.
Change jobs. You are not a failure, Ive seen people who have flourished in one environment and floundered in another.
IME being signed off and drugs don't actually solve anything, and as you point out might have a negative effect on your next job application
Counselling via your GP might take a while for an appointment to be available, but ask
I went for private counselling sessions paid for by work, and you can get some very good counselling at a low price through various charities
Counselling helped me to realise what I needed to do, as well as helping to deal with the issues so that they didn't keep going around in my head. It worked for me
Sounds very similar to an experience of mine OP - so you definitely are not on your own here. It can be a complex situation but some simple practical steps can help you deal with the situation and this can make life a lot easier. For me I found a blend of engagement with Occupational Health, counselling and also anti-depressants did help.
All the best,
J
Sounds like a rough time. Get well soon.
I hope it gets better. It sounds like there are a few issues at work, deal with them head on and stop covering for what you clearly see as problems you are helping to hide.
Also:
beiciwr64 - Member
Kuò?n Sh?yu?n's Ten BullsMindfulness
On page 1 - I use a different book but event the first three pages of the Mindfulness link would be very useful for you to read, it won't take long. Don't be fooled into thinking Mindfulness is a Buddhist religious direction, it really works and helps. Thats link is a very good succinct text that you could read in less than a lunch hour - it'll be worth the effort.
Fair enough. Your life and all that. Good luck. I look back at that phase of my life as a good learning experience though it sucked whilst I was wallowing around in it. Suicidal thoughts are not a great place to be. I stand by my advice if it is something you can control you should. Friend of mine has cancer, that puts things in perspective.
You know a lot of psychological issues, such as bipolar disorder are rooted in neurobiology - and hence are as physical and almost as out of control as cancer. Right?
MoreCashThanDashI have no idea who his boss actually is after 4 months! Civil service HR are sod all use at anything to be honest.
Some good advice in here, but we seem to have glossed over this, and for me it's the most shocking part. You seriously don't know who your the boss of your boss is after four months there? I'd be on the phone to HR demanding a name, immediately, and then straight on to the employee grievance process if it's not forthcoming. It's absolutely unacceptable for any company, public or private sector, to not let you know who your manager is reporting to. Otherwise who do you approach with any authority over him if he pulls the kind of stunts yours has been?
See your GP. Someone dear to me had a very tough time at work, but leaving it didn't cure the symptoms (panic attacks, not sleeping, spasms the works) even though now in a better place and new job. Having now been on treatment for around 6-8 months, is feeling better mentally than she has in her whole life (her words) which suggests there was something underneath that work was just a trigger for. Virtually everyone seems to have an anecdote about how bad someone felt on medication, just thought I'd redress that a little - not too say it's the case for you.
The job won't help and you'll have to decide if you want to persevere, but my experience is that you usually know inside a couple of months if it's somewhere you want to stay. Good luck, and remember no job is worth health and happiness.. something I did learn from a similar experience are that there are a lot worse things than being bored at work occasionally 🙂
Thanks again for the experiences, ideas and feedback, especially those who have contacted me outside the forum.
Work has been the catalyst for a few other issues as well, I guess, but it seems that nothing compares to the stress of getting an appointment out of a GPs receptionist 😥
Probably because your gp is also off/quit due to stress and burn out..!
DrP
Dealing with assholes like me, probably, DrP
Actually, he's just announced his retirement to spend more time with his Audi R8, and I think he's definitely earned it.
And another thank you for that link to the Mindfulness book - first few pages are pretty spot on
You know a lot of psychological issues, such as bipolar disorder are rooted in neurobiology - and hence are as physical and almost as out of control as cancer. Right?
The chap is talking about stress at work. My advice is to remove yourself from the stressful situation. If symptoms persist then maybe it is a disorder. From the description it sounds like someone having a tough time at work who doesn't feel empowered to dig themselves out rather than something more serious....someone telling me to pick myself up and move on was what I needed at the time. OP situation sounds similar to what happened to me.
Work isn't like a prison sentence - you don't have to be there, there are lots of other things out there, which you might enjoy and be great at. Why stay in a situation you have identified as unheathly unless you absolutely have to?
Anyway whatever you do, good luck, its not nice whilst you are there, but have confidence you'll sort it. Avoid meds and being signed off unless the GP genuinely thinks it is going to benefit you.
And another thank you for that link to the Mindfulness book - first few pages are pretty spot on
Keep reading. This thread reminded me I hadn't spent anytime meditating for a while. 45 mins in a comfy char upstairs has me much calmer and (properly) enjoying a simple lunch.
Work isn't like a prison sentence - you don't have to be there,
This. Don't be afraid that people will view you as a failure. Even if the problem is you (and it doesn't sound like it is at all), most people have a situation they can't deal with. Don't persevere toward illness with bravado, move onto to something you are good at, suits you and you can enjoy.
I've found walking round the office today with a 24hour blood pressure monitor on has helped my boss notice how much stress he causes.
Just as he tried to dump more of his work on me the pump started going and he changed his mind. I might wear the pump every day! 🙂
I've had similar issues recently but decided to accept not doing my work to my usual high standards for a while and doing what keeps me sane and only moderately stressed. I'm riding my bike more and no-one seems to have noticed.
I've had similar issues recently but decided to accept not doing my work to my usual high standards for a while and doing what keeps me sane and only moderately stressed
In my experience, sometimes you can moan, shout and bitch as much as you like, but its only when you let things fail that people pay attention. So a) tell boss b) if ignored email boss so its in writing c) if ignored and its legitimate to do so, let it fail as its not your problem any more.
[url= http://www.hse.gov.uk/stress/ ]...and don't forget that stress is an H&S issue.[/url] That can concentrate the minds of management
The chap is talking about stress at work. My advice is to remove yourself from the stressful situation. If symptoms persist then maybe it is a disorder. From the description it sounds like someone having a tough time at work who doesn't feel empowered to dig themselves out rather than something more serious....someone telling me to pick myself up and move on was what I needed at the time. OP situation sounds similar to what happened to me.Work isn't like a prison sentence - you don't have to be there, there are lots of other things out there, which you might enjoy and be great at. Why stay in a situation you have identified as unheathly unless you absolutely have to?
Which is quite right.
Sorry I went off on one but the simplistic MTFU attitude doesn't come across as helpful, it just smells of the 'cheer up' attitude some folk have towards depression. I do agree though that the OP needs to empower themselves to get out of the situation, just not in the same words. If you can't tell I'm still rather bitter about the whole affair despite the fact it was 2 years ago and my then team leader has since been sent back from whence he came and replaced with someone who actually wanted to do the job rather than have the power.