[Closed] Someone keeps crapping in the snicket

hopefully the culprit is caught and faeces the consequences of their actions

Pop up some CCTV signs. Plant nettles.?

Keep a log of when it happens.

Hopefully the poolice will sort it out.

POOk, you in Huddersfield area?

Motion sensitive camera, something like [url= https://www.amazon.co.uk/Battery-Detection-Activation-Recording-Security/dp/B00DI49UWO/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1471978887&sr=8-7&keywords=movement+activated+camera ]this[/url]. A still one with a flash would be better though. Make them shit themselves, (more) and someone might be able to catch them in the act attracted by the flash. 😈

'Motion' sensitive - you [s]win[/s] are in second because he got scat in.

I suspect you're not taking t'issue as seriously as I'd hoped. Maybe the less scatterbrained amongst you could suggest a solution which will trump the rest.

Neighbour hood watch to take voluntary DNa samples of everyone in the street?
Ee-u.

If you get a remote camera are you able to feed a wire to it? It might require you to lay a cable all the way.

You sure it's not a turd burglar making his mark?

Its not me ! I only dump on Wednesday

Sign up? "no dumping"

I though the thread title was a euphemism for space docking

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of these[/url]

Make a list of your neighbours first names, then make a sign next to the dump zone, saying

'First name' please stop s.... here please

Then swap the sign for a new name every time a new deposit is spotted, keep repeating until the deposits stop.

I suspect you're not taking t'issue as seriously as I'd hoped.

No shit.

Sorry , the missus fired up the pimms.:-)

-.-

Lion poo? Works with cats anyway. Or just a lion.

Put some magazines at the other end of the alley

Wee in their oh wait.

'Motion' sensitive

Is it good poo or bad poo ?

[img] [/img]

Clearly they are not trying hard enough of they haven't stuck the toilet roll to the wall.
Takes some planning to grab bog roll for a trip outside for a poo.

Rename it 'Dead otter snickett'.

Type 4, in the main.

Keep a log - so subtle it was missed 😆

it's the winnets guy
from mumsnet
his missus
won't let him shit
in the house
any more

Last place I worked at had an alley at the side of the long garden leading to some shops.
After a while, these huge turds started appearing in this alley. This was a running joke for ages - dinosaur shite etc - they were def not dog eggs. Anyway, months later, me and a colleague were walking back towards work and in the distance was a chap squatting with the kecks down in the middle of the alley - lunchtime. As we got closer he whipped them up, walked over to a wall and dragged 2 shitty fingers along the all - 2 stripes of turd outlasted his latest triumph by months. The culprit had been discovered. It was no T-Rex, but a frail-looking old fella who had clearly seen better days - he was heading down to the shops where he'd probably exchanged cash with some unwitting till operative. There were no more dino-dumps after that day of revelation. True story dat...I shit you not.

Could it be Corbyn tweeting about a lack of public toilets?

Get somebody else to poo in the same place. Might work as a territorial thing and scare off the original phantom snicket crapper. Make sure the new poo is bigger, with a more powerful bouquet to heighten the chances of scaring away the ner'poo'well.

I'm not sure if it helps but I just layed a pretty sizeable greasy cable at work. 50mm IWRC, 85m in length for the technically minded.

85m????????????? 😯 😯 😯 you are the BFG and ICMFP!

It was that greasy I had to throw away my favourite gloves.

[img] [/img]

This thread has cheered me up no end!! 😆 Sorry for your inconvenience OP 😕

They could run a length of ethernet cable down the garden and use a PoE live streaming camera infrared camera with software recording just the motion activated bits. Or a battery powered infrared motion activated camera recording to Sd-card?

Assuming it is a publicly owned path then you could petition the council for a gating order to tackle the antisocial behaviour. Council installs a metal gate at either end of the path and then provides keys to each of the properties accessed by the path.

Or if it is owned by the freeholders and not a public right of way then you could do the same by consensus of the freeholders, or just pretend it is a council matter and dupe them into putting in the gate anyway as it is not uncommon for them to do this despite the path being private land.

or if it is owned by freeholders and not a public right of way then you could by consensus extend your gardens across the access.

or if it is owned by freeholders and is a public right of way then you could still do either of the above if you can successfully process a stopping up order.

Could be squatters?

Is it Mr Whippy?

Scat Man John?

Wasn't there a taxi driver caught on CCTV recently?

Maybe it's an Uber or Deliveroo driver having to be efficient with their time thanks to third world working conditions.

Could be someone on the school run,.... Dropping the kids off 🙂

Tape a little sign to the wall directly above, with an arrow (pointing at the offending article) accompanied by the following :

'WARNING: You are being recorded by closed circuit smelevision'

Is it Mr Whippy?

If it's in Huddersfield that'd be Dixons

Could it be Corbyn tweeting about a lack of public toilets?

could be laya
he
recently confessed to being
forced
to urinate
in his trousers

could be laya
he
recently confessed to being
forced
to urinate
in his trousers

Again, your Haiku's really are crap.

Could you at least branch out into Limericks?

Is it on the training route for the French speed walking team?

Corbyn tweeted
Can't get seated

Branson pickled
Media tickled

Got the hump
Went for a dump

Crapped in a snicket
Wiped his arse with the ticket

Someone has shat in the snicket
Pook put his gloves on to pick it.
The footpath was stained,
and the neighbours complained
"Frankly this just isn't Cricket"

One-way or return?

Open.

Go get a toilet out of a skip, put it in the place the pooer goes. If they don't use the provided toilet you know it is malicious then.

Go get a toilet out of a skip, put it in the place the pooer goes. If they don't use the provided toilet you know it is malicious then.

Again, your Haiku's really are crap.

Could you at least branch out into Limericks?

😀 So much so that I'll overlook the catapostrophe.

You've had a Series of Unfortunate Events in your enema snicket?