Something nice I've noticed.

I think dads in general are more involved with parenting than a generation ago.

As a kid I used to see my old man for maybe an hour or so before before bed during the week,  Saturday afternoon because he was golfing in the morning and a bit on Sunday.

Sadly don't have many memories of my old man doing stuff with either me or my sister.

Bloody hell, yearly fortnight holiday he only only came out for one week!

More and more children are attending GP appointments with their Dads.

How old are the kids and their dads? A family day out to the GP, or grown up kids and elderly parents? 😀

I ask because I recently took my father to a hospital appointment, partly to actually drive him there and partly so that we could get some sense about what actual medical problems he has because he never reports them back to us properly.

When my first nipper was a baby I was of work one day so took him to his 3 month weigh-in was told "Awww is it mummy's day off" in the most patronizing voice imaginable.

I may have been quite prickly with them after that.

It is good news indeed. Similar with the school run, over the years I did the school run I noticed more and more dads as the years went on.

I guess it's the WFH dads that you are seeing

I guess it’s the WFH dads that you are seeing

Or dad's that just take the time out of their working day to take their kids to the GP? WFH doesn't have to come into it.

Mum's are getting pissed at bottomless brunches!

It's equality gone mad! Dads should be in Spoons and at the bookies.

Whose appointment is it, dad or child?

It is great, but "because NHS" it creates its own problems. Most GP surgeries will have mum as contact details, and more and more parents aren't married, or are 'blended families'. Random (to us) men we've sometimes never met before coming in with babies/kids that sometimes don't have the same surname, or are even mentioned on any records can cause confidentiality issues. Gets even worse if you have to phone them, and Dad answers. "Can you tell me?" says dad, "err, no sorry, can I speak with mum?" says receptionist...queue fireworks...

Parents: Make sure your GP surgery are happy to talk to both of you, and sort it out (all they'll need is to see your names on the birth cert) before you assume its OK for either of you to sort out appts, jabs and so on.

Back in 2012 I was on an extended break between jobs, 5weeks, awesome, and had the pleasure of taking my son to school when he first started.  I felt very isolated, I was probably the only dad then and no one spoke to me!

As the years have progressed things have improved, there are lots of dads taking their kids in the mornings, and now the mum's will say hi too, I'll miss the primary school run when it comes to an end this summer and my youngest daughter can walk herself there and back.  12years of it, that has flown by.

I've taken my son to most of his appointments over the years (there have been quite a few) luckily my girls haven't needed as much support, other than the odd dental appt.

More and more children are attending GP appointments with their Dads.

Yep, I take my girls to GP appointments, hospital appointments, physio sessions, school drop-offs, therapy sessions, A&E a couple of times, flute lessons, netball training, horse riding. My wife still does much more than I do though.

Parents: Make sure your GP surgery are happy to talk to both of you, and sort it out (all they’ll need is to see your names on the birth cert) before you assume its OK for either of you to sort out appts, jabs and so on.

Really? FFS what about step parents, grand parents, foster carers, adopted etc. Of course have the conversation about who is able to bring kids to appointments, but don't rely on birth certificates.

Or dad’s that just take the time out of their working day to take their kids to the GP? WFH doesn’t have to come into it.

So the corellation between a huge percentage of men that would have previously been in an office, but now WFH following the pandemic and the fact that someone has noticed that more dads are taking their kids to do something that 2-3 years ago they wouldn't have are completely unrelated?

Do people on here argue for the sake of it?

I wasn't criticising anyone ffs.

but don’t rely on birth certificates.

GPs don't rely on birth certs, its just a convenient way of identifying who Dad is, and adding him to the family unit (mum and baby) record so that we can share info with him...Other family members can be added at any point, but what I'm saying is don't just assume that the GP will know that its OK to share confidential information with other members of your family is all.

Its not unknown for parents who're divorcing acrimoniously to try to use access to medical records or appointments as weaponry.

Pretty much depends on who in our household is available to take them to any appointment, class etc. I'm usually more flexible during the week due my job than Mrs Inbred.

I've never been asked at the doctors/hospital for a birth certificate to prove my parental credentials, usually, " I'm the dad/father " suffices.

I took my two girls to the doctor, playgroup, swimming, nursery etc as my wife was a teacher. My shifts as a Firefighter meant I was able to shoulder responsibility during the week which I really enjoyed. It wasn’t unusual at the time (1980’s) for my colleagues to do the same but I feel during later years equality did slip back considerably so perhaps there’s a welcome re-balancing?

Do people on here argue for the sake of it?

Are you new here 😉

One of the every best things about the WFH shift that happened with Covid has been being able to walk my kids in to primary school, we live pretty close so I'm reliably home and logged in for work before 9AM.

It's lovely bit of fresh air and chaotic joy to start the day. The Boy's just started secondary and now gets himself to school and back on his bike. I miss having both of them but I have about another 18 months of walking the little one in and intend to treasure every bit of it.

I’ve never been asked at the doctors/hospital for a birth certificate to prove my parental credentials, usually, ” I’m the dad/father ” suffices.

Same here. Three daughters and I've never been asked to prove my identity at the GP, out of hours, casualty, outpatients...

However this is interesting :

GPs don’t rely on birth certs, its just a convenient way of identifying who Dad is, and adding him to the family unit (mum and baby) record so that we can share info with him…Other family members can be added at any point, but what I’m saying is don’t just assume that the GP will know that its OK to share confidential information with other members of your family is all.

Its not unknown for parents who’re divorcing acrimoniously to try to use access to medical records or appointments as weaponry.

This is absolutely normal for every aspect of modern life. Anything at all that involves personal info also needs active permission from the account holder and identity checks, for exactly the reasons you note. It's just part of everyday life. If our gas bill is in my wife's name, they won't speak to me unless she adds me. We are all used to this and there's no reason people would think medical info is any different.

(Talking about acrimonious break-ups, I know of someone who received a bank transfer of a minimum amount with an abusive message after her partner was stopped from contacting her.).

Do people on here argue for the sake of it?

Of course we don't. And you started it!

Was definitely odd 20 years ago if I took Jnr to a playgroup - only male there, mum's a bit suspicious.

Got better with my daughter, and I was lucky to do a lot with her. The running around doesn’t get easier as they get older, just longer distance and more expensive.

I guess it’s the WFH dads that you are seeing

I suspect that since men are still more likely to work in the higher status jobs, that makes them more likely to be WFH which makes it easier to take their kids in to the doctors'.  That's certainly what's happened in our house.  Sexism isn't over.

I must be a bit of an oddity for my generation 50 this year.  I got taken to the GP’s many times by my dad.

I guess it’s the WFH dads that you are seeing

And the layabouts who won't lift a finger for less than £3000000 a day!  Don't forget them!

Went compacted working back in 2012 for 1st child. Hanging around baby clubs and singing groups etc as the only dad was brilliant (women's banter is shocking). Still walk the youngest in to school and today was architecture day (interpreted as 'dress up as a building' day) so hilarious creations  walking down the road. Big Ben, a Pompidou, lot's of builders...

I felt very isolated, I was probably the only dad then and no one spoke to me!

I found the same. When my kids were at primary school I was self-employed so fitted my hours in around the kids, so I did the school run all the time.

The yoghurt-knitting mums groups would view such a thing with incredible suspicion and would not engage with you at all. There was only one other bloke who did it, so I didn't feel entirely like a weirdo. We at least spoke to each other.

I made a point of saying a cheery good morning to them all anyway, just to be annoying, but with a couple of notable exceptions (who also looked equally excluded) was met mainly with blank looks. Maybe it was because I was the only person in the vicinity who looked like they weren't heading straight to a yoga class afterwards? Who knows? I used to think at the time that I bet they all went home to moan on Mumsnet that dads never get involved in parenting duties.

Anyway... having observed all that, I do find Motherland particularly amusing. Its absolutely bang on! 😂

I found that I got included in most activities, coffee mornings included. I was always ushered to the kitchen corner at playgroup. I took my turn with emergency childcare for others (all Mums). There’s no doubt that there’s was suspicion at times but that was probably down to our transport methods. At first a 2CV and then supplemented with a motorcycle and sidecar!

@wheelsonfire1 - You are Kevin and I claim my soya milk latte and organic carrot cake 😉

and if you've not watched Motherland, you really need to. Its absolutely on the money about the whole 'school gate' culture

@binners yes I could have been Kevin! I don’t think it helped collecting our daughters from the school gate covered in mud, usually some blood trickling somewhere, on my state of the art Saracen (rigid) Backtrax. They claim to be mentally scarred but one is a DI and the other does good work with adult care leavers so I think we did ok!

@wheelsonfire1 - I was the same. When they were really young I'd drop the girls off on my Intense 5.5 (a bit over-biked for the school run) with them in the Burley trailer behind. Riding through the park with them smiling and waving at everyone from the trailer felt like a valuable public service. It makes people smile and its a great way to start the day. The girls loved it. Ones at York Uni now, the others doing her A levels, so minimal mental scarring here too. 🙂

I found this article that I'm sure you'll identify with. I know I did...

I hate Kevin from Motherland – mainly because he reminds me of myself

Motherland is brilliant

I took my eldest to the dentist once when she was a nipper.  It was immediately after a hurl on the old skool seesaw in the park next to the school.

Thankfully, by happy coincidence the mobile dentist just happened to be visiting the school that day.

More and more children are attending GP appointments with their Dads.

That’s very supportive of them. My kids have never offered! Presumably the kids get carers leave from school nowadays?

It's a bloody brilliant thing!

I to have had the 'ah, it's nice that you're looking after him today...' I'm a bit touchy about it for reasons I won't go into, but it's pretty galling. Likewise, plenty of the dads I know that pick the kids up aren't there because WFH. They're there because they've chosen a role that allows them to do that. And it's pretty insulting to say that it's only because of COVID. It's certainly a big influence on why I'm in the role I'm in.

At the risk of sounding pious, if you think dads in the playground feel like outsiders, imagine the suspicion that arises from going into a small village primary school twice a week to read with some of the kids!
Maybe some day the extra heads won't be imagined. But it feels like we're still quite a long way from that!

But yes, progression, it's definitely happening, and it's something we should absolutely celebrate.

I guess it’s the WFH dads that you are seeing

Where I live the tradesmen typically finish work before school ends so there’s often hairy blokes in hi viz and flip flops or work boots picking up little kids. It’s quite nice really.

small village primary school twice a week to read with some of the kids!

In the 80s my Dad used to leave his job early every Friday to run our school chess club!

This is nice but one of the downsides I've noticed since covid/WFH is it's sometimes damn hard to get the right people together (not even physically) at the same time for work things. Even if you plan ahead, let alone if you want to talk to someone now/soonish. Worthwhile but I think it can get out of hand, it's another difficulty to deal with.

8-9:30am different people have different start times and school runs.

10-12 various recurring things most days.

12-2 lunches, gym.

3-4:30 various people out for an hour for the school run, or finish early after doing it because they skip lunch.

4:30-5:30 different people finishing different times.

Some people on 3 day weeks.

Others on 4 day week hours but not working Tue and Thu afternoons.

All the above of course sporadically entered into their calendars!

@submarined  I’d forgotten that, reading in my children’s schools, cycling proficiency and also enrolled by my wife to do reading in various schools where she worked, loved it and hope it helped children enjoy reading.

@bikesandboots what sort of work is that?

10-12 various recurring things most days

Maybe they’re all sat in a doctors waiting room with their kids 😉

@bikesandboots what sort of work is that?

Office based, organised as part of a team working on the same "thing" but really contributions are individual. So in theory it doesn't matter if someone only has an hour of time zone overlap with you, but in practice that's a PITA, especially if it coincides with someone else's school pickup.

Quick straw poll of my friends reveals a lot of us who moved to less than full time when kids came along. I was surprised as in my old job (teaching) it was definitely viewed as a weirdo thing to do.

I've definitely noticed more dads at the school and nursery gates post COVID though. It's not the only driving factor for the change but it's certainly played a role. Nice to have at least some silver lining from that prticularly crappy cloud.

I take my son to lots of appointments. Purely because my boss is sound and the wife's boss is a spiteful wench.

Working from home is not an option for me.

I'm one of those middle class (minus the cut glass) types who does the WFH thing, and it's great because I can take my 5 year old daughter to school 3 days a week. This is something my dad could never do when I was growing up, was always my mum. I'd say that it's maybe 25% - 33% dads at the school gates.

The trick we missed at the start of having kids though, was to setup an email address for them that could then be forwarded onto both me and the other half, and which could receive all the child admin emails. This means that apart from the odd exception (invariably invoices) they are inevitably sent to my other half who has to deal with them all.

could you set up a rule on your partner's email address, like 'if Sender = info@school.ac.uk, forward to XXYYZZ@gmail.com'?

imagine the suspicion that arises from going into a small village primary school twice a week to read with some of the kids

And the tragedy then is that they don't get exposed to enough male role models.

Where I live the tradesmen typically finish work before school ends so there’s often hairy blokes in hi viz and flip flops or work boots picking up little kids.

Yes, a fair few tradesmen at our kids' primary (pre-COVID) as well.

could you set up a rule on your partner’s email address, like ‘if Sender = info@school.ac.uk, forward to XXYYZZ@gmail.com’?

Genius. I will look into that.

I think there has been a large generational change, my father on the very rare occasion he had control of us kids, would take us to the pub, you got left with a bag of crisps and a coke in the family room, whilst he sat in the bar, that was his idea of childcare...

I feel lucky to spend quality time with my daughter, i enjoy her company and she genuinely makes me laugh, probably as we are both daft..happy to take her any appointment and take or collect her from school. But then again i work half my time at home now, and 9-5, my wife works 60 hour weeks in the NHS including weekends, so it is down to me to do so anyway, but i am happy to.

I think there has been a large generational change, my father on the very rare occasion he had control of us kids, would take us to the pub, you got left with a bag of crisps and a coke in the family room, whilst he sat in the bar, that was his idea of childcare…

Similar experiences here. What with that and working away I never really connected with my dad and whilst it's hard to blame him I certainly don't want to make the same mistake with my kids.

I think there has been a large generational change, my father on the very rare occasion he had control of us kids, would take us to the pub, you got left with a bag of crisps and a coke in the family room, whilst he sat in the bar, that was his idea of childcare…

I think I was a lucky kid really – I was a 70s child and, although my dad worked a 5.5 to 6 day week, I saw lots of him – he always tried to have us help him in the garden, washing cars, that sort of stuff. We would often go into work with him on a Saturday which was cool – he was a TV repairman and we'd hang around in the workshop and try to solder stuff, play with oscilloscopes and stuff like that. I miss mum and dad 🙁