[Closed] Sending your kid overseas....

Am I being overly paranoid and protective

Yes

Yup.
What difference would it make it you were on the planes with him?
(Oh yeah wait.... It would be BORING!)
Let him go, he'll probably have an amazing time.
My guess is that you're just jealous!

If I have a shave and walk around on my knees, do you reckon they'll let me go?

That sounds amazing! I wish my school did trips like that when I was a lad 🙂

Am I being overly paranoid and protective, or watched too many Taken movies ?

But if you have a particular set of skills, this won't be an issue 😉

This is your anxiety talking, have you discussed it with your wife?

Let him go I say.

My mum burst into tears about my 4 week trip to South America...I was 38...her anxiety about me drove quite a wedge between us.

Firstly, it’s ok to feel how you do. You can’t help the initial reaction you’re having.

Secondly, find a way to get past that feeling and if you can afford it, let him go.

If your son wants to go let him. He will never forget it.

I took my lad when he was 14 to India, hosteling. It blew his mind in a good way!

Yes, I know he was with me but I knew how emotionally difficult some aspects of India could be and he handled them well. He brings up that adventure and others* in job interviews etc to break the ice a little.

*Getting held up at gunpoint in Peru. Japan is a very different place though!😁

Your just being a normal parent being concerned. If they want to go, I'd encourage them. (I'd also encourage them to fundraise to pay for it!)

For comparison, eldest did his first foreign school trip at 11 to France. Youngest did her first foreign trip at 12 when she attend the World Gymnaestrada event in Austria with her gymnastics club. Yes I was a bit worried, but I didn't stop them going, the adults with them will have it risk assessed to death.

Both have been having nights away from family in the UK since the age of 5-6 with Rainbows and Beavers, then Brownies and Guides, Cubs and Scouts. Eldest did the World Scout Jamboree in 2019, 3 weeks in America and Canada at 16 years of age. I'll admit I still worried about him, but trusted him, his patrol and the leaders. Between Scouts, DofE and music tours he was away from home 50 nights that year.

Given what's happened to international opportunities this last year, I'd be encouraging anyone who can let kids go abroad to do so - you never know when those chances might be lost again. And experiences like this totally change kids in terms of outlook and maturity.

Japan is ace!
Maybe Singletrack could charter a jet for all us Nippon fans?

My eldest went on a trip to Pompey with an older class when he was 11. He was so inspired, he went on to read archaeology and ancient history at university.

I wouldn’t dismiss your anxiety as if you’re being ‘stupid’, because I don’t think you are. At the same time, I think it is incumbent on us parents not to decide things for our offspring based on anxiety. My in-laws did with my wife when she was young, and it is the single greatest cause of hurt and friction between the today.

When I was at school I had the opportunity to go on a rugby tour to South Africa. My Mum didn’t want me to go but my Dad said I could. It was one of the best experiences of my life and gave me the travel bug.

This in turn has opened up wonderful opportunities ever since.

Just realised who the OP is, so understand the additional worry, which is fair enough.

Btw, you are not "sending your kid abroad". You are "giving him a fantastic opportunity"

Japan is mega safe, so wouldn't worry about that really, even tokyo. It's such an absolutely amazing place as well, I imagine he'd get loads out of it. Lots of tokyo is absolutely ace for that sort of age I reckon.

Covid stole my third trip there 🙁

Normal feelings, recognise them as such then let him go. The bigger issue for most would be the cost so if you're able to, then let him go, it'll probably be life-changing for him (in a good way!).

{Btw, you are not “sending your kid abroad”. You are “giving him a fantastic opportunity}

Very much this +1 - I'd assumed this was something along the lines of Uni in a different country etc as opposed to a school trip. It'll be a fantastic opportunity to see somewhere completely different in a safe way.

@saxonrider - I never knew Portsmouth could be so inspiring 😉

Jeez...when I was 13 our school trip was to Dan-yr-Ogof caves, half an hour away

Sounds like a potentially amazing experience for your son. I understand your anxiety, but as harsh as it sounds that’s yours to cope with and shouldn’t impact him. If you can afford for him to go on the trip then go for it.

I'd feel the same. My lad is 12 and I'd be very nervous about him going on a trip like that. Although I never went on a school trip, apart from a one night stay at a youth hostel about 2 miles away from home when I was 10.

I'd love my kids to go on good trips if we can afford them, but I'd be worried sick u til they got back!

Japan is super safe and the people kind and helpful to tourists, in my experience.

Get him to learn a bit of tourist Japanese before he goes. It's not that hard a language at a "where are the toilets please" level, no tones, no p***ing about with gender and tense etc, and learning the phonetic writing is useful.

He's probably safer going on a school trip there than on a weekend in Brussels ...

I took school exchanges to Germany five times, ages 12 to 18. I felt 12 was too young but the 13-year-olds were fine. They were really into it and full of fun. Very few issues with the younger ones but some of the 17-18 olds were into the things 17-18 year olds are often into.

Junior did an exchange with Germany at 13 and thoroughly enjoyed it. His SO is German and he's planning on living in Berlin. Do you like Japan? Taking it step further one of Madame's colleagues is married to her school exchange.

Both our girls went to China when in Year 6, so 10/11. It was hard, but they wanted to go and we trusted the school staff they went with.They had great times and it definitely helped shape their characters. Go for it.

Maybe just warn him off the weird kinky tentacle porn ahah!

When my lad was 13 (he is now 30) we sent him to the US on his own. I had been in the army for all his life at that stage so he was well used to travelling. A mate of mine whose son was good mates with my lad, was on an exchange posting in Charlottesville and had invited him over for a chunk of the summer break.

He flew with British Airways as an unaccompanied minor. A rep met us at the airport when we dropped him off and escorted him through security etc. The stewards on the aircraft made a massive fuss of him which he loved. At the other end he was chaperoned again until my mate collected him.

We asked him if he wanted to go alone and were absolutely fine if he didn't. He didn't hesitate and enjoyed the adventure and had the time of his life. He later went on a school rugby trip to South Africa and Namibia at 14 and a youth voluntary work trip to India when he was 16.

Chances like this don't come around too often. It does wonders for confidence and life experience. Obviously everyone is different and maybe not all kids would be up to it, but if they willing to give it a go I would say yes. They'll thank you when they are older and realise what a wonderful opportunity it was.

Obviously everyone is different and maybe not all kids would be up to it, but if they willing to give it a go I would say yes

This is what worries me, he’s not the most streetwise, I can’t imagine him lost in a foreign city, and of course are anxious of his ability to manage an approach by a wayward adult. These are of course my worries not his, he wants to go.
.

Japan is a amazing place to visit so different to our culture and yet very friendly and safe. I love visiting there and if my son had the opportunity at 13 I would have sent him. Probably safer than a trip up to London

Getting held up at gunpoint in Peru. Japan is a very different place though!

Swords are the weapon of choice for Japan, aren't they?

I say let him go as hard as it personally might be...school trips offer the potential for the best memories. My son went on a school trip to Uganda a couple of years ago...he bloody loved it and often brings it up. The croc lunging towards him whilst he was sat in a river boat is a particular enduring memory 😄

10 days in Japan will probably be the safest 10 days of his entire life. I struggle to even find graffiti in Tokyo.

My eldest went on a trip to Pompey with an older class when he was 11

Ahhh, the centre of the cultural universe.

Am I being overly paranoid and protective

Of course you’re being paranoid and protective, you’re his dad! I think it’s normal to be worried, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let him go, just means you should think about it. Which you are.

I think let him go. Just have a chat before about what to do if he gets lost or feels unsafe. FWIW google maps works fine in Japan, practice some map reading/navigating with him? Got a year or so to get some confidence up (for him and you).

My BiL organises trips abroad, but the other way round. He takes Japanese kids to the UK and US. Their parents should probably be more worried...

When I was a kid, we had a week in Germany, that took days each way on a coach. It was shite. On that basis I’d say don’t let him go.

Lols this reminded me of my first holiday with mates - we took a Harry Shaw coach to St Tropez - have you any ******g idea how long it takes to get to St Tropez on a coach!? 😀

Let him go, schools hardly ever lose a child on a field trip.

Seriously, he'll love the experience and it will be a trip he'll never forget. I was in Sapporo for 10 days, and my lasting impression is how friendly the locals were.

My 9 year old left on his first school overseas trip this morning for two nights (just to a nearby island). I was super excited for him.

My 7 year old gets to do the same in September.

It's a great opportunity and i'm glad they start young. Both of them have been doing long car trips since they were 1 year old and consequently are great little travellers.

However, I wouldn't personally put my money anywhere near international travel for a fair few months yet.

Let him go. As everyone says, planes/airport are about the most supervised place you could stick a kid and Japan is a close second. The world has some bad stuff in it, but it's generally not as scary a place as its made out to be. And in 98% of cases, if there is nasty stuff, it's not some random guy on the street. I know it's really hard, but try not to let your kid see how nervous you are as they absorb that. He'll be 13. I assure you that you likely have more to worry about when he's kicking around with his mates than when on a chaperoned trip to Japan.

I can say that confidently as my son is 4 and can go nowhere without me.

Bear in mind its probably not the schools first rodeo.

Its Japan man, christ I'm a bit excited for him. This is going to sound really harsh i am not trying to be a dick but if he wants to go, his mum wants him to go one day he's going to twig that you held him back.

This is what worries me, he’s not the most streetwise, I can’t imagine him lost in a foreign city, and of course are anxious of his ability to manage an approach by a wayward adult.

If there’s one city in the world I would choose to be lost in without speaking the language it’s probably somewhere in Japan. Provided he knows where he’s staying (i would imagine the school will pretty much tattoo it onto him), he will get back there. The Japanese are the most helpful people I’ve ever met when lost.

What would he do if lost in a UK city? Exactly the same in Japan but with lots of hand signals and bowing. His phone will work out there too, there’s WiFi everywhere or suck it up for the roaming at £5/day.

The world has some bad stuff in it, but it’s generally not as scary a place as its made out to be. And in 98% of cases, if there is nasty stuff, it’s not some random guy on the street

Statistically, far safer than a week at his Grandparents/Aunt&Uncle/at home.

I get the anxiety but part of parenting is feeling that and doing it anyway.

But don't send anyone to Pompey. No-one deserves that.

Am I being overly paranoid and protective, or watched too many Taken movies ?

You are being a bit overprotective. Japan is probably the safest country in the world. The worst thing that is likely to happen is that he won't like the food. I've visited quite a few Asian countries and would be much more worried wandering around drunk in a random British city than a random Asian city.

Look on the benefit side, not just the risk or concerns you have.

He's going to have a learning event like no other. He's going to learn to get on with others. He's going to develop some of that streetwise attitude. He's going to learn about a totally different culture and place. He's going to have to manage his own suitcase, clothes, timetable etc etc.

Huge learning, potentially life changing.

He’s going to develop some of that streetwise attitude.

Not in Japan he won't.

https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/japan

More than anything, I'd be looking at where things are at regarding Covid over there in a year's time, right now they have an exclusion list which unsurprisingly includes the UK.

[Footnote: I’d never even heard of Pompey until this thread. Now I have. Sorry, but I meant Pompeii. Then again, you all knew that.]

As you were.

As a parent i do understand you concerns - but i'd say let him go.

This is a different world from when i was at school. The most exotic trip we did was a day trip to Calais to visit the Cathedral.
Although i did manage to convince Samantha Brooks to smuggle some bangers back home tucked in her Bra strap - so it wasn't a totally wasted day.

Japan? Shit, lucky kid. I did two French exchanges as a kid and there was an option to go to Moscow if you chose to do Russian. This was late 80's as well, so not exactly the safeset of places for kids away from parents.

I am not a parent, but I would suggest that he be allowed to go. Talk to your wife about your anxiety, she may be able to put that at ease a bit. Then think of ways t spend the time between now and the trip teaching your kid street smarts. By watching The Wire or French Connection or something.

I got told off by a popo for J-walking on the mean streets of florida on our "shopping day" on our school trip to the theme parks (including performing in them it wasn't just a jolly) the cop was okay but when we got busted for all buying laser pens by the teachers shit got real.

I want to go to your kids school. The furthest we went was the French/German exchange trips. I think if they'd planned a trip to Japan half the school would have wanted in.

The boy, who was 9 yesterday, was due to go on his first overnight school trip back in June last year. It was to one of these outward bounds places in the Lakes. I was excited for him and gutted that he didn't get to go, I loved those trips when I was his age.

Thanks for all the advice and opinion, and your own stories which provide confidence. Having slept on it, I know that if he can go, he should go.

As this is our first kid school trip we have a few questions to ask the teacher organising so will email those off today.

It will be the most nerve racking 10 days for me but as people have said, it’s a massive opportunity for him and that’s the important thing. I’ve also decided that over the next year I’m going to have a very good think about the way we (I) deal with his day to day to afford more opportunity for independence away from what is effectively my anxiety and perhaps not his own inability to manage situations in the interim.

I was privileged enough to attend summer camp in America every summer from 13-16. I'd have someone meet me from the airline aged 13 and 14 who would see me through the journey.
Aged 15/16 I did airports and transfers by myself. Good times.
Even got upgraded to 1st class twice for free for being a kid travelling alone!
Though this was the 90s.

Let them go wild.

Yeah, do it. I had mine signed up for a trip last year, but covid stopped that. They love trips away without us parents bothering them.

Teachers generally organise a Q&A session with parents before they commit cash. Best save your questions for then and everyone present can benefit from the answers.

Organising a trip in your free time is a lot of work and if you have to answer an e-mail or two from every parent it just becomes a pain.

My replies used to be quite curt, come to the Q&A session, read all the doc because the answers to your questions are in there and if you have the slightest doubt about my competence or character please don't sign your kid over to me for a week.

It's an interesting point about when these trips should start.

When eldest was at primary, the first overnight trip was the Year 6 week to the Isle of Wight. You could see the day they came back how they had grown and matured from the experience.

A new head came in who setup a programme of an overnight in Year 2, 2 nights away in Year 4, the the IoW trip in Year 6. Our daughter was on the first Year 2 trip. They only needed a minibus as so few parents would let their kids go. They had a fantastic time at a local outward bound type place doing age appropriate activities.

Two years later, every kid did the Year 4 trip, none of them wanted to miss out.

There's still parents worrying and in tears as the bus pulls away for these trips, but they all see the positive impact afterwards. My kids have been lucky enough to do lots of trips nationally and now internationally with school, sports, bands, Scouts and Guides, it's not the actual purpose of the trip that helps them grow from it, it's the whole wider experience.

do you think teachers have competitions to see who call pull off the longest haul trip.

i feel sorry for the parents who can't really afford it, but feel the pressure to come up with a couple of grand for little johnny's essential education experience.

No but some schools pressure teachers into coming up with the flashiest trip to put in the brochure, especially private ones.

The week in Germany cost the parents about 300e which was mainly the cost of the bus. Kids with parents on low incomes were given financial help and the whole project got some EU money via local government. An exchange so no accomodation costs. The activities I organised were cheap or free, the most expensive was hiring a mountain bike guide for a day.

It will be the most nerve racking 10 days for me but as people have said, it’s a massive opportunity for him and that’s the important thing.

My wife (Secondary School Teacher) was explaining the concept of 'Cultural Currency/Cultural Capital' to me at the weekend - I was aware of the concept but never realised it had a name.
This trip will provide a huge boost in this area, and he'll feel the benefits of it for years.

The week in Germany cost the parents about 300e which was mainly the cost of the bus. Kids with parents on low incomes were given financial help and the whole project got some EU money via local government. An exchange so no accomodation costs. The activities I organised were cheap or free, the most expensive was hiring a mountain bike guide for a day.

which i have no issue with and I did plenty of similar trips. but 10 days on the other side of the world? probably 10x that.

Whilst I wouldn't be scared at letting our girls go overseas with school, I struggle to see the need for such expensive trips (I can only assume it will be costing thousands)? Growing up as I did, in a working class family, I never got a chance for fancy trips abroad on school ski trips/exchange visits etc and I have always hated the exclusivity of such trips. IMO, any trips organised by schools should be accessible to all, funded centrally, relevant to studies and places awarded to the students that deserve them, not because they are the kids of the well-off families.

And here I am, writing this just days after having conversations with my wife about starting to save for the inevitable time we are asked by our two girls (coming up 12 years old) to pay for similar trips 🙁

My sisters kids about that age are pretty far traveled with school trips. Thus far its been Iceland, Barcelona and the US. There was no problems and they totally loved it.
Sis with 2 friends(Girls) did a tour backpacking in Thailand in the 80's, which maybe swung the decision to allow the kids to go off on these jaunts.

My first though on the thread title was 'By post 😕 😆

Japanese exchange at my lads school was roughly £3k a couple of years ago, staying with a host family.

He wasn't interested as he'd already committed to the World Scout Jamboree in Ametica (£4k). Then his sister's gymnastics squad got the chance to represent Britush Gymnastics in Austrua the same year (£1k)

If anyone needs ideas for fundraising, there aren't many we haven't tried 😂

It's four years since I personally had a foreign trip. Can't think why....

Japanese exchange at my lads school was roughly £3k a couple of years ago, staying with a host family.

It £2500 all in for 10 days, with trips, experiences and bullet trains included. Bizarrely that’s the same amount I’ve saved to date for next years 50th Birthday bike. My current bike will do me for now, his experience will last a lifetime for him.

Just had an exchange with the organising Teacher, who speaks Japanese and has broken down all the supervisory / safety details for me. It’s a go I reckon, lucky boy.

Japan would be an awesome place for a school trip - cities very safe in comparison to lots of European cities e.g. Paris or even London.

Bizarrely that’s the same amount I’ve saved to date for next years 50th Birthday bike. My current bike will do me for now, his experience will last a lifetime for him.

👍

Just had an exchange with the organising Teacher, who speaks Japanese and has broken down all the supervisory / safety details for me. It’s a go I reckon, lucky boy.

Where in Japan?

Bizarrely that’s the same amount I’ve saved to date for next years 50th Birthday bike

Is the 40th one still going strong? 😉😂🙃

Where in Japan

Tokyo, Kyoto, Hiroshima, Kamakura, Arashiyama, Miyajima, Osaka.

Is the 40th one still going strong?

It is.... 🙂

Amazing opportunity, grab with both hands. There won't be a single moment that he is left alone, it'll be fine.

My Nephew's school did a trip to China at around that age.

Best I got was French and German exchanges (we couldn't afford the Ski trip!), both were bloody brilliant though (even though my French exchange partner was a dick).

He'll be fine but all the way to Japan for 10 days at 13 seems a weird choice by the school.

If that's what it is then go for it. He'll have a blast.

To be fair it’s the School Choir group and is for 20 kids across all year groups, so their trips are focused on music and arts

Just had an exchange with the organising Teacher, who speaks Japanese and has broken down all the supervisory / safety details for me. It’s a go I reckon, lucky boy

Glad to hear you are more comfortable with it.