[Closed] Since having kids I really miss...

Erm, what did you think would happen...

Edit: sorry, it is a bit shit, I know this, but stuff you like doing has to take a back seat for a bit. It does get better though. Honest.

itll all be worth it in the end mate,

they get to pick your care home...

I feel ya pain brother. As I sit waiting for mini beagle number 2 to stir before giving her a bottle while Mrs beagle gets some sleep. It's hitting me now that 2 kids is going to be way different prospect than just the one we have been used to for 3 years.

It's helped to have a few things (riding trips/days) in the diary despite them being ages away. Just fit in what I can, be more organised and not deliberate on getting out.

I like my own space too and a bit of tranquility. I've pretty much written that off for now. Which reminds me, I need to fit a lock on the bathroom door at the weekend.

I did think this post was going to be a bit more thought provoking than 'I am the father of a child but am am essentially still a needy child myself'.

Sorry OP but you need to kick yourself up the arse - it is difficult being a daddy but that is what you are and you will only regret it when your kids get older and no longer want your support if you don't try to enjoy them when they do.

Feel the same.... But miss it less as my DD is 17 months so the outdoor stuff is a more distant memory!

Arrange for the in-laws to come and visit

they get quality time with the grandkids

you get to go for a ride/hike/etc

The 3 year old I love spending time with even though he's a grumpy git that loves saying "stay home" rather than go biking... It's this damn 6 week old that's driving me insane. She just won't relax and sleep and grunts and panic breathes non stop for hours at times which is very annoying and stressful!

Can't wait for the day me and the older one can just up and off in the van on a friday afternoon for a few days!

Johndoh, do please explain, why do I need to kick myself up the arse? I'm doing the job and doing it well...Nothing wrong with sharing a frustration at missing something important in my life!

What are you doing to try to calm the baby? I'm guessing these posts are a bit tongue-in-cheek with a serious bit to them, so are you huffing and puffing around baby 2 all the time? If so, that isn't going to help her relax. You did a fine job with baby 1; baby 2 needs the same and they'll be turn out awesomely.

I can't help with the time management and getting-away-to-play thing - I can't manage that for myself when I'm child-free; when I am parenting, it just doesn't get considered.

If you are the one doing all the contacting and staying in touch then your mates aren't really mates, just people who do similar things to you.

The only thing I really miss is sleep. Funkmaster Jr is three in a few days and still doesn't sleep through. My fitness and mental well being have taken a serious beating, but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world

Johndoh, do please explain, why do I need to kick myself up the arse? I'm doing the job and doing it well...Nothing wrong with sharing a frustration at missing something important in my life!

You are a parent to a child - that is (should) be more important than your mates. If you think otherwise then you need to get a mirror...

And you need to start reading what he's writing, rather than be so desperate to score points.

And being a sanctimonious tool.

Not at all in my opinion - what does a dad expect to sacrifice when they have children to care for?

sleep, and sleep did I mention sleep? ... and spicy food but they are coming around to that 🙂

It not taking four hours and six arguments just to leave the ****ing house

Not at all in my opinion....

So is it also essential, in your opinion, to not miss the things that are sacrificed in order to be a good dad 🙄

When you shoot your fat you take your chance

You dont really have to grow up, you just need to pretend for a few years, looking back I feel blessed to have been at home whilst my two were little, its something a few of my friends have missed out on.
Im now on my second bout of youth and Ive got a ready made 19yo racing snake to keep me on my toes.

So is it also essential, in your opinion, to not miss the things that are sacrificed in order to be a good dad

When you shoot your fat you take your chance

At least make it rhyme so I can teach it to the time and attention hoovering 4 year old that has RUINED MY LIFE!

You don't miss them all, you just reassess what is reasonably achievable and crying like a baby on a forum doesn't help.

I'll say it again. Try reading what he's writing.

He is at home being a dad, looking after his kids.

And as a result he's not doing other stuff, and he's missing it.

Perfectly natural, and anyone who has kids (and isn't deliberately trying to be an arsehole) can relate to it.

Me, I miss going more than a quarter of a day without there being some washing that needs doing.

It not taking four hours and six arguments just to leave the **** house

😀

Never found his stuff that funny till I had my own kids...

"oh, but you'll be far happier having kids. It's the best experience in the world"

Yeah, balls to that 😛

If there was more time in life I'd be up for it. Sign away 20 years bringing up kids, then can still do all the adventurous stuff. Problem is you'll be too knackered by the time they've left home and you're into retirement and then all the stress they bring puts you in an early grave.

(As a kid free, load of disposable income type, I'm mocking here 😀 )

It's about priorities innit.

If you miss your mates and the outdoors 'that' much then arrange time to go and do that. Your missus will understand I'm sure. It won't be for as long or as often unless you give up something else to make way for it. And no, it isn't the same when your kids are old enough, it's a completely new experience.

I get what Johndoh is saying, maybe I'm just saying the same thing in a nicer way.

Sorry OP but you need to kick yourself up the arse - it is difficult being a daddy but that is what you are and you will only regret it when your kids get older and no longer want your support if you don't try to enjoy them when they do.

You're not really getting the point of the thread.

He's not whining and expecting a solution - he's simply saying how he feels, and looking for understanding and others to identify. Sharing feelings is important. Berating him for that isn't really productive.

I also miss long days out or multi day trips. I also miss holidays based around an adventure trip, like I used to do before I was married.

If there was more time in life I'd be up for it. Sign away 20 years bringing up kids, then can still do all the adventurous stuff.

I know a bloke who had kids really early. His boy left home early too. He was kid free at 42.

I know where you're coming from with the frustration. Mini Alpha is nearly 5 months old and it took me a while to resign myself to the fact that I didn't have the liberty to go riding or go out with mates when I wanted. However, the turning point was when I realised that this doesn't mean I don't have the opportunity, I just need to be organised and plan as far ahead as possible.

In my opinion it's important to continue doing the things you love as it's mentally and physically healthy. Healthy, happy parents = healthy, happy kids etc etc. But you've got no choice but to accept that you have other more important things in your life at the moment, namely a 6 week old child that is entirely dependent on you. I'd also argue that your partner is also pretty dependent on you as well right now too.

Remember as well that 6 weeks old is still really, really, really young and if you are anything like me, you're still in the 'where the hell's my normal routine gone?' sort of stage. It'll settle down, your frustration will dissipate and you will be able to get out. But for the time being, stop looking at your little one as 'that damn 6 week old' and make the most of being the most important thing in his/her world right now. Relax, the trails and glens aren't going anywhere.

However, the turning point was when I realised that this doesn't mean I don't have the opportunity, I just need to be organised and plan as far ahead as possible.

That's when they're babies. When they're five and want to do fun stuff with Daddy all weekend, and you have to explain to them why you're going biking on your own and they can't come.. that's hard!

I was more going for a humorous "tell us what you miss" rather than encouragement, but all is appreciated! That Mackintyre sketch is brilliant

I haven't driven anywhere to ride further than half an hour away for five years. And I've only done that about 5 times!

That's when they're babies. When they're five and want to do fun stuff with Daddy all weekend, and you have to explain to them why you're going biking on your own and they can't come.. that's hard!

My 19 month old has been having meltdowns for the last few months every time I leave the house wearing a bike helmet without taking him with me. He was thrilled to go to nursery on the bike today and on his return insisted on going down for his nap holding his bike helmet!

Perhaps I missed the point of the OP but what did the OP expect?

Tonight I am home alone trying to get a 7 year old to sleep but can't because she wants mummy.

I wanted to go to the gym but I had to take one of my girls horse riding then walk the dog before my wife went out for the first night in many months. Unfortunately being a grown up sometimes means being grown up.

Missing my life without really irritating heavily digitized tinny music.

Have been given those swingy seat things which pipe nursery rhymes out in extra-low-quality.

I had a bright idea last night - I'm going to buy all sorts of fairly basic, probably percusive, musical instruments - not drums, just stuff that [s]he (our 1.5month old)[/s] I can hit and make some pleasing vaguely musical noise with - for his entertainment of course.

One of those things that makes a sort of insect noise when you scrape a stick down it. A small Glockenspiel perhaps... Some sort of bell type thing like those baby things that hang down. Random obscure percusive instruments!

Not quite convinced of this idea yet.

Unfortunately being a grown up sometimes means being grown up.

Or in your case a miserable *&*! 😉 Though you're certainly not alone.

Probably- I can't do piss all after picking up an injury training for the London Marathon and feeling quite shit for myself.

I've not found this a problem. I do a boy's weekend on the trails every year, do several events every year plus the social stuff, and as long as it's planned considerately, and you are the type of loving father/husband who'll drop that plan if anything that happens means your needed at home, then what's the problem? Equally, you put that effort into your wife being able to do the same, and maximise the time with your children - you'll be happier for it.

I skipped outdoor-type stuff on a regular basis for around 2 years when my daugher was born but started it up on an irregular and then more regular basis as she got older. It probably helped that my Mrs wasn't working, and then went back only part-time rather than us both trying to do a full time job, bring up a child AND have individual free time. I reckon you just need to plan things well. I became a volunteer ranger in a local country park as the commitment made me get out when sometimes I might not have done. I guess the toughest thing was that none of my regular mates were fathers (all being a bit younger than me) so they'd plan things and I'd miss out. I got my own back on them later though (and still am) as they have kids and mine has grown up 🙂

Perhaps I missed the point of the OP but what did the OP expect?

I think he was hoping people would go 'haha yeah I know what you mean!' or some equivalent.

I'm in the same boat as you OP. I have an (almost) 4 year old and a (recently turned) 1 year old (and probably don't live too far from you, given your username!)

Lack of time is the main thing I notice. What I've taken to is routinely booking a day on the bike say a month in advance with mates. When we go on that ride we set another date for a months time there and then (so it actually happens). Only been a few months but working so far, and the wife isn't totally peeved.

2 young kids is hard going isn't it? Can't really imagine the pain of having more ... the 2 I have are great though...

I think johndoh has failed to realise that the op has lost contact with his mates due to kids (as expected) and now 'we' are probably the only adult male contact he's getting.
As such, be nice, be a 'friend', let him know that "yeah it's tough, you love your kids but miss your old life, see if you can fit a few things in..." and though not much will change, he'll appreciate someone is tehere to listen and share with.

Even if we are weirdos on the internet.

Sometimes you can choose just to be nice. The world is a tough enough place.

DrP

I miss Sunday mornings and enough time to make eggs benedict and enjoy several cups of joe over the papers.

As has been said, try to let each other have some away time (especially the Mum as PND is a bitch). I took up (shudder) running for a couple of years as you can quickly run out the front door and get the exercise hit. Eventually did a couple of halves and a full marathon. Wouldn't now go back to it but proud that I ticked the box.
...and it does get so much better; I'm now looking forward to a weekend cycle camping trip with my 11 yo. She's planning the route, booking the camp sites and carrying panniers for the first time, I can't wait.

Sex?

& drugs & rock'n'roll?

That nappy changing video had me crying! 🙂

I miss being able to leave the house....first time with everything thats needed.....with out an organisational operation akin to operation Overlord!! 😆

You have to kinda reset your expectations. The other week we had planned a family bike ride with friends. With one thing and another it just didn't go according to plan so you just have to go with the flow and not have much expectations. Mine are 8 and 13 now so we can go on some decent walks or bike rides and they love camping. The thing I'm missing the most at the moment is watching films that are a bit grittier as we only tend to have time to watch them when the kids are around.

It's been so long I can't remember. 😐

Babies can be frustrating, especially the ones that don't settle well and leave you sleep deprived and grumpy.
[i]But[/i] . . . balance bike at 2yrs, pedals at 3, tagalong at 3, bike with gears and grip at 5. You'll be out on the trails before you know it. And talk to the Mrs about arranging some time off to go biking, even just a couple of hours once a week or so.- she'll appreciate a hubby who's recharged the batteries much more than a grumpy tense resentful one.

Tag-alongs are great, by the way - with some minor modifications (fit a HUGE crud catcher to the tagalong) you and the rugrats will be off-road before you know it.

[img] [/img]

I always thought I would like to have kids. That was until a good friend had one and I saw how his life was turned upside down. He was no longer able to decide what he wanted to do and when. He suddenly found himself in the bottom rung of the priority ladder.

I think I'm far too selfish to have kids and be happy. I need lots of time to myself.

Now many of our friends have kids (GF and I are now in the minority amongst her old friends) and I look at them and don't envy their choice or their lifestyle.

Kids are tough and all absorbing (should be) and significant life changes and sacrifices have to be made, and if you're not prepared to make them then please do not have kids. There are way too many people having kids who shouldn't be having them and just as many people who should have and want kids who sadly can't have them. It's the biggest responsibility anyone can take on in life.

I love my kids to bits and have never had a single moment of regret despite giving up many of the things I enjoyed before kids. I lead a full life before kids and a good 80% or more of what I did before (and people I socialised with) I no longer do.

I fully accept that i've made those sacrifices and my personal wants and needs have to take a back seat for a time, even my relationship with my wife has to take a back seat to the kids - luckily she is of the same mindset as me. And when the kids get to an age where they are no longer completely reliant on us and start to get their independence then I can start re-discovering life without kids - which i'm sure will be different to life before them.

One thing is sure - kids certainly change your outlook on life and make you see the world differently. I've been on a proper journey over the last 10 years, some real soul searching about beliefs and opinions I was once so sure about - i've softened my stance on alot of topics and become more tolerant, but on some other topics i've become much more binary and unsympathetic. It's a complicated mix.

But despite all the activities i've given up since kids the one thing I miss the most are my Sunday afternoon naps on the settee in front of the F1. There is nothing like F1 to send you off to sleep, but with kids around there are no afternoon naps on the settee. Within seconds of you dropping off into a nice peaceful slumber you'll be woken up in the most startling way by the little tykes jumping on your chest or something.

lol

Strava KOMs!!

What a bunch of wingers...woe is me...ohhh I have a kid...or two kids.....

😀 😀

Diddums...3 of the little monsters here....I can't even take a quite morning moment without WWIII kicking off!!

Any if any of you guys have 4 kids....you are Saddists!!!

Joking aside, of course we love em...but we also had pretty cool lives before hand....being active, getting out for rides, camping, trips etc.

It's hard, we're tired, have less time, more stress and we don't really get a chance to do the things we used to love (well not that often and not when we just want to).

But slowly slowly it gets better and we get to craft kids who will hopefully also enjoy getting out in nature and appreciating a good bike ride with mates and perhaps a bit of camping.

Ours are now daughter at 7 3/4 and twin boys at 6. First years are really tough. Quite good when they are young, chuck em in the bike trailer and they fall asleep, they are still quite cautious so don't climb high up trees, or hang over big drops....now it's a bit tricky as they are testing their bounderies. Both boys have already had stitches in their heads!

But to be fair, they are now enjoying bike rides, nothing crazy, short distances and no big hills, but it's a start.

Main thing, you have to organise a couple of times during the year where you, and or the Missus get a bit of me time. I normally try and get a weeks riding in with a good mate. He's got 3 sprogs too so we just enjoy taking it easy and feeling physically tired instead of mentally tired.

I'm also lucky that I can commute by bike, makes a big difference to sanity.

My tips, don't stress, kids pick up on that (especially babies), just makes things worse.

Lack of sleep sucks
Sex...first time in my life (only twice or three times mind) that I had to say no...just too tired and not interested.
Being able to have an afternoon snooze at the weekend.
Man I miss laying in until 10:30. If I sleep until 9 I feel like I've been in a coma.
Being able to take care of my morning abolutions when the wife is out without the fear of arguments starting.

But as they say, little kids, little problems....I'm just hoping we do a good enough job to give them the skills to get through their teenage years unscathed.

Any if any of you guys have 4 kids....you are Saddists!!!

You know that there's one dude on here with 8 kids right?

He rides his bike way more than I do and I've never heard him complain about his children obstructing his life.

I am in genuine awe of him as a result.

One advantage of having kids is that you do become a lot more efficient with your time. When I think back to childless times I shudder to think of the time I frittered away when I could/should have been off for weekends etc.

Cleaning a nappy at three in the morning whilst I had tooth ache was a particular low point though, I think I might have a had a little cry at the time.

I think that when you have that many kids it starts looking after itself. He and his Mrs can both go out and there's like 4 more people old enough to look after the younguns. Plus they probably play with each other and don't pester the parents all the time...

I miss Sunday mornings and enough time to make eggs benedict and enjoy several cups of joe over the papers.

That's why TV, tablets and minecraft were invented.

It gets better Dan, honest .....

Me and middle iaincjnr on Sunday morning 🙂 :

[img] ?oh=aea4d6fb7a6a180618418428d1c1e56b&oe=59499FCB[/img]

Agree with the time efficiency thing. I have one, only will have one, wife doesn't work and does all her training and running around during the day so I get priority at the weekend which is nice. During the good months I'll mainly keep it to 1 big day every other weekend and a couple of 4-5 hour sessions each day getting up at 6 and back for lunch. I want to spend time with my daughter so it keeps everyone on balance.
Things i've learned are that worrying about the unmanageable is pointless, Zwift is great for those nights when i get home at 7 but need to do something to relax, 50 mins in a pool of my own sweat certainly lets me switch off, laugh a lot.
My little girl made me a Valentines card at school which said that she loved Daddy as i pretended to steal her chocs from her Advent calendar and it made her laugh. It was very dusty at that point - things like that make you remember you are shaping a little person who can contribute.

I think that when you have that many kids it starts looking after itself. He and his Mrs can both go out and there's like 4 more people old enough to look after the younguns. Plus they probably play with each other and don't pester the parents all the time...

Yeah, now......bet it wasn't like that 5 - 10 years ago.

Also, getting older kids to stuff for themselves is difficult enough without trying to get them to do stuff for their younger siblings.

I've just bought my 5 year old a new Islabike. And this one takes panniers, so we'll be cycling for a weekend away in the spring. In the summer, I'll be taking my younger daughter on the Weehoo tagalong, and go camping for the night. So, the adventures may be different to what I used to do, but I reckon this is the cool stuff I'll remember most when I look back.

Probably- I can't do piss all after picking up an injury training for the London Marathon and feeling quite shit for myself.

Crying about it like a baby on a forum isn't going to help is it 😆

playing weird music at high volume and spontaneous boning on the stairs after boozy long dinners out somewhere.

The modern father has to be a master of Time Management.

The pre-modern father just pissed off down the pub and let the mother get on with it.

You just need to be more organised, and wonder why you didn't have them earlier in life so they'd be more grown up now and you'd be back to been child-free while still able to enjoy yourself.

I'm 52 and all 3 sons are grown up and working, the wife and I do what we fancy plus have a free-taxi service whenever needed 🙂

Crying about it like a baby on a forum isn't going to help is it

I'm about to have my girlfriend, her 12 year old daughter, dog and bump move in to my tiny rented house and coming on here to read posts like this isn't helping at all.

I miss.... nothing.

I think I’ve just about squared it away now the youngest is 2.5 years.

I have either adjusted to the new norm, or worked out all the *current* issues (with kids the only constant is change).

I have time for my hobbies, which luckily my mates share, I make time so my OH has time for hers. We make time for each other.

We don't have much spare time, but then when we did, we only sat about watching TV anyway.

...everything about my pre-kids life.

I miss nothing. Had kids in mid 30s so had done a lot of what we wanted already.

Mine are now 13 and 10. Both active in various sports and clubs. I'm the chief chauffeur, find I have to get any days for me on the calendar in permanent marker in plenty of time!

molgrips - Member
I miss Sunday mornings and enough time to make eggs benedict and enjoy several cups of joe over the papers.
That's why TV, tablets and minecraft were invented.

Lol. My son has just discovered Minecraft and has had great pleasure in building a 4 story house with a library.

On another no re Kids/no kids, my childless cousin joined Strava last year and "followed" me. After a few months she emailed me with a "FFS, how come every weekend you ridden 100 kilometres before I've even woken up!".

When I think back to those lazing around days I wonder how much time was actuall wasted on hangovers and lazing about...

Yeah, having kids makes you wonder where the time and money used to go! You become much more efficient with both.

The one thing I genuinely miss about life pre children is the luxury of taking a dump in peace.

There are 5 people living in my house and 3 toilets. You'd think the chances of an uninterrupted China Cruise would be pretty high.

You'd be wrong.

Even if I got up out of bed at 4 in the morning and sneaked to the furthest away lavvy like some sort of shit-ninja, I can guarantee that the minute I get myself settled on the nest there will come a loud banging on the cludgie door and the following conversation.....

Mysterious Disembodied Whining Voice :AAAAWWWW DAAAAAD! Hurry up! I'm BURSTING.

Me:You'll need to wait.

MDWV: I CAAAAAN'T WAIT ! I'm going to pee my pants!

Me: Go to another one

MDWV: I can't. Somebody's in there.

Me: Somebody's in here too!

MDWV: DAAAAAD! Hurry up.

Me: Oh, bloody hell (harumph) OK wait a minute......

Every. Single. Time. 🙁

You lot are not selling this kids thing too well.

Conversation required with Mrs GD.

You - need regular biking adventure
She - must have something she'd like? lunch with friends, spa days etc...

Compromise required - ie one day a month that you and her are out of the equation completely, from dawn til dusk, and a couple (at least) weekends away biking.

You're not 'not being a good dad/mum' by doing this, quite the opposite, I need time doing what I want in the mountains to be a more chilled, rounded individual, and thus a better dad.

The rest of the time, fit in local nightrides post kids nedtime, early morning stuff etc...

edit - lol @ Perchy!

So anyway, with a clear head (wife was out last night so I settled down with a curry, beer and a movie (Creed - which was surprisingly enjoyable) I shall try to post something more constructive...

I am not actually sure I miss too much - perhaps I have just adapted and no doubt some things have been a struggle at times. I certainly don't ride as much as I did and have 100% given up on weekends away riding with my old team but I don't really miss it. I feel like I have moved on to a different part of my life. I still get out (gym, running when not injured and road riding). My wife 100% supports me in doing what I want to but I often look at things and decide 'hell, I can't do x today because that means my wife has to do y & z by herself'. I suppose that makes her appreciate that I am there when I am needed so doesn't fuss when I *DO* ask whether it's okay for me to go out on a 5 hours road ride.

Equally, she does gym classes, runs on the treadmill in the garage, sees friends etc and I don't stand in her way. I still see my friends but equally I now enjoy having a quiet night in front of the tv with the log stove burning away.

My girls are now approaching 8 years old and are (generally) a joy to be around. One of them loves me taking her swimming and is about to compete at county level doing cross country so I am enjoying taking her to do junior parkrun.

So OP, don't spend too much time looking over your shoulder, embrace what you have and enjoy it – true friends will always be there but you may well find that over time your priorities change and you move on anyway.

The rest of the time, fit in local nightrides post kids nedtime

You set aside time everyday to teach your kids to behave like neds?

That's dedication.

It's no wonder Ayrshire's in the state it's in if these are the lengths you're prepared to go to. 😉

things i miss?

happiness
sex
free time
clean things
travel
the woman i married....

Weekend morning shags.
Being able to go out for something to eat, anywhere at the drop of a hat.
I never actually rode that much before & whilst i now do even less 'quality' mountainbiking, i'm actually fitter & lighter becuase i now make better use of my commutes on the bike.

happiness
sex
free time
clean things
travel
the woman i married....

Hahahahahaha!