[Closed] Stress/anxiety - do you fully recover?

These days I am feeling great

Will more money make you feel better than great? What have you to gain, you already know what you have to lose.

I had a nervous breakdown in 2008, walked out of my job, off work for a while, gibbering wreck. Took probably 8 years to get back my sense of self confidence. Bit like opening Pandoras box, you can never truly close the lid....

So, after stress/anxiety health problems do you ever fully recover or are you now always more prone to future problems?

I can only comment on my own experiences, but I personally think it's something you always have to be mindful of.

My symptoms came to a head in Spring 2017 and I was a wreck for nearly a year, so not too long ago. I worked through online CBT which helped me get started 'sorting' it. I suppose the biggest lesson for me was that I'd had it since about the age of 9 to varying degrees so I suppose I'll always have it waiting to whack me over the head if I let it.

I recognise the triggers now, and more importantly know it's not 'real' and I'm being less of a Dick in work and home.

I dunno if you ever get over it tbh.
When i was with my first wife, I spent a decade being stressed to the limit. When we finally split up it was a massive weight off my shoulders, yet 15 years later if I’m feeling stressed out, any woman I’m with at the time (whether it’s my wife, or a friend, or a work colleague) gets called by my first wife’s name. I assume this is because I associate massive stress with my first wife.
I wouldn’t get involved with that type of situation if i had any kind of choice.
Money ain’t that important.

I cant fully answer your question but one thing (for me anyway) is more money and being full on does not have to equal more stress, it can be very satisfying, rewarding and help your confidence.

One of the most stressful jobs I had was a poorly paid one where I was bottom of the pile and all the shit came my way, often with tight timelines due to other people not taking action soon enough and not supporting me with issues.

You probably will be more prone to it but other side of the coin is you can recognise the warning signs, have that outside perspective to know if things are getting out of hand etc so can manage things better.
Depends on the job at the end of the day - what does full on mean? There's plenty of stressful jobs with a lot of responsibility, demanding performance, but are still within the bounds of normality. And then there's crazy environments with no respite that only very stress-resistant people can function in (and even then it's rarely long term). Pretty sure you don't want the latter but the former might be OK.

I think you can recover but it often needs a big change to how you live your life. About 10 years ago I was in a relatively well paid, relatively stressful job I hated, a bit of spare cash each month but not much spare time... then I was made redundant and I haven't looked back. Self-employed, working from home, no stress and loads of time to ride my bike or go for a run or walk (usually a walk!) The daffs and crocuses are popping their heads up now around here 🙂

Slave less, live more.

From personal experience, I agree with what others have said about it being something that never completely disappears. As far as the relationship between stress & earnings go, I've had jobs that have been very poorly paid and reasonably well paid - and found that both can be just as bad for stress/anxiety and depression, but in slightly different ways. Though I've completely changed career and work for myself now, the anxiety still comes back when work load increases, deadlines approach, cash flow dips etc. I'm a bu**er for worrying about money, so can end up taking too much work on - end result is anxiety returns!!

Unless you are really short of money and you can manage your work/life balance at the moment, I'd be tempted to stick with what you're doing if you are doing well health wise.

My wife had serious stress / anxiety issues, work induced, some years back. Still medicated, and her reaction to those suggest this was something long term or innate - she claims to feel better than she has at any point in her life now (she admits to covering them up in our 28 years together - and she was bloody good at doing so).

Few bad turns in life and they've re emerged - we're working hard and she's staying a lot more stable and positive this time around, but it's clear the triggers don't have to be the same to put her back with very similar symptoms.

The money is never worth it, unless debt is the root cause of your issue. She works now as a counter to the negative feelings developed - the right job can rebuild that confidence - but she wouldn't consider taking more responsibility again.

I can only comment on my own experiences, but I personally think it’s something you always have to be mindful of.

This. After CBT for flying revealed generic personality & anxiety issues its very easy to fall into old habits / ways of thinking. You need to practise the "right" way continually IMO. I'm only a year into that, so I can't comment on whether it becomes a natural habit after a while or not.

So, after stress/anxiety health problems do you ever fully recover or are you now always more prone to future problems?

I can only speak from my experience.

No.

There you go.

Want me to expand a bit??

Ok, a little.

Stress, anxiety are IMO related and feed off each other. When a little of one starts, the other kicks in. It ends up double dose.

I have had 3 very high level stress jobs, the first one I was in my early 30’s and more than capable to cope, after 7 yrs it broke me and I moved companies, again thinking a new place would help me but after 4 years I was just as stressed.. so I took some time off and 9mths later returned to yet another high profile job.

Throughout those periods I would be max stress and anxiety to calm and collected.

Wild ride it was.

Then I found a coping mechanism.

Its called not giving a shit.

Seriously, I rarely GAS about work and try to let stress and anxiety come out in me whilst I’m running or surfing....

Works for me.

Bikevouy, do you find not GAS increased boredom? On one hand it sounds like good advice, but on the other if I genuinely stopped caring I think I'd very quickly lose what little motivation I have...

Yes, TBH not GAS does impede your ability to perform and does affect performance.

I often swing from all out intense periods (pre Xmas was a particularly ****ing horrible time) to now where it’s more paced out... not as intense but the onus of delivery still rests on my shoulders.

Balance, whatever that is, is key.

I’m used to running large change programmes, where both scope and company buy-in is a prerequisite. Snr Mgt are often prone to over analyse the simplest of tasks and output, forgoing the more technical challenges (because they don’t understand in the main) so a circle of never ending corresponding re-written Approach documents and performance MI is required. That whole recycling of the same message stresses me out, you’d think I’d be over it by now but I find it really difficult to regurgitate the same message many different ways. I get anxious if I miss or target the wrong message to the right people and vice-versa...

If I had a succinct answer believe me I’d pass it on, but I don’t, sorry.

But I do, as much as I can, not GAS and shrug my shoulders at the fracas...

🤷‍♂️

I left a high pressure job due to stress and anxiety a couple of years ago. I am now working happily in a less stress filled role at another company. Recently I was offered a better paid job but one that has the potential to be fairly full on.

I guess my first question would be whether you have have identified those elements that were causing the stress and anxiety? Was it particular aspects of the job or the cumulative effect of multiple elements that in isolation may not have had the same effect?

If you did identify this, have you then, either in your current role or outside of that, developed mechanisms to help you better manage these or identify them when they may arise?

As Garry said whilst you may be more prone to it you can recognise the warning signs, however I'd recommend that you should look to get a system/strategy in place to help with what it is that you're going to do to manage those situations and as Kryton said it's then a case of practising such that it becomes ingrained in what you do

I get stressed over getting the correct amount of hot water in my tea mug, i'm currently doing a complete bathroom fit and being a perfectionist is f******* stressful and i'm the boss on the project!
If you aren't naturally an anxious person i would say go for it.

Yes, TBH not GAS does impede your ability to perform and does affect performance.

😀

I am particularly stressed at the moment because No. 10 and the ChX do not see eye to eye on what I'm working on...

Hahah.

Wait until you get stressed out by not feeling stressed out/life being too docile etc. That's when you're ****ed.

I think a variety of personal characteristics mixed with personal circumstances (permanent and temporary) will always mean some are more at risk of work related stress/anxiety than others, that's a given I think. The question then is how can you improve on those characteristics to make you less likely to have issues.

I've had 3 serious bouts of work related stress, resulting in lengthy absences, my last was last summer, and I've only now really fully recovered enough to go back to my old role (the dent to confidence takes a very long time).

What I did was write about myself....I wrote down everything that I'd learned from the previous episodes, all the things that I thought caused it, what I struggled with, how I could have handled things better, my strengths, weaknesses, everything. Brutally honest, total brain dump. It was cathartic and extremely enlightening.

Then I defined some actionable steps. E.g. In work I don't consider it enough when people ask me to do stuff, I just say yes, and cannot say no, therefore I am weak at controlling my workloads. I was in the Army at 16, and had a strict upbringing, I've perhaps been conditioned to submissively follow orders. Not a useful characteristic in a backstabbery mid-management environment. So I asked the company to send me on a resilience and assertiveness course, which was brilliant. There were loads of these examples.

The biggest benefit of this exercise though is just taking a step back and looking at yourself and being honest, you'll know then whether to jump back into a potentially hostile (to you) role.

I'm still in same role (project manager), but I have a much better handle on it.
However, due to above exercise I know it's not for me, so I also have a long term plan to do something else, which also helps.

And, I have to agree with the above, developing a healthy sense of not giving a shit helps. I was regularly told that 'I cared too much' in work. You have to let things go, and not see everything as a personal judgement of your character.

Hope that helps.

😜

Yeah, and I’ve relationship issues too 🤩🤷‍♂️🥴

And I have a total disregard for Authority, I often find those above me don’t listen to what I’m saying.

In fact, no-one listens to what I say 🤣

Anyone listening??

See, I get stressed out about that too.

Its a serious business Stress, if you can’t cope there are plenty of mechanisms out there to assist.

Thing is, you have to find the right one for you... and that could like take years mannnn.

Its a 2 way street, innit?

I still have very, very vivid memories of my own personal meltdown, and it definitely cuts both ways

On the one hand I now laugh in the face of stuff that I would, pre-losing-marbles, have found streesful

But, on the other hand, when people ask if I'd ever put myself back in the situation that caused it (running a business as it ended up going to the wall) I have only one answer: "You must be ****ing joking!!! Of course I wouldn't!"

If you've been there before, and you know what the end result is/was, and you're now happy, why on earth would you even consider risking going back there? You're mental health is WAAAAAAAAAY more important than any amount of money. That much I know for sure.

Binners +1

My main take from the whole thing is I found out where my breaking point was and what happens if I go near it and as a result, my main aim in life, career wise, is to stay the f*** away from it till I retire..

And yetz...

Each time I’m offered something “massive” with the side plate offer of Stress..

I bloody take it 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

You can kick a dog whilst it’s lying down, but beware when that dog bites back.. then chases you down the street...

I think that’s probably one of my strengths, not really GAS means I can go back and cope with doing it all again.

I don’t always get the same results, so I’m not insane, but I do know the probability of outcome either way..

If you are more anxious than stressed, then I’d recommend some professional help. Anxious is a deeper more intense underlying feeling whereas Stress is more immediate and simple coping mechanisms can help no end.

IMO, obvz.

I’m kind of with you on that - sometimes I need a break but nothing bores the cr*p out of me like a non stressful job. Pressure at work is what gets me out of bed in the morning, without it I’d be in Spoons at 9am drinking Stella. Each to their own innit...

I had a stress related incident that took close to 8 years to recover from - however I'm now aware of how to keep on top of it and have a very stressful job but I recognise the triggers and I ow actually perform better in more stressful situations.

So in answer to your question - Yes but it has changed my outlook and interpretation of the world around me.

Yes, TBH not GAS does impede your ability to perform and does affect performance.

NGAS attitude doesnt mean no ****s given about anything, you just have to learn to stop GAS about the wrong stuff. There's a TED talk that covers it quite succinctly.

Here

Its not easy to change one's entire strategy. I'm permanently anxious/stressed due to factors both beyond and within my control, and IME I've nly ever really addressed this succesfully by being (for me) radically 'selfish.'

I'm not sure if you necessarily are more prone to stress and anxiety after having had a breakdown, but it can create a fear of having another breakdown which in itself becomes the source of anxiety.
Being able to recognise trigger factors can be key moving forward.
Someone told me around 2 out of every 3 drs appointments is now related in some way to stress; so clearly, there is nothing wrong with us, but with the society we have inherited.

I think if you have been at the bottom and recovered, then you now know what to do, or alternatively what not to do. WORRY and identify with worry thoughts.

I had my big bang about three years ago, not just work, just a lot of pressures squeezing me from all directions till I burst. Made some changes at work and home, some CBT, some counseling, some meds.

Now just finished weaning myself off the meds, and keen to take on a bit more at work, which will mean a new job, elsewhere, with more hours. I'm wary, but confident that I now have the ability to recognise what my triggers are and to deal with them effectively.

Just looking for the chance to test it out now.

No ,the intensity just varies.

To answer the Op’s Thread title question, are you still fearful of the future and what might or might not happen? Have you reconciled lack?

Coming to terms with stuff that is out of our control by having already happened (depression) or may occur in times to come (anxiety) can lead to a happier and more peaceful state of being.

Excuse the cliche, Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. 🙏

I was a complete mess from work related stress and anxiety and a relationship break up and was right at the ragged edge, and over it once, but luckily in a way was made redundant. A summer off work regrouping and then a low stress but terribly boring job saw a big recovery, but anxiety turned into depression over the next two years.

Took me a while to realise what was happening, it got pretty bad, went to the doc, turned down meds and more or less took the don't GAS route as it seemed the only option left. Basically told myself "nothing matters" constantly, got offered a new job as a contractor abroad, thought f-it, took it and quit my existing job the same day, and just threw myself into it with a f-it nothing matters attitude.

In the week before I left the Uk I was lying awake at night telling myself I didn't want to do it and the first few weeks were completely draining but it's the best thing I've done. Confidence is best it's been for years and although it's a stressful job and I work 6 days a week I just don't get into that rut any more. Being a contractor I avoid all the performance target and corporate development nonsense that was causing problems previously. I just go in, work my butt off, avoid the corporate nonsense but still get the benefits of a challenging, fast paced and interesting job with good people. I still lie awake at night when things are hectic but it's not lying awake wondering what I'm doing wrong or what's wrong with me and why am I not like everyone else and just getting on with it.

Seriously, nothing matters, stand in front of the mirror and say it out loud. (maybe not in front of other people)

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/1c3855f9-fc52-4872-8642-17976c3c4223

Being able to recognise trigger factors can be key moving forward.

This. As of Jan 1st I was lucky enough to have realised with mutual effort from me and my company a job role and accompanying status I wanted. This also came with a significant pay rise which because I’m in sales, is mainly sourced via commissions. I felt valued and had a sense of achievement.

On Wednesday I learned that the company has changed the rules so I actually need to sell 125% to get 100% - already a challenging target - of my pay, but also that 25% is deferred until a point of “live” (Software) which could be up to a year later.

I ranted internally for two days until rememberered the mantra “life isn’t fair and never will be”.

Sometimes for your own health you have to learn not to make mountains out of molehills or expect too much from those around you. This way you are rarely disappointed.

Personally, I find I have to be mindful of my pressure/stress loads, especially during the winter months when my SAD symptoms are at their most intense.

There's a good chance I could increase my contract hours at work a bit this year if I wanted, which would be nice for the extra income, but it would mean having to work five days a week instead of three. As much as it would mean I'd no longer have to set the alarm for 0510 or 0530 on workdays which would be nice, my commutes would be more hostile; I'd probably need to do a bit of overtime most days because things would not be ready for for when I come through the door at ~0900; it would five days a week of physical work instead of three; I'd have no energy to do anything outside work on work days; I'd have to cut back on the fitness cycling that has helped me physically and mentally over the last two years etc.

On balance, my current thinking is the extra bit of pay would not be good for my mental well-being.