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Following on from the hysteria on the cat swinging thread I thought back as to what things I did as a kid, before I knew better, that I wouldn't do now.
I remember my mum going mad when I showed her my attempts to turn slugs into the creatures inside Daleks by mixing them with various household products.
Thanks for letting me share, had been bottling up the guilt memory for years, made a right mess it did.
Can any slug defence handwringing keyboard warriors keep their hyperbolic dramatic performances on their own thread, thanks.
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Wasn't me, really, and I don't know if the flies died of natural causes or not. but made me laugh.
Would not want to discuss on a public forum.....
A fat girl...
Once...
In my defence it had been months!
😉
EDIT: Sorry, couldn't resist the joke before someone else got there...
This should go well. Coffee?
I rang my boss the other day, and said "I can't come in to work, I'm sick".
She asked "well just how sick are you?"
I said "I've just sh@gged the dog whilst eating the cat..."
I'm here all night folks...
DrP
We we were still quite young, my younger brother and I found the fireworks and emptied the whole contents onto the barbecue outside. Somehow, I talked my younger brother into lighting it...
VERY luckily, he only lost his eyebrows.
Rachel
Interesting question, but I don't think a public forum is the best place to be discussing my sex life.
This can only end in tears which should make for good reading.
8 years old. Sunny Day, Ants Nest, Magnifying glass.
did a wee in a syringe, injected a orange with the wee and gave the orange to my step brother.
i was 12.
pmsl @ ton, straight into first place 🙂
ton that's genius.!
Ton - you evil genius!
ton - Memberdid a wee in a syringe, injected a orange with the wee and gave the orange to my step brother.
i was 12.
We have a winner!
Nice one ton 😉
Ton, please tell me your step brother is Jeremy Vine... it would make my day! 😆
* crosses fingers *
I once cleared a road gap.
2 girls one cup... 😯
edit - nah not really 😆
Not sure if this was me or by brother (we were young and it was a long time ago)
Shot a bird with an air rifle - It didn't die - and its mate came to see what was going on... I can still hear the squawks...
Aged 16, posted a note in the collection box at a church saying my mate was dying and had turned to God in his final days. (he wasn't and he hadn't)
The minister turned up at my mates house on the Sunday with a bunch of flowers. 😳
We used to dice frogs with a tennis racket and powerful first service!
Also used to harvest slugs, line them up on a plank of wood and shoot them with my HW45 air pistol.
Ants nests + lighter fuel + match
BoardinBob has just reminded me of something that happened a little more recently than 25 years ago.
Friend of mine (shared house) was gushing about these two "brothers" from the church of latter day saints that had completely enlightened him, so much so that he was thinking about getting baptised.
We all laughed, he then bet us each £10 that we couldn't sit through 5 "teachings" and not be as profoundly changed as he was.
I accepted, made it through the 5 teachings, nice religion as religions go, not interested ta, collected £10.
Anyway, the day comes when Mark is due to be baptised and gets picked up by some elder from the church, we wave him off, friend of mine, with a evil glint in his eyes leans over and whispers to me "just spiked him with some acid".
About two hours later Mark is brought back and helped, giggling hysterically up to the house by a very pissed off looking elder, apparently he's gone fruityloops right in the middle of the service and they had to abandon it.
Funny thing was, Mark thanked us and said it was the funniest day of his life!
is not a monster And i have not doen any of this
Did once make my mum think i was a gay trasvestite but I am not sharing the details of how on here. iT was about the time i was trying to change my name to Thor God of thunder as I thought i t would be funny 😯
[i]Ants nests + lighter fuel + match [/i]
Dull. Ants nest & quick-drying varnish FTW.
Replies to this thread, cross-referenced with the handguns one, should keep the good folk at GCHQ busy for a while.
Aged around 7-8 on holiday at summer house in Finland got my brothers to tell my mum I had died. Whole family come running out and the relief to find me still alive quickly turns to anger. This was maybe short while after 3 year old brother was rescued from drowning. Not my finest hour.
ive never done anything sick im a good girl ! 😉 
[i]Replies to this thread, cross-referenced with the handguns one, should keep the good folk at GCHQ busy for a while. [/i] Yup, this is exactly the sort of stuff they're looking for. 🙄
mountaingoat sees the line and doesn't just cross it but leaps across with both feet.
Yup, this is exactly the sort of stuff they're looking for. 🙄
True, this is more the kind of thing that comes out afterwards during the inquest. 😯
Sunny Day, Ants Nest, Magnifying glass.
Same as. Also used to stun flies then fry them with a magnifying glass to.
*A house was being built in the village where I lived and me and a mate though it would be funny to go up to the first floor and have a dump through the rafters. It was quite a splat I can tell you. I imagine the builders weren't too happy the next day when they arrives to work though.
*I was only about 6 or 7.
Assuming Mtn Goat is telling the truth, good work brother. If not, just where to you get off making up stuff and posting it on the internet, what is WRONG with you?
weed in a punch vat about 50 people later drank from
i was at uni tho
We all know that animal cruelty is a good indicator of a sociopath/pyschopath, right?
d_s I'm looking at you 🙂
Probably not that sick/cruel, but we used to have a rabbit and in the shed had a half-deflated beach ball. Put the rabbit in the middle of the beach ball so it slumped down into a 'well', then hands down hard on the outside of the beach ball. Rabbit shoots 6 feet into the air. Comes down again with a soft landing back onto the beach ball. Found it absolutely hilarious.
elaine anne - Member
ive never done anything sick im a good girl !
my email address is in my profile...
(sorry had to be done)
woody - those slugs keyed my car!
Rat fishing.
It's like carp fishing, but for rats.
Once had a truly horrid flatmate who was offensive and a burden in many ways, so at the end my tether I took her toothbrush and cleaned the toilet with it. Poo residue was clearly present on the porcelain before and gone after. Unfortunately she never even got slightly ill!
what bait did you use [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squirrel_fishing ]squirrel fishing....no really you can [/url]
Clearly some of you need help.
And I'm not 'sick'
*shhh* Junky... it wasn't actually me, but a friend. I assume they used boilies.
I cant believe I am actually going to say this out loud on a forum....
But when I was a wee lad...................I pooed into an empty crisp packet and left the package next to my sisters school bag!
In my defense...........we had been locked out of the house as my parents were running late and I was desperate! lol
Forced soap into the end of a tube of toothpaste.
Pushed a girl into a big bed of nettles.
Caught fish (from a bridge) and threw them onto the road to watch cars drive over them.
Wrote 'sex' as big as we could on a big wall right outside the main gates to our school.
Re-arranged some roadworks signs directing traffic into a friend's drive.
Chained a fellow student to a radiator so he couldn't follow us to the canteen at college and left him there for the rest of the day.
Broke the combination on another fellow student's bike lock, changed the combination and moved the bike - so it was hanging from a covered walkway.
The list will go on and on 🙁
[i]Wrote 'sex' as big as we could on a big wall right outside the main gates to our school.[/i]
[applause]
swam 200 meter out from the coast in olu deniz, trod water while i did a 'richard', then swan back lighter and happier.
swam 200 meter out from the coast in olu deniz, trod water while i did a 'richard', then swan back lighter and happier.
Hmm, I once (or twice) have done something similar - ahem 8)
I one wee'd in the aftershave bottle of a particularly irritating bloke whilst staying in an hostel in Barcelona. I'd had asparagus on my pizza that night too. Mmmmmm! He did not pull after that.
The sickest I've ever been was when I saw drnickriviera wearing a pink spandex suit on stage in med club. Eye bleach!
Did a kerb drop to flat once.
Not really sick, just BAD.
Fellow student had fallen asleep on the Sofa in uni with nothing on but boxers 'Builders bum' on full view. He was waiting for his new girlfriend to visit at the time.
Carefully wedged a whole bar of Galaxy, one square at a time in between his bum cheeks.
Girl arrives and they retire to bedroom.
she runs out screaming 10 mins later.
Despite several attempts to get him to talk about it he never would, I suspect he honestly thought he had had a ‘little accident’.
He left shortly after, never to be seen again.
Yes, I know we damaged that lad for life.
On the plus side he had a lovely GT Zaskar and never returned for it, it was Broken for parts in no time..!
I had the frame.
1. Had a really itchy and constant stiffy on a flight once and had to resort to a quick one off the wrist in the toilets thinking it would get rid of the itch. I cut my bango string and fainted when the blood started spurting out of it. Noone in all of history will ever know embarrassment like that 🙁
2. Got naked, put some newspaper on the floor and lay on my back with my feet over my shoulders and squeezed out a turd. Had a mirror arranged so i could watch as i thought it would fire out like a cannon. It didnt
Bravo, everyone else now is competing for second place.
Had a really itchy and constant stiffy on a flight once and had to resort to a quick one off the wrist in the toilets thinking it would get rid of the itch. I cut my bango string and fainted when the blood started spurting out of it. Noone in all of history will ever know embarrassment like that
Was at a friend's when his mum and new husband retired upstairs. 15 minutes later we heard what we thought was a murder taking place in their bedroom. Turns out a similar story.
I am not even commenting on your second post. That is worryingly odd.
I swapped a house mates (house mate a) moisturiser for mayonnaise. Another house mate (house mate b) pissed on said house mate (house mate A) when both where hammered. I also cut half way through the shafts of house mate a's golf clubs so they would snap during a swing (they did).
House mate A thought all of above was house mate B so when house mate b was passed out he pulled the lads boxers down put a condom on a broom handle and poked it between the lads cheeks and took a photo. Not many people didn't see the photo.
Actually in a similar vein... A friend snapped his tool whilst rodgering, he waddled very slowly into the pub the next day and placed what looked like two of the biggest most gigantic burnt baked potatoes on the pool table, they weren't normally that size but the blood had pooled in his ballsack. His big black balls were the main attraction that day.
It is horrifying beyond belief. I'd never heard of the problem before so thought i was going to bleed out and could only think how my family would react when they found out how i died!
Did a hostess apply a tourniquet?
2. Got naked, put some newspaper on the floor and lay on my back with my feet over my shoulders and squeezed out a turd. Had a mirror arranged so i could watch as i thought it would fire out like a cannon. It didnt
😯
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😯
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😯
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😯
No, seriously; 😯
2. Got naked, put some newspaper on the floor and lay on my back with my feet over my shoulders and squeezed out a turd. Had a mirror arranged so i could watch as i thought it would fire out like a cannon. It didnt
I was 10 at the time. Like the post above there was something similar in Jackass 3 with a volcano on a model trainset so it's not that sick and weird!
it's not that sick and weird!
No it actually is. 😐
Like elaine anne, I'm a good girl too...
... although I'd like the opportunity to be otherwise...
That's is genius. pissing myself here!wwaswas - Member
friend caught short near a golf course, she used a low branch as a 'seat' and let it out, well, it was huge, and seemingly never ending, I hit it with a stick while it was hanging out of her bum to break it off.
I'm not proud.
edit we were about 8 or 9 at the time!! 😯
On a funny story thread of mine here, years ago, a bloke said he'd gone to fart on his sister's birthday cake...pulled his pants down for maximum effect, then followed through.
Parents were not impressed, sister distraught.
This is when he was a kid btw.
a few spring to mind....
when we were about 16-17 we went on a lads holiday. a friend and i sat on the edge of a cliff having a smoke. one of our group came past and we told him that we'd jumped (about 25ft drop) into the water below. he stood on the edge and we began to shoot him with the stupid plastic BB guns we had just bought and egged him on. he jumped. came up screaming. turns out the water was only about 8ft deep. he had broken his ankle and gouged his back on the rocks. he had to swin about 50m to a tiny beach where we dragged him out and called an ambulance. sorry willis.
whilst in Australia i was staying with a friend. he had a party and one fella (nickname Turtle) was there who took a dislike to me for being English and not talking proper. the part went on as this guy got more and more abusive. i had been rolling the joints the whole evening, it was my job. anyway... i found two boxes of matches and sat there quietly chipping off the match heads. i mixed these with some tabacco and rolled a fat one. Turtle started up again and in front of everyone i said "hey dude, chill out. take a toke on this". he cuffed the joint to his mouth, took a lighter from someone (only two others were aware of what the joint contained) and lit it. the thing went off like a mini roman candle. he had inhaled at the same time so his lungs were full of saltpeter. his lips and hand were burnt. he screamed and was running around cursing. everyone else fell to the floor laughing. he called an ambulance himself saying that he was suffering first degree burns. he left the party shortly after.
we once poured milk in a "friends" car before going away for a week with college. we came back and the motor stunk. he could never get rid of the smell. also bought half a pint of maggots and emptied them in another friends car. that was quite funny.
a friend used to have a "recording studio" in his back garden. in reality it was and old out building with two separate rooms and lots of speakers. it was also pitch black in there with the lights off. we used to get wasted there quite often. one time one of our group had passed out. we tied him to a chair forgot about him. the next moring he comes up to the house with blood pouring from his forehead. he had woken up in the pitch black. struggled to break free, breaking the chair in the process. took one step and fell because i had also tied his shoe laces together. he fell and hit his head square on the edge of a table. we had to take him to A&E.
not done anything inherently evil/sick in a while. quite a few good practical jokes, but nothing sinister...
This sounds worse than it was . One night stand with a granny in an old folks home in Sandhurst. And she had a swallow tattoo on her hand like a sailor 🙁
A friend said i could stay in her room in hall's while she was away from uni, one of the girls from the house was no happy and had us chucked out, in revenge i went to the local reptile shop got load's and load's of locusts and chucked them into her food cupboard's. She was very upset and all her food was ruined.
I once filled a cream doughnut with wood glue and watched a colleague eat it.
When I was around 8 years old I took a pee in my sisters shampoo bottle and left it on the bathroom shelf 🙂
A guy kept parking in my parking space so I used a lolly stick to put a hefty lump of dog shit under his car door handle (back in the days pre remote locking)
I have plenty more - i'll see how this thread goes before adding more 🙂 LOL
Not sick but two pranks I remember, a friend came over from London and we always used to take the piss and give him plenty of abuse, I rolled a nice fat cone and packed the roach end with 4-5 caps from a cap gun, we all passed it around and he could see us smirking but didn't suspect that as we'd all had a puff, anyway it shit him right up and he got in a right strop and stormed off about half hour after arriving.
Another friend while passed out we completely 'gimped' head to toe in black vinyl. Just for good measure we bound his legs and feet together and gave him a pair of gimpy vinyl lobster claws so he couldn't undo anything, watching him wriggle around the next morning was hysterical.
Lady Gresley - Member
Like elaine anne, I'm a good girl too...... although I'd like the opportunity to be otherwise...
ahem, as i said earlier, email address in profile..
😉
Farted in a glass of milk and asked my gran to smell it. She said "Awwww don't drink that son" and poured all of her milk down the sink.
Downed a pint of piss after being told it was home brew lager. Couldn't tell the difference.
.
This is just the tip of the iceberg
Put cling film on the bog and my Gran pissed her trousers.
Shagged my sisters mate and then made her sleep in the shed while I went to bed.....
Put a banger in dogshit, ran across the road and it exploded all over me. A bit was on my lip.
This sounds worse than it was . One night stand with a granny in an old folks home in Sandhurst. And she had a swallow tattoo on her hand like a sailor
I don't doubt it. Frankly, it couldn't be worse than it sounds.
My mate nicked my italy football shirt I knew he had it but could never catch him wearing it. One day I went down his street unannounced and found him playing football in said shirt, instead of returning it he climbed the conker tree so high i dare not follow.
I eventually got it back, I then went for a turd in a bag and hide it deep in the airing cupboard his mum eventually found the beauty. I tell you she was not NOt happy! 😈
Tails :i think you just 'made that up' (lol) 🙄
Buying an old russian jeep and driving it from Kabul up the Khyber Pass and into ****stan.
Shimaghed and fully tooled up !
There are a few...
Mate and I didn't like a lad at 6th form college...so one night Nick shat in a newspaper and scrunched it up...put it on his doorstep and lit it. We rang the door bell and scarpered...his dad came out and stamped all over it, obviously covering his feet in shxte while we watched from the other side of the street...hilarious at the time!
at a party with a mate of mine i said very loudly to him that i bet him a tenner that if i took a dump in his pint that he wouldn't drink it he agreed so off i went to the toilet moulded a turd out of a snickers bar(called marathon back then)got peanuts and everything popped it in his pint and returned to the room handed him the pint and he drank it and when pretend turd slide down the glass he took a massive bite out of it que everyone within earshot projectile vomiting 👿