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Can we please talk about this as I’m curious to hear from others.
Ive been with my partner for coming up to 2 years, we both have separate houses but I stay at hers several times a week. My limit is 3 nights in a row because she’s a nightmare to share a bed with.
Do any of you couples have separate rooms? There seems to be some stigma about sleep divorce but why? Our relationship is great except for being punched, rolled onto, covers stolen or being pushed off the bed during her sleep. There will become a time where we combine households but not yet for several reasons.
Sorry for this being a bit mumsnet but there is yet to be a topic on here where a wide spectrum of opinions aren’t voiced.
My solution was a 7 ft wide bed with 2 double duvets and 7 pillows. that way we both got some sleep and a bit of bedding
Either buy a king size bed or go full 70s sit com and get twins. The more time you spend in the same bed though you’ll adjust to each other being there.
Massive bed that I get about 20% of….
Nothing less than a king size!
Was in Iceland recently - all the doubles used 2 single duvets. It’s an inspired setup. Might not fix all your issues but I’d bet it would help
We have a super king size bed.
When we do hotels etc we often have a twin room instead.
This all sounds very familiar.
I am son tuned to sleeping on my fifth of the bed I don't spread out even when she works a night.
It really doesn't bother me the only time it's woken me up is when she was pushing me off the bed and I woke up deathgripping the mattress to fight it in my sleep.
For what it's worth though I don't see any issue with separate beds for sleep. But you would probably have to be careful that the other benefits of sharing a bed are kept in your schedule and also that it doesn't become hit it and quit it every night.
But it's probably not helping returning to your own bed to reset the familiar every few days.
We both have king sized beds, maybe that’s the issue? We are maybe so used to having a king size bed to roll around in.
Id like to think I’m a pretty good bed companion, I fall asleep on one side and wake up in the same position (even when I’m at home on my own).
Separate duvets might not be a bad idea, won’t stop getting punched in the face though.
But it’s probably not helping returning to your own bed to reset the familiar every few days.
That’s a valid comment, it’s not just to reset the sleep, her household is fairly chaotic with 2 children and a dog so we are finding the balance for everyone at the moment.
King size bed and separate duvets,that lets the dogs fit in as well 🙂
As said thou the more time you spend in the same bed you get used to it.
I think the whole living together thing is actually a lot harder than people give credit to as the initial honeymoon period involving going out with someone which is all about sex and and going out doing the nice things as opposed to the housekeeping,shopping,washing pants and wallpapering.
Although I still don’t like being patted in the night.
King size bed or larger and separate duvets. Also helps in the summer when she wants enough insulation for an antarctic expedition and I just want a sheet.
Get a large dog and have it sleep on the bed between you. No one can steal duvet then.
I fall asleep on one side and wake up in the same position (even when I’m at home on my own).
That's me, that is - I'll quite happily be on my side, on the edge, facing away, and wake up in the same position. Mrs Pondo doesn't disturb me, but my snoring wakes her up - she has my full permission to get me to move to the spare room, takes me 30 seconds to switch to a nice cool bed then I'm asleep again. Oddly, I generally face the other way in that bed.
I'd be happy just to sleep separately but Mrs Pondo likes us to go to bed together. *shrugs*
Get a large dog and have it sleep on the bed between you. No one can steal duvet then.
We have a medium sized dog and he’s nearly as bad as she is for sharing a bed with.
We’ve had to admit defeat. The combination of Mrs Binners being a really light sleeper and me sleeping the sleep of the dead, while snoring like a fully laden cargo aircraft winding up its engines for take off, mean it’s 70’s sitcom territory for us
It’s either that or me being smothered with a pillow in my sleep. Apparently it’s been pretty close to happening
Still sharing here, but do have to resort to earplugs on occasions! OH had COVID recently and I decamped to the spare room - slept like a baby for first time in years! Now back to normal. Id say no stigma at all, if it works for your relationship that’s more important than anything else.
We had a sleep divorce a few years ago, no downsides for us. We just do all the same stuff pre sleep and on waking, then both get a much better nights sleep. By my wife’s own admission, she turns from lovely into a sociopathic nightmare when she hasn’t slept well, so it keeps me safe 🙂
I was in a similar position but it got better over time once we had moved in together, it's not an issue now
Spare room sleeper here, for all the reasons mentioned above. Persisted for 15 years then bought a house with a spare room. I’ve just found some amazing silicon ear plugs that mould to your ear, not inside it like most plugs. An absolute blessing when I’m in ‘her’ bed. FWIW our relationship is better when sleeping separately, mainly cos there’s no sleep deprivation.
Same situation here, 7 years together with separate homes, she has memory foam mattress which is unbearably hot for me most of the year so I end up on the sofa bed (quite comfy) most of the time. She moans about my pocket sprung mattress.
I can’t stay in her bed as she usually mithers me and starts twitching/dreaming, I have been wide awake while she’s tapping me on the top of my head or waking me every 5 mins.
It’s better when we stay away and have a king size bed.
We are getting a 2 bed place together so will get a bigger bed but can see the spare room being used when either of us has an early start or middle of summer when I don’t fancy sleeping next to a thermal store.
Been with my wife for 14 years. She's a light sleeper, I'm the opposite and bit of a snorer. After moving in together, I would drop off to sleep straight away whilst she takes a while so would get cranky at me snoring and kick or push me. Me, having a lovely sleep, would then get annoyed at being woken by light 'physical abuse' (😜) and get cranky at her.
We sleep in our own rooms now and works fine. Definitely a stigma about, I've never mentioned us sleeping separately to friends etc but there's no reason why there should be really. Do what works best for both of you innit.
Apparently, sleeping in the same bed is a relatively modern thing which society has forgotten about. That's what she told me anyway!
King size bed and separate duvets for us. Works a treat
As with most things these days, the Germans get it right. Proper king size beds ie 220×220 or something and single duvets.
Not the stupid witless British single duvets though, proper German ones that are about 210cm long and cover you properly even if you're not a midget. I've got 5 of them from 280g right through to Bavarian winter to keep me just right.
As for hotels/holidays, I'm with Weeksy. Twin, SuperK or I sleep on the floor. TBH I don't understand how hotels/B&Bs have the affrontery to advertise that a place sleeps 2 if it only has a double or KS bed.
It clearly doesn't sleep 2 does it?
Double bed, king duvet here Both of us struggle to sleep without the other one there. 🤷♀️🤷♂️
I sleep like I’m in a coffin - on my back, hands clasped on my chest. Being fairly skinny I take up 50cm of bed width at best.
She is a bit of a wriggler until asleep, but appears to be half cat as she’s usually asleep within minutes of getting in.
Overall we’ve done ok with a standard double, and now a queen size is more than enough. Kings feel ludicrously big.
I think we’re really lucky and wouldn’t consider anyone wanting separate rooms as unusual. Sleep is important and being how you are when you’re both awake shouldn’t be compromised by how you each sleep.
My missus usually goes to bed early, whereas I'm a night owl. One of the best bits of my day is spooning in behind her. We normally change positions a couple of times during the night but neither of us are normally restless sleepers. The worst is when it's just too warm.
We could (and have) sleep in a single bed quite happily most nights.
Both of us struggle to sleep without the other one there
This, well at least for me, I think she quite likes it. If she's not there I'm restless and can't get to sleep. Even worse when I work away and stay in hotels.
I knew someone who's husband slept in a hammock above their double bed, seemed very strange, my wife would definitely divorce me if I suggested separate beds, she even got upset when I mooted the idea of getting a king-size and for the record I'm the heavy sleeping snorer 😄
If you're going to bed to sleep rather than its other common purpose then do what you need to do, you don't need validation. Who cares, you're asleep.
King sized bed at home
Every night i wake up clinging to the edge like someone ascending El Capitan while the Mrs enjoys acres of empty bed
Get out and back in the other side.
When I went to bed last night the OH was corner to corner and two cats had taken up residence, it was like trying to get into bed with a giant percentage sign.
Separate houses, or when we stay over, separate beds. We’re both just used to years of being on our own. As Cougar said, if you want to sleep, do what works.
Double bed, king duvet here Both of us struggle to sleep without the other one there. 🤷♀️🤷♂️
This.
STW full of unsociable weirdos, as ever 🤣
Massive king size bed and ear plugs.
Both of us struggle to sleep without the other one there.
+1, just doesn't feel right on my own any more.
Ear plugs would certainly help with the snoring, but not the being punched in the face, wriggling and lack of space.
King size bed, super king duvet. MrsMC is only 4'10 and only has one working arm/hand, I can just about hold my own.
Have kids. You'll then be so tired your can sleep standing up let alone next to a wriggler. Although I've never had trouble sleeping with the wife.
only has one working arm/hand, I can just about hold my own.
Too much information. 🙂
Another with a king size bed and I get 20%. I do, however sleep with about 4 pillows due to my dodgy back (broke it) and also shoulders (bike crashes), so tend to have a pillow infront and behind me to support my back and shoulders.
Normal size bed, normal quilt, we both sleep well. The only time we sleep apart is when one of us is ill and it's then me who camps in the living room, but not the spare room because that's junior's room even though he no longer lives with us.
When she's away I sleep on my side of the bed with my bit of the quilt. I wonder what a psychologist would make of that.
Boy are you in for a shock....
We have a spare bedroom downstairs.
I use it when I'm in work the next day, bed at half nine, up at five.
Means we both get a decent night's kip.
As to snoring, earplugs innit?
We'd have killed each other years ago without....
Yes, she steals the quilt.
Yes, she fidgets.
But, after nearly 20 years I'm used to it now....
As the years have gone on we got a bigger bed and hubby occasionally sleeps in the spare room (now his office, so it's not ideal) if I'm ill, injured or really snoring in the hayfever season.
I find it hard to sleep without him there now.
We're both small people, I think it must be trouble if one is tall or a very large person.
As to snoring, earplugs innit?
I laugh in the face of your earplugs. My snoring can cause structural damage to buildings
often think about life after marriage
Me too mate, me too. But then I wake up and the snore monster is still there
My missus snores like a drunk, asthmatic gorilla. Needless to say we sleep in separate rooms. No issue as it turns out we’re not the only ones in this parish.
#1. King size duvet even on a double
#2. Preffer a king size bed if there is room
#3. Ear plugs for me so sometimes as I am a light sleeper.
#4. Make sure you're tired when you go to bed. Physically and mentally
When she’s away I sleep on my side of the bed with my bit of the quilt. I wonder what a psychologist would make of that.
When my wife is away, I sleep on HER side of the bed.
Sharing a bed
Nope, just can’t do it for various reasons which has proven extremely difficult when it comes to living with partners I’ve had over the years, primarily because I spent 4 months in a pneumatic/inflatable hospital bed that shifted positions every 30mins when I shattered my spine in numerous places back in 91 and ever since then I cannot sleep if there’s someone lying beside me, now I have secondary progressive ms to deal with so sleep is something I grab when I can whether that be in my seat or 30 min stints lying in bed before cramps and muscle tone wake me up. Think the last time I attempted to sleep alongside someone was back in 2007 with last gf and I flipped out due to 3 nights without sleep and called a day on that relationship.
I envy those that can sleep anywhere, at any time, in any circumstances…………..you bastards!
Our relationship is great except for being punched, rolled onto, covers stolen or being pushed off the bed during her sleep.
If you are being punched and pushed out of the bed...you snore.
Oh I do snore, but she never hears it because from the second her head hits the pillow, until after the third alarm has gone off, she’s asleep.
Shes just spent a silly amount on a new mattress, so next weekend things might have improved.
Regardless of the size of bed, i get naff all duvet and have to sleep on the edge.
A few years ago we went to separate duvets, far better.
Although it wouldn’t stop the fisting.
Also a spare room sleeper. Start off together, but I'm a light sleeper and the slightest snore or weird noise will wake me up for an hour or so. I've learnt it's pointless trying to get back to sleep, so head for the spare room or head downstairs to make a drink.
Although it wouldn’t stop the fisting
😱😱
Although it wouldn’t stop the fisting.
Yep better not google that one 🙂
but I’m a light sleeper and the slightest snore or weird noise will wake me up for an hour or so.
I tend to listen to an audible book when that happens, seems to get me back off to sleep.
Very common here in Sweden to have a king size bed with two single duvets.
Although it wouldn’t stop the fisting.
Well, I think I might find it difficult to sleep through that too...
I tend to listen to an audible book when that happens, seems to get me back off to sleep.
I have a recording of Binners explaining just how much he hates Jezzer.
Much the same effect......🙂
binners
Full Member
As to snoring, earplugs innit?
I laugh in the face of your earplugs. My snoring can cause structural damage to buildings
Nonsense.
We've cleared campsites before now.
A nice new pair of those silicone jobbies mentioned above and it's Goodnight Vienna.
Mind you, the first six months after giving up weed was hell........not a wink my dear.
I cannot sleep if there’s someone lying beside me, now I have secondary progressive ms to deal with so sleep is something I grab when I can whether that be in my seat or 30 min stints lying in bed before cramps and muscle tone wake me up
That's amazing I didn't know this happened during ms. Thanks for sharing. Sounds very tough.
Very common here in Sweden to have a king size bed with two single duvets.
That is just really sensible, in Scotland it's common to have 8 duvets and 6 coats on then have a fight over who gets the cat just for the small warmth it provides as it suffocates trying to stay warm, people round here think house insulation is a conspiracy theory.
I dont think there's anything wrong with this, at the end of the day sleep and therefore happy/decent sleep is really important. It can put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day and cause a fair bit of anger towards the other person for no real fault of theirs. We have a king size bed but OH was advised when he injured himself years back to use a memory foam bed so we sleep on his bed as its the bigger of the two. We then have my normal ikea mattress double bed in the spare room. I'm a front sleeper and his bed actually causes me pain and I wake up in the middle of the night in agony. I'm also a very light sleeper and he's a back sleeper so he snores and wakes me up. My illness means sleep is massively important as fatigue and exhaustion happens daily so I've started just moving in to the other room in the middle of the night when I get woken. I love it!!! My bed is far more comfortable with a nice plump duvet and properly nice pillows.
Just sleep in separate beds/rooms, you'll end up getting more kip, which will probably lead to more 70s sitcoms style rumpy-pumpy anyway.
Another sleep divorce here.
I'm an early to bed, deep sleep within seconds, snorer (allegedly), early riser.
Mrs B is a late to bed, frequent night time trips to the bathroom, sniffer, nose blower, late riser.
Moving into separate bedrooms a couple years back was a brilliant move for our domestic harmony!
Sleep divorce here too (although never knew there was term for it). We both just sleep better but I do miss waking up and having a bit of contact in the mornings. Too easy to rush out of bed, go let the dogs out, sort child, attend to mountain of chores and before you know it you've not touched each other for a fortnight 😉
Well **** me, thankfully it’s 5:23 so an acceptable time to get out of this hell hole of a bed and potter around (without waking the dog, or her son who’s bedroom is downstairs).
£1000 she spent on this mattress, it’s shit, sharing a bed is shit, no sleep is shit!
I’ve been awake since about 1am and I have an 8 year olds birthday party to endure today. This is not going to go well is it?
I guess moving in anytime soon is also off the cards as we would need a 5 bed house to still allow visitors over, we’re never going to be able to afford that.
My house currently doesn’t have a roof on it but I’m sleeping there regardless tonight.
which will probably lead to more 70s sitcoms style rumpy-pumpy anyway.
Humble brag, we’re at it like rabbits, that part of our relationship is very healthy 😉