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I'm always coming across or getting them imposed on me. You know the home type ones. Pointless rules.
Eg.
Such as the toothbrush must set vertical and the bristles facing North.
The cat can only be cleaned on Tuesday at 15:00 hours.
The car can only be put in garage facing outwards or it's the end of the world.
Irksome little home or work rules for no reason.
I call them Space Corp Directives to the annoyance of the creater or and imposer.
What's yours?
Clean desk policy at work
Sometimes they get laminated as well and appear various location. At work, at home or out on the street. Councils excel at them as well.
Driving on the left.
I mean why? Man, people are so up tight.
The car can only be put in garage facing outwards or it’s the end of the world.
I had this on a site visit to the AA (which is a deeply weird organisation in many ways).
"You have to reverse into parking bays."
Oh, sorry, I didn't realise.
...
"Well?"
Uh... well what?
They point blank refused to let me into the building to attend to a major service outage until I'd gone back outside and turned the car around.
“You have to reverse into parking bays.”
It’s so if the building needs to be evacuated in a hurry, everyone drives out and there are no crashes. A common policy anywhere that explosives are used or stored or high security installations.
Also, because when you reverse *into* a space you have better visibility throughout the manoeuvre, and better manoeuvrability because the wheels that do the steering are at the front of the car.
similarly on the way out you have better visibility at all times compared to backing out, which is likely a guessing game as to whether other cars are coming, given the obstructed view from cars parked either side.
backing in is *almost* always better, safer and easier, when you include getting out of the space as well in your assessment.
A common policy anywhere that explosives are used or stored or high security installations.
... it's the AA, not Sellafield.
I strongly suspect that it's policy simply because everything has to be proper. They think they're a military operation, they don't have team leaders and managers, they have sergeants and corporals. It's a deeply odd place. The amount of paperwork I had to complete to gain access to the site was nuts, it took me two hours to get past security and as I said I was there to respond to a MSO. I'd sign something and they'd hand it straight back to me because whilst I'd signed it, I hadn't had it long enough for them to conclude that I'd actually read it. Which makes sense but FFS, it was like being forced to read a 27-page EULA word-by-word before you can install a printer driver. Meanwhile, a good chunk of their infrastructure was on its arse. The sole reason I'd parked nose-first - typically I always reverse into bays anyway - was to save time.
backing in is *almost* always better, safer and easier, when you include getting out of the space as well in your assessment.
I don't disagree. But being sent back out to turn it around after I'd already parked doesn't undo that, it just adds extra steps.
Yes, but you’ll back into the bay next time, if you ever get called there again won’t you? As will every other visitor.
If everyone knows they’ll get sent back to fix it, and not even get into the building until they do, everyone will do it. It’s better. It’s safer. It’s easier.
And I suspect you either didn’t read, or didn’t bother obeying some signage.
a building doesn’t need to be full of explosives to require good practice to be followed. Further, it is not unreasonable for a an organisation focussed squarely on vehicles and driving to expect good driving practices to be enforced.
it’s the AA, not Sellafield.
Giving up the booze is hard enough without reversing into other cars.
They’ll have some statistician who’s proved that 98% of car park crashes are due to people reversing out of spaces or something.
I’ve had that exact experience of the AA in Basingstoke. On top of the nuts parking regime (which was disrupted by the fact I was on a motorbike), we had to extend the schema of our software to incorporate “Rank” into it despite having a number of other empty attributes we could have just re-named in the front end. No “rank” had to go in the database in a custom column that was definitely called “rank”
I reckon it might be the local environment: it’s a truly dystopian building in a pretty dystopian town. The kind of place you might get bundled to in a van by odd people with spiral patterned umbrellas.
Our timesheet system. It’s based on salesforce, you select the project, put some time down and record some notes for the time used. This has to be approved by the customer. Except there’s no way to get the data out, no export function or way to grant them access to that timesheet. So you have to manually duplicate the data to an excel spreadsheet that you then email to the customer and who, until this year, would have to print the sheet out and fax it to our office in Bracknell.
you’ll back into the bay next time, if you ever get called there again won’t you?
No, I'll send some bastard else to site. 🙂
I do get it, and you're right, I'd know for next time. But there's a time and a place, I could have started triage and then come back out to move the car whilst I was waiting for reboots or whatever.
They’ll have some statistician who’s proved that 98% of car park crashes are due to people reversing out of spaces or something.
But,
I still had to reverse out anyway in order to turn the %^&*ing thing around. I'd messed up sure, but sending me out like a naughty child changed precisely nothing besides point-scoring.
Toilet seat down. (The missis' rule)
Paper recycling bin on the left, plastic on the right, (my rule)
Edit - that's toilet seat down after use, I'm allowed, Nay encouraged, to lift it during.
Clean desk policy at work
My old boss always used to say 'A tidy desk is a sign of tidy mind'
I call it an empty desk.
Also, whilst I understand the benefits of reversing in, how do you get stuff out of the boot? Van with barn doors, backing up to a wall/other car isn't an option, if I've left enough room to open the doors and extract the thing the front end is half way across the car park
The wearing of hard hats without a chin strap. It's driven by uber strong H&S, but no one dare suggest a chin strap so they actually stay on when bumped...
I think I'd be Rimmer to everyone else's Lister in this thread.
Recycling goes in the recycling bag, not in a little pile in the utility room (one door-open from the recycling bag).
Shoes go on the rack, not in front of the door/stairs/hallway where they were taken off for me to trip over.
Etc.. etc..
Genuine question, are buildings ever evacuated by people leaving in vehicles?
the amount of paperwork I had to complete to gain access to the site was nuts, it took me two hours to get past security and as I said I was there to respond to a MSO
Where as at actual sellafield some one got a usb stick into the network
Genuine question, are buildings ever evacuated by people leaving in vehicles?
Good point, most have assembly points where all the staff/visitors gather for a roll call by the nominated fire marshal or whoever... I can't imagine a company evacuating by having a free for all 'Tokyo midnight drift club' style event in the car park, hahah!
AA carpark when the fire alarm goes off!!! :
Ooh, I think like Einstein!
.
.
Maybe they need the car park clear for fire engines? I've still never known that to be a thing though
Sometimes they get laminated as well and appear various location. At work, at home or out on the street. Councils excel at them as well.
Councils are but amateurs at this, for pro-level passive agressive signage head to any golf club and marvel at the trivalities that are discouraged by laminated signs all in arial 48 point type!
I can’t imagine a company evacuating by having a free for all
Any UK civil service establishment has a dispersal policy after evacuation to avoid any follow-up bombing on a concentration of aparatchiks.
My old boss always used to say ‘A tidy desk is a sign of tidy mind’
He/she is wrong! It's the sign of a warped mind.
It's the sign of someone stuck for something to do.
You clean the cat once a week?
I think I'm lucky in that me and Mrs F don't have any. We're both fairly chilled and with two young kids, trying to enforce rules is the very definition of a Sysiphian task.
Loads at work. Some of which are for genuinely good reasons and some which are mental. My favourite being that I have to push my bike across the carpark but people on motorbikes can ride across it. There's a laminated sign on the wall next to a fridge that states 'Never leave milk sideways. Always stand it up!' so I always lay it flat in the knowledge that someone, somewhere is getting. Disproportionately upset about it.
SSE likes a good reverse parking rule. They were also total militants about the "all users of the building MUST hold the hand rail when going up and down stairs" rule. This is to be enforced both in SSE buildings and more amusingly for SSE employees visiting other buildings/companies. Always fun to observe a properly institutionalised friend when walking into/out of a building when on his day off looking for a handrail. Even more fun to walk the wrong side of him so he cant access it! And this is a tough as old boots bloke who makes his living climbing up trees with a chainsaw in a storm, yet he'll go yards out of his way to make sure he's got his hand on a rail climbing 4 or 5 steps into a building.
Oddly during COVID when everyone got weird about touching stuff they dropped the rule........and SSE death rates from stair related disasters didn't go through the roof quite as much as you'd imagine.
We've got the reverse parking rule too. Imposed by the previous boss. She's been gone 4 months but I'm yet to see anyone break it. Maybe it's my challenge for Monday. We also have a 'no parking within 1m of a building' rule. Not sure why, not sure anyone does...do vehicles in the north of Scotland catch fire more than normal. We all obey it mind, or get a Sturm email from security and a note on 'your file'.
There’s a wrong way and a right way for venetian blinds to be closed, apparently, depending on which way the slats are facing.
This is the ‘correct’ way:
Surley it depends what you are trying to accomplish? 'that' way would let more heat out and look dustier faster
This is the ‘correct’ way:
That's weird given that if you're closing blinds you're presumably trying to block out the light, and the primary light source is high up so you'd want the slats perpendicular to that.
The volume level on the TV must be even!
All clothes must be put away neatly in the wardrobe.
Except hers.
We've a coercive controller at work (untouchable it seems, as a recent bullying investigation resulted in the complainant being "invited" to take a couple of weeks off to calm down, and no further action) who is so deeply offended that I keep putting the scrap wood pallet 50cm away from where he believes it should go that he spent two days painting a yellow hazard-striped acceptable zone with WOOD stencilled on it, so that I'm officially in the wrong.
And got management to agree it was a good idea.
And now has his own pallet in a different place because I don't load the scrap wood neatly enough.
We also dance this dance with the scrap metal bins and cutting oil drum. And let's not get into the war over whether the changing room/place where many workers and lorry drivers shit should have the small window open (me) or closed (him as soon as it's less than 20c outside)
The joys of engineering eh?
The cul de sac where I grew up in the burbs was so ****ing Hyacinth Bucket. People would close their Venetian blinds so that they looked tidier from the outside. 😀
Toilet seat down. (The missis’ rule)
Toilet lid down as it's equally inconvenient too everyone. Wife tried to impose the seat down rule when we first lived together. I pushed the lid suggestion and after a while (year or so) she stopped bothering so I also did. Win (though now we have two daughters so it goes down again after finding them sat on the rim in the middle of the night!).
We're in a nocturnal catch 22 with toilet seats. Seat down and the sons piss all over it, or seat up and if the wife doesn't notice she falls in (yes, really)
Surley it depends what you are trying to accomplish? ‘that’ way would let more heat out and look dustier faster
And
That’s weird given that if you’re closing blinds you’re presumably trying to block out the light, and the primary light source is high up so you’d want the slats perpendicular to that.
Amen. You're both preaching to the converted here folks 🙂
Wow. So I'm not the only one.
I guess I'm more Lister than Rimmer.
Saw this today. I think it's cruel to drive dogs regardless of size. And surely driving small ones slow prolongs their agony.
Saw this today. I think it’s cruel to drive dogs regardless of size. And surely driving small ones slow prolongs their agony.
Don't be so silly. It's clearly directed at small dogs speeding.
Oh. I thought that would be:
Small dogs
DRIVE SLOW
As far as I am concerned all zippers and other closures should be shut tight on rucsacs, saddlebags etc except when loading/ filling or unloading etc. I'm sure you get the picture. MrsAmbrose thinks differently. She's also missing a couple of favourite hats.
Didn't we do this recently in the "unspoken wars" thread?
Anyway, I think I'm the passive aggressor at home. Mrs Vlad is forever leaving objects right on the edges of table and counter tops such that if you brush past them they fall in the floor AND she can't load a dishwasher to save her life AND shoes are abandoned in the middle of the hallway AND...AND....AND (ad nauseum...)
Surley it depends what you are trying to accomplish? ‘that’ way would let more heat out and look dustier faster
AndThat’s weird given that if you’re closing blinds you’re presumably trying to block out the light, and the primary light source is high up so you’d want the slats perpendicular to that.
Amen. You’re both preaching to the converted here folks ?
Not to mention the privacy/security element - if they are slats tilted down ( lower towards the outside) it means that it's less easy to see in either from an upstairs window in the case of a neighbouring property or from the street, if you are close to a road/pavement.
What a ball-ache, having to make it easier for the cleaner to try and keep it sanitised after grubby mitts have been all over it all week.
My own grubby mits that will be the same grubby mits next week. Also, cleaners cleaning desks, not around here! It's sold under the pretence of keeping company secrets secret from other people in the company that may not know those particular secrets.
you’ll back into the bay next time, if you ever get called there again won’t you?
Yep, and park bonnet in. Then go into Reception and demand a Banksperson before you'll reverse in. Say "According to rule 88, I must check that the signaller is competent to make hand signals and is trained in their correct use." in a suitable jobsworth voice
You always reverse in at Police Stations so that if several responding vehicles leave together the drivers can see everyone else, including people running across the yard
The AA is the fourth emergency service, or so the ad went...
Toilet seat down. (The missis’ rule)
We’re in a nocturnal catch 22 with toilet seats. Seat down and the sons piss all over it, or seat up and if the wife doesn’t notice she falls in (yes, really)
Sorry, I meant seat and lid, not clear. In which case you just up.all levels required when slashing in the dark.
Venetian blinds....I know it breaks the unspoken man code, but I actually read the instructions that came with some once.
Venetian....Venice....kind of warm in the summer, cooler in the winter.
It's about heat not light. The design is intended so that the leading edge (when viewed from the inside) is pointing down when attempting to keep warm air outside. Conversely, you point it upwards when you are trying to retain the warm air inside. Backed up by actual science.
So both are right depending on what you are attempting to achieve.
Conversely, you point it upwards when you are trying to retain the warm air inside. Backed up by actual science.
If you want actual science, the photons will roll down the slat and into the room. Warmer, brighter room, innit 🙂
Seat down and the sons piss all over it, or seat up and if the wife doesn’t notice she falls in (yes, really)
Take them all to Specsavers?????????????
Unless you are very la-de-da and have a separate dunny, the role of the toilet lid when flushing can't be over stated. Unless you enjoy having your child's fecal matter all over your tooth brush, teach 'em young.
Anything left on the stairs is to go upstairs (clearly)
Any full bin bag left by the back door is to go in the outside bin, any full recycle bin left by the back door is to be distributed properly outside
‘Never leave milk sideways. Always stand it up!’
This is a rule in our house - it happens so often that the cap's not quite perfectly on and there's a slow leak... you don't notice until a couple of hours later when your fridge has a milk puddle that goes everywhere and stinks, requiring a full fridge clean.
Unless you are very la-de-da and have a separate dunny, the role of the toilet lid when flushing can’t be over stated. Unless you enjoy having your child’s fecal matter all over your tooth brush, teach ’em young.
I have heard* that putting the lid down actually just creates a jet effect and the particles just get shot out between the seats at high speed, making no real difference to the overall amount floating around your bathroom. Not quite sure what the solution is, beyond "don't think about it" or "rinse your toothbrush before using".
(* from the series Bones, so it must be true. It's got science in.)
We have a series of directives about things that must be unplugged or at least switched off, overnight. Like the kettle, toaster, coffee machine, airfryer etc.
Meanwhile, the dishwasher is still switched on at the socket,, as is the little digital radio, TV & digibox thingy are both plugged in and in standby mode. Dyson vac left plugged in and charging. Absolutely no consistent approach.
Take them to specsavers??
"which frames for night vision goggles?" thread coming soon..
What a ball-ache, having to make it easier for the cleaner to try and keep it sanitised after grubby mitts have been all over it all week.
The hell are you doing with your hands?
The AA is the fourth emergency service, or so the ad went…
I'd have been really pissed off about that if I was a Coastguard.
Is the coast guard of the RNLI the fourth emergency service?
How dull it’s coast guard. No debate
TBH, the AA aside, being referred to as "the 4th emergency service" rather than say "one of the emergency services" is pretty insulting. If your boat was wrecked in a storm you likely wouldn't be thinking "what I need right now is a policeman."
The volume level on the TV must be even!
Not just the TV. Radio, car stereo, applies to anything else that has a volume control that is numbered. Leaving it on an odd number is just plain weird. Why would anyone do that?? ?
On a side note I used to work with a guy who was similarly afflicted, in that all volume adjustments had to be in even numbers. He flat shared with a girl who would only accept multiples of five. Which meant either being unable to hear the TV properly, or having it so loud that the people upstairs would bang on the floor..
Leaving it on an odd number is just plain weird. Why would anyone do that?? ?
Because it should always be turned up to 11!
If your boat was wrecked in a storm you likely wouldn’t be thinking “what I need right now is a policeman.”
I beg to differ, my boat's been stolen and I'd like to prosecute any survivors 😉
On a side note I used to work with a guy who was similarly afflicted, in that all volume adjustments had to be in even numbers. He flat shared with a girl who would only accept multiples of five.
Both of those are acceptable. The TV could be on 10, 12, 15. I'd probably accept 18 but it would grate that it wasn't 15 or 20.
14 and 16 are not acceptable (too close to 15), 17 and 19 are obviously right out.
It's like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch all over again.
"Five is right out!"
Martin Money Suggestion.
My Space Corp Directive creator has spotted this and hopes to implement.
Buy Green, Amber (Lemon) and Red washing up liquid and use in the G,A,R order when the R is reached in the future it is a notice to buy more ......:-(
I have said no way..... It will happen, I'm sure.
These threads always make me extremely glad I live alone. I'll take the crippling loneliness and crying myself to sleep over having to live by someone else's petty rules.
I guess I’m more Lister than Rimmer.
Umm... 😉
Anything left on the stairs is to go upstairs (clearly)
Anything left on the stairs is to be ignored by everyone until the lazy arse that put he thing on the stairs in the first place can be bothered to complete their journey with the thing they wish to put away.
Leaving it on an odd number is just plain weird. Why would anyone do that?? ?
I've a speaker in my studio, it's perfect volume is 7 (out of 10) This annoys my wife to a level that is genuinely surreal.
That’s weird given that if you’re closing blinds you’re presumably trying to block out the light, and the primary light source is high up so you’d want the slats perpendicular to that.
Its to stop folk seeing in from the upstairs across the road
I have heard* that putting the lid down actually just creates a jet effect and the particles just get shot out between the seats at high speed, making no real difference to the overall amount floating around your bathroom.
This - it actually spreads further as its higher velocity
Regarding the venetian blind debate I tend towards a morning partial closure with the inner edge downward, thus allowing light in but blocking the sightline of people at the bus stop lest they catch sight of me dressing of a morning.
Regarding the things on stairs debate our stairs are all but spiral they turn and rise so sharply, all I ask is that stuff is placed on the inside of the turn, but no, I have had to come down backwards before now as only my toes have the dexterity to cling to the tiny wedge of tread left such is the pile of shoite heaped where I should be stepping.
As said above, life when single was much much simpler.