[Closed] So the FIL is dead.....

bookmarked

I spent the first half of that post thinking that the guy was estranged!! Can't believe he's just lying in the living(!) room. Er...sorry for your loss?!?!

They're probably going to have to renew the sofa.

I can hear the wife recounting the tale to sister number 3, who has just stopped a card game to eventually answer the phone.

I'm trying to be consoling, but all my thoughts are quite selfish just now.

I think from the last phone call he might still be in the house, waiting or the body pick up truck to get him.

Hopefully the most responsible brother in law is on his way to make sure the body is moved. If not it may well be there until we turn up tomorrow.

HOw long does it take for a body to start smelling at 35 degrees?

"They sat around chatting about it, none of them liked him"

Brilliant - I'm going to do that with my FIL and then when he wakes up say sorry I thought you'd died

new bike time ?

They're probably going to have to renew the sofa.

[b]D[/b]ead [b]F[/b]ella [b]S[/b]itting ?

umm. Condolences and all that.

Weekend at [s]bernie's [/s] quirrel's

[img] [/img]

😯

How the other half lives.

Go ride your bike now and come back on Monday - they won't even notice that you're not there

BIL has arrived - last time BIL saw FIL was earlier in the week where FIL tried to hit him with a machete, because he thought he was being accused of stealing a buddha.

More to come. Hopefully the body has gone by now,

I think Quirrel's in-Laws don't live in the UK.

Where in the world is this fantastic tale unraveling?

BIL has arrived - last time BIL saw FIL was earlier in the week where FIL tried to hit him with a machete, because he thought he was being accused of stealing a buddha.

Those angry Buddhists!! Tut tut

Current phone conversation

Mrs Q - I know nobody liked him, but they could have at least moved the body or checked to see if he was alive.
BIL - He was always complaining he was sick when he wasn't. Why nobody checked. Nobody cares anyway.

I will be trying again in a minute to get her off the phone. Getting all worked up over something she can't do anything about.

There you go folks it's that fairy story, the old miserable, selfish, abusive twunt that cried wolf and said he felt sick when he wasn't.

I'm refraining from bringing up the need for a new sofa just now, never liked staying there as the miserable old twunt was always in the living room.

Where in the world is this fantastic tale unraveling?

Bangkok - we are a few hundred km up country.

I still can't work out if he has been picked up yet. My BIL is a taxi driver, so at least there is an easy solution there.

"you'll never guess who I had in the back of my cab the other day"

the MIL called in a few of her friends to see what they thought, if he was dead or not.......... thought he was just being a nob again so ignored him

Is it just me who's hoping that he's not really dead and just being a nob ?

EDIT : Because the family are so clearly devastated obviously.

^ Thing is, the family are so inept, that could be a possibility.

MIL was taking care of two nephews, both 8, they ran away, or at least they thought they had. So they sat around the house cryimg all day, eventually calling my wife at about 8pm to tell her. Kids had been missing for coming on 10 hours at this point.

They were found later hiding in the bedroom upstairs, nobody had even bothered to look anywhere.

So he may well be stil alive, and my holiday will still be shit because he will be there when I go on Sunday or Monday.....saying that he might still be there either way at this rate.

[img] [/img]

I don't think sorry for your loss is quite appropriate here. So a funny story instead.

When I was a kid we lived next to an odd, old couple. He was a giant, about 6'8" and she was an angry alcoholic. In the night, he'd gone into the bathroom and somehow died, collapsed on the floor with his legs and arms at odd angles. She meanwhile was comatose on Croft Original and whisky and hadn't noticed he had got up, not come back to bed, or indeed had presumably made a massive crash as he went down.

Until the next morning when she found him. With the joint effect of a massive hangover and a raging thirst, she called my folks in to help and then set to with the gin. Maybe a bit of gin before calling my folks, we'll never know. So by the time my parents had got the doctor and the undertaker there she was already halfcut.

But being 6'8", and with rigor mortis in his gangly arms and legs from a night on the floor, there was no way to get him into a body bag. So WingCo Warren made his last journey down his front passage and out of his front door in a semi upright position, covered with a bedsheet. The sight of this apparition passing the front window was enough to give the now paralytic Mrs Warren a severe attack of the heebeegeebees, and my mum who was 'comforting' her had a fit of the giggles that lasted several hours.

Ah, the 70's.

Oh it gets better.

So FIL was on the sofa all day, cold and lifeless. MIL has just said, when she first called, he had actually got up off the sofa, and collapsed on the floor, so she again got some friends around to look at him, then called my wife, never bothering to mention that he had just collapsed and was possibly still alive.

Wife is all upset that she could have called an ambulance now.....not in Bangkok traffic she couldnt have.

Thread of the year coming up before my eyes

[img] [/img]

EDIT oops,should have added,my condolences to you and your family.

Sorry for your loss/regain (delete as appropriate)

The cadaver must be starting to smell now in the humidity??

^ I did just mention that, and got a look of death, but tried again more tactfully, and she knows he will be off to the morgue or temple or somewhere.

MIL disposed of our cat by chucking him in the bin, so not sure if that is an option, the neighbour has a large wheelie bin.

Don't get rid of him yet, there's a boatload of practical jokes just begging for a situation like this. The selfie potential alone is phenomenal.

Condolences etc.

[i]got a look of death[/i]

not sure that's the best metaphor, under the circs?

........called my wife, never bothering to mention that he had just collapsed and was possibly still alive.

I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose - it probably just slipped her mind. It's clearly a difficult time for her.

My thoughts are with his family and all who knew him.

Can you hire a good ventriloquist?

Jeff Dunham?

Jeff Dunham

Jeff Dunham?

No, it seems like natural causes, Jeff's innocent.

Rich, coat, now!

*applause*

Don't encourage him
😉

There was a Father Ted episode like this...

Sounds to me like the MIL and her cohorts are incapable of making decisions themselves and seek validation from others.

I assume the old fella is now properly dead having had one attempt at reincarnation end with him on the floor?

Whatever happens next, I wish you the best.

^ Decision making , or lack thereof, is cultural thing.

Things I have learnt tonight - people come to the house and embalm at the house before leaving the body there for collection the next day.

All the family, who detested the old man, the ones who kicked him out of their house, who refused to let him stay, and never supported him (not that he deserved it anyway), are now all doing the "I feel guilty he is dead thing" trying to out guilt each other.

He was a despicable person, abusive, mean, and didn't care about his family. The stories my wife told me early on in our relationship stuck with me, ad I never had time for him, still don't now. years ago, maybe a bit longer, mum had had enough of the beatings, and the threats to kill her. He never worked, and when he did have money he spent it on his friends.

He was kicked out by her mum about 18 years ago or so, rather than get a job and do something useful he became a monk, and spent the next 18 years being kicked out of temples for not following the rules. It got to a point about 3 years ago where we had a friend begging a temple to take him in, and they were refusing as he had such a poor reputation.

I suspect that there will be a massive fight with the family as well as apart from her mum and younger sister, the rest are scum. They will try to out guilt each other but when it comes to paying for the funeral, all eyes will be on my wife and her younger sister as they are the only two that could ever be arsed to make anything of their lives.

when he did have money he spent it on his friends

Well at least he had one redeeming quality. Generosity is a virtue.

Hopefully they will focus on that when the eulogy is delivered at his funeral.

OP - do you have any relatives in Maryland, USA?

[url= http://www.wusa9.com/story/news/local/maryland/2015/05/22/maryland-mother-pushing-dead-son-swing/27788797/ ]http://www.wusa9.com/story/news/local/maryland/2015/05/22/maryland-mother-pushing-dead-son-swing/27788797/[/url] 😯

WTF x infinity.

I hope your wife isn't nuts.

Sorry for your loss.

What a bunch of weirdos. Feel sorry for your wife and you.

This thread. 😯 What. The. ****?

miserable old twunt was always in the living room.

might have to rename the room.

😆

Well this was interesting...

Is this real? In 2015?

MIL says that she noticed he wasn't moving and was cold this morning a good 18 hours ago, but thought he was just being a nob again so ignored him.

That's gold

5 days of mourning has started.

I've been to see him and either he is a good actor or he is dead, he didn't move much when alive though. Washing the deals hand is an odd thing to do.

Washing the deals hand is an odd thing to do

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Did you fly over? Or were you already in the country?

^ drove we are about 200km away. I;ve left the wife to the madness and taken our 4 year old away for a few days. Not really the right place for an excitable 4 year old.

I imagine if she grabbed grandads hand one last time, as it was hanging out to being washed it might all go a bit benny hill.

This is why STW is so good. Just occasionally you get absolute classics.

It's just like Father Ted as gwaelod said.

Different cultures etc

This so needs to made into a sitcom

I'm still hopeful of a reenactment of the funeral scene from 'What we did on our holiday'

But with less affection

Thai's are a special breed eh!

I bet his pockets had been gone through!

You say he was lazy and selfish,are you SURE he is dead and not just trying to get a free bed bath?*

*Posted because the OP is listing in a similar vein.

Is it an Irish thing to bring the body home for an overnight stay? I've got a shed for that.

Spent a fair bit of time in Thailand none of this surprises me.
Was only there yesterday and i miss the crazy place 🙁

Best to use the string and bell.

In case he wakes up 6 feet under.

In the spirit of the thread:

Is he still dead?

You mention he was lazy.

Are you sure he wasn't just dead?

Wow. Just... Wow 😯

[img] [/img]

So where to start:

5 days of mourning in short, from a miserable gits view, in a lengthier than normal post.

Arrived at temple on Saturday, dropped wife off, took daughter away for the night, possibly two to get away and let MrsQ take care of the shit storm that was brewing. Headed out to the countryside to see old friends

Sunday, feeling hungover, I need to inspect some furniture shops for work. During this MrsQ calls up asking if I am coming back. Call came about 2 minutes before I had planned to splash out and stop at the Renaissance hotel for the night.

Head home, to find that the house is being over run by the cast of last of the summer wine, Thailand, and a Thai look alike competition for the drunk father in Father Ted. They maybe managed a half set of teeth between them.

This is the point where I realise that coming back was a bad move. These are country folk, and the only way to communicate is to shout over the top of each other, while drinking Lao Kao and beer.

I speak to Mrs. Q, do you want me to stop in a local hotel for a few nights to free up the bedroom, you can squat there with the rest of the tribe. Mrs Q agress so I book into a nice local hotel.

I stop overnight, ear plugs with me, I can just about manage the noise, the dogs barking, the people shouting, the inlaws shouting louder and louder over the top of each other. I only nearly snapped once, when aunty, uncle, or whatever behemoth it was at the top of the stairs came up them and then proceeded to shout down stairs to continue her conversation, before walking back down having done nothing.

The scum stayed down stairs for the first night, never daring to venture up and meet the slightly irritated, but trying to be pleasant because their relative had deiewd foreigner.

Monday morning, plans in place to go to a hotel Mrs Q asks me not to go, can I cope with the hoarde, in a moment of unselfishness, I said OK. It was about this point where a drunken, toothless creature climbed the stairs, pissed all over the toilet floor and broke a tap at 7:30am in the morning. 50 quid lighter from cancellation, I can see this was a mistake.

I took miniQ out for the day and left. Driving in Bangkok traffic is more appealling than listening to the BS downstairs.

The evening, I returned to find the hoarde appears to have now multiplied consideraby, there is now 25 or so people, camped out in the downstairs living area. We may now have a full set of teeth. The noise is louder than ever, and some I half recognise - a couple of brothers of the father, and some estranged neices and nephews, odd, not sure why they are here, but anyway.

I chinned the chiuwawawawawa that one of them left down stairs when they went to the temple that evening. Either that or I let it free, it followed me upstairs, jumped on my bed and pissed on it, so I locked it in the outside kitchen area hoping the neighborhood snake got it.

Tuesday came - We had family business at a land registry office, so had to go. We all escape.

Mrs Q needs to unload - a shortened version.

Mrs Q contacted most close relatives, said if you have money come, I will feed you , and let you sleep, otherwise don;t worry.

Mrs Q brother called every estranged waste of space oyxgen zapping piece of fecal matter and told them he, MRs Q really, would give them whisky, food and money to go home.

Mrs Q is livid, brother is a moron, we now have even more people that didnt give a shit about her dad here and they want feeding.

MRs Q scum sister number 1 announces to everybody if she was getting insurance money for her dead father, she would be buying them all boxes of whisky and beer not just the single bottles Mrs Q was buying

Mrs Q ripped her apart in front of the family, a rare thing for her to do, telling scum sister 1 that she can have the insurance money if she wants it and she is welcome to buy everybody what they want, it would be the first time she has ever done this. A classic loss of face move there by Mrs Q, and well executed.

The vast majority, read all, of the people down stairs never cared about her dad, had no interest in him in life and only with the 5 day free party have they come out of the woodwork.

Oh look there is cousin number 3 or 4, isn't that the one that aborted her first child with a coat hanger and a bottle of coke in the school toilets.

We got away for the morning . it was nice, and then Mrs Q found out that scum family had not visited dad in the morning or lunch to take him food, yes he is dead still, it's a buddhist thing.

Scum family hoarde were too busy, I assume drinking from 6am again, to bother, although they all sounded as if it was important.

Scum sister 1 &2 discuss insurance money and splitting it, MRs Q again reminds them they can do what they want, they seem happy with this.

The hoarde is at breaking point, they are using the upstairs bathroom, and I have to keep the doors locked upstairs as we are now sitting on about 2,000 pounds in 'tambon' or merit money from the relatives and neighbours, mainly neighbours, probably given in relief that FIL is now gone.

There must be 30 of them now.

Today is funeral day, lots of changes of plan, I kept thinking it will be over soon. Traipse to the temple 9am, sit arounde, watch monks eat, get bored, leave to get some food as miniQ and I don't fancy worms or food poisoning, come back, crowd is now at 50 or so strong, appears we miossed the walking around the temple bit, but still time for photos at the coffin with the family.

Death flowers - get them from monks, chuck them on the coffin before it burns. VERY VERY VERY bad luck to give to a living person, must only be picked up off a tray. Caught naughty neice 1 trying to give her flower to Mini Q, gave her a right good bilingual bollocking for that.

Aftermath - still 15 people downstairs, I don't know why. I don't care anymore. I've got a pile of cash to sort out with Mrs Q, greedy relatives that want to know how much it is.

Some nonsense about picking up ashes tomorrow and lots of crocodile tears rolling down scum sisters and brothers eyes every so often.

Talks of what to do with dads ashes. Scum siblings have all said chuick him in the river he would like that, I know the real reason is none of them can be bothered visiting him in the temple wall or house if they keep him here.

Death brings out the worst in people, and when they are bad already, it magnifies it exponentially.

Mrs Q wonders why she is so soft with her family, she feels sad that she couldn't help her dad, and yet she was the only one who did.

Normality will resume soon. I hope.

I hope you find some peace

^I will, i'm popping into the Bangkok site tomorrow to do some work.

Bloody hell.

Glad you're nearly out the other side of it all 🙁

Wife is all upset that she could have called an ambulance now.....not in Bangkok traffic she couldnt have.

Remember being sat in a traffic jam in BKK. There was an Ambulance just in front with blues on just sitting there, unable to move as no one would move.

Wonderful country with some very strange ways.

THere has been campaigns recently on TV to try and educate people on this, it worked, for the few weeks the ads were on, and now it is back to normal.

If you are in an ambulance, you are pretty much stuffed, better chance being thrown in the back of the first responding pickups and being raced to hospital

I'm sorry but that little rant earlier doesn't belong on here Quirrel, that needs to be on the stage, I'm imagining it being delivered by Billy Connolly.

When's the movie out ?

You must really love Mrs Q! I spent a couple of months in Thailand in my youth; loved the place for a visit, but there is no way in hell I'd marry into it! Your posts in this thread have reinforced some of the prejudices I came away with (I appreciate that this comes over a bit 'I'm not racist but..'; I'm not proud of myself either!).

Remember being sat in a traffic jam in BKK. There was an Ambulance just in front with blues on just sitting there, unable to move as no one would move.

Wonderful country with some very strange ways.

People will move closer to the vehicle in front to stop an ambulance getting a head of them. Over here, ambulances are treated as queue jumpers.

Bangkok or Telford?

No one is ever prepared for a sudden loss like this but I hope that during this difficult time you may draw some comfort in the knowledge that your late dearly departed father-in-law is now at peace. Please accept my sincere condolences and congratulations.

MIL says that she noticed he wasn't moving and was cold this morning a good 18 hours ago, but thought he was just being a nob again so ignored him.

😆

Funniest thing I have read in months.