[Closed] so tragic - baking cakes for work...

That post is waaaay too long!

Anyway, **** off into the buttercream next time, let them eat it and then deliberate on whether to tell them.

The cake my manager made for his birthday was ****ing amazeballs!! A real work of art. Everyone was greatly impressed - although this is an NHS office, mostly staffed by cake-munching women, with not a knuckle-dragging Scotch person/bantalad in sight.

People are shit. Sorry bout that. Cakes’ nice tho.

P. S. If someone is going to be a ****, let them - don't let them make you the ****

it's just other people - why are you choosing to let it upset you?

Sounds like a joke that's just got a bit tired and isn't funny any more - they'll realize at some point and stop.

Just look at them dead pan and say "still wheeling that old joke out egh?  You're welcome not to have any..."

@robhilton - yeah I am venting possibly the ultimate first world problem

gonna call your buttercream idea plan B (plan J?)

make one decorated as a roulette wheel

tell them you made this one specially for them - keep popping over to see who's had which piece

love to rip the piss and say that it’s my wife doing all the baking

They're just winding you up for fun. Only thing you can do is not let them. Just shrug and say "Yeah, whatever." Obviously people appreciate the cakes so just leave it at that.

Spike the next one with loads of chilli or similar,  then tip off the rest of the staff in advance 🙂

Bake the piss takers a "special" cake.

There must beca special ingredient you can add to theirs, courtesybof your wife.

I guess technically you are being harassed at work on the basis of your gender. So if you want you could have them all wiped out by HR.

Alternatively, tell them to f*** off and keep baking cakes. The middle ground would by to speak to them individually about it or if needed their manager.

No pudding for them !

We're hiring at the moment....

Take in one of those little skanky looking haggis from Tesco put that on one plate, then make your best 3 tiered carrot cake put it on the other plate. When one of the 4 go to get cake, stand up and say"woah I got you the haggis" if they try to go for the cake insist the haggis is theirs and the cakes for the others. They'll soon realise to pipe down when they become the joke.

Just take a break from doing it and when they or others ask why reply, 'do you need to ask?'

Just tell them you spat in the slices they had so they're wrong it was all your wife's work.

Are they Rangers or Celtic fans? Decorate cake in opposite team colours.

Or

Make a batch of cupcakes, but there's could be small/spicy hot/personalised.

Glaswegians, salt of the earth, so they keep telling me....

Take me in to work with you. I’ll stand next to the cake and any time one of them reaches for a piece I’ll grab it and eat it. I know it’s good of me to offer my services in such a way. I’m all about helping others.............

.......and cake

Tell them  ..... "Im raising a bit of money for charity this week. I'd like £2 a slice please"

You'll not see the Scots for dust.

And then the following week you'll have all the ammo you need for any of their wise cracks.

Good luck.

Sorry, you are being way too sensitive.

In a piss take environment saying that someone else other than you made it is a backhanded compliment- I.e. this is so good it can’t be your work. Take it for what it is and move on.

Actually thats not a bad shout.

Option A. They take a slice and don't pay. Spend all week slating them

Option B. They don't take a slice or pay they get a mild slating and you send an email round announcing the total and what charity will be next week

Option C. They just keep slating you and you just ignore it and srnd an email announcing total and announcing you'll do the same next month and will take requests for cake AND charity.

You continue to make something you enjoy making. people enjoy cake. Charity gets money.

Don't ask a price though just put a tin preferably that makes a noise "here that guys? Thats the sound of a not **** being not a ****. Whats your excuse?"

And put wheat in the gluten free and watch her face as she shits herself.

Ooh cake, an important topic at last.  You are being a tart.  Lighten up.  Are you sure it is not something else that is making you this sensitive, because getting wound up about something so trivial seems a bit.....well, tragic.

My SO likes to watch bake off, I don't mind it either tbh if it's on when I sit down.  I remember an episode where some old bloke got emotional about how much baking meant to him, mostly because there was nothing else in his rather sad life.  It was pathetic.  You sound a bit like that guy.  TO be serious for a moment, I think your resilience needs a bit of work.

Next time they start ripping the piss, would it hurt to just say 'ay, whatever' and get on with it?  Or just withhold cake, that will soon shut them up.

I’m left feeling abit embarrassed at them being dicks when I’m going out of my way to be nice.

And I suspect someone feels a bit embarrassed about you being so sensitive about nothing.  Accept that some people just don't care as much about cake as you do?

Please tell me that one of the Glaswegians is named Clint.

They obviously know which button to push... 🙂

Disconnect that button & retaliate in kind: “No, actually, YOUR wife* made it while I was s****ing her over your kitchen table”

*mum

Picolax?

Sounds like standard bantz to me.

Dont make it into an issue as it isnt one.

Longer version - 

You’ll not see the Scots for dust.

Not that old chesnut.

Disconnect that button & retaliate in kind: “No, actually, YOUR wife* made it while I was s****ing her over your kitchen table”

As someone who is currently sitting in Govan, I can verify that this is the correct response. Go for "daughter" instead if, old enough and, you really want to hit hard.

The cakes are irrelevant, it's banter; you've risen to it so it continues. They don't mean any harm. As you say, they're the younger ones, and they haven't learned that it can really upset people. They will accept the same aimed at them. Make a fluffy sponge with pink icing, tell them that since they insist your wife made the cakes she's made one specially for them (but have a solid fruit cake for the rest).

" Not that old chesnut"

Bantz mate innit

Although thinking about it .... That is what your wife said about you, last time i was round.

If their joking is over the top then remove their cake privileges.  When they complain or don’t take you seriously, tell them it was your wife’s idea.

Or think up some witty retorts, that insults them back

‘No cake for you, your wife told me in bed the other night that she thinks youre a fat bastard’ etc

’i only bake a cake after your mum gives me a BJ’   Fruit or sponge tomorrow?

Not that old chesnut

I wouldn't put them on a cake

Remember if a Weegie isn't insulting you it means they really don't like you

Is this a wind up?

I shouldn't really be telling you this but.....

Memorize this phrase for use the next time you feel intimidated by these Weegies.

" Aye right, daftie. I might bake cakes but Yer Da sells the Avon"

It's like Glaswegian Kryptonite. 😉

Remember if a Weegie isn’t insulting you it means they really don’t like you

This

and don't worry, it wont happen for long as the life expectancy of a weegie is not very long 😉

Just tell them their wife made it, and you picked it up when you popped over to satisfy her.

Perhaps they think you are bit of a delicate flour, and that’s why they keep egging you on? I wouldn’t rise to it. Don’t let them sponge off you any longer.

Have they not heard of Paul Hollywood? He's a chubby, middle-aged, male baker and I bet he gets a lot more (ahem) offers than any of them do... 😀

How good would that be....

To be a Gigolo .....  paid in cake.

Not sure about having to service middle age Glaswegian hens though

Basically, every time one of them opens their mouth, retort with - 'that's whit yer ma said, last time a wiz pumpin her'.

It's amazing how often it works, even when it makes no sense, the confused look is a joy.

Unless they've  been given a piece of cake and complained " That's a tiny portion"

Doesn't really work then , does it?  🙂

Then you have to resort to 'That's no whit yer ma said'.

C'mon Perchy.

C’mon Perchy.

That's whit yer ma said the last time ah wiz pumpin' her.

edit: ....whilst yer Da wis oot sellin' the Avon

Haha!

Did you see this at few years back?

https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/sport/football/399405/sky-sports-fall-for-hilarious-prank-about-new-aberdeen-signing-yerdas-selzavon/

Once heard at a Rangers v Celtic game - 'yer maws got baws and yer da loves it' being shouted at a player, was pretty funny as it was quiet at the time.

Bantz. Where do I start.

Deep fry the cake. This will cause them to cry as it shows you have the deepest respect for their ancient traditions,

Bantz. Where do I start.

:-).  The term has negative connotations, and often rightly so, as it can be an excuse to express prejudice based on race/sexuality/background or other inappropriate subject matter.  However, in this case we are talking about someone being overly sensitive after being wrongly accused, as a joke, of passing cakes off as his own when they were actually baked by his wife.  I think this is an example of where 'suck it up princess' is definitely not being used to sweep bigger issues under the rug.  It just seems bizarrely childish (the sensitivity, not the bantz, which yes, are also childish :-)).  The sort of thing my 2 year old niece might have a strop about.

the sweatys can jog on, bake a small confection of elaborate design and get a fancy box for it, have a laboured and over dramatic unveiling at your desk and take a few shots for instagram while the team look on, then smash it in one gob full making sure the sour cherry glaze and chocolate fondant drips down your chin.

to add a frisson of excitement to your day get some pucks of used coffee out of an espresso machine (your local artisan cafe can help here) and then carefully place them upside down on a plate and with icing do a zig-zag design on top and leave them in the communal fridge, wait for the gagging and grainy bitter tasting grains sprayed around the kitchen.

love to rip the piss and say that it’s my wife doing all the baking

"Well it wouldn't be your wife doing the baking as she was too busy sucking my xxxx"

Retaliate and escalate. From my experience of gobshite weegies they can give but they can't take, which is why you go in with the above. Next move would be to actually wee on their shoes, in the canteen. Let them know firmly that you've had enough.

ETA: or what nobeer said.

Apply to 'The Great British Bake Off'.

I don't think you're being too sensitive. It takes a lot of effort, time and skill to bake something of good quality that looks good.

If this were happening to me I'd be pretty fed up too.

Let them know firmly that you’ve had enough.

And forever be known as the cake guy with no sense of humour, that puts his foot down if his desserts aren't taken seriously?

The term has negative connotations, and often rightly so, as it can be an excuse to express prejudice based on race/sexuality/background or other inappropriate subject matter. However, in this case we are talking about someone being overly sensitive after being wrongly accused, as a joke, of passing cakes off as his own when they were actually baked by his wife.

Probably fair comment in this instance.

got any Picolax? or a set of bombers? Come on, this is STW.

And forever be known as the cake guy with no sense of humour, that puts his foot down if his desserts aren’t taken seriously?

After telling the pricks that he ****ed their wives and then literally pissing on them? I think he'll have a slightly different reputation after that.

So glad I work in an office without that sort of 'bantz'. They sound like ****s to me and it would wind me up as well.

2 options

1 - come and work for me, i love cake

2 - bake them a different cake, something good but with a little kick maybe, like some chilli, just for bantz

After telling the pricks that he **** their wives and then literally pissing on them? I think he’ll have a slightly different reputation after that.

Yeah, I didn't think the chances of the OP taking the pissing advice that literally was too high.  That would move him from princess to legend territory.

Last time I baked a cake for work (a salted caramel and nectarine sponge) the assistant manager was so impressed I ended up bedding her.

Such differing outcomes from our mutual love of baking cakes, eh OP!

popped your cherry bakewell?

I can't abide almonds I'm afraid.

Bake a penis-shaped cake, obviously.

Include a habanero or two next time (and brief the rest of the team).

Seems a logical extension of "just bantz, innit"

Oh you Scots and your wee b-yeasties

It's entirely the case that bantz is only bantz if everybody appreciates the joke but if someone came to me as a manager complaining that they were upset because their cake wasn't being sufficiently lauded, I would find it hard to take them seriously.  Just stop making cakes and get on with what you're being paid for.

just make them something like this: