[Closed] Since having kids I really miss...

I just flounced on organising me and the boys annual spring mountain biking trip cos all the ones with babies/young kids were being rubbish and either not committing to dates or kept changing their mind.

Just go mountain biking on my bloody own for the weekend. Fed up stopping and waiting for the ones who can't afford droppers stopping constantly to put their seats up/down

We used to go to see my wife's folks in America in November and sometimes in spring.. cost us £800 for the two of us. Now, because we have to go in school holidays, it costs us about £3,500....

You set aside time everyday to teach your kids to behave like neds?

That's dedication.

It's no wonder Ayrshire's in the state it's in if these are the lengths you're prepared to go to.

😆

When you coming down to the 'shire for some decent biking anyway? We'll get Iainc doon anaw, film him for a bit, bound to faceplant at some point, bingo - £250 from Harry hill....

The one thing I genuinely miss about life pre children is the luxury of taking a dump in peace.

While I agree that kids does have an impact, I often wonder how much is self-imposed and attitude. My sister in law and husband have one 5 year old - they spent the last week with us wondering how we cope with three of them, working and still get proper days out and carry on with life... The answer is we choose to and choose not to let our life be overly dominated by kids stuff and activities, and that we brought our kids up (with other 'outdoor families') locally to enjoy being outdoors.
Yes when they were little the adventures were smaller. Yes we did lots of walks in woods and halfway up hills. Mrs_OAB and I had to book in time to ride, run, walk or have weekends with friends out adventuring. Now they are the age they are, we are being dragged out by them to go have adventures.

the Lesson is to get being a Man-Child out of the way before you go and spawn... I'd love to bugger off with my bike every other Friday and not come back till Sunday night, but the reality is that I have committed to something more important than just maintaining my own pleasure/happiness...

I know various other Dads, some are more involved than others with their kids, I seem to be more towards the [i]"family before mates or work"[/i] end of the scale but make some time for riding/seeing friends...

Those friends that chuck a hissy because you can't come to the Pub or for a weekend away at the drop of a hat seem to have fallen by the wayside...

The thing that strikes me now (as others have mentioned) is just how much time I seem to have squandered Pre-parenthood... That will probably inform any advice I give others considering kids.

But yeah I'd love to plan grand expeditions or go riding, more, it's not going to happen any time soon.
By increments my "freedom" has come back as they've grown up, I get the odd day here and there now, and I will get more "Me time" back the older they get, but ultimately I really quite like being a Dad, it's not a chore to me, odd as it might sound I actually love my Family...

aye, very good nobeer 🙂

When you coming down to the 'shire for some decent biking anyway?

I don't go to the 'shire. Too many neds. 😉

I prefer to stay in the 'Shire among my own kind.

I could maybe be persuaded if you could arrange an hour's uninterrupted access to a toilet, however.

(just for me - not an invitation)

The answer is we choose to and choose not to let our life be overly dominated by kids stuff and activities

That's not always the issue though.

In our house my kids want my attention; they just want me around spending time with them.

perchy - are you likely to break into a rendition of Careless Whisper.... ? 🙂

perchy - are you likely to break into a rendition of Careless Whisper.... ?

🙂

If you like.

I can tell from your medical records that you're a big fan of WHAM!

I've been relatively lucky with my kids. I've had to stop doing a lot of stuff, but I've kept up the stuff I really like.

Hopefully my mates realise I'm just busy a lot more, if not they're fairly lacking in empathy/self absorbed.

The only thing I really miss is doing my own thing and not feeling guilty - I try to climb and race velodrome (winter) or MTB (summer) one evening each a week. The two evenings always end up being consecutive, and I feel guilty about beign away from the kids 2 evenings in a row, especially now both are old enough to question my whereabouts!

I think it's important to realise that you can plan the odd weekend away, it is hard to be as spontaneous though, and I've managed far fewer weekends away since having kids.

Can't wait until they're little biking/climbing buddies for me though 🙂

Oh and while I'm here, I think it is important to keep up your own sports/activities and set a good example to the kids. I really don't get the "I am only a parent and nothing else" school of thought.

happiness
sex
free time
clean things
travel
the woman i married....

I sacrificed a lot last year to remain child free for these reasons
Fair play to those who manage to have a happy life with kids but its not for everyone

Oh it does get better. Although my two daughters haven't followed in my footsteps/tyre tracks my son has 🙂
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Spoilt when they were younger due to in-laws living in the Yorkshire Dales.

[quote=cookeaa ] I have committed to something more important than just maintaining my own pleasure/happiness...

The "more important" part is debatable

But despite all the activities i've given up since kids the one thing I miss the most are my Sunday afternoon naps on the settee in front of the F1. There is nothing like F1 to send you off to sleep, but with kids around there are no afternoon naps on the settee. Within seconds of you dropping off into a nice peaceful slumber you'll be woken up in the most startling way by the little tykes jumping on your chest or something.

I'm not proud of it but when Moto GP is on I pay my kids to leave the room and only come back in when I shout for a beer from the fridge (it makes me feel warm inside).

I shout for a beer from the fridge (it makes me feel warm inside).

You might have mixed up your fridge and your oven?

I miss my kids when I'm at work.

I miss a bit of peace and quiet when I'm at home.

Otherwise I try not to be too sentimental for the things I used to do when things were different, concentrating on what's good now and not wishing for something you can't have is good for your mental health.

Honestly, given the choice of spending a weekend away riding somewhere new, or spending time with the kids, I'd pick the kids every time. Especially at the age they are now (7 & 8)

New dad here, doing ok on the riding front.. though somewhat selfishly have booked a days holiday tomorrow explicitly to get out on bike 😳

The only thing I nitice missing is cheeky pints post work. Am bein left home alone next w/e though so am thinking its time micro-ferral experienced watching a 6N game in the local 😆

The thing that strikes me now (as others have mentioned) is just how much time I seem to have squandered Pre-parenthood...

that's what I miss the most. the freedom to do nothing.

i ride bikes more now that I did before having children because I can't just go whenever I want, when I get the opportunity I take it.

As an outsider, I do genuinely wonder if a lot of the above is:

a) Bollocks written by damaged individuals expressing parenting ability in the online world that is staggeringly not met in the real world?

b) Really ace parenting?

c) Hyper parenting that is going to lead to a good few tears when the Entertainment Team is no longer on 24*7 speed dial?

Mostly b's I'd guess but I bet there's a few a & c's, too.

Very good perchypanther.. Sharp as ever.

Have 3 girls.. 4,6,8...

Just really starting to get my life back a bit. I go for a weekly road ride with another dad whose a cat 2 racer.. I call it a ride but it's more of a just about hang on to his wheel type thing.

I've pretty much sacrificed surfing for bikes. I rarely see my mates socially. I think you just have to accept the situation.. Plan, adapt, change and make the most of the snippets of escaped freedom. I plan on doing a few small bikepacking trips, a few races and maybe give CX racing another crack in the autumn. Hopefully the oldest (8) will be up for a few overnight bivvy / wildcamp adventures in the summer and hopefully teach her to surf properly this year. Luckily she's already been badgering me about going back to brechfa again..

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Well if we're sharing offspring pictures in an attempt to [s]show off[/s] encourage the OP, I will play too.

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The modern father has to be a master of Time Management.

I'm in the gym 3 times a week, generally at 6.30am. I can get an evening ride in when i feel like it but I tend to go when the kids are in bed.

My ride windows are early Saturday mornings (and Sunday mornings outside of rugby season), which is when I grab the CX bike for between 2 and 4 hours.

MTB days out coincide with the wife/kids going to non-dad-friendly places (that'll be London then).

My boys are getting to the age where proper MTBing is becoming a real possibility, which fills me with hope.

We went to Tignes last year and the eldest did a "easy" 12km DH trail off the gondola on his 20in wheeled islabike. He's on 24in wheeled hardtail this year and we're off to Coed-y-Brenin, so I'm really looking forward to that!

Getting out for a bike ride of 2-3 hours is ok in our house now, finally.

What's hard is doing a family bike ride then doing another proper bike ride later. We can drive out to the woods then I can ride home.. but then they get all excited about going for coffee and cake and I have to go back out. The psychological imperative to go for coffee and cake after a ride is so strong it trumps the fact that I've only done 8 miles of flat tarmac.