[Closed] So, Iv'e been prescribed...

My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shit

Or sew it seems.....

My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shit

Sounds a bit poo

I've just bought my girlfriend a new fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

"Dad, dad, there's a man at the door with a bill!"

"Don't be daft son, it must be a duck with a hat on."

Got stung by a bee the other day.
50 quid for a jar of honey.

Well my iPad ruined my joke.

I bought a cheap thesaurus the other day.
It was so terrible it was terrible.

DrP

I went looking for some camouflage trousers today.

Couldn't find any.

I’m supposed to take at least one Viagra a day but I’m finding it too hard.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I didn't think I'd get a reaction

I'd tell you a joke about UDP but I don't know if you'd get it.

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. C'mon, are you telling me that's a coincidence?

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

The easiest way to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.

I entered my missus into a saggy tits competition the otherday.

She wiped the floor with them.

Tragedy at the chocolate factory up the road the other day.

A man was crushed after a tonne of chocolate bars fell on him.

Unfortunately, when he shouted ‘The Milky Bars are on me’, everyone cheered

Paddy Irishman, Paddy English Man and Paddy Scotch Man walk into a bar
Bartender asks: "Is this some kind of joke?"

I'v got a sister that works for the gas board, if you wana meter

Had to go to Casualty because I couldn't get my trousers off.

The doctor had to perform an emergency tracky-bottomy.

I said to a toddler I met in the street oneday...

"Stop letting them push you around."

I just got arrested for killing a man with sandpaper
I only meant to rough him up a bit

What do you get when you cross an Owl with a Skunk?
A smelly bird that doesn't give a hoot,

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Scott
Scott who?
Scott nothing to do with you!

Had to go to Casualty because I couldn’t get my trousers off.

The doctor had to perform an emergency tracky-bottomy.

Pinched. 🙂

Likewise.

Timodine.

For that horrible patch on my palm.

I’d tell you a joke about UDP but I don’t know if you’d get it.

tell them the multicast joke, everyone will get it

A couple of dogs were sat in the kitchen chewing the fat.
First dog “I heard a good joke today”
Second dog “Go on then”
First dog “Knock Kno.....
Second dog leaps up and goes berserk