[Closed] Singletrack Forum glossary

STW - Same Ten Wakners

Vortex of Mechanical Failure - On a group ride where one rider suffers a puncture closely followed by another snapping a seat post bolt and so on until somebody breaks a crank/frame/their neck.

Usually in a howling gale.

'Making progress' - I'm not actually a cyclist but post on STW as well as Pistonheads because I like buying bike parts.

This is going to end up with someone bumming baby robins with frozen sausages.

IANAL, I am not a lawyer (other variations such as Dr, plumber, epidemiologist apply). I've no experience of the subject matter at hand but I have an opinion which should be treated as absolute and irrefutable fact. This differs from posts not prefixed with IANAL only in so much as the poster accepts their lack of knowledge in the field and feels their opinion is more accurate for it.

I can see the Isle of Man – What every member of the MNPR traditionally says when at the top of any hill in North West England. Irrespective of whether it is cloudy, raining or dark.

TJ = twerpJerk

TJ = twerpJerk

I had to check twice as to who posted that!

WWSTWD - What Would Single Track World Do - usually posed before a question with a blindingly obvious answer which everyone then gives but this is not the answer the OP was looking for.

The OP in this scenario usually has their own idea and gets increasingly enraged when the forum does not act as their echo chamber 😉

For example - I got caught red handed stealing some frozen sausages from Tesco and nailing them into my neighbours mulberry bush. Whilst I know stealing is wrong neither the store nor the neighbour had the requisite warnings up that CCTV cameras were in operation and besides my neighbour is a dick and I am a completely rational person and laws do not generally apply to me. I want to contest these charges but WWSTWD?

This is going to end up with someone bumming baby robins with frozen sausages.

Whatever happened to the more traditional 'owning with bombers'?

I

B

T

L

In Before The Lock.

i can see that this thread is going down the toilet but I'm determined to be in on it even though I have no / am scared to share my opinion.

I have no useful contribution to make

In honesty that's a fairly good summary of the forum.

Edit, all the more so now you deleted your concise reply and replaced it with acronyms.

Whatever happened to the more traditional ‘owning with bombers’?

Or 'wee in their shoes'?

TLDR - Take a Long Dump Reading (STW of course)

What tyres for...? = What component can I easily blame in case of ooops?

Or ‘wee in their shoes’?

I believe they were traded for a brief spell of "hoof in the slats" before settling into various combinations of the words.

Hammer, dog, lawn, bum, frozen.

BBB = Big Bike Bash*

*I might have mentioned this amazing event before

Louise = Your girlfriend

Modulation - controlled braking whilst listening to Paul Weller's back catalogue

Baby Robin. The most hardcore animal in the universe. Could batter a Honey Badger with four of its tentacles tied behind it's back. And four testicles. Takes many forms from a small ant like insect to a fish of Blue Whale proportions.

This thread reminds me of the Urban Dictionary entry for STW.

singletrackworld
A website populated by portly mid life crisis sufferers with delusions of gradeur, who think that riding around on an expensive push bike somehow makes up for their dull job in engineering or IT.

Various cliques can be found on this website. The most amusing being the ones who pretend to like something purely so they can be on first name terms with a washed up ex bike journalist come budget bike company owner or some muppet who draws pictures of sheep and waffles on in a pretentious manner. The actual condiment is more entertaining.
"I'm an overwieght, stuffy, pompous engineer with a lack of personality is there anywhere I can go to have petty arguements with people just like me?"
"Of course there is, try singletrackworld"
by chipps October 31, 2007

Technical route: a road ride with a roundabout

Gnarpoon - frighteningly expensive enduro bike that spends its life on the Swindley forest blue

Cockpit : trying to make handlebars sound exciting

Forum Update - it's 2009 again.

PSA an opportunity to purchase something you dont really need cheap enough you think it wont piss your other half off

Cockpit : trying to make handlebars sound exciting

Cockpit : the Brexit thread.

Gravel bike with flat bars; a hybrid.

DE razor - Dangerously Expensive alternative to a philishave

compliant (adjective)

the term used by armchair metallurgists to describe the way a bike frame responds when they survive rolling off a poorly installed dropped kerb

Antonym: Harsh

harsh (adjective)

the term used by armchair metallurgists to describe the way you can lose an arm, or a testicle, by rolling  your bike off a poorly installed dropped kerb

****OS - There was a thread on Singletrack - when explaining to someone else.

Some bank in some town down south somewhere, can't remember which bank or small town, but there's some teh techist singletrack bomb drops stair gaps and gnarly stuff round the back.

-- what southerners say and pretend about their local trails footpaths around fields when they can't get to real mountains often enough - anonymous southerner.

Reasonably priced = expensive.

A bit spendy = outrageously, jaw droppingly expensive.

Expensive = Tom Howard already has one. 🙂

‘Gription’. Usually used when there isn’t any grip/traction.

Red Mark - what you get if you post anything querying the STW business model

Peddles / peddels and breaks - Pedals and Brakes, just spelt badly

Shredit - 10 minutes of shaky footage detailing some dull trail centre section ridden at low speed that the poster thinks everyone will enjoy.

Swinley Northshore - Approximately 100m of boardwalk raised 1ft above ground level

Brant, Brant, Brant - desperate cry for help from On-One / PX customer services

Some bank in some town down south somewhere, can’t remember which bank or small town, but there’s some teh techist singletrack bomb drops stair gaps and gnarly stuff round the back.

— what southerners say and pretend about their local trails when they can’t get to real mountains often enough – anonymous southerner.

I think you'll find that's behind the Nationwide in Swindon.

Cockpit : trying to make handlebars sound exciting

Also see Steed / Sled - the same, but this time talking about the bicycle in general.

<<insert word here>> track world - I'm having an issue with my diction but I'm oh so pithy

IIRC - I can't be asrsed to google it so I'll just guess

Any reference to behind Nationwide in Swindon = easy, urban trails.

Child's face

Theoretical motion arresting device for all badly handled high speed / high impact solid objects.

Not to be confused with the contents of a nappy if your spell checker is broken. If mishandled this can become one of the aforementioned high speed/high impact solid objects but also offers a liquid variation.

I see my reputation precedes me.

Whats ATGNI or MCWCB?

or, my favourite, SBLW.

😉

No pudding - a situation in which someone feels hard done by when, in fact, it is a perfectly reasonable example of cause and effect.

Reasonably priced = expensive.

A bit spendy = outrageously, jaw droppingly expensive.

Expensive = Tom Howard already has one. 🙂

I snorted my bottled water that came from a mountain range but tastes just like the council pop that comes out of the tap

I'm concerned about the lack of hierarchy in what are considered appropriate responses to perceived slights.

Logically you'd escalate from 'Wee in shoes' to 'Hoof in Slats' before even considering the full-body contact that is 'own with bombers'. And yet posters use them interchangeably. It's an unacceptable lack of rigour.

And where do frozen sausages and lawns fit in this taxonomy? What happens if the slight-er does not own any kind of garden? Glacial Pig fired through the letterbox?

I'm sure it's not just me who is understandably upset.  I'd expect better, frankly.

Sticker - used to describe any paint blemish/or imminent catastrophic frame failure

I would not ride that - used to describe what not to do following discovery of above sticker. Also see Louise

Coke and Hookers - what to buy with any windfall
Ling (see also Ling, Ling, Ling) - great deals on Lease cars and as mad as a box of unopened Frogs

Logically you’d escalate from ‘Wee in shoes’ to ‘Hoof in Slats’ before even considering the full-body contact that is ‘own with bombers’. And yet posters use them interchangeably. It’s an unacceptable lack of rigour.

I'm afraid you're mistaken. It's not that sort of scale.
Wee in shoes isn't a lesser reaction than owning with bombers. The escalation from either of those is weeing in shoes and and owning with bombers.

Well that just seems unnecessarily messy 😉 I could see - in the heat of the moment - being threatened to be owned with shoes or a fork-lube-wee scenario.

Still my daughter had to explain "yeet" to me at least three times, so I'll just have to move on.

Oh and anyway who finishes a post with IANAL is really killing electrons superflously. Reading their actual post makes their lack of legal qualifications explict 🙂

"Center Parcs"

When you park it right in the centre.

Reading their actual post makes their lack of legal qualifications explict 🙂

You mean how their opinion doesn't start with a demand for payment?

“Center Parcs”

When you park it right in the centre.

Was expecting a joke about parking at the rear, if I'm honest.

This isn't mum's net tom

You mean how their opinion doesn’t start with a demand for payment?

I didn't. But from now on I will 🙂

And where do frozen sausages and lawns fit in this taxonomy?

I don't want to go off at a tangent and I may have asked this before but, where did this little running gag come from? I don't recall the original thread.

I don’t want to go off at a tangent and I may have asked this before but, where did this little running gag come from? I don’t recall the original thread.

It was a short lived thread moaning about over zealous moderation, I don't think you were invited, though you may have been paged once or twice.

In honesty I think it started in a thread a year or two ago moaning about a neighbour (possibly their lack of control over their dog) and was made as a half serious suggestion.

Will I die? - Used to question the potential effects of riding a frame with a sticker on it, a horrible bodge designed to get you out of a hole the day before your uplift day, or some other curious approach to problem solving that probably doesn't involve just getting a replacement part (either because you can't, or it's spendy).

"Fix it with a spoon"

Closely followed by Al claiming "it wasn't a spoon"

£500+VAT. The buyout clause/cancellation fee of any contract.

I belive I saw the lawn sausage thing on piston heads 1st

Mumsnet-beaker people. An online encyclopedia of all things penis beaker

What is "rule no 1" ?

What is “rule no 1” ?

Fight Club....

You just broke it (Don't be a dick is the real rule one.).

AIBU - am I being unreasonable?

Typically someone says "an old lady lost control of her shopping trolley in the Surbiton Waitrose car park and it put a tiny dent in my 17 year old VW Polo. She admitted full responsibility so I took her details and phoned her later that day to say that my local VW main dealer want £8,000 to repair the dent the size of a pea in my old shitbox car (it really wasn't in great shape anyway but this is the ideal opportunity to make amends for when my ever-loving partner reversed the Polo into an oil tanker). By demanding the old lady pays for this repair, she gets to pay for her transgressions and I get my VW back into tip-top shape. After all she's old and admitted it was her fault. AIBU?"

Weapons grade bell end

Any reference to behind Nationwide in Swindon = easy, urban trails.

Disagree. Usually deployed facetiously when someone asks where a particularly gnarly riding video was filmed, or to humourously disparage another riding spot.

e.g. "Yeah Whistler's alright, but there's better stuff in the woods behind Nationwide in Swindon".

AIBU

Don't see that on here really. Did you get this browser window mixed up with Mumsnet?

Will I die? – Used to question the potential effects of riding a frame with a sticker on it, a horrible bodge designed to get you out of a hole the day before your uplift day, or some other curious approach to problem solving that probably doesn’t involve just getting a replacement part (either because you can’t, or it’s spendy).

Well there's that, or there's the other alternative, "I'm going to hit up Llandegla blue this weekend, my rear High Roller II got one corner nob bitten off by my trail hound, and I can only find a Forekaster to replace it. Will I die?"

one corner nob bitten off by my trail hound, and I can only find a Forekaster to replace it.

Or with a cat with a penchant for sudocream and conveyor belts

I belive I saw the lawn sausage thing on piston heads 1st

I believe you may be right, that rings bells now you come to mention it.

What is “rule no 1” ?

More widely known (perhaps) as Wheaton's Law.

AIBU – am I being unreasonable?

That's straight outta Mumsnet.

Weapons grade bell end

I'm pretty sure I can take responsibility for coining that one.

Ironically.

Weapons grade bell end

Mrs gd dislikes this quite a lot. I take a different view. Conveniently it also works well with a number of other insults

Back in the early days of stw (oooh look at me! I’m a never-band or reincarnated, legendary heavy hitter and never controversial).
Asking for a mate: it’s really your only mate. Double psychology not yourself.
50k to spend on a Car. So which Skoda?

That’s straight outta Mumsnet.

That's gonna need an 18 certificate due to violence, language, gang membership and downright weird sexual proclivities

"How do I find out the email of the boss of [insert name of component co here]"

Translation: the easily fitted part I bought is now broken, mostly because of my own ham-fisted inability to follow a simple step by step instruction leaflet that could've been followed by a dyslexic 5 year old. I've contacted the company in question but now nearly an hour has passed and they haven't admitted shameful culpability and sent me a new one, and being an entitled boomer I'm disgusted by their lack of obsequiousness, and demand to know the name and and email address of the person in charge so that I can demand recompense

Right wing - anyone who doesn't physically vomit at the sight of a member of the Conservative party.

Boomer - a term used by people in their 20s or 30s erroneously deployed to describe people slightly older than themselves who don't spend all of their wages on 8 different streaming services, the latest Apple products, smashed avocados on toast and five Starbucks choccamoccachinos per day hence they can afford to buy a small modest house and get on the housing ladder as they stayed in and saved up.

Translation: the easily fitted part I bought is now broken, mostly because of my own ham-fisted inability to follow a simple step by step instruction leaflet

I think you'll find this is rarely the cause for escalating to contacting the ceo it's just the sample group has been inexplicably skewed over the last 18 months.

When normal service resumes it'll be more commonly down to having to replace the part that's been knackered (read clicks slightly) for months but has remained in daily use until the day before flying on holiday. The part having not being delivered within 23hr 59min means the entire holiday for a family of 5, lest the op has to spend the whole time in the company of their own progeny, will have to be cancelled and crc will have to pay for it.

Boomer – a term used by people in their 20s or 30s erroneously deployed to describe people slightly older than themselves who don’t spend all of their wages on 8 different streaming services, the latest Apple products, smashed avocados on toast and five Starbucks choccamoccachinos per day hence they can afford to buy a small modest house and get on the housing ladder as they stayed in and saved up.

That made me chuckle - discovered last night that a couple of 19 year olds who I know via Scouting have just bought a house together! 19 ffs!

discovered last night that a couple of 19 year olds who I know via Scouting have just bought a house together! 19 ffs!

Boomers !!!